I’m a little concerned about the proprietors of Sadly, No. I dunno, seems like ever since the Larry Craig balloon went up, there’s been an unhealthy, er, let’s call it a focus on “toilet habits”.

Maybe a spinoff blog is in the works, Sadly, Scatology or maybe Hey, there’s plenty of poop to go around”?

Inquiring minds and all that…

mikey

But why stop there? It’s presumably illegal to have straight sex in a public
place, too. If a public figure–a Michael Medved, say–were apprehended having straight sex in a public place, we would be similarly offended.

This becomes a compelling argument, therefore, to resist the injection of such lurid attitudes in the U.S. military.

The conclusion is inescapable: Neither gay nor straight men or women should be allowed in the U.S. military.

I don’t know why everyone’s tip-toeing around the obvious: the problem is not homosexual nor even heterosexual urges.

The problem lies in the availability of public restrooms. Eliminate the restrooms, and the problems of bathroom sexual advances go away.

Q.E.D.

Heh heh… “Eliminate.” Heh heh…

Sigh. If only he were half as concerned with the latrines in Iraq – you know, the ones that female soldiers have been raped going to in the middle of the night. Or else dying of dehydration because they stop drinking water so they won’t have to go in the middle of the night? Oh, right, that kinda sex in the latrines is boys being boys…

What seems to be lost on him is that, when they outlaw gay sex, only outlaws will have gay sex.

That is so sexy. Bob Allen would, like, double his offer for such outlaw sexiness.

The near unanimous revulsion regarding the incident (from Republican and Democrat, gay and straight alike) … tells us the disgust is not about the gay, which even Medved admits to be true: disgust … arises instead from the very association of men’s rooms and amorous meet-ups, of toilet stalls and sex acts. To pretend this supports keeping gays out of the military is the sort of specious reasoning that makes baby Socrates cry.

Double might not do it, Bubba. After all, with all of these Republicans now entering private life, the free market should be booming.

Keeping bathrooms free of eroticism. How fricking freudian. Poor Medved’s like Jeff on the English program Coupling. If there’s anything erotic in the potty, he won’t be able to declench.

You missed the quintessential WATB remark:

The problem isn’t just the chance of molestation, it’s the radical change of mood and sensibility if you know you may be checked out as a sex object at a very private moment (of urination or defecation) when most normal people prefer to avoid any and all thoughts of physical intimacy.

Oh, boo-fucking-hoo. I hope Medved grows a pair of DDs overnight, and then he’ll see how it feels to “know you may be checked out as a sex object” all the fucking time.

You know, about 20 years ago, a professor of mine remarked that one major factor of homophobia is the fear of getting treated the same way said homophobe regularly treats women. It floors me that, 20 years later, Medved can write an article saying pretty much that very thing, and that Medved never once stops to think, “Hey, maybe the chicks don’t like that either! Naaaah!”

What an asshole. (Oh, maybe that’s why he’s afraid of gay men?)

Since airplane toilets are unisexual or should we say heterosexual;
and there is the well known phenomenom of ‘mile high’ sex;
in the interest of keeping such places free of erotic tension, we should immediately ban airflight!

Flying united is an evil scourge on humanity.

As Homer Simpson aptly noted:

“There’s only two kind of guys who wear those type of shirts (Hawaiian prints) big fat party animals and homosexuals.”

Michael, I’m looking at you, but I’m not winking.

My problem with that Hawaiian shirt is that it’s tucked in. WTF?

Ok, so no one should be allowed to be sexual in a bathroom, or public places in general. Fair enough. So where’s the designated masturbation zone going to be for the GI’s? And who is volunteering for the duty of making sure only one person is in there at a time?
Incidentally, defecation actually IS closely tied to eroticism, at least in the purely biological sense. Next time you pop into the loo to push one past your prostrate Mr Medved, don’t forget to check yourself for tumescence… I think you’ll be pleasingly horrified to see what happens down there.

Medved can’t seem to tell the difference between what is considered legal bathroom activity and what’s not, in the public square or military arena.

Here you go, Mikey.

