I May Not Agree With What You Say, But I’ll Fight To The Death For Your Right Not To Say It
Famed journalist Aliza Davidovit — best known for her groundbreaking article “How to Win at Cheating – 19 Steps to Successful Adultery” — is displaying her journalistic skills today at Wingnut Daily in a piece promisingly titled “Can Scotch Tape Heal America?” [SPOILER ALERT! Davidovit thinks that the answer is . . . “No!”]
Aliza starts off intriguingly enough:
In the name of the [sic] freedom of speech, I spoke up against it, in quite a benign manner I might add.
Don’t try to parse that Escher-like construction too carefully; it will make your brain hurt. But I’ll bet you’re dying to know how Aliza defended free speech by attacking it. Well, here goes:
I said Ahmadinejad shouldn’t speak [at Columbia] and tore my diploma. The end!
Of course, it wasn’t really “The End!” because immediately after tearing her diploma up, she went onto Faux News to talk about it:
I was actually putting my make-up on one morning, and I hear on FOX TV — which I watch every morning — that Columbia invited him, and I actually had to walk out of the room to make sure that Comedy Central wasn’t what my TV was focused on. And I went back to put my make-up on, and I said, “Sister, you don’t look so good without make-up, but if you don’t do anything about this, then I can’t even look at your face ever again.” I was enraged. I was enraged. I worked hard to get into Columbia and even harder to get out of Columbia, and giving up this degree was a big sacrifice for me. But today I didn’t tear up a photo copy, and I didn’t tear up a multiple whatever people were thinking. I tore up the original.
If Aliza really believes that tearing up the diploma is giving up her degree, shouldn’t she at least have the decency to quit the job she got because of that degree as well? And to be certain, I think she needs to ask Columbia to withdraw her degree which, I suspect, she hasn’t quite found the time to do yet.
Anyway, after her appearance on Faux News, the real sorrow, passion and martyrdom of St. Aliza commenced:
The stream of insults, threats and harassment haven’t ended. … Some have called for my liquidation, others have called me, well a dumb blonde who is bereft of any proof of brains since tearing her diploma.
Even as she wrote that, a mob of angry Iranians and Islamahomoiranofascist Columbia grads were outside her window chanting “Death to Aliza! Death to Aliza!!”
I was asked a good question. How, as a journalist, can I not be in support of the freedom of speech? OK! But being an advocate of the freedom of speech doesn’t preclude one from being an advocate of using your brains.
Well, that clears that up. Let’s move on:
I stood that day outside of Columbia University in protest, as a journalist and as “a blonde” whose empirical evaluations led me to know, not to hypothesize, that Ahmadinejad is an enemy to this country. … Did anyone notice that he never wears tie [sic]? Reason being is that ties represent Western culture, and, thusly, no Iranians wear them.
Not wearing a tie is, I suppose, probably as good a reason to attack a country as, say, non-existent WMDs. Oh, and if Aliza hadn’t torn up her diploma for her Master’s Degree in journalism from Columbia, I think Columbia would have had every right to ask for it back after she used “thusly” in a sentence.
Gavin adds: Huh. If Iranians find Western neckwear uncongenial, then perhaps Ms. Davidovit would like to explain this:
U.S. Says Captured Militant Has Iran Ties
Clearly these Iranians would be dandying around in silken cravats with diamond stickpins if not for America’s, you know, eternal vigilance on the Islamo-haberdashery front.
I got into journalism because I wouldn’t have to wear a tie.
Ties susk.
Noted Islamofascistinazi Ted Williams agreed with me.
Am I in trouble?
I’m sorry, do all wimmen wingnuts at WorldNetDaily have to follow a “learn to write like Kaye Grogan” course or what? OK!
I’ll spot her “thusly,” but starting a sentence with “Reason being is that”? Columbia ought to demand its degree back.
Why is “a blonde” in quotation marks? Is she saying she’s a real journalist and a fake blonde? Is wearing a tie what every patriotic American male (TM) is supposed to do? Is English her first language?
I’m only half-way through, but come on. They graduate people from Columbia who write like that? “what my tv was focused on”? Does it require that much talent or intelligence or effort to think of “tuned to”?
I’ll stop now.
OK!
Davidovit: Some have called for my liquidation, others have called me, well a dumb blonde who is bereft of any proof of brains since tearing her diploma.
Wizard of Oz: Why, anybody can have a brain. That’s a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the Earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain. Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning, where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts and with no more brains than you have. But they have one thing you haven’t got: a diploma.
