I wonder how high he jumps when he sees his shadow?

I can give you a perfectly reasonable hypothetical about why a guy in Uruguay might want blueprints of San Diego’s sewer system: perhaps he’s a graduate student in civil engineering trying to write a thesis, and he figured it’d be smart to try to get whatever source materials from the Internet before he starts making international phone calls and suchlike.

But no, of course it’s terrorism, because a brown person is involved (probably).

Even more alarming is the fact that someone was searching for “Naked Wedding” and ended up there. Could it have something to do with ConservativeMatch?

because they picked up signals about it from the radios the Soviets installed in their teeth

And didn’t I read that these devices can go two-way? And everything that I do or say is all goin’ on tape somewhere right now? Planted in my cavities, and they didn’t even tell me? No wonder every bad thing in and out of my mouth keeps winding up on my employment record!

Where’s the pliers, dammit!

Has Leo been snarked before? I really need to know what the prospects are for him getting all offended and coming over here to “set the libtards straight”.

Because if he does, I’m gonna need popcorn.

Another quality freakout here:

http://effinunsound.com/?p=417

I may have shared that already, but it still makes me laugh.

So quietly calling the SD sewer department never occurred to this Patriotic Citizen Journalist?

A legitimate explanation would spoil all the fun.

Don’t ignore the threat! Someone’s going to poison the sewer water and then this guy’s gonna drink it!

Man, you can set your watch to the delusional comments at Blogs 4 Bush, posted by truly deranged people:

****I sure hope when we get hit again, and we will, that [some libtard Islamonazi supporter is] in the vicinity of the attack. Maybe you’ll rot in hell, thinking about what might have been, had you listened to the adults…

Posted by: 1H8L1BS and I’m a Grammar Nazi, and btw, Ted Nugen at September 19, 2007 05:56 AM****

Yes, the “adults” ….

follow-up question: why would that search string bring anyone to his site ?

My hair stood on end. I thought it somewhat peculiar that anyone would be searching for blueprints for the San Diego Sewer system; so I went and checked out the IP address […]

Now why would someone who’s supposedly currently in Uruguay want to obtain blueprints for the sewer system of the city of San Diego? [emphasis added]

typical wingnut. Actually managed to do some research (looking up the IP address), but then totally discounts the information!

“My research says “A,’ but it must be ‘B,’ because those evil brownhomoslamics are clever—yet I am more clever still. Much smarter than those FBI schlubs!”

Next Noonan bleg: “Could some patriotic soul keep an eye on the San Diego sewer system, since the lazy G-men won’t do it? I would, but I have to dye my eyebrows.”

If Teh Terrorists™ were smart, they’d attack some wingnut paradise like Branson, Missouri. That’d give the pants-pissing crowd all the energy they’d need to rally behind Rudy or Grandpa Fred or whatever fake, made-for-TV tough guy is posing as the “security daddy” in 2008. Then America would fall even farther into the gutter, moving the Global Caliphate™ one small step closer to reality.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! WE ARE IN UR COUNTRY SCARIN YR WINGNUTZ!

Should we get Leo all hopped up by suggesting in his comments that the IP Address pointing to Montevideo is probably a proxy server and that the real request is likely coming from some training camp in Pakistan? This possibility has probably not yet occurred to him given that Leo doesn’t appear to understand very well how the Intertubes work.

“Did I see a potential terrorist surveillance go down today? I think I did, and I am going to act like I did regardless if it really did happen or not.”

Such beautiful wingnuttery captured in a perfect crystal.

“set the libtards straight”

Teh Paranoid Style indeed. From Leo’s commenters:

Iowa has Muslim Terrorists…

&

I sure hope when we get hit again, and we will, that you’re in the vicinity of the attack. Maybe you’ll rot in hell, thinking about what might have been, had you listened to the adults…

Erp…

The THC Guy beat me to it.

Type faster, dammit!!

Civil Engineer
Author/Gamer/Artist looking for reference
Urban Adventurer enthusiast
Google-misdirected scat fetishist.

And that’s just off the top of my head.

I think the only rational answer is for the Gathering of Eagles to go sit in the San Diego sewers and protect them until the War on Terror is over.