Making brown or yellow = legal

Burning hot man-on-man action that would make Brokeback Mountain look like High School the Musical = illegal

…”explosive situation of the U.S. military.”

God damn, repressed homosexuality among wingers is fucking hilarious.

OMG, I have that shirt! Not the one he’s wearing, just the same fabric pattern.

As for tucking, I hate to have to admit that I know this, but if the shirt is short and the belly is large, you can get a sort of exposure phenomenon, particularly if you’re raising your arms.

Michael, I’m looking at you, but I’m not winking.

Michael, I’m looking at you, but I’m not wanking.

when they outlaw gay sex, only outlaws will have gay sex.

HOT! Hang on, lemme get my pirate eye-patch!

He said “whole sexualization.” Heh heh heh

You know, many people shudder with discomfort and queasiness thinking about the defecation and urination going on in public restrooms. Perhaps our troops should just hold it until they’re discharged from the service.

Is he wearing pleated jeans?

I’m sorry, but what is he saying? That we need to divert not only police detectives, but military police as well, from their regular duties and have them patrol bathrooms for sexual activity, because if we don’t we might start to associate bathrooms with sexual activity, and that will cause society to collapse? Is that really what he is saying? My head hurts.

My problem with that Hawaiian shirt is that it’s tucked in. WTF?

That way guys can check out his wee wee.

It sounds like someone gets so excited by public bathrooms he can’t conduct his business.

Clearly, if we are losing in Iraq, which of course we aren’t (the surge is working!!!), it is the fault of gays cruising for gay sex from manly, bronzed, Adonis-type police officers with firm arms, in mens rooms. Such behavior undermines the moral of our increadibly manly (and not even remotely homosexual) troops in the field.

If you look closely, you can see Judy and Jim cavorting on the shoreline. They’re clean on the outside, and the inside.

Wasn’t the Navy prohibited from testing high-frequency sonar near whale migration routes? You’re in a lot of trouble, Medved.

i think that maybe what he’s saying is that he’s volunteering to go to iraq to help with security. in light of the personnel shortages there, perhaps we ought to let him.

ps: if i had to choose someone from the photo above to represent myself, i’d pick the person who is wearing a baseball cap and holding my head sideways in my arms, looking over at the dude who is kind of scratching his head all “wft?!?” style.

From the Townhall comments:
Two points grab my attention in this situation: the officer claimed that Sen. Craig’s left hand appeared beneath the stall divider, and that the Senator made ‘signals’ indicating a desire for a ‘hookup’.

For the first part to be true, Sen. Craig would have had to turn towards the officer, who was seated to his right. At least one of his feet would then have been plainly visible! No mention of such a sighting was made during the taped ‘interview’.

And he said the toilets were square-backed! Everyone knows they aren’t square-backed but have curved corners!

Found out again, liberal media!

Damn you, Scott Beauchamp!

Ya, know the whole “Mile High” club thing…..? Maybe it is just because I’m a large person (6′, 230 lbs) and there is barely any room in there for me by myself, but I don’t think having sex in an airplane bathroom is physically possible.

um.. just sayin’.

“burly, buff and much younger cop”

He forgot “cute.”

Poor fucker is so hung up that he’s talking into the side of a front-firing microphone. Cuz if he aimed it at his mouth, it would look kinda, you know…

forcing himself on the burly, buff and much younger cop.

Am I the only one who thinks Medved completely owns that fantasy?

Come to think of it, it seems a number of these wingnuts (e.g. Arse of Spuds) write rather graphic imagery of gay sex.

(*cough* repressing *cough*)

I’m a large person (6?, 230 lbs) and there is barely any room in there for me by myself

You mean the mile high club requires sex with other people?

Damn … another world record shot to hell.

FWIW, I’m about 6’2″, 215 and I can barely get my arse down on the seat. It’s like freakin’ origami in there, and I have no idea what the truly large people do. Maybe they have super-size internal storage for that kind of thing and just hold it all flight long.

Fucking would be an interesting engineering challenge, although I am willing to try with the next young attractive flight attendant I see.