Who is this person? It’s pretty obvious that English isn’t her first language, but it’s also obvious that thinking isn’t her first cerebral cortex function.
“Why is “a blonde” in quotation marks?:
Loth as I am to excuse anything she’s written, I think it may be because she’s a bottle blonde.. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, lest I be accused of being lookist.
Wooh, I used ‘loth’ and ‘lest’ in the same paragraph. Can I have my Columbia degree now?
Holy shit, isn’t Columbia’s journalism school one of the most highly rated? Aren’t Ivy League schools supposed to be difficult to get into and academically rigorous? Don’t they teach their students how to construct a fucking sentence?
First Kilo and now this. I’m becoming worried that trying to untangle all this garbled diction could cause brain damage.
Being an advocate of the freedom of speech doesn’t preclude her from being an avocado.
Um, you try to graduate from school, not get out of school. Are we sure she didn’t confuse her withdraw slip for a diploma?
Forget the diploma from Columbia. She should give up her crown as Miss Teen South Carolina.
Oh shit. I don’t even OWN a tie.
When I was involved in the Opera San Jose website I had to go to a fundraiser one night, I had to run home and go door-to-door in the neighborhood to borrow a tie. Which I wore over a black shirt and under a black leather vest. With a charcoal fedora.
“Coz every girl crazy ’bout a sharp dressed man”.
I guess I WILL be one of the first in the camps…
mikey
I just wanna know how long it takes to put on her makeup. Strip away a few layers, and we might find Jimmy Hoffa.
I never heard of this wingnut before, a state of blissful ignorance.
At the risk of sounding looksist, she looks like Dolly Parton on crank, and on the verge of running amok with a meat cleaver
But is she really a Columbia grad? It’s a little too “convenient” that she “tore up” the proof of her being a “Columbia grad”.
I could get used to the scare quote thing. It feels kinda good.
You know who else doesn’t wear a tie? Obama. That’s who.
But Fred Flintstone always wore a tie, even though he didn’t have a collar, and worked construction. Therefore:
Fred Flintstone > Barak Obama
And she said “blonde” because the drapes certainly don’t match the rug.
MrWonderful, perhaps Fox viewers believe that their TV has to be physically positioned just right in order to catch the newsifyin’ rays. You can just imagine them wandering around the room pointing their flatscreen in different directions.
I wore a tie for the first time in my life a couple of weeks ago (I’m 34), as I was the best man at a wedding. We went for some Dutch courage in the morning, and the first thing I did was accidentally dip the tie into a puddle of beer, staining it for the rest of the day.
I’ve always thought neckties were the most ridiculous waste of cloth on the planet. On many a hot summer day, wearing a light cotton dress or slacks and sleeveless blouse, I’ve looked at men in suits and ties and thought how absolutely miserable they looked. I guess I must be a natural commie pinko mexihomo loving Dhimmi, huh?
More quotes here.
Oh, my God. The illogic, the poor sentence structure, the puff-up sense of self-importance…don’t these people have any sort of internal censor, that little voice that says, “Mmmmm, maybe you don’t want to put that out for public consumption.” This is why I gave up trying to make a living in the journamalism bidness: they let any poor fool in.
She tore up her diploma. Big deal. My mother has mine and won’t give it to me. Coincidentally, I haven’t worn a tie since my college graduation ceremony. Guess I’ll be going to the camps with mikey for not wearing Proper American Atire, Goddammit!
Soooooooooo, those Iranian guys with ties I just recently met on a conference in Prague were a) traitors to Iranian case, soon to be executed, or b) some undercover spies posing as Iranians, giving themselves out by wearing tie. Hosana!
BTW: sorry for destroying your beautiful language, but I’m trying to improve. What I regret most is that I don’t get half of the jokes recently because of focus on language finesses…………
On a going forward basis, I am just going to assume that this person, and others like her, do not exist. You make them up to get laughs. Right?
I want to know more about mikey’s charcoal fedora. I thought most fedoras were made out of felt. mikey’s sounds itchy.
Felt’s expensive.
Those briquets were just laying there. Asking to be made into a hat…
mikey
So Ahmadinejad hates America just enough to forego the tie, but not enough to resist the oh-so-sexy sport coats, khakis and button-up shirts? Understandable, I guess.
It’s going to be really funny for her to explain her lack of diploma to people in ten years (or ten months) when everyone has forgotten that any of this ever happened. I mean, Jesus, if you start destroying your possessions in reaction to every phony outrage trumped up to fill the news cycle, you’re going to be living a pretty spartan existence within a week or two.
