Why shouldn’t I be? Oh, sure, I’m not “an attorney”. I’ve never “passed a bar exam”. Nor have I ever “taken an LSAT”. And I’m sure there are plenty of people out there reading this right now who think this makes me somehow “unqualified”.

Somehow I can hear this passage being spoken by Phil Hartman, as the inimitable Lionel Hutz.

Shouldn’t Lionel be considered for AG?

– I can pronounce “certiorari” correctly.

Pfft. Pointy-headed intellectual elitist. Not only did I not graduate from college — hell, I didn’t even graduate from high school — I can neither pronounce ‘certiorari’, nor tell you what it means. By the standards of this administration, that makes me far more qualified.

Damn, Leonard, you’ve got me beat.

Just be sure to share some of that Administration-wingnut-gravy train payola with me, okay?

The only down side to this is that I would have to spend a lot of time lying to Congress.

Oh come on. You just “don’t remember” stuff, right?

I do not recall if I was on the committee which admitted your name on the list of possible recommendations for attorney general. I have many tasks as a blog commenter, and I have people whom I trust who are tasked with these functions.

Just be sure to share some of that Administration-wingnut-gravy train payola with me, okay?

Well, I will need someone to do all of my actual work for me.

Hey, I can say “I don’t know” or “I don’t recall” in at least four languages.

A few comments on the latest name to be floated as the new Bush AG at my blog. Suffice to say, DON’T let them try to convince you, as CNN seems to be doing, that this Judge Mukasey is a liberal. He’s not.

Hey, my hippie friends! I have comedy even you will understand, since I stole it from you!

Shorter Jillian: Boy, I wish I had a job.

Get it? It’s one of those ‘shorter so and so’ things that never seem to get old with the left. Did you see how I took what she said and replaced it with my own opinion of the hippie left, like you guys do with other people’s statements?

I am master of projection.

“Ficus!?”
No…FicYOU!”

Hey, Jillian and/or Leonard? The DoJ spent $13,000 on one cookie and brownie party, can I get the caterer gig in the event either of you gets the nomination?

Shorter Keivn: ” Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I wanna be like you DFH’s!”

You win, Kevin!

Go out and spread thine wisdom to the world!

We shalt miss thine holy and brilliant and totally funny presence, but the Sadly, No stage is just too small for a master of political humor like thineself.

Fly away and be free! Take thine show to Eschaton and Daily Kos and elsewhere.

We shall miss you, but it had to happen sooner or later.

We miss thee already.

Snif.

In other news, bet you’re stoked that Alan Keyes is in the race! I know I am!

We should turn Kevin into a meta-troll like Gary Ruppert. Everyone needs to start maintaining a fake Kevin, complete with crappy Youtube link, and Kevin will become part of Sadly, No! lore.

Oh, and Hoosier, I would just point out that Alan Keyes’ website was the one that, for a time, paid the bills of that certain punctuation freak. So you could say he’s already been providing us with our bread and butter.

We should turn Kevin into a meta-troll like Gary Ruppert. Everyone needs to start maintaining a fake Kevin, complete with crappy Youtube link, and Kevin will become part of Sadly, No! lore.

Here’s something I’ve wondered about…..

Obviously, if there were a Wingnut Troll Legion of Doom, Kevin and Gary would both be members. But what would their evil powers be? Someone would be like the Riddler, except they’d be the Baffler – they just boldly assert things that are so completely stupid that you are stunned into silence, giving them the opportunity to assert victory.

But what powers would our boys have?

Hoosier, you should have said:

“Go, go, for the good of the people!” Then your plagiarism of The Simpsons would have been complete. It is very funny though, so easily forgivable. I had no idea Keyes was in any race, but I’m sad that he is. He’s no conservative.

Simba, don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m beginning to suspect you don’t like me! *sniff*

Jillian, your ‘boys’ would have the power to turn meat into brussels sprouts! The power to make good tasting food taste bad by removing salt! The power to make your men cry when they get a boo boo! The power to surrender and appease! A mighty crowd you’d be.

We’d like to thank the President’s nominee for Attorney General for his service, his dedication and his lovely terra cotta pot. These hearings are to provide the Senate’s constitutional requirement for Advice and Consent in the selection of Attorney General, and provide for the confirmation of the nominee.

Senator Spector?

Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Mr. Ficus, I’m concerned about your position on the Politicization of the Department of Justice. Can you provide us some insight into your management approach?

Keep my dirt moist, and my leaves will stay green and supple.

Thank you. Senator Clinton?

Mr. Ficus, there have been some reports in the press that you have allowed your pollen to drift about, fertilizing other Ficus trees who’s political position you supported. Care to comment?

The most important thing is the watering schedule. One kid, a few years ago, was completely irresponsible about watering. My dirt dried out and my leaves became, well, there’s no other way to put it, they became crisp.

Thank you for your candor, Mr. Ficus. Senator Lieberman?

Thank you for your service, Mr. Ficus. What about Israel? Will you allow the Israeli lobby in general, and AIPAC in particular, to continue to define American foreign policy in the future?

I really like the Miracle Grow. But if you have different tastes in plant food, that might be ok, but some of them cause burning in my fresh new shoots. Oh, and if you don’t give Bobby the Cat the dry food, he chews on my leaves.

