I never thought I’d be so happy to see a Kaye Grogan column, but after a month of all-McAddle-all-the-time Kaye is damn refreshing.

I’m pretty sure I actually agree with some of what Kaye says here, but you can never really know what she’s talking about. She’s saying that Republican hypocrisy on matters of sex and immigration have have damaged the party’s reputation, and that Bush’s actions have made a terrorist attack more likely, right? Or have I merely imposed my own values onto the tabula rasa that is Kaye Grogan’s meandering dadaist train of “thought?”

Time for more pain meds…

Kaye and Groucho Marx would have made beautiful movies together.

“I strongly disagree, because inappropriate behavior, especially by congressional members can be used to bribe a person into voting the way a person or special interest group wants them to vote — or risk being exposed.”

We need to expose the private lives of Congress before someone has the chance to blackmail them with exposing their private lives. Hole E. Crap.

I also like how she seems to be (jokingly?) suggesting that we need to “hire security guards” (because those undercover cops would never be able to catch… wait…) to protect us. Even though this activity isn’t, in technicality, dangerous.

Wouldn’t it be easier, cheaper, and more problem solving to say, “Hey, we should stop trying to criminalize the gays so they don’t feel the need to troll our bathrooms”?

I guess the point of her article, at least the first part, before she goes Abe Simpson on us, is that, “Congress people shouldn’t behave badly.” Which, yeah, is true, in that sort of, “Congress needs to pass a law to keep those damn squirrels outa my bird feeder!” sort of way.

And, yes, “amnesty”. THAT’S what’s killing Republicans. You keep on telling yourself that.

Ishmale-on-Ishmale action

OMG! I am laughing so hard right now, I don’t think I will ever stop.

Speaking of making fun of faces, on one of those “Gawd, look how awful these Show Biz Lice© look (if only I were one)” sites, Fergie of “Lovely Lady Lumps” (or whatever) fame was decribed as having “too many features for a face that size.” Ms. Grogan is just the opposite. I know she’s trying to look just as stern & disapproving as she can, by pinching her mouth as tightly as possible, but there’s so much unused skin on that mug she could donate half of it to a face transplant institute & not miss it.

And wait until I get started on Golis’ glasses & jacket. Those (and the stubble) are choices he’s made, not something he’s cursed w/ from birth.

Also, World O’ Crap have lodged their complaint against Pinch-Mouth’s latest, & there is vitually no overlap between here (Golis’ spelling: “hear”) & there. Enough to snark at for two, at least.

GM does win the title competition though.

A “breeder” reactor of double-entendres, indeed. As it were.

Isn’t this like shooting ducks in a barrel, in a baby-candy-stealing kind of way? You hit the side of the barn already. And what’s the one about two in the hole?

We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.

It’s important that people never be ashamed of what they done!
That’s why it’s shameful for people to do things!

Buh?

…And where do the Mexican trucks thing come in?

Does this lady realize that she put these doofs in office, not ‘liberals’?

When I heard the news this morning, I was convinced that they said: “Tories, campaigning for arseholes.”
No change there then.

I’m still laughing about this.

Wow, that guy looks like an old boss of mine named, Chauncy. Really, that was his real name. Every one assumed he was gay, because he acted like it.
We were real surprised when he married some totally hot babe.

M. Bouffant, you’re too polite. She’s got a face like a cat’s bum, if a cat’s bum had eyes. Which they generally don’t, as a rule. Not any of the cats I’ve met, anyway. I certainly don’t have eyes in my arse. If I did have, I think I’d go blind in a picosecond.

Carry on, chaps.

If you had eyes on your bum, you’d have to wear chaps, wouldn’t you?
Wow, Kaye’s writing is so awful it’s almost painful to read. Did she even realize she’s confused bribery and blackmail? Did she realize that the “special interest groups” that closet cases like Craig cave into are the ones she supports? Did she realize that…
Oh, that’s right. She’s Kaye Grogan. She never realizes anything.

And what’s the one about two in the hole?

