Weather Woes
Well, thanks to this we might continue our fund-raising efforts for a few more days weeks.
We haven’t been outside to check the damage to any great degree yet, but know that the straight-line winds in our area were strong enough to damage homes under construction within view of our house, down trees, and lift our rather substantial picnic table into the air and toss it near our neighbor’s yard. We’ll retrieve it tomorrow, but our guess is that it’s utterly destroyed.
If anyone hasn’t donated a few thousand dollars or a million dollars yet and could, we’d appreciate it.
We really loved that table.
Update: Picture added above. For us, that’s all we lost, and for that I’m very thankful.
Talking to folks in the area and surveying the damage, it appears our area took a hit from a very minor nor’easter or sou’wester (there were a total of six in the area, all going in different directions). Not a lot of damage in our neighborhood, but there was in the older neighborhood nearby where there were far more mature trees, a lot of which lost branches, and several large piles of leaves that were totally ripped apart.
OMG! One of our garbage cans was lifted straight into the air and dashed onto the pavement!
Nobody got seriously injured or killed, and that is what really matters.
[Hanx! Ahem]
Update:
[Hanx! objectivelypro]
Clif adds:
In case you doubt that it was our trash can that was knocked over by devastating winds, here’s irrefutable proof. We will pick it up tomorrow. But in the meantime, please send us as much money as you can afford.
THE HUMANITY!!!!!!!
That table tied the yard together, did it not?
I’m no expert, but that table looks ruined.
Did the wind uncoil that hose? It’s a stark testament to the power of nature.
My heart goes out to you and your family in this time of need. Unfortunately, I cannot donate at this time do to the fact that the picture tube on my T.V has blown and I must purchase a new set. Red Sox games and all that. I’m sure you understand. Best wishes.
AAAAAAAHHHH! (waves dismissively)
Go buy a roll of duct tape, you parasitical second-handers!
Hah!
Any idiot knows that plastic lawn furniture should be secured with 10″ spikes.
And that garbage can. Probably a raccoon.Try this.
The sad thing is that my car really did break down today. It’s in the shop right now – I’m not much of a mechanic, but I’m pretty sure it’s the starter. It clicks when I go to start it, but the engine won’t turn over and it won’t take a jump.
I’m going to hold my own WAAAAAAAAHathon.
Admit it, Gavin! You HAD to choose to live in an area where you KNEW there was a strong chance of chairs and tables falling over.
Sorry, but there’s no choice – we need to bulldoze it, evict you to a cardboard box for an indefinite period, and sell the land to rich white developers so they can build much-needed casinos.
I’ve gone through three, count ’em, THREE high-end chairs exactly like that. Two because my fat neighbors sat in them! And my mom spray-painted them to gussy them up!
Normally, that plastic is strong like bull. But they were helpless against the Obeselofascistwelfare menace.
So do I charge said neighbors for their irresponsible obesity, or do a blog pledge drive?
It seems to me that you lost your picnic table due to your own carelessness. If we come in and purchase you a new picnic table, you will have no incentive to properly take care of that one either. Pretty soon, you’ll be leaving your picnic table out in all manner of nasty weather, and we’ll be buying you a new one each week. It’d be picnic-table welfare.
Incidentally, I live in Durham and went through pretty much the same storm. As it started, I went outside and moved my picnic table in the garage, like any reasonable Conservative would do. You should learn to do the same. Perhaps the financial burden of having to replace it yourself will teach you that lesson, and maybe a bit of self-reliance as well.
Red Sox are giving me competition.
Now, lets not go overboard here, Pere.
There is much scientific proof that duct tape will save us from the terrorist horror. Not only that, duct tape will even repair Jillian’s starter. It’s all in the application.
We have history as our guide. Climbing under your desk will protect you from nukeleear bombs! The government said so!
Geez, I only *hope* it’s the starter – those are relatively quick and cheap to get replaced. I can’t afford major car repairs right now.
I’m so stressed out right now.
For Christ’s sake, Jillian! I’m sure the good folks at SN! would cough up.
I owe you for your last gem, after all.
Even though you are clearly of the CY ilk. Just have more babies you can’t support and get it over with.
