Here’s A Hint, Jim: It Starts With The Letter “G”

Jim HoftJim Hoft, a motivational speaker and alleged model, is over at his blog The Gateway Pundit getting all riled up about Stewart Zamudio, the former Army National Guard member who once appeared in recruiting commercials but now is having the temerity to speak out against the invasion of Iraq. Hoft is so beside himself that you might imagine that he once served in the military himself but, as is often said around here, “Sadly, No!”

Of course, like many wingnuts obsessed with democracy in Iraq, Hoft is not so much obsessed with democracy and free speech at home in the U.S. and is trying to figure out a way to throw Zamudio’s ass in jail:

Stewart says he is a former national guard soldier. In the video he made yesterday bashing the president with nutty Davis Fleetwood , he is in full uniform. Does anyone know if that is legal?

Does anyone know if that is legal? Gee, I wonder how anyone would figure that out. That seems something that’s probably almost impossible to find out. Oh, wait . . . . . . .


Just feed “veteran legal to wear uniform” to the Great Gazoogle, and your first result is this letter from the Army pointing out that former members who served during time of declared or undeclared may wear the uniform of their last rank if they were honorably discharged.

But Hoft doesn’t want to lock up Zamudio just for the uniform but also for what Zamudio said:

Last year, antiwar deserter U.S. Army First Lt. Ehren K. Watada was charged with

“Two counts of contempt towards officials ([UCMJ] Article 88) – specifically President G. W. Bush, three counts of conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman ([UCMJ] Article 133)…”

This was after Watada made a speech to an antiwar group posted on YouTube. Would this apply to poster boy Zamudio?

Hmmm. Would this apply to Zamudio? How could we . . .


Feed the Great Gazoogle and he gives you this, which points out that retired members of the National Guard are subject to the Uniform Code of Military Justice only when they are receiving hospitalization. So, would this apply to Zamudio? Happily, no!


Comments: 32


“Does anyone know if that is legal?”

Run this phrase through the wingnut translator and you get the following:

“Who care if it’s legal or not, let’s just make up a bunch of shit and smear and destroy this guy. Come on Right-wingers! The clarion call is out. And while we’re at it, this is a great chance to go back and smear everyone else. John Kerry’s joke where he called soldiers in Iraq baby-killers- bring it on! Cindy Sheehans kids and husband hate her as did her son – bring it on! Bill Clinton’s rape of that overweight 12-years old – Bring it on!”


Who was it who said, years ago, that our nuclear stockpile was so large that, after decimating most of a given population (of, say, the USSR), we’d be reduced to hunting down and shooting entire missiles at specific individuals?

That’s where the United Snakes of Wingnuttia are today. But rather than having decimated the major elements of their opposition (which have instead decimated *them*), they spend their time firing MIRV’d missiles at trivialities:

Was the mosque “destroyed” or “damaged”? This guy Zamudio–let’s get HIM toot sweet and how! And that guy in the New Republic–if his story doesn’t check out, we’ve PROVEN Saddam had WMDs.

From “Freedom is on the march” and “Mission Accomplished” to “Hey–is that guy allowed to wear that uniform?”


The liberal media just doesn’t care what the soldiers say. The soldiers care about the mission and what is being accomplished and all the schools that are being painted. They –

Huh? What’s that? A soldier that came back from Iraq is saying BAD THINGS ABOUT THE MISSION?

Crucify him! He hates America! He should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the laws I just made up!

Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Ignore thine stunning but necessary inconsistencies.


Erich von Daniken used to specialize, in his nut books, in these sort of unanswered questions, which, if you were too busy to do the research, you might mistake for making good points: “COULD IT BE that aliens used machineguns to wipe our our caveman ancestors? IS IT POSSIBLE that Mount Everest is really the Martian Astronaut equivalent of Fort Knox? MIGHT IT BE TRUE that the Pyramids were constructed as fuel cells for Venutian slave ships?”

The conservatives have adapted the tactic for their pointless smear campains (“COULD IT BE that a soldier who wears his uniform while oppsing the war is worse than fifty Benedict Arnolds? IS IT POSSIBLE that the New York Times, acting in conjunction with al-Q’aeda of South Jersey, conspired to hide all of Saddam’s WMDs? MIGHT IT BE TRUE that Hillary Clinton smeared goose grease all over the Vietnam Memorial to detract attention from her gay love affair with a clone of Eva Braun?”, but it’s a lot harder since we got the Great Gazoogle.


MIGHT IT BE TRUE that Hillary Clinton smeared goose grease all over the Vietnam Memorial to detract attention from her gay love affair with a clone of Eva Braun?

That’s just how rumors get started. There will be a thread on Hillary and goose grease over at Freak Republic before the day is out.


Of course, like many wingnuts obsessed with democracy in Iraq, Hoft is not so much obsessed with democracy and free speech at home in the U.S.

You people hate science.

You do not understand that there is a fixed quantity of democracy which can exist at any one time, so obviously in order to ‘create’ democracy there it must be ‘destroyed’ here.



YOU’RE a stupid!


And now the troops donate the most to Democrat candidates, Obama in particular.

Why do the troops hate themselves?