Are we sure the nefarious terrorist wasn’t seeking sewer information on the Hotel San Diego in Uruguay? Hmm?

http://www.visit-uruguay.com/hotels/punta/sandiego_ing.htm

The guy on the other end pretty much hmmm’d and hawwed but finally found a person who is an expert in “cyber crime,” gave me his email address, and had me email that person with the information.

“Hey, Tim, whose turn is it this week to man the crazy hotline?”

“Uh…I think it’s Frank.”

“And what’s the cover story?”

“He’s an expert on cyber crime.”

“Beautiful. I got a real pip for him.”

And once again we see it’s Jamie Gorelick, the architect of 9/11 and murderer of thousands, who would be responsible if this critical information failed to make its way to our intelligence professionals!

If another 9/11 happened while the Feds were mucking about in the San Diego sewer system, you’d be entirely to blame, homez.

Yeah, way to divert resources from legitimate threats, asshole. And I love the thought process of the commenters over there: Uruguay = drugs so gawd dayum they must be trahn to smuggle drugs UNDERGROUND!

Now why would an Iowa muslim taking orders from Pakistan want to blow up a hotel in Uruguay?

This is deep.

From Part II: “”UNSCRUPULOUS WOMANIZER” TO “ASCENDED MESSIAH”, from L. RON HUBBARD: Messiah or Madman? by Bent Corydon and L. Ron Hubbard Jr., a.k.a. Ronald DeWolf

In the mid-1950s Hubbard wrote a series of letters to the Communist Activities Division of the FBI. These eventually earned him the title “mental” in an FBI file.

One letter states:

About two or three o’clock in the morning my apartment was entered. I was knocked out, had a needle thrust in my heart to give it a jet of air to produce a coRonary thrombosis and was given an electric shock with a 110 volt current. All this is very blurred to me. I had no witnesses.

Under the letterhead, “L. Ron Hubbard D.D. Ph.D.,” he later wrote:

Gentlemen:

Having gotten on a somewhat more even keel after the collapse of the organization in Phoenix, Arizona (the HASI), and having begun operation in the East with more public success and enthusiasm than I am used to, I have a better perspective on what occurred in Phoenix. The attack on the HASI, like the attacks on the 1950 Hubbard Dianetic Research Foundation, found psychiatry and Communist connected personnel very much in evidence and both active with defamation and very unreasonable-and unsuccessful-attack.

But something has now occurred which seems strange at this juncture and entirely too pat. I have received from an unimpeachable source an invitation to go to Russia. I have been told that this would be as easy as taking a taxi to the airport.

But the oddity of this invitation is that the person extending it, evidently on behalf of the Russian government, would not know anything about the trouble in Phoenix. He obviously has no connection with anyone or anything in Phoenix. Further, he knows little or nothing of Dianetics or Scientology and their organizational history and would not know, by any usual means, what occurred in Phoenix. Out of the blue, on an acquaintance with me from many, many years ago he locates me here, is very quiet and casual and then gradually works into the Russian situation and finally, with a burst of enthusiasm, confides in me that in view of the state of my organizations in the United States (about which he would really know nothing in fact) and in view of the U.S. public attitude toward me (which is in actuality rather good, considering) and in view of the fact that I “am a cinch to be ruined by all the people who hate me in Internal Revenue,” there is “really nothing left for it but to accept this Russian offer.”

In the greatest spirit of friendship and camaraderie it seems that I can go to Russia as an advisor or consultant and have my own laboratories and receive very high fees. And it is all so easy because it has already been ascertained that I could get my passport extended and all I had to do was go to Paris and there a Russian plane would pick me up and that would be that.

Indeed I suppose that would be that.

This is my third invitation to go to Russia. The first was extended to me by a member of Amtorg in New York in 19313 who knew of my work in the field of the mind. The second occurred less directly in 1948 after some personal difficulty. This third has come when the Phoenix organization has been collapsed and it would not be known that it did not influence my own affairs as much as it might be thought.

Hubbard goes on to list, “some of the personnel connected to the Phoenix trouble,” who had “now drifted into Washington.” Many of those mentioned were members in good standing and remained so for many subsequent years. One of these was Jack Horner, the first person to be awarded a “Doctor of Scientology” certificate.