😉
As a serious aside, I grew up on the poor side of the tracks, paid my way through college with a pair of ulcers and a huge student loan balance, and wouldn’t mind helping one bit a fellow smart person in need.
Just can’t extend that offer to morons.
it’s the starter. you could learn the proper technique for rapping a failing starter to free the solenoid to gain a few weeks…wish I could help.
You must be devastated. So sorry for your loss.
But notice the upright camping chair in the background, seemingly untouched by these alleged “winds”. I call Photoshop and, very probably, AP skullduggery!
JAMIL !!!!!!
In GOP America, worrying about money is a feature, not a bug. Most of us are a freak accident away from the poor house.
But if you were a real American, you would know all you need is a bigger hammer. Or more duct tape.
Eh, I’ll be okay….it’s just the frustration factor more than anything. Any day where I leave the house at five in the morning and don’t get home until nine thirty is, by definition, too long.
Venting on teh stupid – and watching all the rest of you talented suckers doing the same – is the best therapy for me right now.
Jillian, I’m no mechanic; but I’m poor and very hard on starters (loose nut behind the steering wheel). You’re describing classic starter malfunction. As you’ve said relatively cheap and easily replaced. I can even do it myself. Errm, or it could be the solenoid. Cheaper & easier.
Cheers!
(Humor Me: bang a hammer slightly to the side of the solenoid, but this isn’t possible on newer cars.)
Yeah, I’ll send you my next million. I just need to make the first million. Can you help?
Ahh, late and wrong, again.
CY spends EIGHT paragraphs explaining why his grill isn’t like New Orleans and how stoopid the libruls are to even suggest such a thing. What a maroon.
Besides, we have to think of Gavin’s horrendous loss.
The chair looks like it tried to commit suicide by jumping off the table with the hose around its neck. I think we need to have Gavin investigated before we allow another set of furniture to take up residence in his home – could be Munchausen-Chippendale-by-proxy or something.
Leaf pile looks hopeless as well.
WHY AREN’T YOU RECYCLING!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is obviously a photo from a previous year. Boston area leaves have barely started to change color, let alone fallen to the ground in sufficient quantity to be raked into piles.
The garbage can vandalism was likely the work of Fozzie Bear.
Pshaw, that chair doesn’t even look like it’s been fired. No rifiling marks, see? And I think the color has been Photoshopped to a lighter green, possibly in an attempt to garner sympathy on the grounds that it “faded in the sun” (YEAH, RIGHT) And I seem to detect some dubious kerning on the milk cartons in that “trash” (if trash it actually is!).
DEVELOPING…
Ubu’s right, men.
Those chairs are SQUARE – BACKED.
Let’s just surrender now….
mikey
Stupid cars. Stupid tables, and stupid people. It’s the end of days, or at least the end of this string of days…
JILLIAN!
Stop, before you pay for a new starter (and, I presume, the installation labor)! You’re also describing a flat battery.
And, unless you tried to jumpstart your (Civic? Volare? Lotus?) with a robust American V-8 pickup, chances are excellent that the jump-start vehicle possessed a suboptimal electrical system to supply the juice to start your rig. Saturns, Volkswagens, Subarus, and Ford Escorts are (in my personal experience) utterly unsuited to the task of starting somebody else’s dead soldier.
So before you let Cletus talk you into $450 for the new starter and $350 to install it, ask him to test the battery first. Better $60 for a new battery than a shitload of cash for a repair you didn’t need.
(Nota bene: if you’re driving a 1991 Honda Accord with 1.2 million miles, ignore my advice, go to the shop, and set the car on fire. The insurance company will understand.)
Herr Doktor, objectivelypro, that was an awesome combination of conception and execution.
I bow down before your collective brilliance.
I’m sorry to strike a sour note, but that table and chair looks pushed over, are you sure there was a storm in the area. As for the bin, again it looks pushed over, I’m calling fakery just to beg money, typical liberals!
Obvious fake.
Look at all the leaves on the ground. Fall is just beginning. That’s October level dead leaves.
Try harder, moonbats.
I think the biggest problem is the grills. Those that fly away given any opportunity. If we can’t solve this, then, well…
I might also suggest, Jillian, that the problem might be the alternator
I think the biggest problem is the grills. Those that fly away given any opportunity. If we can’t solve this, then, well…
If you love a grill, set it free; if it comes back it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was.