“I thought most fedoras were made out of felt. mikey’s sounds itchy.”
But I’m sure it’s a handy thing, like for cooking food in teh wilderness, or impromptu portrait sketching.
Did anyone notice that he never wears tie [sic]? Reason being is that ties represent Western culture, and, thusly, no Iranians wear them.
I didn’t notice or care just like I didn’t notice or care that Obama doesn’t wear lapel pins, or that Hillary’s neckline is occasionally low or that John Edwards gets pricey haircuts (just like all the rich wingnuts do, only his haircut looks half decent), but these are what matter to the redneck windbags, not the $9 billion in missing money, not the 5 million missing emails from the executive office, not Blackwater’s crimes, not the lies about WMDs, not the threat of nuclear war started by a man who says things like childrens do learn and a world that will soon resemble Cormac McCarthy’s The Road.
When I’m fumbling around in Cheney’s post-apocalyptic world for food and shelter, I might use a necktie to hang myself or strangle that bitch if I ever come across her.
Ties. WTF.
It always amazes me, how much meaning these people invest in symbolism. And how little they seem to care about anything else.
Stupider even than McArdle.
(And I never thought I would be flattering McArdle so extravagantly.)
As a blonde,can you tear sheepskin?
If she hadn’t torn up her degree, Columbia would have to.
BTW: sorry for destroying your beautiful language, but I’m trying to improve. What I regret most is that I don’t get half of the jokes recently because of focus on language finesses…………
Melkel, your English is just fine. You used “focus” properly, which is more than alleged English speaker Davidovit could manage.
Yeah, but McAddled has that modelesque, entitled cute thing going.
This chick’s just frazzled.
My guess?
She tore up her non-existent degree so she’d have an excuse when people accuse her hyping her journalistic resume.
As in: “You graduated from Columbia School of Journalism? Really? I doubt that very much. Let’s see your degree! What? You don’t have it anymore? Oh, I see.”
Maybe she graduated from the Columbia School of Broadcasting & doesn’t realize the difference.
Maybe she graduated from the Columbia School of Broadcasting & doesn’t realize the difference.
Can we be sure it’s not a degree from the Columbia School of Hair Technology?
She’s got the waves and dips running all through her greasy prose, topped off with her perfect “Horse Shoe”-effect opening. And the age is about right.
No, I think she’s onto something. How often do you see a Bond villain wearing a tie? It’s all Nehru jackets as far as the eye can see.
Found it. Aliza Davidovit’s MA project from Columbia: “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery–And Get Caught” (1999). Scroll down to Davidovit.
Also, it looks like someone was impressed by her tearing up the title stunt. GoAliza.com is home of the Aliza Davidovit Fan Club.
When I discovered that my living room rug was from Iran I crapped on it. Take that, Ahmadinejad!!!!
“I actually had to walk out of the room to make sure that Comedy Central wasn’t what my TV was focused on.”
In one sentence she demonstrates that she has no understanding of how the following three things work: grammar, comedy and TV sets.
Alieza Davidiot.
a subtle change that more accurately reflects the deadness of her brain cells.
“Can we be sure it’s not a degree from the Columbia School of Hair Technology?”
Judging from the picture, she would not be the best of the graduates.
Frankly, I cannot stand wearing a tie. I used to have a skin condition that made me felt burning any time I had sweat on my neck, and since then I really hate conscricting neckware. Many Latin American or Israeli, or Indian politicians never wear a necktie. Just bomb all of them.
Man! It’s like Kilo has a really cheerful sister!
At the risk of sounding looksist, she looks like Dolly Parton on crank, and on the verge of running amok with a meat cleaver – Candy
I’m not certain of Ms. Parton’s politics, but I can hazard a guess that the World-Nut Daily crowd would consider her a pinko (she made a movie with Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda). Certainly, Ms. Parton, even if she were to be high on any number of drugs, would be far more coherent than the self-proclaimed Martyr St. Aliza.
As a blonde, I have to throw up now.
I’m sure you’re right DAS. As I said, I was being totally looksist. Mea culpa.
This whole wingnut thing is like crack. I just lost 10 minutes of my life reading Chuck Norris kick the shit out of a strawman he caught lurking around WorldNetDaily, who claimed that the american military was the ‘christian taliban’. Doing a triple inverted Issa, he says that, sure, maybe a couple of atheists got harassed, you know, to save ’em, and maybe some jew got reminded that he killed jesus. But it in no way suggests a pattern. . wink. The writing is like being punched in the head by Norris wearing 50 pound bags of dough instead of gloves. Then Chuck goes for the spinning back kick of the Eucharist, relaying a story so moving, it “sends shivers up my spine!”. Apparently, an army RP2(Religious Programs Spc. Second Class) held the hand of a soldier who got hurt. Chuck then follows through with a Boehner:
He even delivers a Stossel coup de gras, “Give me a break, give them a break!”.