Horner, when recently presented with these letters, expressed surprise. Hubbard at the time had given no indication of any hostile intention toward Horner, let alone that he was writing to the FBI implying he was a communist. But he was somewhat amused in light of the fact that he has been, for most of his life, a “Goldwater Republican.”

Hubbard’s letter concludes:

I suppose when the Russian-inclined “friend” finds that my desires to travel in and work in Russia do not exist, I can expect more violent measures. I have not given you the name of this contact because it is a little too highly placed on the Hill and because it may be that he is acting in an entirely friendly way and it may be, as I sometimes learn, that the fate of Scientology and its adventures has good word of mouth. I would not submit you an irresponsible report which then might find me under the TV cameras telling one of this man’s committees why I reported him as a communist because I do not know that he is – I only know that he and his influence has been quite liberal and in all the smoke of the Summit he may be carried away with enthusiasm. But he did know, when no possible reasonable way existed for him to know, too much about the activities of a subject about which he professes to know nothing and he has made several allusions to my possible fate in the United States, rather benign threats.

Clearly we have only begun to explore the Islamo-Communist-Thrombosizer threat.

I think the only rational answer is for the Gathering of Eagles to go sit in the San Diego sewers and protect them until the War on Terror is over.

Good idea. They should be well-adapted to the territory psychologically.

Would there be a way to really freak this guy out? Say… spoof your address to make it look like you are in Pakistan, search Google for something like “biology lab” and then pay a visit to “The Ice Palace”?

Naked Weddings????

Props for the Quake pic. I luv that level!

Naked Weddings????

It’s a Portuguese thing.

Naked Weddings????

Wasn’t that William Burroughs sequel to Naked Lunch?

Hurry, call Jack Bauer! “Why do you want sewer blueprints?!? WHY DO YOU WANT SEWER BLUEPRINTS?!?!?!?!?!?!?” [shoots Uraguayan in the leg, leaving him no choice but to tell the truth about what he knows].

perhaps he’s a graduate student in civil engineering trying to write a thesis

Exactamundo. Believe it or not, Mr Wingnut, there are people out there whose job it is to build and maintain sewer systems, so that we don’t have to have outhouses in our backyards. Also, surprisingly, poor countries like Uruguay could use a little help from wealthy countries in that department.

of course it’s terrorism, because a brown person is involved

I’m wracking my brain, trying to think of another reason to be alarmed about Uruguay. If it were Saudi Arabia, at least then he’d have a plausible fantasy. But Uruguay?

Good God El Cid, I think I passed out trying to read Hubbard’s turgid crap. Then I woke up in a hotel in Uruguay with the plans for the San Diego sewer system. Do they ALL write like that?

OT, but Krugman has awakened.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!12!

Now why would someone who’s supposedly currently in Uruguay want to obtain blueprints for the sewer system of the city of San Diego?

Umm, how about a multinational public works contractor on a job in Uruguay, checking on some stats from a previous job?

We’ve always been at war with Uruguay….

mikey

Clearly the best way to defeat the terrorists is to be terrorized by them. Otherwise you’re letting the terrorists win.

“I’m wracking my brain, trying to think of another reason to be alarmed about Uruguay. If it were Saudi Arabia, at least then he’d have a plausible fantasy. But Uruguay?”

That’s how insidious the Islamoliberals really are.

Exactamundo. Believe it or not, Mr Wingnut, there are people out there whose job it is to build and maintain sewer systems, so that we don’t have to have outhouses in our backyards. Also, surprisingly, poor countries like Uruguay could use a little help from wealthy countries in that department.

Further proof of the evil Islamoliberalist conspiracy is that somebody edited the Wikipedia pages for San Diego and Montevideo to make it seem like they’ve got almost the same population.

Alert the FBI!

Look, nothing is more plausible than an Islamofascist cell flew to Uruguay to, errr, ummm, kinda perform remote internet reconnaissance for an attack on the San Diego sewer system. After all, San Diego is like a straight line from Uruguay.

And just think of the horror that would unfold were the sewers in San Diego to ….I dunno, blow up or something?