Thank you all for participating in these confirmation hearings. I’m certain Mr. Ficus benjamina will serve admirably and with distinction as this Nation’s next Attorney General. This hearing stands adjourned…

mikey

Can’t believe you didn’t think that was a funny link though simba :(. Lynch is a genius.

Jillian,

George Bush will determine that you are unqualified to become the next AG because unlike Ted Olson, your spouse did not die on 9/11.

But what powers would our boys have?

Not only “our boys,” but all boys already have the power to pee anywhere they want. That should be enough for anybody.

mikey, your Senators are waaay too short. Anyone who has watched Daily Show coverage of a Senate confirmation hearing knows that if a senator does not exceed their allotted time without asking a question, they are automatically expelled from the Senate.

I know, Simba m’man. It felt all wrong when I was typing it. But I would have been here until next wednesday to get it right, y’know?

mikey

Could you cite what Simpsons episode I allegedly plaigarized? Or maybe provide a definition of plaigarism so we can figure out where you’re coming from? Or maybe dance a hornpipe?

Hmm. Apparently, some good citizen of the realm has been Piegarised!

Damn. What a bringdown. I’m havin a drink…

mikey

Hoosier, I’d be glad to! Only after we show mikey with his pie. Something tells me he regrets making his pie statement :). He does love pie though. I’ll give mikey that.

When someone says something obvious, like I did saying that Jillian would like to have an actual job, comic book guy says, “Ooh, your powers of deduction are exceptional. I can’t allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go, go, for the good of the city.”

Also Gavin, why are you calling yourself Jillian today? Have you found your true inner self or something?

I can’t type or file worth a damn, but I’d love to be your secretary!

Jillian: The Constitution does not require that SCOTUS members be attorneys, so why not you or, say, Justin Timberlake, as AG?

Yes, but did you once lose an election to a dead man?

Mr. Ficus, can you respond to allegations that your terra cotta container once hosted an illegal Mexican herb?

So do you think Kevin is typing one-handed when he visits here? That’s the only reason I can see for his manic, self-reverential glee. That he’s wanking it.

“So do you think Kevin is typing one-handed when he visits here?”

I’m using no hands at all. I have enough prehensile appendages to type, wank, eat Cheetos and work the remote control all at the same time.

“Kevin’s better nature said,
So do you think Kevin is typing one-handed when he visits here? That’s the only reason I can see for his manic, self-reverential glee.”

I do not doubt you! That’s the only reason a ‘progressive’ mind could come up with!

Heh. ‘progressive’ means ‘big fan of masturbation’ now? Too funny.

“Heh. ‘progressive’ means ‘big fan of masturbation’ now? Too funny.”

Why not? “Conservative” has been synonymous with “Junior Anti-Sex League” for as long as I can remember. It wasn’t a conservative Surgeon General who got hounded out of a job for saying we should teach kids masturbation as a form of safe sex.

Boy, you know you have a good new poster when your readers, or at least one rapt, amused one wants to make the gal squirm in sexual delight for seconds on end.

Also, Kevin is a masochistic retard.

One wonders why he bothers here. Except for the masochism thing.

GWB makes me wonder for hours on end why I can’t elect my 14 year-old nephew President. He’d be better.

Just for the record, I know it is that “35 years old” deal, written someplace in the law.

Times have changed. There are institutionalized people who would be better POTUS’ than this one. I say we give them a chance.

Personally, I would make a great Sec. of Defense or State.

Kevin’s not nearly as fun as Gary.

Kevin is less funny than KFed.

And he’s about as smart as Brit.

That’s a devastating combination of with and brains, no doubt.

“Of with?”

Nice.

Apologies.

Kevin is still weirdly stupid. So there.

teach kids masturbation

They got a website for that.

Do’s and don’ts, FAQs, links to eye doctors…

Yeah, but Gary was always good for the unintentional comedy. We’d be in the middle of one of Brad’s rants about the Red Sox when all of a sudden, you see “the fact is the Republicans will win the House and Joe Wilson will be arrested and tried for treason and Hillary Clinton is deeply unserious about 9/11.” Kevin just acts like an asshole.

Oh, yes. The smarminess of Kevin makes one long for the uncomplicated, sweet, wingnutty goodness of the Original Gary Ruppert.

Kfed is funny in his idiocy, and Brit Hume is smart (in his stunning genius), but we can’t take all the credit. First, Kfed is a Democrat (as if you didn’t know that. Stupid people always are! Just look at Barbara Streissand and her hubby!), and second, it’s not just me and Brit that realizes that being Democrat is the bastion of idiots. Even uber-liberal Darby Conley gets it.

Liberals liberate. Progressives seem to have forgotten that. I’d like to say it’s humorous that they’ve forgotten what they are for, but in fact it’s painfully sad.

That’s the only reason a ‘progressive’ mind could come up with!

Well, this begs the question. What’s the conservative answer to Kevin’s manic self-reverential glee? Do conservative minds find some kind of positive value in acting like a jerk? Do conservatives hanging out together act like this toward one another? (actually, I think perhaps they do, given some of the anecdotes about how Bush treats people he considers his “friends.”)