Well, I’ve heard of an Ace in the Hole so perhaps mr. Spades is the “godly” (does she really want quotes here? She wants fake godly men in our leaders?) man to which she refers in that first sentence (which is a masterpiece.)

Kaye needs to go back to beating around the bushes looking for those two birds not in her hand.

Just apropos of the ugly theme, my mother has an expression that she uses sparingly. When she’s talking about someone she doesn’t like for other reasons (like our Prime Monster, John Howard), someone who is also perhaps not the handsomest banana in the bunch, she refers to them as “uglier than a hatful of arseholes”.

I think that says it all, really.

What would be the ugliest hat to hold arseholes? Bowler? Stetson? Beret?

Is she trying to say that Bush has a wide stance on the Mexican border? WTF?

Wasn’t she in “V?” That thing with the lizards.

I saw Golis play bass for Howard Jones. He is a talented young man.

If MY cat had an ass that looked like that, I’d take her to the vet. STAT.

I find it odd it has been more than two months since the alleged incident happened, and the liberal news media just sat on the story.

I find it odd that a man who supposedly pled guilty in the first place to the charges in order to get the whole incident behind him (SEE? You’ve got ME doing it now!) keeps announcing he’s changed his mind about pleading guilty and resigning, almost like he WANTS the attention! Hmm.

javaphil said,

What would be the ugliest hat to hold arseholes? Bowler? Stetson? Beret?

In this case, only a sombrero will do.

“What would be the ugliest hat to hold arseholes? Bowler? Stetson? Beret?”

The answer, is of course- a sombrero’!

“illegal entry problem”

*giggle*

“encouraging border violations”

*cough* *cough*

“swing the doors open wider”

*snicker*

I here Andrew Golis looks funny, but I didn’t here it hear.

I’m trying to figure out how the hell she’s gonna get the water back over the bridge. I just can’t see it happening.

I just can’t wait to “aid to cripple” something soon.

And after that, I’m gonna help to harm something.

From the Andrew Golis bio:

Previously, he’s working in Democratic politics as a Staff Organizer for Howard Dean’s campaign for the presidency and as the Assistant Training Director for the Democratic National Committee.

What a country!

And President Bush has failed the party by not doing anything constructive to help heal the party of the damage he is responsible for by pushing “amnesty” for millions of illegal immigrants.

Yes, that’s why Bush’s approval ratings have nosedived, not anything else. Keep believing that, Republicans.

Bubba,

So that’s what he’s wearing in his TPM headshot: a lightweight, water-wicking Assistant Training Director suit.

Kaye looks like a doctor, the kind who looks you in the eye while pulling on the gloves.

Many people insist what a person does in their own personal lives should be private.

I thought that’s why Sen. Craig got arrested in the first place: because the police insisted that he should keep his personal life private and not in a gay bathroom? Is Grogette trying to defend public sex here?

Personally, I’m disgusted when I see some straight couple get all lovey-dovey in public, but they don’t complain about that, do they?

Meanwhile, I just love the “will someone think of the childrens” response. I wonder just how historically ignorant these conservatives who want us to return to a simpler time in the past are. Most families way back when lived in one-room shacks. Most families had gobs of kids. D’ya think maybe way back when people had teh sex in front of teh children? I should hope they had the decency to wait until the kids were asleep (and if the kids don’t know … well, how do the kids in a bathroom know what’s going on in the stalls? do these people think that teh hawt gay bathroom sex happens out in the middle of the bathroom? is Kaye Grogan merely upset because she can’t go into the men’s room to see two hawt men getting it on?), but something tells me Kaye “Our Sex Lives Should Be Public” Grogan wouldn’t have the decency to wait.

So that’s what he’s wearing in his TPM headshot: a lightweight, water-wicking Assistant Training Director suit.

Previously he is also in gym.

Can’t we get Kaye and Pastor Swank in some kind of email “debate”? I’d pay good money to witness that. Okay, not good money. I’d pay bad money. But seriously. With the proceeds to go towards providing armored vests for the orphans, or some other worthy cause.