As terrorist plots go, this doesn’t sound like one with much PR appeal. Will the jihadis in Gaza be ulluating in joy on CNN International if Tbogg’s toilet blows up? Sadly, no.

Protecting the sewers sounds like a perfect job for Teh Victory Caucus…

We must destroy the sewer system to save it!

– or – Flush for Freedom! Flush for Victory! Flush for America!!

And just think of the horror that would unfold were the sewers in San Diego to ….I dunno, blow up or something?

I dunno g – I think a lot of Americans would start panicking if told they have to crap in the backyard and not their comfy bathrooms.

Im n ur sewrz xplodn ur potties

People, people, don’t you see? Uruguay. U-R-Gay. Sewers, toilets, tearooms, glory holes. It’s all related! They’re out there, probing our defenses. How can we keep ignoring the signs?

In a world where terrorists target urban sewer systems, only those with septic tanks live without fear.

it’s clearly a bassett hater who is after Tbogg. SOMEBODY WARN TBOGG!!!

Although, honestly, if a terrorist wanted to cripple MY economy and strike terror in my heart, all he’d have to do is show up at my place with a jumbo-sized package of two-ply ultra soft Charmin’ and get to work.

I suspect my 19 year old is a terrorist, for the havoc he wreaked on our septic system with excessive use of two-ply ultra-soft Charmin’.

Holy fuck. That moron just reported LACNIC to the FBI.

Unfortunately, a real whois run through lacnic’s whois server would only make them more askeered:

% whois -h whois.lacnic.net 201.238.92.9
inetnum: 201.238.64/18
status: allocated
owner: Telecommunication Services of Trinidad and Tobago
ownerid: TT-TSOT1-LACNIC
responsible: Ronald Mohammed
address: 1 Edward Street, 1,
address: 00000 – Port of Spain –
country: TT

AIYEEE!

Has Leo been snarked before? I really need to know what the prospects are for him getting all offended and coming over here to “set the libtards straight”.

He might show up, but I can guarantee he’ll get offended. He gets apoplectic and just screams and rants and BLARGH!!!s all over the place. It’s fucking great.

Y’know, there’s a reason that the guy from the FBI didn’t take you too seriously: it’s because he gets about 20 gazillion calls a day from random paranoids who INSIST that they have first-hand knowledge of an impending terror attack because they picked up signals about it from the radios the Soviets installed in their teeth.

Principal Blackman Phun Phact: I actually worked at an FBI field office as an office drone. This was back in the late 1990s, so obviously, the islamocommienaziliberalfacist threat was not front-page news. But the Unabomber and TWA flight 800 were, and this was the New Haven, CT, field office, so directly involved with both cases. One of my office drone duties was to cover for the receptionist when she went on break or to lunch. Part of working the reception desk meant taking statements from the various crazies who would come in to tell us all about their conspiracy theories (my personal favorite was a guy who wrote me a very detailed treatise on how the Pope, in league with–I shit you not–Sean Connery and Madonna, was set to take over the entire world).

We had lots and lots of crazies. I can only imagine that the number has increased exponentially since the wingnuts started living in perpetual bed-wetting fear since 9/11. Candy-ass Leo is a perfect example. I pity the poor field office employees who have to deal with the Leos of the world day in and day out.

think the only rational answer is for the Gathering of Eagles to go sit in the San Diego sewers and protect them until the War on Terror is over.

Now there’s some homeland defense we can all enjoy!

Oh, and by the way, that IH8LIBS character is our old buddy Keefer. Nice to see he’s still angry at his growing senility.

Isn’t this, like, the same as that time they found Plans! For Schools! From New Jersey! In Iraq! and people were all freaking out, but it turned out the guy was in charge of, you know, rebuilding the fucking schools?

God. I really have too much time on my hands today. Look what I found:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper

Toilet Paper World

I don’t know how strong the Gorelick wall continues to be…

You know, I wonder about that too. Is there such a thing as the ‘Gorelick wall’ anymore? Aren’t all electronic communications under constant surveillance now? And since B4B is in communication with the Dirt Pipe Plotters, aren’t they now suspects?

Hey Leo- if you’re worried about the ‘Gorelick wall’ maybe you should call someone at the CIA or maybe the NSA. I’m sure they’d be glad to listen.