That can’t have been good for me, I mean, it’s probably cumulative, brain trauma, like a moral concussion, swelling of the stopid lobes.
At the risk of sounding looksist, she looks like Dolly Parton on crank
All right now, let’s not be dissin’ Dolly Parton. The woman is a goddess. She also famously once said: “I don’t mind if people call me a dumb blonde. For one thing, I know I’m not dumb. For another thing, I know I’m not blonde.”
And T4toby: I’m wondering how you could possibly know that Ms. Davidovit’s “drapes and rug” don’t match.
And she said “blonde” because the drapes certainly don’t match the rug.
Bwah!
I thought that was Lita Ford
Well, I never thought Dolly was a wingnut, although she’s certainly beloved by many wingers. I always had the feeling she was fairly apolitical with a slight conservative (in the traditional sense) bent. Probably fairly socially liberal regarding programs for poor people but definitely pro-military. The boob jokes were always stupid.
However, it does seem that she sees the light about the war, at least to some degree, and in front of the right crowd. Also, my partner, a luthier, met her in Nashville and said she was really nice. So sheesh, it was an offhand, throw-away comment, and had nothing to do with Ms. Parton except for her silly hair and makeup, but since it seems to have ruffled feathers, I’ll wear figurative ashes and sackcloth (or lipstick, mascara, and rouge) for my evil insulting of this fine upstanding woman. Even if she did name an album, “For God and Country”.
Seriously, I understand sticking up for female singers who’ve been gratuitously insulted. I’m a huge Courtney Love fan. You have no idea how much abuse that entails.
I kinda liked Courtney Love too. I remember it was really odd, all the Kurt Cobain fans who were absolutely, positively sure that all of Cobain’s problems stemmed from Love. How they could ignore the fact that Cobain was having all these nervous breakdowns, even before he met Love, and how they could look at a dude who brilliantly incarnated teenage madness and alienation, and see a role model, was something I never got. Freaky dudes get interested in freaky chicks. Why was that surprising to anyone?
Candy: Aw, now I feel bad.
It’s just that Dolly’s a homegirl from down here deep in the East Tennessee mountains, and she’s done more for this god-forsaken area with her celebrity and her $$ than anyone ever, in terms of investing in economic growth and charitable outreach programs, etc. I dunno about her politics, but she’s golden-hearted and much loved. She’s hilarious and self-deprecating, too, given to saying things like “Hey, it costs a lot of money to look this cheap!”
Is there a Tammy Faye Bakker Memorial prize for the subtle use of mascara?
I never knew that destroying the diploma invalidates the degree. I also recall a story about Adolf Hitler using his school diploma as toilet paper but that didn’t seem to hold him back.
was she dancing around singing, ‘i am smart, s-m-a-t’ and then setting it on fire?
my partner, a luthier,
You have no way of knowing this, Candy, but I’ve always wanted to be able to say that. Please don’t tell my partner, the linguist.
Also: Humor Me said Chaplain Gayton. *snicker*
Hey, you guys, go easy on Aliza. She used to be my girlfriend. Until, tragically, on our anniversary, I gave her a big hug and her chin punctured my right lung. The resulting sucking chest wound required a two week hospital stay, for which I was uninsured, so she dumped me.
On second thought, let ‘er have it…
mikey
You could try tearing your hair out. Apparently that makes you not blonde.
atheist, if I had more time, I’d hunt down what Margaret Cho said about Courtney Love. It sums it all up quite nicely. It’s in her autobiography, as I recall. She references “the cool brilliance” of Courtney’s lyrics. A good description.
Ah, MzNicky, don’t you worry ’bout it. I always liked Dolly. I’m just not much of a country fan, but I really liked her in 9 to 5. And that Coat of Many Colors song brought a tear to my eye.
Smiling Mortician, when you feel than luthier hankering stealing over your soul, just remember the old joke: What are two words no one will ever say to a luthier? Nice Porsche. (That’s why the partner still works downtown at Big Cold Insurance & Financial Services Company.)
Mikey, you caused me to choke on my root beer with that chin thing.
I am late for class.