“Kaye looks like a doctor, the kind who looks you in the eye while pulling on the gloves.”

Nurse Ratched.

Looks like she does her own photoshopping too.

“Call Me Ishmale,” starring Moby Dick as Queerqueg.

Guess you are never to old to learn, for the first 70 years of my life, I always thought that water was supposed to go under the bridge
also learned that The illegal Iraqui invasion has no effect on how people view their president, the only thing we care about is that other illegal lnvasion by them damned mexicans

putting the “doy” in “doyenne”. Brilliant and so, so, destined to be stolen again and again.

Waitaminute. I’m confused. Again. Thanks, Kaye.

Does Larry Craig have Gay Secks in Mexican Trucks?

mikey

Kaye looks like the love child of Naomi and Wynona Judd.

I miss the leopard print.

The comedy is back, thank fuck for that, for a while there I thought ye were going to stick with the detailed analisys and dead dogs.

You’re welcome…

Just be sure to change your screenname back this time, Mikey.

Christ, Kaye may be the one human being on earth who would benefit from hiring Pastor Swank to proofread for her.

I would love to see her manuscripts after he got done with them. Red scribbles everywhere, “This confusing structured sentence causes to mislead,” “This is metaphor mixed global,” “This is nonsense for a paragraph,” etc.

Srsly, why is it that the more wingerish the writer, the more bizarre and tortured the writing style? I think Dan Riehl is the master of bad writing passed off as *serious thought*, but how is it that the rest of them tend to join in with the same style? There must be some Wingnut Welfare writing workshop somewhere.

Is that the real-life Betty Bowers? She comes straight from central casting over at Landoverbaptist.

Did you here* the one about the guy who was born with no eyelids?

Its OK, they used his foreskin for the skin graft.

the only problem? He was a little cockeyed.

And Jake H- I’m so jealous. I have tried to master Swankese, but just can’t get it.

* h/t Lil Andy

Thank god it’s Friday, and thank SadlyNo! for the end-of-week snark.

Who was it that pointed out the similarities between Grogan and Camille Paglia? I know I’ve seen that snark somewhere. It’s like Grogan is the “pre-teen reader” section of hackery, while Paglia is more in the ‘young adult’ category.

I used to think I missed my calling in life by not becoming a writer. After reading Grogan & Swank, I realized they too may have made the same mistake, but that didn’t keep them from being published!

Boy, talk about trying to get the water back over the bridge, and the dam patched up after it bursts
Talk about trying to get the fish back into the can, and the worms back into the kettle.

Srsly, why is it that the more wingerish the writer, the more bizarre and tortured the writing style?

Every line Kate write comes out sounding like a Simpsons quote. It’s a natural ability.
Legalise iz just jealous.

Smotes Durston said,

I just can’t wait to “aid to cripple” something soon.

Kaye is a wonderful writer.

Here, she continues to grapple with this metaphor:

Right now the Republican presidential candidates are doing a good job (on their own) crippling themselves. Lord knows they don’t need any more unsolicited canes.

I would be happy to donate Teh Green Walking Stick of Liberal Justice to the Republican presidential candidates to aid them in crippling their campaigns.

No need to thank me.

What would be the ugliest hat to hold arseholes? Bowler? Stetson? Beret?

One of those horribly-colored, would-be-jaunty pseudo-Peruvian knitted wooly things with earflaps. And perhaps a pom-pom (bobble, to our Commonwealth readers) to finish it off, offally. You can borrow one from Andrew Golis, I’m sure he’s got a whole closet full.

Please tell me that Kaye was either high or totally shit-faced drunk when she wrote this. God, that was pitiful!

God, that was pitiful!

Ruthie, you misspelled “typical.”

[…] Krugman — a man who needs no introduction.  Despite what the pathetic haters at Sadly, No! say, Andrew Golis really did a solid job wrangling together this […]

“Volare,” not “po-la-re.” Wait, is this a joke that I just missed? DAMMIT.