Lede of the day

Take it away, CNN:

Iraq’s government is “dysfunctional,” the U.S. ambassador to Iraq told a Senate hearing Tuesday, but he said the fact that Iraqi leaders recognized it as such was a sign of progress.

In other news, I crapped my pants on the train this weekend, but the fact that I pulled them off and threw them out the train window instead of happily smearing them all over the faces of the poor SOBS sitting next to me is the surest sign of progress yet.


Comments: 88


I think that means you “pulled a Dave Matthews,” but on a much smaller scale.


There I was, happily drinking by the train tracks when BOOM! I’m just glad it was a (relatively) ‘dry-run’. See you all in Bean-town.

Pull my finger!


brad, call my office, I can give you some helpful hints


So the Iraqi leadership has jumped off a cliff and halfway down they realize they are in trouble and that is progress? Got it.


No, no, I totally get this. My family is entirely dysfunctional. Hopelessly, irreconcilably, violently dysfunctional. In many diverse ways. Even after many of us have been in therapy and some of the worst have been incarcerated, committed or died.

But here’s the reason that’s ok. See, we KNOW how bloody dysfunctional we are. We know we have to have our family reunions in rented halls without kitchenware. We know everybody has to be patted down for weapons before they are allowed in. We know that furniture will be broken, the police will be called and we will be billed for damages.

But it is that knowledge that allows us to mitigate the worst of the offenses.

And, it appears, it is the same with Nouri al Maliki and his band of merry pranksters…



I say we send Ming vases, and quickly!


C’mon, people, the first step is recognizing that you are powerless.

1. We admitted we were powerless over Iraq—that our country had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Superpower greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of GWB even though we never understood Him.

and so on…


I wish someone would ask these folks to define “progress”


Well, the Iraqi government is farther along than W then.


Sounds like Brad was hanging out in the Jefferson Memorial bathrooms…


Tomorrow we can expect a press release from Iraqi leaders blaming their dysfunction on the Democrat party, Clinton and the liberal media. Naturally this will lead to a call for tax cuts for inherited wealth and a government bailout of the banking industry. Good times.


Apparently, Kathy, “progress” is synonymous with “any change, of any kind, whatsoever.” If, while leaving Iraq, AF1 had been taken and destroyed by a sophisticated terrorist attack, like in the same-named movie; one would be hard pressed to find a wingnut site/talking head NOT claiming how this is good news, as it shows the insurgents are getting desperate in their last throes of birth pangs.

Reminds me of that scene in West Wing (yeah, yeah, I know.) where they’re discussing Columbia and the drug war. Bartel asks, “Is there any GOOD news to tell me?” Aide responds, “Yes, the Columbian government is reporting that $15 million dollars has been embezzled by it’s employees.” Bartlet exclaims, “That’s good news?” Aide, “Yes; they reported it.”


I’m just glad that I no longer see Slaveholder Yankee’s face when I come to this site.


Notorious PAT-

Did you ever see the animated version? the one that chuckled like a yokel? Good Times, Good Times…

Isn’t the ‘Blame the Darkies’ meme a little tired? I mean really.


If American leaders ever publically recognize the fact that the U. S. government is dysfunctional, I’ll consider that progress, of a sort.


“Isn’t the ‘Blame the Darkies’ meme a little tired?”

Among Republicans? No, I don’t think that one will ever grow stale with them.


Welcome back, Your Saintly, Doctorly Eminence.


“The operation was a success, but the patient died.”
– Dr. Kildaire


GOD HELP US! That ridiculous ‘shorter so-and-so’ garbage that you guys spew to make a person sound like you WANT them to sound is spreading! This is horrible! Is true dialog gone? Are we doomed to put our opinionated words in others mouths with a caveat of ‘shorter (insert person we disagree with here)’?

I know this counts as ‘extremely witty’ on the left, but they even think Bill Maher or Whoopi Goldberg is funny, so that’s no surprise. But now it’s infecting even the right! Good Lord, are we going to end up sounding as dumb as the progressives?