“…Brit Hume’s is smart (in his stunning genius.)”

Well, jeez, need I/he say more?

I gotta fun idea: An IQ test amongst all SN!ers vs. the great and brilliant and brave Kevin. Let’s see where he falls on the ol’ bell curve.

LOL.

Dude, you are one of the few people I’ve ever read who needs a life more than I do.

But by all means, make fun of me while your cause dies! You can face the fact that you are for liberating NO ONE, while you deride me and your other detractors. But at least be honest with yourself and admit that you have no desire whatsoever to make the rest of the world as free as you are.

Blame it on Bush or something. Say, “Oh my God, Bush is listening when I telephone terrorists” or something to that effect. Or maybe, “9/11 was caused by Bush!” You get the idea. Blame someone else for your hatred of spreading freedom. Say spreading freedom is bad. Or at least hard. Look at how hard it’s been to give freedom to Iraqis! It’s just not worth it, huh?

Liberalism was cool once. But it’s not liberalism anymore. Now it’s Appeasism.

Ficus!?”
No…FicYOU!”

Our NSA minder just snarfed Diet RC up his nose. If we fail hear from Thelogos again, we’ll know the administration is still committing illegal extraditions.

And the current troll-script is prolix as well as unfunny and ignorant. At least the original Ruppert template made some vague attempt to stay on-topic when dumping its psychological failings all over the carpet. This thing is like kudzu, if kudzu stank of used jockstraps and flopsweat.

“…Brit Hume’s is smart (in his stunning genius.)

Well, jeez, need I/he say more? ”

Nope. Can you give an example of where he was not acting in a geniusly manner? Because I can give a few where he was…

Brit works for FAUX News. That’s all I have to say about Brit.

Yeah, 2/3 of the country think “our” cause is dying.

Freedom is great. It’s even better when shoved down the throat of an unwilling population with a gun, literally, pointed at them. From several directions.

Now THAT’S freedom!

Is it possible to be a bigger retard?

Yo, Kevin! If someone was FORCING you to accept something with the threat of death over your head, would you?

If so, you’re even stupider than I thought was humanly possible.

Stupider, AND bigger pussy, if you would accept someone else dictating your country’s future.

Now, I neglect to factor in the chickenhawk principle of Republican politics, for which I apologize.

How old are you, Kevin?

“Brit works for FAUX News. That’s all I have to say about Brit.”

I guess you are saying guilt by association. Himmler and McCarthy would be proud of you!

I’m not one to point fingers, but you are the one who said ‘stupider’, not me :). Let that sink in before you reply.

How old are you, Kevin?

I used “stupider” because I figured you’d understand it.

How old are you, Kevin?

Since FAUX News is propoganda arm of the GOP, yeah, that’s all I have to say about that. A person, particularly one who enjoyed the title of “journalist” would not work there.

Plenty of decent people worked in the Nazi death camps, though. I suppose their bravery should be recognized.

Jesus, I’m tired. A person with integrity who enjoyed the title of “journalist” would not work for FAUX “News.”

How old are you, Kevin?

It is an easy, and (bonus!) unverifiable question, Kevin.

C’mon, just lie about it. I don’t have the interest in bothering to check.

You know where I’m going, puss-boy. Enlist. Unless you’re too old.

I have to take exception to the size of my vagina since I don’t have one, John gaping O.

To answer your question, I’m like 98 and a half. But it’s a combination of dog/human years, so you can make fun and call me canine or whatever it is you liberals do while you continue to not liberate anyone.

Perhaps you could call me a dog or something while you fight against liberating Somalia, Sudan, Iran, Syria, China, Indone… cetera, By all means, pseudo-liberals, whine! Let most of the world suffer, because you must whine! Please though, admit that you re no longer a liberal, but a self-absorbed scumbag.

“I don’t have the interest in bothering to check.”

The plight of the pseudo-liberal.

I’m not a liberal, at least if you associate it with “Democrat.” I’m darned classically conservative about a bunch of things, foreign policy included.

I guess we should be at war with everyone, right? N. Korea, China, Russia, and all those other ones you mention. What great fun!

How old are you, Kevin? For real?

Puss-boy.

Why should I need to check? I don’t need to lie about anything, personally.

I figured you’d proudly tell us your age.

But that may take “courage.”

I hear worship. He deserves it. I preserve it!

heh

B-52’s

You would obviously be doing your country AND the rest of world by walking your talk, puss-boy.

How old are you, Kevin?

Dude, General P. is just doing his job, and as best I can tell when measured against all the lies my government has told me in the last 7 years, he’s doing it fine. Which is not to say it makes any difference strategically. (Look it up.)

Why bring him in? Why aren’t you joining him?

Or are you too young or old?

How old are you, Kevin?

JohnO said, “Why should I need to check? I don’t need to lie about anything, personally.”

Not sure how to answer that. You will continue to unintentionally lie if you don’t bother to check. Don’t believe the current crop of liberals. Facts matter. So much so that I’d pay the hippies a dollar to check their facts before reporting that America is evil, but it’s SO MANY dollars! I can’t fight all of the hateful hippies alone. I just don’t have the cash.

How old are you, Kevin?

