Teh Awesomeness
My friend Liz has created a new blog where she writes love and hate letters for people who cannot write them on their own due to either emotional repression or inadequate wordsmith capabilities. Essentially, people who have very strong feelings about certain topics, but don’t quite know how to put them into words, write to her and ask her to compose letters on their behalf. Her latest masterwork was written for a waitress who was foolish enough to wear her boyfriend’s gag gift of George W. Bush underwear to work. Sample:
I recently had a tragic underwear malfunction which is changing my opinion of Bizniz Intimates. I don’t know if you were asleep at the wheel, or if you intentionally pimped out inferior undergarments to the public, but the fact remains: the elastic in that thong was woefully inadequate.
I am referring to model #867114R, which is a thong with a picture of George W. Bush making a monkey face, saying, “Give Me Your Banana.” My boyfriend purchased said thong from your store as a gag gift to me. In the box? Hilarious. In the bedroom? A little unnerving, perhaps, but still funny. On the floor of my place of employment? Disastrous.
I work as a waitress at a German restaurant. On Friday night, in the middle of happy hour, I was bustling over to my table, arms balancing a tray of massive steins, when I felt the faintest slip of fabric. Little did I know that I was facing a total elastic shutdown. Before I realized what was happening, George Bush was around my ankles, and I was lying bare-assed on the floor covered in ten pints of beer.
Teh awesome.
Please send her your letter ideas and/or web traffic. Just click teh link, peeps.
I would totally quit my job if I could get paid to do that. Spectacular.
She’s not getting paid to do it- but her letters are awesome anyway 🙂
That’s a good idea, alright. Unfortunately I currently hate far too many people for one person or website to keep up with.
DAMMIT!
That happens to me ALL the time….
mikey
That is come classy shit.
Refreshing and witty, and not un-like the days of yore Brunching Shuttlecocks, reminded to my by a link. Good times.
she does this for free?
That’s gotta win a prize or something.
Oh, and “I was born into this prison” is easily it’s equal.
The letter she wrote for me was the one about the LARPing.
I know Liz in RL, and I was at lunch with her about a month ago and I mentioned the lolcons to her and cited Sadly No! She told me that she knew one of the guys who wrote for the site (which I had no idea).
So their you go Brad, I hope you feel appropriately famous.
Before I realized what was happening, George Bush was around my ankles, and I was lying bare-assed on the floor covered in ten pints of beer.
Condoleeza Rice is intrigued, and wants to subscribe to your newsletter.
Was the waitress carrying celery?
Because that’s just ASKING for an underwear malfunction.
Best idea fior a website in ages.
George Bush is so lame, he can’t even get panties to function properly. I bet that never would have happened with a pair of Al Gore panties.
Before I realized what was happening, George Bush was around my ankles, and I was lying bare-assed on the floor covered in ten pints of beer.
Umm. Are you absolutely certain there’s no video of this?
mikey
In order for this to be complete, she should have fallen twat-first onto a bowl of pretzels.
I hope she didn’t have any other underwear to wear, because otherwise I’ll lose my sympathy for her. Then again, I’m surprised she tried to have sex with it.
now that’s a happy hour! hilarious.
Thanks, all y’all!
Yes, I write these letters for free – though I will work on commission for serious non-postable letters – yer wedding speeches, eulogies, proposals, etc. – and write you a letter in a close approximation to your actual voice that you could actually use. Hit me up.