I know, Kevin. It’s hard to imagine you guys could sound ANY dumber…



I am not very (a) bright or (b) amusing.


Also, since when did “Balloon Juice” count as “The Right”?


You’ve answered my question :(.


Are we doomed to put our opinionated words in others mouths with a caveat of ’shorter (insert person we disagree with here)’?

Well, it’d be an improvement over “(person we disagree with) is a terrorist-loving traitor, and, um, gay.”


Is this the point in the movie where Kevin, his illusions shattered, creeps sadly away into the twilight, a broken troll? Stay tuned…

Kevin Bacon Holding A Short Roll Of Playdoh

Shorter Kevin; I can’t even set up a joke properly anymore, as evinced by the fact that I self associate with a group that I then claim is even more dumb than the people I’m trying to troll. This apparently passes for what I think is “Wit”.

Even Shorter Kevin; Progessives DUH, but Kevin DUH-ER!

Shorter Sadly, No!: What the…?!

Shortest Possible Kevin: DUH.


“Is this the point in the movie where Kevin, his illusions shattered, creeps sadly away into the twilight, a broken troll? Stay tuned…”

It is indeed :(. The last time I checked here, I was reassured by a few of your hardcore readers that hippies do indeed suck. I thought we had a meeting of the minds. But the ‘shorter’ crap continues, which as the intelligent among you must realize is the replacement of what someone says with what your stereotypical belief DEMANDS that they said. It’s quite scary that you could do that so easily, and very typical of the islamofacists. Deep down, you do know it. Don’t lie. But now it’s getting face time on the sites of LOGICAL people (aka the right)!’

If true debate is gone, I don’t mind telling you… I’m scared! This is just a joke site, but still.


Quit pickin’ on me, ya f*ckin’ hippies.


People who recognize my bad faith and decline to debate with with me are stupid.


Let me fine tune that:

Although you of “The Left” are stupid and Islamofascists, you should debate with me at length, or else you are IRRATIONAL.

That’s better.


Yeah, the second one.


Plus, take a shower, shorter kevin! geez.

Kevin Bacon Holding A Short Roll Of Playdoh

Shorter Kevin at 0:15; DUH

Shorter Kevin four minutes later: Oops, I forgot to also add…. DUH


[…] September 11, 2007 Actual CNN Link Posted by John O under Political  One of the funniest ever. […]


late breaking news update!!

i murdered someone today, then later felt remorse.

i consider this progress.

also, this just in:

kevin is a troll! don’t feed him!!!

if no one else responds to kevin, i will consider this progress on a scale that makes the progressive era look reactionary!!! progress11!00111!!!


mmmm… pie.

Hey, if you guys are ok with the ‘shorter’ typecast, I can’t fight ya. I’m just giving you fair warning that the whole idea is weak, and implies something.

Kevin's Short Penis



Robert green is a true progessive! He murdered someone and considered it progress!

A Serious Comment(at)or

Pie is extremely bipartisan. Everybody likes pie, except Islamofascists.


Islamofascists groove on that tasty infidel tort….



Congrats, Kevin. You’re reduced another thread gibbering nonsense.


Serious Comment(at)or: I love pie, and yet I understand that I am an Islamofascist. Please explain how this can possibly be.

I even make my own pie crust. Yeah, that’s right! That’s how much I love pie.


Hey, guys, can I play, too?

Huh, can I, huh?

Can I, can I, can I, huh, can I?

Aw, c’mon, lemme play. Lemme, please?

You’re all poopyheads. I don’t like you.


Can I pleeeeeeeezzzzz?

Poopyheads. Poop eaters. Poopies.

(Can I, please?)

dirty fucking hippie

No way, man, I hate pie! I’m cake and ice cream all the way, man!


Kevin. Kevin. Kevin.

Your premise that the ‘Shorter’ concept is based upon a misreading of the wingnut in question’s point misses one little fact.