Unfortunately, a real whois run through lacnic’s whois server would only make them more askeered:

Ronald Mohammed, who works for the Telecommunications Services of Trinidad and Tobago (pdf, Mohammed’s name appears in Appendix A).

If past behavior is any indication, the next step will be to destroy Mohammed’s life for “making” them look like idiots.

Since they’re targeting the sewers, would adopting Larry Craig’s “wide stance” when on the throne be an appropriate safety measure to take?

a lot of Americans would start panicking if told they have to crap in the backyard and not their comfy bathrooms.

NOOOOOO!!!!

I HATE crapping in the outdoors.

Nope.

Not gonna do it.

If mikey has to crap outside ever again, the terrorists have surely won…

mikey

NOOOOOO!!!!

I HATE crapping in the outdoors.

There are indoor solutions.

Protip: Port-a-Potties can double as sensory depravation tanks.

Seriously…

The best part of the comments section there was the guy who posted the “info” about how thousands of terrorists have set up shop in the area of the Paraguay-Bolivia-Brazil border, and lists examples of South American terror attacks, the most recent of which was 13 years ago. No mention of the fact that this border region, which is now apparently host to some half-dozen or more Muslim terror groups, is about a thousand crow-flying miles away from Montevideo.

wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper

Toilet paper’s obsolete.

I can’t believe that one guy who uses LGF as a source. You think they had a straight face on when posting that?

I mean, that’s like me citing the Flinstones as evidence to support creationism. Oh wait…

I can’t believe that one guy who uses LGF as a source.

I haven’t even looked, but let me guess: Freedom1? I’m harboring suspicions that that “guy” is really just a macro programmed by Chuckles Johnson. All he ever does it put up links via LGF about how there are ISLAMOCOMMIENAZIS IN YOUR BACKYARD AAAIIEEEEEE! You can’t even really make fun of him/it because he/it is beyond spoof.

They hate us for our balmy 70 degree weather

FlipYrWhig said,
September 19, 2007 at 19:04

People, people, don’t you see? Uruguay. U-R-Gay.

Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

Y’know, I don’t want to alarm anybody, but I’m pretty sure I felt something tickle my ass this morning as I was taking my usual A.M. constitutional (first cigarette, second coffee).

What’s worse – I don’t live anywhere near San Diego!!11!

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! WE ARE IN UR COUNTRY SCARIN YR WINGNUTZ!

I miss lolcons…

I for one will not sit idly on the throne while Uruguayan jihadomarxists begin their intercontinental crawl through the underground sewers connecting San Diego to the Rio de la Plata.

If all Americans begin flushing yeast packets down the toilet every hour, the giant single-celled colonies produced will doubtless block the Islamospanic’s northern ascent. This does, of course, risk the creation of a multicellular superorganism who will erupt from the sewers to wreak havoc on at least two continents, but sacrifices must be made to turn back the Uruguayaban menace.

I have consulted on this project with a hologram of L. Ron Hubbard who has repeatedly made time to meet with me in my own head.

RubDMC –that means that the San Diego surveillance must have been a decoy. They had to cover up the fact that your small town in middle-America was the actual target.

The comment Gavin quoted seems to have come from keefer, my old buddy from scrutator. Keefy has been making new and “creative” names over there lately. Keefer was the token wingnut who was actually fooled by scrutator, and took it real hard when the truth was outed.
I’m not entirely convinced keefer is real. There were moments he acted human towards evil, dirty, lefties back at scrutator.
He’s kind of like mikey if mikey weren’t bright, well-spoken, and inquisitive.

well, duh, the terrists are obviously planning to use the sewers to infiltrate the Naval Base San Diego. They too have watched too many Hollywood movies and played Doom way too many times!
.
.
.

Well, thank god San Diego is a liberal city! It’s about time those punks got hit! 9/11 happened in NY and DC (Well, Arlington, but DC is close enough) two Conservative strongholds. Maybe NOW you stupid liebrals will take the terrists seriously when one of your own gets hit!