It’s your fault for not having the chauffeur evacuate you to a nearby country club as soon as bad weather threatened. From there, you could have called home to have the butler delegate a gardener to remove your lawn furniture from possible harm.
Weaklings like you make me sick.
I see that I have a righteous friend in grills…these are hard to come by. Prayers, Bubba. Righteous Prayers.
Kip is totally right, though.
Why bother having prayers/grills/chauffers/country clubs, if you’re not smart enough to remove yourself before the stupid hurricane/tornadoes come? GOD.
ooffah-
I’ll forward any offers– muahaha!
chauffeurs, and that’s it, I’ll stop
If it comes back it’s yours, if it doesn’t, hunt the fucker down and shoot it.
People who complain about “AP skullduggery!” (e.g. Ripley upstream) have probably never tried duggering a skull themselves.
It’s not as easy as it sounds.
I’ll need a gun, and a motive…
Mah hose!
I love this site. I do, so much, and I’ve earned no right to say so, but this is a great site. You guys are really smart and are almost always right. So.
I bow down before
(blush)
Aw, shucks…
FEMA can cover the cost of righting the plastic table and chairs set. Shouldn’t take more than a couple of hundred men to lift it. To be safe side we’re contracting with Blackwater to provide security during the lifting.
Pffft, Gavin, if you want pictures of real devastation, you could come 15 miles north to our house. We have those same plastic picnic chairs & table (ours are white), the premature leaf downage, and approximately 7,000 feet of multi-colored uncoiled garden hose including soaker hoses. Plus random detritus involving concrete, asphalt, brick, ruined pallets, patio block, choppped-up aluminum siding, bits of board, lengths of copper tubing, torn insulation, plywood, gravel, uprooted bushes, wrought-iron railings, rolls of discarded chainlink fence, complicated mazes of temporary fencing, 13 years’ worth of suburban “stuff” dragged out of the garage, and the dead vole the Demon Kishkan tried to bribe the workmen into adopting her with. And all of this is compacted into a 75×80 foot lot, so you wouldn’t even have to exert yourself walking around much. Okay, so most of this mess is actually the result of long-resisted renovations, but it’s still pretty impressive when you consider it started as a 5-foot-square concrete stair pad replacement…
John O said,
I’ve gone through three, count ‘em, THREE high-end chairs exactly like that. Two because my fat neighbors sat in them! And my mom spray-painted them to gussy them up!…Normally, that plastic is strong like bull. But they were helpless against the Obeselofascistwelfare menace.
John, as a member in good sitting of the Obesoprogressive Menace, I hate to tell you this, but your mom is the culprit here. Paint and plastic are a bad combination, especially if you leave the painted plastic out in the weather. Next time, settle for utilitarian, or let your mom buy you colorful cushions instead.
longtime (we’re talking years, y’all) lurker here, de-lurking to say that this post and thread and the previous one are possibly the funniest fucking things you have ever posted. i literally couldn’t contain my giggles, and it was extremely undignified.
gavin, please accept my condolences on the tragic loss of your plastic table, and my congratulations on your righteous mocking of a truly deserving wingnut.
Did I leave the toaster oven on ?
If I can’t crawl back to the house before company comes, that cream cheese will still be harder than concrete. It’ll break teh celery ! !1!!
I volunteer to help Anne Laurie dispose of the dead vole.
I insist this charity drive go on for weeks. It’s the least we can do (for ourselves).
Thank God The Bongs Were In The House.
Is this post about me? Like, why not?
I don’t see why sadly no! needs to have their chair and table replaced anyway. people don’t have a right to “sit” or to eat at a table. people shouldn’t expect anyone to do anything for them ever nor should people ever do anything for anyone else and we should all go in the closet and shut the door and be alone on our objectivist island.
Some people saw my comment and thought that I was saying that we shouldn’t have tables and chairs. Of course we should be allowed to have tables and chairs and whatever else we want, probably lots of stuff that nobody even thought of yet because of taxes. But only if we contribute enough to the economy* to be able to buy them all by our independent selves without mooching off the government.