When a shorter is presented, it is presented with a link to said article. At which point I read said article (if I can stomach it) and then refer back to the ‘Shorter’, which usually makes me chuckle.

By the way, Kevin, why don’t you have a blog? Linking to random youtube videos only reinforces the idea that you are A) a minor, B) living in your parents’ house and C) a perfect candidate for Lir in Boston.


Simba, the nonsense isn’t coming from me! Hey, that reminds me, where is MS. Marita? She likes to assume victory without proving anything just as much as Simba does. Can’t she be here for your stomping on me?

Seriously, you guys crack me up. I know you guys are probably as smart as the typical graduate from public school, but still. It’s funny!


The “shorter” concept is a masterpiece of imagination and teh funny.

I’m with t4toby. More often than not, I find the “shorter” version to be quite an accurate description of the essence of the victimized moronitude.

And in general, I like to cut to the chase, which the shorter concept does in spades.

A lot of blahblahblah succinctly summarized. Hey, we have to wade through a lot of information out there; reliable summaries are appreciated by at least one rapt reader.


Gavin’s post below (and comments thereto) were by far the most dignified post I read today about the sixth anniversary of the September 11 attack, but I liked these posts as well (for those of you who haven’t already seen them):




t4toby. t4toby. t4toby.

That is indeed my premise. Kudos to you for actually reading the article! My guess is that most people don’t. Chuckles are great, and I don’t discourage you from having one since they are the spice of life, but I HOPE you can differentiate between one person’s statements and another’s Cliff Note style interpretation where he interjects his opinion into the other’s.

It’s not complicated. It’s willful suspension of disbelief. Like watching a movie. Are you willing to treat someone’s opinion so lightly?


“John O said,

The “shorter” concept is a masterpiece of imagination and teh funny.”

Ok, now I’ve got PROOF the left thinks that this is funny!

Lay down now, ’cause you’re dead.


TY John O!!!!!


*tap* this thing on?


Indeed! when in a bind, change the subject!


I’m not very interesting.


Dear, Kevin.

You have won.

Declare victory and move your boring ass to another “dirty hippie” site.

Please, please, please.

You have won. There, I said it again.


Kevin has a blog. He’s just such a masochistic attention-whore that he comes here to spooge all over the comment threads- because he can’t get any attention at home.


Well, I don’t know if Kevin has “won,” though appreciate the idea behind declaring victory and disengaging.

I just watched the Great and Honorable General P. tell John Warner, a DFH if there ever WAS one, that he didn’t know if we were making America safer. Uh, you don’t know? Wouldn’t that be a good thing to know? I understand it’s above your pay-grade, but it wasn’t exactly a stirring defense of policy.

I know. And I’m not even a universally respected General with an advanced degree. No.

Christ, we’re breeding terrorists like rabbits.


By the gods, why is the major media giving any credence whatsoever to anything Petraeus and Crocker are saying? They’re pawns! Puppets! Their every utterance serves one and only one purpose- to give political cover to the kakistocrat inhabiting the White House.

Our national nightmare is only just beginning. Remember how we used to talk about Herbert Hoover? Those will be gentle fondnesses in comparison to the way our grandchildren will utter the name Bush.


Oh, incidentally, Kevin, I’m a libertarian-leaning independent. I’ve run the risk of enormous ridicule out here by saying so. People at SN! have been very nice to me, despite my fundamental mistrust of power at any level.

The Dems are simply a way better alternative right now, even a moron should be able to see it, but they’ll mess things up in their own special way sooner or later. If they don’t somehow manage to blow this election against near overwhelming odds.

So, assume all you want.

Here’s one: I think that language is the glue that holds society together, therefore am generally for mandatory English requirements, though confess to not being too keen on punative penalties for failure.

I’m for a “humble” foreign policy, as I don’t think we know everything about everything.

I’m for fiscal responsibility, and most of all, I’m against a police state.

Many of these ideas were/are core Republican values.