I will accept your word for you actual age. Promise.

That way, I wouldn’t have to check. Get it?

I’ve told you that Johno. Did you not like the answer?

I will accept your word for your actual age. Promise.

That way, I wouldn’t have to check. Get it?

No, you didn’t. You made something up that when I dig deep enough can assume you meant to be teh funny.

How old are you, Kevin?

It’s really a pretty easy question.

Jesus Christ. Kevin is best dealt with by not dealing with Kevin because he will play “I know you are but what am I” forever. Please seek out the pie script and be content with that.

“It’s really a pretty easy question.”

did you mean ‘petty’?

Ouch, Righteous Bubba! Regardless, I’ve stated my case that the current crop of pseudo-liberals is not even slightly interested in liberating anyone. Self-Righteous Bubba be damned.

Gavin aka Jillian be damned as well.

Sorry, RB.

I have in the past been accused fairly of…uh…er…”not letting things go.”

I am a bit of a rookie out here, so didn’t realize Kevin was such a puss-boy he couldn’t tell us the deeply personal information of his date of birth.

Your advice is good, and I will heed it. (Maybe not in this thread, though. He’s just SUCH a puss-boy.)

Let me play it out. I have things to do tomorrow, so won’t bother asking questions like, “Kevin, what is the first letter of the alphabet?,” without getting some sort of non-delusional response in return. Promise.

He’s not smart enough to not be of enlistment age, of that we can be clear.

I smell ball sweat on this link … oh .. Kevin …

Sorry, RB.

No need to apologize: I once thought there was sport in dealing with Kevin, and why would I deny others the, er, deep wisdom I gained by entertaining that thought?

Try to have fun.

I’m a middle aged lesbian living in a travel trailer in the Arizona desert. That’s all you need to know.

If libs want Tehanos and Texicanos and Maya whatever to marry their daughters then let the trucks through and learn to speak Spanish at your own kids weeding.

Thanks, RB.

I just didn’t know. But it sure doesn’t take long to figure it out, does it?

I’m starting to agree with Digby. What’s left of the GOP has somehow become distilled into the clinically fucked-up:

“It’s become clear in the last few years that right wingers are psychologically unfit to lead the nation. Vast numbers of them are “conservative” not due to philosophy but to cover up for serious personal issues with sexuality, masculinity, oedipal complexes and worse. In fact, it’s so pervasive that one must now assume that conservative political leaders are driven by a complicated desire to compensate for psychological problems rather than the usual political mix of ambition, ego and drive to power. There are just too many examples of disturbed, neurotic, secretive GOP hypocrites out there. It’s a feature not a bug.”

Oh, and I’m not smart enough to know that “liberal” isn’t the root of the word “liberate.”

“at your own kids weeding.”

“at your own kids weeding.”

Yeah, I’m always pulling them out of the garden.

I think this Kevin guy is bRad or Gav on a Jagermeister bender. He’s obviously a closeted homo, given that if he wasn’t he’d be with a quasi hot Republican chick right now.

oopslah

Funny how you don’t bother to refute my statement that liberals of today aren’t interested in liberating people. Heh. Perhaps you should change your name to Appeaserals?

Hey, what was this post about again? Jillian wanted a job she wasn’t qualified for or something? Jillian, get a job as an intern! Clinton is coming back soon!

“Funny how you don’t bother to refute my statement that liberals of today aren’t interested in liberating people.”

Because you don’t deserve a sincere response you slack jawed troll. Mockery is what you merit, mockery is what you get. Can you explain how conservatives of today are interested in conserving people, huh, can ya huh?

Gary Rupert, you suck for comparing me to Jagermeister. Not sure about the person, but the drink is nasty as hell. I hate you, Gary Rupert wannabe!

You have to admit, the guy is teh funny. I middle-aged gypsy lesbian who who thinks Bush is teh Genius!

I smell comedy gold.

Jesus, thanks again, RB. It IS boring.

“I smell comedy gold.”

I smell something, but it ain’t funny.

“Mockery is what you merit, mockery is what you get.”

Hah! Is ‘what I got’ called ‘mockery’ in your world, Johnny Coelacanth? Pretty weak. Does it also count as GITMO cruel and unusual punishment? Ouch! I’m so hurt! I’m hurt! Can’t you tell from the exclamation points?

!!!!?!!!!!!

Kevin, admit it, without Jillian you would be a fading troll-star in this Sadly, No solar system. But she has no given you new bile and new life.

I made a Funny !!! New bile !!!

Good Lord, I like making fun of hippies.

I admit as much, Gary who is not Ruppert.

I just want you to know that I secretly love you guys. If it weren’t for the wacky commentaters at Sadly No and a handful of other poor, benighted blogs, I wouldn’t get any attention at all. Sure, my mom talks to me, but she has to, you know? Thanks folks, you’re always here for me when I need you.

I’m starting to agree with Digby.

If that kind of diagnosis was ever taken seriously there’d be no Catholic church, so I imagine the diehards like Kevin will stick with “gay blowjobs for me but not for thee” until doomsday.