My real point all along was that, as a very professional writer, I can write about anything at all without even needing a table and chair. I mean, it seems to me that the first writers didn’t even have them. Isn’t that right? Professor? Anyone?
*Having wealthy parents totally counts.
I was able to dugger my own skull cheaply and efficiently with a power drill, a short length of rubber hose, a small box of baking soda, and less than a half cup of dog drool.
Dorothy Gale and her Auntie Em are still waiting for someone to take that witch out from under their house. In other news, some witch is waiting for funding to get a house off her. It’s a vicious circle. Oh MY!
Where are your flags? Sure, your supporting the War by buying quality Wal-Mart outdoor furniture (but trashing it like librals on welfare always do), but you don’t have real support unless you have American flags on every postable surface.
I am suprised we can’t see any flags in you’re trash.
*My mother makes sure.
** Ditto.
I think there’s something far more ominous going on here.
Are these plastic tables and chairs simply innocent tables and chairs? No, other than their color, which is a flimsy disguise, they are identical to the notorious plastic tables and chairs used by insurgents – nay, Al Queda insurgents – in Iraq.
I give you:
White plastic tables and chairs in Iraq
Nicholas Berg chair
Lindy Englund chair
These chairs and tables are obviously Weapons of Mass Furniture and the fact that you have them here points to your complicity in supporting the Islamomeximofeminazifasicst extremists.
Oh, no you don’t.
Where are your flags?
I saw that WhiskeyFire post, and I’m not quite sure I’ve recovered yet. The things them wingnuts do with their flags, it just ain’t right…
But if you were a real American, you would know all you need is a bigger hammer.
No. Just bigger hamsters.
A few trees blow down in Cary and pencilneck is afraid to go outside to pick up his grill the day after? Huh. Mebbe all the help done blowed way.
Shorter William Faulkner, via CY:
“It was beginning to blow a little now, and we hadn’t brought no coats with us. But there was some croker sacks in the wagon that Mammy made us bring to wrap her separator in and so I was wrapping the separator up in them when the n____ led out a horse and buggy and then Pap and Stamper come outen the tent and Pap came to the wagon. Etc. etc. etc.”
I wouldn’t surprise me if the furniture actually WANTED to be knocked on the ground. They’ve probably never been happier.
Maybe we could have a telethon, and have Michael Meyers and Kanye West and all the big stars?
And maybe Kanye could say “George Bush doesn’t care about liberal snark bloggers”.
Has CY noticed that the Hurricane that killed his BBQ had a MEXICAN name?
ISTR Christina was a Swedish farmer’s daughter from Minnesota; she probably voted Democratic Farmer-Labour, which kicks Gomer’s arse into a trashed barbeque.
Are these plastic tables and chairs simply innocent tables and chairs? No, other than their color, which is a flimsy disguise, they are identical to the notorious plastic tables and chairs used by insurgents – nay, Al Queda insurgents – in Iraq.
What color is that supposedly “destroyed” lawn furniture, by the way?
GREEN, the color of Islam! And therefore the color of the ENEMY!!!11eleven
Gavin hates America so much he’ll even buy furniture that reflects his barking moonbat treason.
HYPOCRITE!!!!11111seventeen!1one I see recyclable material in that garbage can!!1 This PROVES that global warming is a farce invented by George Soros, Al Gore (who is fat), and Kos to make money. PLUS, last night it got cold; I hat to use blankets!!!1one
Explain yourself.
No table has EVER fallen like that, EVER BEFORE! It must have been an inside job! clearly they used thermite or termites or something to topple it! I saw it on Youtube!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Did you know George Bush’s cousin’s sister-in-law’s hairdresser’s vet’s brother worked for the table company! OMG! This is HUGH!
The poor grill; it attempted to flee, for once to taste freedom, to embrace the winds and leave behind the bizarre nostalgic suburban Wake County Confederate hell it had lived.
And in exchange for its vaunt to the lands of the free, of the Union, of the Republic, it was dashed against the cruel grasses, forever to remain in place, to rust, to decay, and disappear.
I’m afraid I won’t be able to contribute to your table-uplifting fund until I’ve received some sort of proof that you’re white.
If you’re brown, you should’ve known to tie down your table and to get the hell out of town before this monstrous satan-storm struck. Rush Limbaugh hates you forever, amen.