Kevin, it’s just that the GOP wouldn’t get 25% without their homophobic, xenophobic, racist, ignorant base. This is virtually inarguable. And it is what Rove created on purpose.

Why would you want to be a member of that club?

Ah, never mind.



Is this thing on?

Hey, asshole Kevin: I’m very fond of the Constitution. The people you seem to support have trashed it.

I will make no assumptions about you other than the idea of you bothering out here, so far in over your head, is weird.


“I’m for a “humble” foreign policy, as I don’t think we know everything about everything.”

You mean like Barry Goldwater ranting about nuking Russia and Vietnam?

“I’m for fiscal responsibility, and most of all, I’m against a police state.”

In the words of Dick Cheney, “Reagan proved deficits don’t matter.” As for the “police state” bit, well, Nixon certainly didn’t do anything to further a police state in this country, did he?

“Many of these ideas were/are core Republican values.”

No, they never really were, except in some Goldwaterite never-never land. What was it Faulkner said about the past being a place we love to visit that never existed?

Anyway, I’m kidding you, John O. Hell, I encourage people like you and John Dean, and John Cole. If we’re going to have a Republican Party that isn’t completely toxic to this country, it starts with people who aren’t Bush-style nazis.


Being a dick is just Kevin’s way of commemorating 9/11.


Trust me, linus, I think the GOP is more malignant.

But I grew up with a union-forming Grandfather, who eventually got so sick of the Nanny State that he went GOP, but he was old-school GOP. I used to get a great laugh (and enjoy/respect immensely) his letters to Henry Hyde saying mostly nice things but then always closing with some variation of, “leave abortion out of the debate.” Or some other version of, “my personal life is none of your goddam business.”

That’s because Grandpa, God rest his soul, was also at heart more or less a fiscally conservative libertarian Constitutionalist. He had a right to be. He raised 8 kids on a very meager salary, and for the most part we’ve all done quite well. When I was born, I was the 12th person, 4th generation, second infant (Aunt A. was born a month before me) in a one-bathroom house with three teenaged women, and all the rest of us.

We lived together for many years. I owe him a great deal of my life. We would sit in front of McNeil-Lehrer and just argue our heads off.

The 4th Amendment was killed mostly by the Great War on Drugs, which I find to be a money pit of epic stupidity. Yes, Nixon started it, but it was against the advice of his own hand-picked commission to study it, and did a lot to influence my respect for balance of power and against Monarchs.

I’m telling you because I know from long personal experience: There was once a GOP that respected the Constitution, individual liberty, and sane foreign policy.

No more, I admit.


John O., I can’t really say I’m a “fiscal conservative,” except where handouts to the military, corporations, and government contractors are concerned. Other than that, I’m all in favor of minimum wages and hours, Social Security, universal health care, and a guaranteed minimum standard of living (which, weirdly, the Nixon administration considered proposing to Congress: go figure).

And I hear you about your grandparents. Mine, on my monther’s side (the only ones I knew) lived through the Depression, and they never got over it, even though, despite lacking a high school education, they ultimately owned their own house and car and could afford to send my mom to college. Grandpa died in 1968 of lung cancer from 40 years of smoking Pall Malls. My grandma lived to vote for Reagan in 1980.

I always will believe that the GOP, at its core, hates working people and wants to return us to the 19th century. It remains to be seen whether the Dems can offer anything better. We could certainly use a man like FDR these days.


I’m with you on all accounts, linus. Universal health care is a national embarrassment, and the tax code, which I rant about frequently in my own space, is pretty much the root of 75% of all evil in this country. Imagine the faith restoration were we able to figure out Bill Gates’ tax hit with a few numbers.

As best I can tell, you’re right on about the current GOP. But even Dick Armey and Bob Barr are freaked out about it. 🙂

If that isn’t a sign of progress, I don’t know what is. LOL.

Thanks. I can take a hit no problem. But I have a personality quirk that is a little pit-bullish (and rue my inability to express it quickly in writing) that does fun things like chase Kevin away.