Candy: I’m no country music fan, either. Just a Dolly fan. Ever one down in these parts luvs ’em some Dolly.
I had to run home and go door-to-door in the neighborhood to borrow a tie. Which I wore over a black shirt and under a black leather vest. With a charcoal fedora.
I guess I WILL be one of the first in the camps…
Dressed like that, Mikey, you’ll be one of the comfort men.
Chuck Norris. Chaplain Gayton. Snigger.
Ex CUSE me?
On the modern battlefield, you are GONNA get an owie.
Shit is exploding, many rounds are being expended, hitting and bouncing around. Hell, the guy next to you is putting out rounds and his hot brass is hitting you in the forehead. It is not like the “workplace”.
You get scuffed, dinged and gouged. It hurts, and you bleed. Virtually any flesh wound can be said to be “nearly fatal”. Hot metal and flames are pretty much part of the deal. What does this clown thing is happening out there? Water balloon fights?
If you can’t take a scratch or two and still do your job, your sergeant is gonna have a talk with you you are NOT going to enjoy. But it might just save your worthless ass…
mikey
Shit is exploding, many rounds are being expended, hitting and bouncing around. Hell, the guy next to you is putting out rounds and his hot brass is hitting you in the forehead. It is not like the “workplace”.
Dunno, depends on the workplace. Some mates in the NZ Symphony Orchestra have told me horror stories about rehearsals. Those bassoonists are animals.
Well, yeah.
Blanket rule. Just in case I never said before.
When I take people to task?
Yes. ANY people.
Kiwis are excepted.
Huh?
Yeah. Every time…
mikey
“His hot brass is hitting you in the forehead”?
That’s gonna compete with the images of Chuck sobbing on his knees in front of Chaplain Gayton.
Last time I was in NZ, there was a terrific bit in the paper about a farmer who’d been caught in the act of sexual congress with his neighbor’s sheep for the fourth time, so the behavior of Kiwi bassoonists doesn’t surprise me.
Ties. WTF. It always amazes me, how much meaning these people invest in symbolism. And how little they seem to care about anything else.
as well as being bollocks, iranains don’t wear ties because its a sign of western decadence, or something, they don’t wear them because its just not something they do (most dressed up Iranains I’ve met dont wear ties, it tends to be a collarless shirt, buttoned up to the top). Jesus, do these people believe the whole world should behave and dress like some insurance clerk, and if they dont wear a tie, blow the fuck out of them!
I guess I WILL be one of the first in the camps…
You’n’me both, Mikey. But at least we’ll be able to claim the best bunks. And score points with our latecomer fellow progressives through our advanced knowledge of which bribes/threats/come-ons work for which Blackwater guards.
Back in the “power dressing” John Malone 1980s, I was a secretary, which means I have worn both a tie *and* pantyhose, at the same time. With all due respect, Piotr, it wasn’t the tie that gave me a rash.
The problem, Anne, in any barracks type environment is the rats. See, you need somebody with you there who’s SMARTER than the collective rats.
Here they come, Anne. I’ll engage them:
Oh yeah? You think so? Bad news, pal. You ain’t.
Just because you’ve worked out on some stupid, lazy suburban squirrels, don’t just assume you can out-survive a colony of rats on a level playing field. But there are a few, rare individuals who are smarter than the rats. They can figure out how to keep ’em out, and how to make ’em do your bidding.
Trust me. That dood? You want that dood in your camp…
mikey
Maybe she graduated from the Columbia School of Broadcasting & doesn’t realize the difference.
Post of the week
Anne Laurie said,
I have worn both a tie *and* pantyhose
Haven’t we all?
Have you actually read her “thesis” on adultery? Here’s a sample:
“Like most things these days, adultery is not what it used to be. According to Judeo-Christian teachings, adultery is committed through sexual intercourse, not foreplay or even oral sex.”
I think I missed the part in my Bible where foreplay was mentioned, though it is true that Moses came down off the Mount and said “Eatin’ ain’t cheatin'”
Herr Doktor, if wearing both the tie and the pantyhose were a condition of your employment… then you probably had a much more interesting job than I did!
“Like most things these days, adultery is not what it used to be. According to Judeo-Christian teachings, adultery is committed through sexual intercourse, not foreplay or even oral sex.”
Damn. I gotta read her thesis.
Wait a minit…..she’s saying that if its oral it’s not *really* sex?
then you probably had a much more interesting job than I did!
The story is too long and sordid to tell, and anyway we’d have to wipe your memories afterwards.
She oughta tear that dogeared copy of Roget’s into pieces, she oughta!