If you’re white, no worries, it’s not your fault, Mr. Scaife will cut you a check posthaste.
That is the funniest freakin thing I’ve seen in a long time. My husband just came in the room to see why I was laughing hysterically.
It’s utterly shameless that you all would assassinate the character of such an honorable and upstanding citizen. Questioning his motives while he mourns this devastating loss, is indefensible. Grow up and get a job, you repugnant conspiracy theorists…
I hope your new FEMA table and chair aren’t of substandard quality and oozing toxins and plasticizers. It would be even better if they weren’t stuck in Houston for the next two years of patio reconstruction.
Until you work out these issues, I’d suggest setting the destroyed table upright and covering it with a blue tarp.
This is hysterical. Just for this, Gavin, I’m not only showing up at Sadly, Nostock-palooza-con to buy you a beer, but I’m leaving before you have to make awkward conversation with some one you don’t even know from online.
Unless ya’ll settle on the People Republic. Then I will stay until I drunkenly hurt someone with a dart.
So five minutes or so.
And in exchange for its vaunt to the lands of the free, of the Union, of the Republic, it was dashed against the cruel grasses, forever to remain in place, to rust, to decay, and disappear.
El Cid, that brought a tear to me eye. Poor little grill fella!
Little grill fella!
Lashed by late summer’s cruel winds
Deprived of propane.
Butterflies will land
On tattered Weber’s top lid
Cold, it grills no more.
Table, resin chair
Tossed in mockery of Bob
The whole world, it laughs.
weather heere has been fine and sunny, not even too cool yet.
But last night- I can barely speak of it- I had a skunky beer at the Pabst Theater while watching a band.
I expect remuneration and damages posthaste. My attorney figures 2.8 million dollars.
your table can wait. This is a case of yeasty-mouth.
This is a case of yeasty-mouth.
Was that from the beer or the, um, after-after-party?
Groupies, man. Gotta be careful.
Hispanic winds have tossed my grill
From mountaintop to glen
Weep not for this grill’s heaven-bound
To grill and grill again
The Wyeth knockoff is effing genius. Such sophisticated snark!
Is anyone else starting to feel a little survivor’s guilt over this? All morning I’ve been haunted by feelings of “it should’ve been me.” I found myself outside staring at my hose, which was also uncoiled across my back yard, but in a different position than it would’ve been had my house been struck by the type of winds that savaged Gavin’s house, drawing looks from my neighbors when I started screaming “why not me why not me why not MEEEEEEEEEEE” and throwing rocks at the sky.
I dig on the qualifications he’s making to distinguish his pathetic plea and the fact that the most culturally significant city in America is being ethnically cleansed. Yeah, CY, we know the difference, and it has nothing to do with being 130 miles inland or 250 feet above sea-level.
Suffice to say, 130 miles is not much of a buffer. Speaking as a lifelong resident of Raleigh, and not a wanker from an exurb populated by transplanted misanthropes (seriously, why did we ever open the welcome mat for the rest of the country to send us their douchebags?) I’d like to point out to traitor-yankee that um, we have a hockey team that won the Stanley Cup two seasons ago; a team that was aptly named.
I guess the Slavery-Supporting Transplant wasn’t around for Floyd, Bertha, or Fran. Hell, Fran was well over a category 1 when it rolled over Raleigh; it was about 1 1/2 weeks before my neighborhood got power back. Hell, Hugo was a bitch to Charlotte, which is about 100+ miles further inland.
Not comparing this *AT ALL* to the devastation wrought on the gulf, but perhaps this might explain the difference between the reaction of CY’s congregation and CY’s recent appeal to help. Many people around here have family down east or had a neighbor with a chainsaw help them get that oak tree off of their living room; sadly, the area has been diluted by cretins.
It would almost be worth the devastation to my community to have another, real, hurricane blow over us to watch this little dip$hits reaction.
Four words for Conflating Yokel: I-95 North.
Take it.
Hell, Fran was well over a category 1 when it rolled over Raleigh; it was about 1 1/2 weeks before my neighborhood got power back.
But HOW WAS YOUR GRILL? Toppled like a mighty empire? Coverless, like some important thing without a cover? WHERE’S YOUR COMPARISON NOW?