Noen–

Try reading (literally. just try) Hubbard’s A History of Man. Short, succinct, insane.
And, although I may have mentioned this here already, for an often hilarious bio of L. Ron, go here:

http://www.clambake.org/archive/books/bfm/bfmconte.htm

Undeservedly out of print.

Good idea. They should be well-adapted to the territory psychologically.

C.H.U.D.!!!!

I feel kind of bad that no one made a CHUD reference until now. It’s like we’re losing our touch.

If all Americans begin flushing yeast packets down the toilet every hour, the giant single-celled colonies produced will doubtless block the Islamospanic’s northern ascent. This does, of course, risk the creation of a multicellular superorganism who will erupt from the sewers to wreak havoc on at least two continents . . . .

That pink goo-of-evil in Ghostbusters II springs to mind . . . .

Hey man, sometimes you just want a blowjob without teeth…

As I get older I find I’d just kinda like the teeth without the blowjob…

mikey

I’m wracking my brain, trying to think of another reason to be alarmed about Uruguay. If it were Saudi Arabia, at least then he’d have a plausible fantasy. But Uruguay?

Which is, like, practically *next* to Paraguay!!!11! And Dubya and Cheney have their secure compound in Paraguay! Obviously the Sewer Terr’rists are planning to spy on Dear Leader during his most intimate moments!!!!11!

that is so guay.

I sure hope when we get hit again, and we will…

Hopeful, enthusiastic and certain about another attack.

How is this guy not on Osama’s team?

Lesley, I think we’ve just uncovered a terror threat. Better notify the FBI.

I think my only concern with Sadly, No! is that it’s all too easy to point out: Hey, wingnuts are human. Easy for Sadly, No! is okay by me and, hey, humans are some of my best friends but I think your subjects really should have work harder to get their faces on posters. Yes, think of all the wingnut pics from Sadly, No! hanging on the ceilings of teh ghazes. It’s just not fair. It’s like driving home from a Young Republican holiday kegger, hitting a sheet of ice, running into a brick wall, losing your teeth in the wreck, and ending up the life of next year’s kegger. Priceless.

That Blogs4Bush post keeps being quoted, but has anyone noticed the poster’s name? It’s “1H8L1BS and I’m a Grammar Nazi, and btw, Ted Nugen”.

Only a wingnut could have a handle that contains the phrase “I’m a Grammar Nazi” and is otherwise a 12-word (counting “1H8L1BS” as three words but “btw” as one) grammatical error. What is the “force” (as a professional grammar Nazi like myself might say) of the misspelled “Ted Nugen” at the end? Does he “H8” Ted Nugent too? Is Ted Nugent a grammar Nazi? Is the poster a Ted Nugent Nazi? Or is it just a random assinine fratboy-style shout-out, as in “oh, btw, TED NUGENT!!!!1onety-one!1 Ba-da-booey!”

Enquiring minds don’t give a fuck.

poor countries like Uruguay could use a little help from wealthy countries

Well I hope Notorious PAT is being sarcastic there, because the CIA Factbook description of Uruguay is dominated by phrases like “well-to-do economy”. And turning to the ever-reliable Wikipedia, we find

Population below Indigence line: 3.01%
Population below Poverty line: 18%

So initially Uruguay sounded like a reasonably coping place to me.
Of course that was before I woke up in a Montevideo hotel-room in a bathtub full of ice, with a cellphone on the edge of the bath, and a note telling me to ring 111.

somebody edited the Wikipedia pages for San Diego and Montevideo to make it seem like they’ve got almost the same population.

And since the Montevideo entry goes on to describe the place as having the highest quality of life of any city in Latin America, I suspect that its sewerage system and other utilities are working reasonably well.

Indeed, those of us who live in cities with crumbling infrastructure [due to umpteen decades of short-term planning and greed-centred privatisation policies] might learn a lot from Uruguay. I’m just checking Google for details about the Montevideo sewer system… that should be harmless enough…

Hang on a mo, there’s someone at the door. BRB.

Wait, take this more seriously! I just did a similar analysis and discovered that some guy named Dick plans to suck the Hilton in Paris into the earth!

[…] boys over at Sadly, No!  have highlighted a b4b collumn by Leo where he proceeds to freak the fuck out.  Now why would […]

Larry,

EW!!!