Kevin of New Bile:

I dub Thee Troll of This ENtire Manor’s Squire and all of that Within Its Hawthorn Hedges might Contain. Mayst you now Kommand your Intellect and Patrol Said Groudns Readty to Stomp and BEtrayeth all Moles and Voles and Sarcophagi and Toffee Treats and Cheese Melts you Might Encounter.

[makes stupid head fake signal]

“gay blowjobs for me but not for thee”

I am totally opposed to gay blowjobs. If straight guys want to suck my dick, I have no problem with that but keep away from teh gay.

Please God, forgive me.

From a VERY good dictionary:

lib-er-al/liberal/*adj. 1. Ample; full; abundant. 2. generous. 3. open-minded. 4. not strict nor rigorous. 5. broadening (liberal studies). 6. favoring political and social reform. * n. person of liberal views

…blahblahblah…I guess my favorites were the adj.’s “bountiful, giving, magnanimous, unselfish, unsparing…fair, broad-minded, unprejudiced, (ed. LOL) unbiased, tolerant, relaxed, permissive, impartial.”

I also looked up “liberate,” just to see if ol’ Kevin had a double-digit IQ, just in case (I’d still take your word on your year of birth, puss-boy!) and sure enough, nothing resembling what our little Keyboard Kommando says.

Hey, they both have “liber” in them, so they mean the same thing, ok? I didn’t spend 4 years in 9th grade for nothing, dumbass.

Kevin of New Bile, Knewly Betrowthed Troll of Teh Sadly, No …

You are now Kommanded to Kreate your own BloggethSphere, using only thy Sacred keyboard and Teh Blogger site, so that the Serfs and Vassals and Hangers On and Lords of Teh Sadly, No Might No More of Your Troll-Like Wisdom, with Pictures and Links.

Make it Sew.

Sorry, Kevin, you’re plainly too stupid to engage. Take your shots while I’m still awake.

I will never acknowledge you again.

It could be “Shorter Jillian” — if it weren’t for the minor detail that Jillian explained that she already has a job, and what it is. Which makes it obvious that Kevin never actually read what Jillian wrote.

Since this is one of the very few requirements for a genuine “shorter”, I’m afraid we’ll have to disqualify your entry. Thanks for playing anyway, Kevin. We have a lovely parting gift for you.

Ack, I have to rescind. Even if Jillian didn’t make a plea for an actual job, I could never fade. The appeasement that is so evident on the sadly blog will not disappear, so be it Jillian’s silly comments or even if Gavin admits that they are his opinions, it doesn’t matter.

The truth is that America rocks, no matter what it does. America rocks. Questioning this as the Sadly blog does will come to nothing. America rocks. Luckily for Sadlyno, America allows it’s citizens to be idiots. But make no mistake: America rocks. In all ways.

“It could be “Shorter Jillian” — if it weren’t for the minor detail that Jillian explained that she already has a job, and what it is.”

She was lying. Don’t rub it in.

Kevin’s the Dood Fukcing Aye. New York Yankeez Rawk?1!!1!! Clemons Fucking Damon Rukcin Fawk !!!

“The truth is that America rocks, no matter what it does.”

Torture? Rocks.
Illegal surveillance? Rocks.
Napalming kids? Rocks.

American exceptionalism is for idiots and blowhards. Fortunately for Kevin, he’s both.

“John O said,
Sorry, Kevin, you’re plainly too stupid to engage. Take your shots while I’m still awake.”

Ok. You call people ‘stupid’ before you know them. Worse, that comment won’t phase you.

Goddamn, it would totally rock if “America” in the form of the government locked Kevin up and tortured him for a while on some bogus charge. You don’t have have a ton of melanin to be a subservive, you know.

Or just bombed the living shit out of K’s neighborhood. Or killed all his family. Or provided K’s enemies (and there are a bunch) with money and weapons.

Total rockation.

“Ok. You call people ’stupid’ before you know them.”

John O should be ashamed. If only he had stuck to suggesting that you wanted to “appease” America’s enemies, he’d be on safe ground. Did your mom have any children who lived, Kevin?

You know what, Kevin? You’re right. I don’t know that you’re stupid, and for that I apologize. I’ve been pigeon-holed a few times in forums like this and it always makes me laugh.

I therefore back off. You “phased” me.

I just SUSPECT you’re stupid. Since your 4 years in 9th grade comment made me grin, I will concede it is even possible you’re a plant to increase traffic.

Mostly, though, I would guess that you are really stupid. No question I do not KNOW, though.

(See definition of “liberal.”)

I figure that I can work as AG for the remainder of Bush’s administration – another fifteen months. After that time, I can return to teaching, take the scads of money I’ll have made and put them back into the schools where I work. You wouldn’t believe the things that some public schools in this country are lacking – textbooks, copier paper, desks…..the leftover funds from my stint as AG would make an incredible difference in whatever school I ended up working in.

You do understand that this simple ‘desire’ is enough to prove you are too dangerous to work for Republicans? Next thing you’ll be suggesting is that an employee of the Government is a “Public Servant” and not a career path to lobbyist.

“Since your 4 years in 9th grade comment made me grin,”

Too bad that was me pretending to be Kevin. He’s not that clever.

Right on, owlbear1.

G’night, all. Keep up the good work.