I will be happy and proud to vote for Edwards this time. Usually it doesn’t make much difference to me, so I default to the doomed third party.

Not this time. Too important.

Kevin Bacon Holding A Short Roll Of Playdoh

Kevin, you want a serious comment? Ok, here is a serious comment. The reason people aren’t responding to you is because it’s quite clear that if you’ve not already been diagnosed with a personality disorder, you at the very least exhibit a complete inability to understand external context and display constant incoherancy in your thought patterns. Let’s give you an example, shall we?

In this thread alone you alternate between trying to claim there’s a serious point, but which you won’t or can’t explain, and making extremely childish comments which are literally nothing more than saying “Pew, you stink!”. Now seriously, explain to us where the joke, or even the point of saying “Take a shower” to a parody of your own trolling persona is? Especially in the context of this thread where you are also trying to claim that exactly such reductionist arguments are completely weak….

Now, you might believe that you are making some fantastically sensible point, or being the height of wit in doing so, but those are only your own autistic inner experiences; everyone else however who sees “Kevin” (even if you hadn’t already ruined any joke you now try and tell with months of obsessive and often appallingly pointless behaviour) simply says “Wait, does he realise there isn’t even a meaningful punchline to what he’s just said?” And it looks like nothing more than a 5 year old child who has learned to emulate what they think a joke should be (quick response, apparently unexpected or satirical content) without ever understanding what the soul of Humour is at all; “Mummy, Mummy… what do you call a man with a hat on? Dog biscuit!” And just because sometimes adults pat you on the head and say “aww, how cute”, it doesn’t mean that their objective experience of what you have said has changed at all. They still look at you as a simple child with an underdeveloped sense of humour.

Which you illustrated quite, quite clearly by trying to not only rationalize away the laughter at jokes you don’t understand, but even claiming that one of the core foundations of humour, the hint at a forbidden or deeper truth, didn’t hold true for you confusing people at all… You MUST know, just like Kevin’s own underdeveloped and introspective personality knows that you are just saying anything at all to be patted on the head and told you are cute! You don’t really think there’s any truth in that humour at all… you’re just striking poses too!

But that’s the point at which you just start to sound really rather sad and damaged “Kevin”; Because when you start talking to adults like that, as a supposed adult yourself, and expecting them to actually believe it’s cute that you can’t think above an infantile level, there’s something seriously wrong with your judgement; Especially when, as you were obviously lining up to claim (except no one bit on that poor trolling bait), that anyone without an incoherent, value free and childlike understanding of humour is obviously a totalitarian meanie like those other nasty people. It’s not as if they won’t know, or at least they’ll believe that they understand something deeper about themselves and the world out there than children do… and what possible result except their own embarassing self-debasement could come from someone keep repeating “You don’t really think like that, nyer nyer nyer” to you instead?

No “Kevin”, you really really don’t get it at all… and that’s why people use “Kevin” as a springboard to genuine jokes for everyone else who comes here for Teh Funny… Teh Funny that you are so unable to understand, and so unable to prevent yourself strangling out of the conversation by your increasingly disturbed and incoherant attempts to emulate Teh Fun. They give us “Shorter Kevin” to make up for just how painfully short “Kevin” keeps coming up.

Painfully short bus, I should have said in fact. Ha ha ha, eh?!

And the reason people will laugh at that comment “Kevin” is because the deep truth behind the joke is that people here genuinely will suspect and agree that someone who obsessionally trolls for attention as much as you do is really, truly damaged in a way you just can’t bring yourself to face.


The true police state will come when the gov’t. is fully taken over (& then mostly dismantled, except for the military/police functions) by the wealthy & their corporations. The less power the wealthy have over gov’t., the more likely it is we’ll have a gov’t. that will be responsive to the needs & desires of all the people, as intended by the Founders. Well, their “original intent” was to be responsive to the needs & desires of white male property owners, but over the years the citizenry have managed to extend some of these rights to more people.