Hmm. If they hadn’t torpedoed the Equal Rights Amendment back in the day, the horror of unisex bathrooms would have taken over the entire nation. I imagine sharing bathrooms with little old ladies would have had a mitigating effect on gay toilet sex. The right wing sure missed the boat on this one.

The officer who arrested Craig was in the restroom because of *complaints* about the goings-on. Naturally the police wanted to identify the people involved and make them stop.

I don’t think having sex in an airplane bathroom is physically possible.

I’m pretty sure cruising an airplane bathroom would be impossible.

Was David Vitter experimenting with diapers as a way of freeing us all from the menace of public restrooms and the subversion these facilities carry with them?

“The conclusion is inescapable: Neither gay nor straight men or women should be allowed in the U.S. military.”

Damn! You beat me to it.
But maybe just male luridness–straight or gay– is the problem?

I want an Amazon Warrior military, and I get to design the uniforms..

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I was at a dinner party some months ago, and an out-of-town visitor from Seattle whom I’d never previously met started name-dropping Michael Medved when he (the visitor) heard that I teach film courses. Seems that Medved is a good buddy of his. The idea, I think, was to impress me. But my evaluation of the visitor (which, for other deadly-warning signs of wingnutitude, was already heading downhill) began to nosedive rapidly.

Soon the rather fawning description of Medved’s utter brilliance turned into an invitation: “if you’re ever in Seattle, give me a call and I’ll introduce you.”

WTF?, thought I. I don’t know you. You have no reason whatsoever to think that I’d ever want to meet Medved. Now I still don’t want to meet him. But I suddenly also want to get away from you.

Medved should try a high fiber diet for a few months before we spend all that tax money on the toilet patrol.

You totally need to take the opportunity to meet Medved. As a former filmmaker / instructor myself, I would love to meet a man of such insight and wit. Be careful not to touch your left ear if you get up to use the facilities; I hear that’s Medved’s cue to follow you in for teh gehy secks.

I think most of the mile high members are airline employees. (I used to know a lot of Northwest employees.) I also know it’s certainly possible to commit sex acts (though not missionary position intercourse) in mostly deserted first class. All you need is a nice airline blanket, an in-flight film to hold the attention of the two or three other first class travellers . . . and a few nice bloody Marys to make it seem like a fun and reasonable idea.

just sayin’

Any bets Michael Medved’s voice sounds like this?

Why do I have this vision of teh gayz all wearing shiny patent leather shoes with white spats and sparkling metal cleats tippy-tapping out some mad fandango?

All you need is a nice airline blanket, an in-flight film to hold the attention of the two or three other first class travellers . . . and a few nice bloody Marys to make it seem like a fun and reasonable idea.

wasn’t that a scene from the original Emmanual? I saw in on Cinemax back in the day…. I mean, someone TOLD me about seeing it on Cinemax, ahem.,…

Ok, so no one should be allowed to be sexual in a bathroom, or public places in general. Fair enough.

Burqas for everybody!

outlaw gay sex, sounds hot

wasn’t that a scene from the original Emmanual? I saw in on Cinemax back in the day…. I mean, someone TOLD me about seeing it on Cinemax, ahem.,…

I’ve never seen Emmanual, but could be. Huh. I guess life really does immitate art . . .

Is this the sort of horse deposit that passes for witty logic among these gasbags? also, there are military police who handle these matters. (handle …. heh heh.)

by the way, it bears repeating: Larry Craig’s “political crime” is no that he’s gay. it’s that HE’S A PERV!

Ok, so no one should be allowed to be sexual in a bathroom, or public places in general.

Bathroom? This is SPARTA!!!

What if we only allow gays and fugly heterosexuals into the military? That way, gays won’t be bothering the straights.

As an added bonus, you can then say that someone “isn’t just ugly. He’s military grade ugly!” I’m just looking out for the English language here. And the troops

Stop persecuting this man for defending himself against a gay mafia frameup!

His “Golden Turkey” series is actually quite good. I own them all. He should have stuck to writing about Ed Wood.

and almost certainly invited his advances.