Johnny Coelacanth, yeah, the new definition of ‘torture’ does indeed rock. Sadly, the terrorists don’t leave with missing limbs or even fingers/toes, but you’d coonsider tat a ‘good thing’ huh?

“Illegal surveillance? Rocks.”
No, only legal surveillance rocks. OMG it’s legal! Being a liberal, you didn’t know that, did you? Monitor away, it rocks.

“Napalming kids? Rocks.”
What the hell are you talking about? In general, since napalm was declared illegal, we stopped using it. I’ll say I’m completely for it’s use so you can whine later, but who was hit with napalm to start your whine?

I kinda hate to be your troll, but my God, do you even consider what your statements mean? What would happen if we fled from Iraq? What would happen if we cut out on the Afghanis? How ’bout if we promised the world we wouldn’t participate in fights on non US soil?

Seriously, it’s scary how short-sighted you are.

“John O said:
Goddamn, it would totally rock if “America” in the form of the government locked Kevin up and tortured him for a while on some bogus charge.”

And in John O’s world, that’s exactly the kind of thing that happens. Sad. Freedom actually CREATES people like that. Sad, but true. Well, it doesn’t CREATE them, but it allows them to exist. It’s why the truthers think Bush toppled the twin towers.

Whatever.

“What the hell are you talking about? ”

I was talking about Vietnam. How short sighted are you? Since America can do no wrong, I assumed you meant now and forever, back to the beginning of time (The Garden of Eden was in Kansas, natch).

“What would happen if we fled from Iraq?” I dunno, do you think it could turn into a bloody sectarian conflict with no good outcomes? I mean, what are the chances?

“What would happen if we cut out on the Afghanis?” Yeah, if we hadn’t given Afghanistan our full attention, the Taliban might come back into power? It’s even possible that Osama Bin Laden might still be alive, if we hadn’t finished the job.

“John O said,
G’night, all. Keep up the good work.”

I shall attempt. But it’s hard. So many crazy ppl on this site!

Oh Please Kevin of Teh Troll, you No-eth you Speak with Turnip in Thouest Tonsil and with Sacred Tuber Protrudeth from Teh Buttocks …

You would not torture the smallest Gnat … that is why you are here … a true dog or cat torturer would never spend a moment here, let alone becometh Teh Troll of Salmon Tyme.

Sorry for all the troll-feed, folks. Good post Jillian, do more like that, thanks.

[…] Jillian at Sadly, No! thinks she might make a perfect Bush AG. But without realizing it – I think – while making a case for herself, she actually makes a better case for a different nominee. […]

Walk the talk, Kevin.

We know you’re of a certain age, now. Live your convictions, and Godspeed to you.

Johnny,

I DO mean now and forever. As an American, I believe in ALL wars we enter into. Even crazy ones like making Pinochet the boss of Chile. In every case, it was better than the alternative.

I’m sorry I didn’t see how you were talking about Vietnam (another war that was fought for all the right reasons), and I still don’t. Are you suggesting that our good men and women in uniform purposely dropped napalm on kids? If so, you suck, propagandizer.

Support the f*cking military! They’ll lay down their lives for you. Support them in whatever they do. I do, but I’m a crazy conservative as far as you know.

“As an American, I believe in ALL wars we enter into.” That says a lot about you, none of it good.

“Support the f*cking military! ” I enlisted and served, so suck it. What branch of the service were you in?

Johnny, purporter to have served in the military quoted me and then said.: ““As an American, I believe in ALL wars we enter into.” That says a lot about you, none of it good.”

Actually Johnny, it says more about you. Barring your service record, we have no way of knowing if you are lying or not (I await with great anticipation!), but your ability to accept that the military is wrong says that you don’t really know what you are talking about. Your ‘progressive’ friends who doubt the media are equally, and indeed WILLFULLY uninformed.

So no, I don’t believe you served our great country. No military personnel could misunderstand things as much as you do, Johnny.

Shorter Kevin:

No, I never served but I pretend to know how military people think.

Shorter Johnny Coelacanth:

I hate the military.

sleep time. I promise to make fun of liberal/progressives later, ok?

“Your ‘progressive’ friends who doubt the media are equally, and indeed WILLFULLY uninformed.”

So now it’s bad to doubt the media? I thought the Emm Ess Emm was on the side of the appeasniks?

“your ability to accept that the military is wrong says that you don’t really know what you are talking about.”

Your ability to believe that soldiers think the military is wrong says you don’t really know what you’re talking about. Have some pie.

Not that any of this crap matters, but I meant to say:
Your ability to believe that soldiers neverthink the military is wrong says you don’t really know what you’re talking about.

Sorry for the confusion.

And yes, I must hate the military. Why else would one oppose war? If this is logic, I’ll take vanilla.

Apologies accepted for the confusion. I’m sad for your vanilla logic, but it’s very typical of the left. Debate before war occurs is great.Once it starts, only the weakest of Americans (liberals, socialists, communists) are against us winning.

You guys are without doubt against us winning in Iraq. Ask yourself why. You might be amazed at the answer. Next, ask yourself, is hatred of GWB worth sacrificing your nation?

ok, I’m REALLY going to bed now.

