Belichick for Attorney General

Ladies and gents, I think I’ve discovered the perfect man to replace Alberto Gonzales at the Department of Justice. Take it away, coach:

belichick.jpg alberto_gonzales.JPG

Did you craft the statement yourself?
“It’s my statement.”

You wrote it?
“It’s my statement, yes.”

Why would you not read or actually speak that statement?
“There was quite a bit of interest and we had a number of requests from the media to respond to the decision. I tried to do that.”

But in essence, you never actually stood in front of people and expressed your remorse, if that’s the right word.
“I tried to act in a timely way. Right now, it’s San Diego and that’s what we’re moving on to.”

Do you want to address the fans?
“We’re moving on to San Diego. That’s what I’m addressing. All my energy is on the San Diego Chargers.” […]

Can you describe what the procedure will be as you focus on San Diego?

“We’re getting ready for the Chargers. That’s plenty to get ready for. They’re a great football team. They’re coming in here, had a big win against Chicago, and we’re doing what we can to get ready for them. Everything else is in the past.”

Can you explain how you misinterpreted the rule?
“It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. We’re moving on.”

But you lost a first-round draft choice and were fined a half-million dollars. It does matter.

“It already happened. Right now, we’re focusing on what’s in front of us, and that’s the Chargers.”

Would you care to comment on people suggesting this has happened in the past, and if it taints your record in the past?
“All my focus is on the San Diego Chargers. I’m just working to get ready for that team.”

Do you get to pay a half-million dollars in installments or do you have to pay it up front?
“I’m just thinking about the Chargers.”

With the Chargers in mind, has this become a distraction?
“We’re going to try to do the best we can to get ready — Friday, Saturday, all day Sunday. Do all we can to get ready and put our best effort out there. That’s what we’re doing.”

Why didn’t the statement apologize to the Jets?
“We’re moving on. San Diego.”

How difficult is it to move on?
“My focus is on the Chargers. I understand there is interest out there. I understand there are stories. But everything is in the past. It’s been decided. It’s over with.”

It is what it is.


Comments: 22


My god, this is his actual press conference. He’s perfect!!!

Reminds me of –

“Senator we were there on behalf of the President…..”

Ad nauseam


Do you feel the punishment was fair?
“It doesn’t make any difference.”

Well, if only a Bushie were punished!


Do you feel the punishment was fair?
“It doesn’t make any difference.”

Let’s increase it to $5 million. See how this shithead reposnds.

I’m ashamed that he is the coach of my local American football club.

Tony D is a major league Christian asshole. Bill is just a grade-A cheater.


McLaren exposed by spy evidence
By Andrew Benson
BBC Sport at Spa-Francorchamps

McLaren received a systematic flow of information from a spy within rivals Ferrari for nearly three months this year, the FIA has revealed.

Drivers Fernando Alonso and Pedro de la Rosa were aware of the information.

It was the possession of this “highly sensitive” data that led the FIA to fine McLaren £49.2m and deduct their constructors’ championship points.


Of course Belichick answers questions like a conservative. He probably is one. What % of NFL head coaches are conservative? My guess is 97% with Mangenius being the lone progressive.


Belicheat = worse than HItler

Mangenius = better than Jesus.


Belichick is not quite ready to be AG. I counted thirteen questions in your excerpt and he never once says, “I don’t remember.”.
Congress will not be impressed with him answering “San Diego Chargers” to all their questions.


I knew Bill as a kid, the fucker used to cheat at Risk.


I was all confused by his answers! Is he’s getting ready for the Chargers or not? What’s the deal there?


Is fardels bear like the Sugar Bear, a spokesman for a product with fardels in it?

Or is he more like Smokey the Bear, and wants to prevent fardels?

Or maybe he’s more like a gummi bear, composed entirely of fardels.

fardels bear: “I’m just thinking about the Chargers.”


Well, he did go to the same school as Dubya & way too many professional sports figures are Republicans because they want to be thought of as “tough.” I must say, I have lost my respect for this guy. If you have to cheat to win, you don’t deserve to win. & just because “everybody’s doing it” (if they are! they haven’t been caught, have they?) don’t make right.

Sign me a very disappointed New Englander. (Looking forward to the Sox tonight though …)


In Senate committee meetings, I think we need to implement a new rule:

“Every time you dodge a question, we take a toe. Every time you lie, we take a finger. Now you can get up right now and walk out of this room if you want, but for that we take your eyes.”

It’s a bit harsh, but it may well get the message across. Sure, it’s torture, but we’re all about that now. And we won’t actually do it here in the US – we’ll just have the spooks take them on a vacation to Havana.

[/joking exasperation]


If you have to cheat to win, you don’t deserve to win.

You’re talking about football. Squads of behemoths take to the field and nobody’s cheating?


OMG, it’s come to this: The Great Gonzalez Cheeto Scandal!

Snacks take big bite out of DOJ budget

An internal Justice audit, released Friday, showed the department spent nearly $7 million to plan, host or send employees to ten conferences over the last two years. This included paying $4 per meatball at one lavish dinner and spreading an average of $25 worth of snacks around to each participant at a movie-themed party. …

The report… also found that three-quarters of the employees who attended the conferences demanded daily reimbursement for the cost of meals while traveling – effectively double-dipping into government funds.


that was brilliant. If only Bill B. had ended up in Texas in the 90s, he could be a viable contender.

it would be more Al G., though, if after five more minutes in the beginning, he admits to not actually having written the statement.


Hoosier X: The proper question is, “Who would fardels bear?”


Still laughing. At you, not with you. Haw haw. Rules.


Brad, if you replace the names “San Diego Chargers” and “New York Jets” with “Bridget Moynahan” and “Gisele Bundchen,” the script still works. Actually, it works really well.


I just wish I knew which team the Patriots were playing next. Oh, well. I guess it’ll just have to be a surprise.

By the way, wouldn’t it be hysterical if they only won like two games the rest of the season?


[…] Brad. Go ahead – keep supporting the old boys’ network with your suggestion for a new Attorney General. I’m disappointed, but I’m not surprised. I am, however, […]


[…] said before that Bill Belichick was a cheating slimeball who deserved to be suspended for at least three games and fined the […]


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