Perhaps I wasn’t reading the right articles, but I must have missed any mention of the cop whispering “Oooh, give it to me, big boy” and waggling his bollocks under the stall divider.

Burly, buff, adorable hunk of uniformed manhood that he must be.

All great suggestions so far. I particularly like the one about Medved (an insult in itself) growing an enormous pair of bazongas, just so’s he can learn how it feels. Me, I tend to leave mine home most days, and only wear them for special occasions. I don’t want the cleavage to wear out, after all.

He’s entirely right about not wanting an association between toilets and sex, of course. The obvious answer, which I’m surprised no-one has yet come up with, is to mandate an association between sex and, say, eating, in order to banish any thought of an association between sex and toilet activities.

So there should be an all-out encouragement to civilians and soldiers alike to go hard at in on the dinner table. In the military case, this wholesale rogering would undoubtedly strengthen the manly bonds between warriors which have been strengthened in such a way for millennia.

Having actually been IN latrines, i can categorically say there there is simply no place on earth less sexually arousing then inside a motherfucking latrine. None.

I’m not sure what medved’s point is. It seems to be something alone the lines of, “Craig is innocent of trolling bathrooms for gay sex unless the cop actually rapes him. Then he’s a fag.” or something. It’s hard to tell, I have a headache as it is.

[…] I know that Travis G. at Sadly, No! and Pam at more places than I can count have already blogged about the latest piece […]

“…with offenders facing stiff, severe consequences.”

Sadly, Michael’s editor’s deleted his six-page description of buff, manly soldiers stripped to the waist and flogged by even bigger, even buffer (yet, strangely, also stripped to the waist) MPs.

“…bespectacled 62-year-old legislator somehow forcing himself…”

The revulsion comes from the idea of a creepy perv’ staring into a stall whilst I relieve myself. That said creepy perv’ is (a) a leader of our government, and (b) a chronic opponent of openly gay sex, just annoys all the more.

“[I]n the case of Larry Craig, the arresting officer did nothing to discourage the Senator’s attentions until the very moment of the arrest and almost certainly invited his advances.”

Yeah, defecating and grunting really excites the average conservative. (Not that conservatives are descended from monkeys, mind you.)

“… any introduction of homosexual eroticism into public men’s rooms …”

If we allowed even middle-aged Republicans to be out and proud, we would go a long way toward eliminating sneaky sex in the loo. Sadly, the Republicans themselves prevent this, thus preventing their (large) gay population from expressing homosexuality in an honest and healthy manner. If Michael was anything other than the (closeted) wingnut’s (closeted) wingnut, he might understand this obvious point.

You got eroticism in my men’s room! Two great tastes that taste great together.

Not where I thought Medved was going to go – I thought he was going to argue that gays should be banned from shitting.

“wasn’t that a scene from the original Emmanuel?”
Webster made a porno? EWWWWWW!
NickM, if you follow Medved’s logic, he seems to be suggesting that gay men should be banned from public restrooms.Maybe there should be a big “No Fags Allowed” sign on the door.

NickM, if you follow Medved’s logic, he seems to be suggesting that gay men should be banned from public restrooms.Maybe there should be a big “No Fags Allowed” sign on the door.

You know, I’ve often wondered, my morbid sense of curiosity being what it is, how exactly the people in the various public restrooms I’ve been in would react if they knew that I shared my bed with another man, and that I kiss him every day when he comes home from work.

This is actually an interesting question to pose to anti-gay-rights wingnuts. I mean, it’s a incredibly silly to suggest that gay men shouldn’t be allowed in public restrooms, yet, if you follow their arguments to their logical conclusion, that is certainly what they’re suggesting.

The real problem with anonymous gay sex in a millitary latrine is, it’s not so anonymous when factoring in the odds you will pobably run into the same dude in the mess hall three hours later. This tends to make the mashed potatoes much less sexy.

[…] wondering who’s to blame for the Larry Craig mess, it’s the state of Minnesota. And Michael Medved thinks the real tragedy in all this is that Michael Medved hasn’t thought enough about burly […]