I think Kevin should be the next attorney general. Intellectually lazy, reactionary, jingoistic. He’d fit right in.

Read the original
Does it capture the sense?
Then it is “shorter”

Feck, I have suddenly lost the ability to count syllables. Would it help if I explained that a local brewer has recently released a 9% IPA?

“Somehow I can hear this passage being spoken by Phil Hartman, as the inimitable Lionel Hutz.”

Actually, it reminded me more of Brad Goodman, voiced by Albert Brooks.

DON’T let them try to convince you, as CNN seems to be doing, that this Judge Mukasey is a liberal.

Jeebus! Is that Mukasey as in mucus? Is that the correct pronunciation? If not, it should be.

What would happen if we fled from Iraq? What would happen if we cut out on the Afghanis? How ’bout if we promised the world we wouldn’t participate in fights on non US soil?

The entire world would sing Hallelujah and there’d be ponies for everybody.

Even crazy ones like making Pinochet the boss of Chile. In every case, it was better than the alternative.

What, like letting Chileans run their own country? Or didn’t that involve enough torture for you?

Debate before war occurs is great.

Remember the debate? Remember the millions of people across the world who protested? Remember the lies the Bush administration told? Remember the way they smeared anyone who disputed their lies? Remember the way anyone with more than half a brain said “No, don’t do that, it’ll be a total clusterfuck and make everyone hate us”?

And remember how the Bush administration went ahead anyway? Remember how they’ve fucked up every single aspect of this war? At least, fucked up if you consider that the aims of the war were to remove Saddam Hussein and free the people of Iraq: if the aims were to completely brutalise a country already brutalised by 10 years of sanctions, to allow looting, to foment dissent, to impose a puppet government that would pass a vital oil law, to provide billions of ‘reconstruction’ dollars to cronies, to kill hundreds of thousands, to incite sectarian conflict, and to generally trash the entire fucking country, then they’ve done remarkably well.

What you’re failing to get, Kevin, is that people here are opposed to the US government committing crimes against humanity, war crimes, and various other atrocities. People here, unlike you, don’t have a childlike faith in the government. People here understand that an atrocity is an atrocity, no matter who does it. People here understand that what is going on in Iraq is an atrocity and a crime against humanity and a naked grab for control of oil via the oil law, which is the only thing the Bush administration cares about.

You, on the other hand, believe that flowers grow where Bush plants his feet. Hey now, there‘s a thought: why not give Bush the MPD Psycho treatment, and make him AG? Stick him in a pot, stick a flower in his brain, and voila, instant AG!

Johnny Coelacanth said,
September 16, 2007 at 8:06

oopslah

Johnny, that’s so eerie: that’s exactly what I say in those circumstances. Is that the Twilight Zone theme I hear?

[Cue Spanish Inquisition voice] Where’s everybody gone?

I’m still here, for whatever that’s worth. Many “normal” people in U. S. time zones, & even those who comment here, are asleep by this time Sunday a. m. And probably not about to wake up soon. But I, alas, must go to sleep myself.

Some 80% of Iraqis want the occupying forces to leave. Maybe we should listen to the people who are at the receiving end of US “liberation”?

Oh, I think not, Non Nato. If they deserved to be heard, they wouldn’t have needed to be “liberated” in the first place.

Hell, 70% (approx.) of the American people think we should get out, but Bush isn’t listening to them either.

That’s because Bush is free to ignore them: that’s what freedom means!

The mark of a really good party is that the host/ess provides sufficient good stuff that, after that one random asshole who wasn’t really invited but spent hours spilling drinks and shouting “No but jus lissena me!” finally goes home, a few good friends stick around to tidy up the mess.

Nice party, Jillian.

Good morning to you, my hippie friends!

“I think Kevin should be the next attorney general. Intellectually lazy, reactionary, jingoistic. He’d fit right in.”

What the…? Johnny, that thing you’re looking in is not a window, it’s a mirror.

The Constitution does not require that SCOTUS members be attorneys, so why not you or, say, Justin Timberlake, as AG?

I support a Justin Timberlake nomination. We need an Attorney General who can bring teh sexy back…

Maybe instead of mindlessly supporting any and all wars I should instead carefully consider the reasons and the ramifications of each conflict before I offer support. If everybody did this fewer innocent people would have to die and we wouldn’t be putting our good soldiers in harm’s way unnecessarily. Thank God I had this epiphany.

I’d love to stick around and chat but I have to go pack my duffel bags. I’m shipping out tomorrow.

My smarter half said: “Maybe instead of mindlessly supporting any and all wars I should instead carefully consider the reasons and the ramifications of each conflict before I offer support. If everybody did this fewer innocent people would have to die and we wouldn’t be putting our good soldiers in harm’s way unnecessarily.”

Possibly! If you are uninterested in your soldiers winning wars at least… My philosophy is quite different though. Even if we were fighting Tibetan monks, or homeless mothers, I’d support our troops winning the thing.

6 of one, 4 dozen of the other, divided by eight, huh?

Thank you! I’m here all morning.

But how many Phoenix Wright games have you played, Jillian?

JohnO said: “I guess we should be at war with everyone, right? N. Korea, China, Russia, and all those other ones you mention. What great fun!”