What the…CY’s not…isn’t that…
B-b-b-….B-b-b-e….B-b-b-eauu….Beauchamp! BEAUCHAMP! BEAUCHAMP BEAUCHAMP BACHOMP BEAUCHAMP
I must agree with those commenters praising the high and sublime snark of the “Christine’s World” parody.
There needs to be some sort of award for this.
Objectivelypro, we award you the inaugural “Fallen Grill” medal, signified by a coat of arms with charcoal rampant on a field of dead grass.
My grill survived last weeks epic disaster. But it still hates you for your freedoms.
Now if you’ll excuse me, my community’s disaster-response plan has kicked in. We’re going to go help Old Man Jacobs fix his ficus tree that tipped over.
I can’t quite make out the sign next to the Sadly, Non! world headquarters. Tabernacle of the … Depraved Lefties? Something about a free egg sandwich with every gay abortion?
Despicable.
I, too, weathered Fran in Raleigh.
It was horrible. People for miles around fired (or, more correctly, “farred”) up their grills two days after it swung through and knocked out the power (for two weeks for many). The air was redolent with charred pork, you could barely see for all the charcoal smoke, and risked tripping over all the fallen trees from the lack of visibility.
Professors came to class unshaven and smelly, my cat disappeared, and people resorted to setting open fires so they could boil water for instant coffee. INSTANT COFFEE
We had to drink instant coffee.
Jillian: “The chair looks like it tried to commit suicide by jumping off the table with the hose around its neck. ”
!!! That was !!! WONDERFULL !!!! (Sometimes it must be said in all caps and lots of !!!)
UPDATE: Sources have it that the trashcan has been spotted in fashionable establishments, accompanied by beautiful women, body guards, Manny Ramirez. When asked for comment the trashcan replied that since Manny spends his Septembers NOT playing baseball, they have more time to “kick it” this time of year.
Fran sucked, I had only been in my house for 1 month when it hit. What a mess. I lost ~ ten trees, mostly small junky ones. My Webber made it through unharmed. I put all my out door stuff up against the house and roped it together. The grill came in handy since we did not have power for about a week or so. We cooked everything from our freezer on it while it slowly defrosted. Even made some Tombstone pizzas on it. AT ALL COSTS YOU MUST SAVE THE GRILL INCASE OF A NATURAL DISASTER!!1!!1! I live in the old part of Cary (stands for Containment Area for Relocated Yankees) and it was a mess. The newer parts of town had no old growth trees and all of their utility lines were buried. They were pretty much not affected, except for the inconvenience of all of us that got hit hard. We had these mini tornados from the storm that corkscrewed the tops of our pine trees clear off and dropped them 50 yards away. My grill was what got us through it. That…. and since we have a gas water heater we had hot showers, which was nice.
That was back when FEMA work and you did not have to go too far to get ice and potable water.
I was out on an appointment today and afterwards purchased a large drink from a restaurant.
However, upon leaving I discovered that I had left the large drink behind, with up to half of the drink contents still in the cup.
I would appreciate any funds donated to replace the shocking and painful loss of my fully enjoyable beverage.
El Cid’s beverage woes amount to nothing more than a hill of beans in light of the disaster that has befallen me. Look into your hearts. Will nobody help out a brother who’s down on his luck?
Lawnguylander,
I’m crying.
Dear lord. Is there no one left untouched by gravity’s capricious, cruel hands?
Oh, the humanity!
City services here, your garbage can looks shopped and the neighbors have been complaining about the penguins.
Is it just me, or do the table and chair corpses form A CRESENT!!!!111!!!!!
OMIGOD issa GREEEEN Crescent!!!
of course if that table and chair were white, i would say you were a terrist.
of course, your table also didn’t seem secured. boys should be prepared. tch tch.
If I had a grill, my grill would kick your grill’s ass.
I can’t quite make out the sign next to the Sadly, Non! world headquarters
The S,N! HQ looks strangely familiar to me. Isn’t it the sinister church that Louis Cyphre is running in Angel Heart?
The S,N! crew never disappoints, but damn if this wasn’t one of the best posts in a while. It made my week.
Umm, did anyone pick the grill up yet?