See, right-wingers always scream that those on the left belittle the soldiers and treat them like children. Right-wingers brag about how pragmatic and cool-headed the are, and that they see the soldiers as a mirror image is implicit.

So, how are they going to explain why the incorruptible, stoic, brave, rational, enduring (just one more Freidman guys!), calm and downright Churchillian troops prefer Obama HUSSEIN Barack and the other give-upocrats? It’s true – troops donate more to Obama and the other pussies, not the surgin’, sharp-shooting, baby-makin’ red-blooded REMANLICANS!

They can’t insinuate that the troops’ decision to donate to Democrats come from some weakness of character, or that the surge has failed to create breathing space, or that the troops have caved in to the attempts of the effete liberals at home.

Whatever will they do? They said the troops were conservatives at heart!


All you of earth are IDIOTS!

Y’see? Y’see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! STUPID!


How dare private citizens speak out against our Leaders! Doesn’t he know that, by being stupid enough to enlist the the military, he has forfeited the right to say anything, ever?!


Well HELL yeah. The LAST american to have ANY right to speak out about America’s foreign policy is someone who has spent the last year in combat advancing said policy. I mean, somebody needs to tell these soldiers “what fucking part of “you fight to defend OUR freedom and liberty” is it so hard for you to grasp? Nobody said you were defending your own freedom. We’ll let you know if and when you get any. In the meantime, shut up until you’ve written and had published at least 120,000 words. THEN maybe you’ll have EARNED the right to speak out…



It is a well-known fact that google has a liberal bias, just like wikipedia. Liberals can use their lies to try to distort the media all that they want, but they cannot argue with the free market or the facts on the ground. Fox News proved that even telling part of the truth resonates with the American people more than any outdated marxist ideology.

You think that liberal propoganda sites will always dominate the internet, but that is only because the elitists who control it aren’t attuned to the values of ordinary Americans. The time is right for a fair and balanced Google. Call it Consoogle or Freegoogle. You will not be able to compete, and you will be left wondering where you went wrong and why nobody believes you anymore.


Speaking of GOP hostility to the military:

Dave Rye weighs in on the dumbness of a dead staff sgt.


Google is just controlled by the same New World Oeufre cadre of Islamic bakers.


JEWISH Islamic bankers.




I dunno…maybe I’m impressionable, but I’m starting to think I’m stupid.


That bio of Hoft claims acting credits as well, but there is no mention of him in the Internet Movie Database. Sounds like pure bullshit.

Reminds me of when a dead-end Republican named John Lakian ran for governor of Massachusetts and claimed he had attended Harvard. Turns out he meant to say he had attended the Cambridge School for Adult Education. Close enough for Republicans! Maybe Holt meant to say he watched some television shows, not appeared in them.


Or he “appeared” reflected on the screen of his tv set as he watched.

Plato would understand!


GAY jewish islamic bankers


Gary’s Apprentice is well on his way.


Woah. I love the “Gateway Pundit” WordArt on the picture on his bio page. I think the only way you could say “pointy-haired boss” or “hi, I’m from 1995” more is to use Comic Sans MS on your PowerPoint presentation.


Good of Gary to put his affairs in order and fnd a proxy while he deals with that whole selling booze to teenagers out by the gravel pit thing.


Please stop hating on the Comic Sans MS.

I use it for all my hate mail to Persecuted Conservative Bloggers.

I sign them all ‘Gay Jewish Islamic Bakers of America.’

Oh, crap. Now I’ve given the game away and you will all be doing this and how will they know which ones are from me???

Dear Persecuted Conservative Bloggers:

The ones in Comic Sans MS are the ones from me.


Gay Jewish Islamic Bakers of America

PS If Gateway Pundit is a model, than I am a prima ballerina. Please hold my walker while I dance for you.


Perhaps it would be helpful at this point if Gary were to explain to his apprentice in small words just exactly what it is that a search engine like Google does…



As I once told a Gay Jewish Islamic Baker I knew, “Sure the bagels FIT that way, but is that really a sanatary way to carry then when your hands are full?”


“In the video he made yesterday bashing the president with nutty Davis Fleetwood , he is in full uniform. Does anyone know if that is legal?”

Silly wingnut, General Boykin wore his uniform, in a Christian church, when he derided Islam’s god as false, and praised President Bush as having been selected by God (the real God, not fake god of the Muslims) and not by us voters. (That last is an important characteristic for the leader of a secular democracy, according to the General. He has a funny way of upholding our Constitution!) We all know how angry the right was about that! But hey, it really helped to convince the Islamic world what we really think of them!

A Real Gay Jewish Islamic Baker

Gentlewoman, it is OK that you’re using our name for your endeavors. We will hold your walker for you any time.

A Real Gay Jewish Islamic Bunker

Damn. I mis-read the party invitation. What am I going to do with a 2-metre-thick layer of concrete now?


It was a slow afternoon, so I clicked through to the website his bio is attached to.

Wow! Somebody smoked too much dope while they worked on their Science Fair project.


Hey Great Google, why can’t you find that naked photo of Vanessa Hudgens?


I can’t be said too often: Gateway Pundit is a fucking piece of shit.


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