It is a common misconception, John, that conservatives are in favor of battle. I’m just a libertarian, but I think I speak for them when I say ‘we do not advocate war’. What we do advocate is freedom. Freedom over all. See, I made it sound kind of nazi so you could have something to gripe about :).

All of your example countries suffer from a lack of freedom. But they’re not directly harming us, so going to war with them would be a mistake. Sudan and Somalia should be included in that list, btw. But there are other countries that ARE directly harming us. Syria and Iran are prime examples. And yes, I do think we should attack them, but only to destroy them, not to stick around and rebuild them like we are doing in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Before the Iraq war, I was wholeheartedly against it. It seemed like a bad idea, and there was not much to be gained by it. Once it started, I became completely in favor of our troops winning. Still am, and always will be. Why? Because I’m American, and I support our troops and their missions, whatever they may be.

Oh dear. Did I silence the sheep? Whatever. Mutton all around!

Hey, I updated my website, and it even starts with a liberal bent! Click it! Unfortunately, about 30 seconds in it becomes conservative/libertarian. Also, Not even close to safe for work.

Liberty uber alles, Gavin aka Jillian!

Kevin, perhaps you could define “winning” in the context of Iraq.

Worse, that comment won’t phase you.

The word you’re looking for is “faze” in that context.

You’re welcome.

“It is a common misconception … that conservatives are in favor of battle. I’m just a libertarian, but I think I speak for them when I say ‘we do not advocate war’.”

That’s interesting, because I’m pretty sure you said this also:

“Even if we were fighting Tibetan monks, or homeless mothers, I’d support our troops winning the thing.”

I wonder where anyone would get the idea that you are a drooling war-puppy (without actually serving in any of course), where as long as U.S. troops are doing the killing, in defense of “Freedom” or other wise, you’ll happily bark along (again, as long as you don’t have to do any of the fighting).

Shorter Kevin:

I’m a fucking douchebag.

“Dan Someone said,
Kevin, perhaps you could define “winning” in the context of Iraq.”

I would LOVE to Dan, and thank you for the opportunity. Initially, when Bush slapped Sadam with a 48 hour ‘cease and desist’ order, winning merely meant taking Sadam out of power. We of course did that, being that we have the coolest military machine in the whole damned world.

Sadly, since we necessarily broke the system that the tyrant Sadam had set up to oppress his people, we had to create a new one from scratch to give these mostly good people freedom. Even more sadly, we found out in the hardest way possible, the voting booth, that these people were still slaves, but only at that point did we find out who they were slaves too. It turned out to be their imams. You, being the omniscient liberal, probably knew that all along, but us poor stupid conservatives didn’t and actually thought we were giving these people a good turn.

So you might ask (actually, you DID ask), ‘what defines winning’? The answer is simple. If we leave that country in a position to defend itself from terrorists (that we, by being there, brought upon them), having created a place in the muslim world where women actually have a voice, then we’ve won.

If on the other hand we leave Iraq a country on the verge of civil war, where women are raped or tortured because of their clothing (as they are in most islamic countries), we lost.

If we lose, we lose in a huge way. Male supremacy will continue to sweep the world, no doubt engulfing Europe before it’s beaten. But if we win, wow. A new era will begin, where women throughout the world will be treated as equals. I know that means nothing to most of you, having lived in the West where they already are treated that way, but you have to realize that in most of the world, they aren’t.

Women piss me off as much as the next guy (mostly because I’m ugly as heck), but can’t you agree that they deserve an equal voice? I think they do, and we (our military at least) are facilitating this idea. I’m saddened by Iraqi deaths, and HORRIFIED when an American dies, but it’s for the greater good. I know this. Our troops know this. Can’t you know it too?

Kobie, learn to speak civilly! It’s not rocket science. Also, if you remove one letter from your name, I totally dig your beef. Very ‘spensive though :(.

legalize said:

“It is a common misconception … that conservatives are in favor of battle. I’m just a libertarian, but I think I speak for them when I say ‘we do not advocate war’.”

That’s interesting, because I’m pretty sure you said this also:

“Even if we were fighting Tibetan monks, or homeless mothers, I’d support our troops winning the thing.”

Is that where we lose congruity? Maybe our differences are smaller than I’d imagined! As I said, I was not pro-war with Iraq, but then it started. That’s when things changed. I’m also not for a war with Tibetan monks or homeless mothers, but if such wars ever came to be, you can be damned sure I’d want our troops to win, laying utter waste to the monks and moms.

After the war was over, I’d want some answers, like ‘how were those homeless moms jeopardizing us?’ And I’d want someone to pay dearly if the answers were no good. But until we’d won, I’d be totally and completely for snuffing out the homeless moms and Tibetan monks.

Is that clear? I could repeat it…

Julia Grey said,
Worse, that comment won’t phase you.

The word you’re looking for is “faze” in that context.

You’re welcome.

Hah! I had no idea ‘faze’ was a word. Thanks Julia! Never thought I would learn anything on the Sadly site. You’ve proven me wrong. Belated thanks.

Good Lord, did I snuff out the opinions of the liberal masses with my ultra-conservative crap-spewing again?

God bless our military, and God bless our veterans.

*slap!*