Edwards is my candidate, too.

Sadly, it appears Kevin has succeeded in killing the thread, though. Damn you, REPUKEMOROFASCISTS, God damn you to hell!

If anyone’s interested, here’s General Petraeus testifying about whether the Iraq war has made the U.S. safer (with video!!):



Count your blessings, linus. The Kevin glass is half-full.

And, trust me, it was me that killed the thread, for which I apologize.

It’s my gift, or cross to bear, depending on how you look at it.

🙂 Until we meet again.


Good night, John O, go and sin no more.

I read your blog, and it’s good, I should add. The Bill Clinton resignation speech really was funny.


My family is entirely dysfunctional. Hopelessly, irreconcilably, violently dysfunctional. In many diverse ways. Even after many of us have been in therapy and some of the worst have been incarcerated, committed or died.

But here’s the reason that’s ok. See, we KNOW how bloody dysfunctional we are. We know we have to have our family reunions in rented halls without kitchenware. We know everybody has to be patted down for weapons before they are allowed in. We know that furniture will be broken, the police will be called and we will be billed for damages.

*Damn*, Mikey — I didn’t know we were related!!!!

Here’s a tip for the next west-coast reunion: holding it at a venue next door to a 12-steps meeting reduces the damages bill, slightly. That’s the problem with dry drunks like Dubya, they don’t have a sponsor to put The Fear into them.

On the other hand, both Petraeus and Crocker looked stone-cold sober, so I guess there’s only so much horror can be blamed on biochemistry…


Why thank you! Apparently many thought so.

The internets were just blooming then; I was interested in politics so landed at “The People Speak,” where I posted it originally. It was, if I may, universally applauded. *blush*

Most of my “deep thoughts” are in the “pages.”

Sure wish I could write. One of the most amazing things about entering the blogosphere is the realization that I can’t, and the inspiration that comes from those who are unbelievably good at it, and prolific to boot. And being able to say, “What X said.”

I am in awe. This site is no exception.


M. Bouffant —

Funny you should mention teh police state.

(I’m really not blogwhoring; the clip just happens to be at a site I contribute to sometimes.)


Anne Laurie.

Well, first of all, I’m of Irish/Welsh extraction, so we come by the same kind of, um, flamability.

Second, I have a feeling that you and my sister Christina would be quite the kindred spirits. But I’m sorry, I’ll have to do everything in my power to make certain the two of you never meet. Because I’d be terrified of that….



Kevin said,

September 11, 2007 at 23:27

GOD HELP US! That ridiculous ’shorter so-and-so’ garbage that you guys spew to make a person sound like you WANT them to sound is spreading!

Kevin, the fact is, longer Kevin (aka your posts on S,N! threads) sounds even more like a souless, grasping gooper whore than shorter Kevin.

Count your blessings.


John O. brought up the police state. (I suspect he’s worried his life will be ruined ’cause he likes extra-legal recreation, but I may be projecting.) And isn’t it really more “blog pimping” than “whoring?” Not that there’s anything wrong w/ it, at all.
Six oinkers jumping a guy & breaking his leg because he’s sporting a button. “Assaulting an officer,” my ass!



Kevin Drum just put up a “Name yer 3 funniest blogs” thread at PA.

Vote early, vote often.

A Confederacy of Yankees

the whole idea is weak, and implies something

Holy. Shit. Not something!


Can somebody get me out of the Sadly, No! free speech zone? I see all the tr0lls posting away with abandon. *sniff*


Vote early, vote often.

would do, but the fuggers wont allow me to post?

Herr Doktor Bimler

So a few threads ago, Anne Laurie mentions the “all-encompassing Tristero Conspiracy”. Now here’s Lobbey complaining about postal censorship and the House of Fugger. Is there some sort of Crying-of-Lot-49 celebration going on?


Please move along to the next thread.


Backwards is forwards. War is Peace. We have always been at war with Eurasia.


Hi y’all!

What’s this thread about again?


(comments are closed)