Shorter Ace Of Spades HQ

Universal Soldiers: Future Drugs May Reduce Fighters’ Nerves, Stress, Pain, Fear, and Even Post-Traumatic Shock

Above: A.O. Spades

  • Perhaps I’m not a soldier, but insofar as my experience playing Quake translates to the realities on the ground in Iraq, I should like to say that running over stim packs increases gibbing and is awesome.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

Bonus Shorter Ace Of Spades HQ:

An Open Letter of Sorts to New Orleans:

  • God, will you whining losers in New Orleans never freaking shut up? Update: Made some changes to keep from sounding as though I’m indicting the people of New Orleans.

Comments: 28


direct Ace quote:
My “facts” (stupid things those) about these post-war analyses seem just woefully wrong, or at least bits of this mixed with bits of that. I’ll just let my “greater narrative” stand in the post but direct everyone to the comments where I’m being corrected on so many points I can’t keep up with them.



I await Ace’s next update, where he expounds on the benefit of hidden caches of food, ammo and bandages sprinkled around the combat area.


Shorter Ace: I read it in Wired, and I just know DARPA is working on those kick-ass Halo suits!


Say it isn’t so, Kathleen. Is that…humility?

Please, Ace, don’t become any more human. You are far too great a source of derisive hilarity.


If Ace were somehow ever deployed, he’d be hiding in a foxhole or trench somewhere, punching in cheat codes on his radio.

“Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start! Dammit!!!1!“



As Faulkner said “Bravery is the sincere disbelief in good luck”

As far as drugs go…in that part of the world I hear that the one true drug is quite easy to come by and very cheap.


Hell, this ain’t nothing new. Demerol, whites, dexamyl, beer, whiskey, weed, opium. If you could get your hands on it, you gobbled it. The green beanies were always good for pill speed. They ate it like candy, and would hand it out if you weren’t an asshole. The docs handed out the demerol, along with whatever other pain/downer meds they had. The locals were always there with the beer, weed and opium. And the grunts? There weren’t a lot of ’em who’d say no.



That’s one charming thread on New Orleans. Gives me all kinds of hope and cheer.

114 billion! They scream. Lazy gits. Fucking ‘welfare blacks’ and leftists who all suffer from BDS, all too lazy to do shit about shit.

Of course, that’s less (over two years, no less, spread out over a huge area of the US) than Bush just requested in a supplemental funding package for Iraq for this year, to say nothing of the hundreds of billions we’ve spent there. Funny, none of them even mention this.

What New Orleans needed from the start was not simply money, but a massive mobilization of federal resources right from the start. Everything from razing mold-ridden neighborhoods to rebuilding.

Instead, it’s been piecemeal and the ‘lazy blacks’ (i.e. the poor) have gotten next to nothing, but a one-way ticket to Houston.


You know what else know how to kill indiscriminately, and without fear? Giant robots. Think about it.

Plus, people love being occupied by senseless, murdering, automatons, so reconstruction should be a breeze.


ho ho ho, just what soldiers need, drugs to dull their fear so they can go all ballistic and reckless and shit without concern for their own safety. Ace wants more shoot ’em ups…more mass killing.

And I love this bit

Came Across This Old Email From Tim Haag Today… while searching for stuff about him to post here. Figured I’d print it.

Don’t know if you remember me if you do cool if you don’t cooler.
Just wanted to let you know I reup’d for another 6 and am looking at another tour to someplace warm when its cold up here in NY . I got out for awhile thinking I’d just coast for the rest of my life and bang the old lady all damn day but a line from Tim O’Brian’s ” The Things They Carried” finally summed up how I feel about peace: Peace feels so good it hurts, and I want to hurt it back.

Anyway I get a kick out of actually Googling my name late at night and there it is on your site still , makes me laugh . So, Hopefully my next tour is nothing like the 1st (which is pretty much a guarantee if your a statistics person), but if it is, it is, Take care and fight the good fight.

Great soldier and a good guy. I interviewed him on the old radio show but he did that “I’m not a hero, just a guy doing his job” thing which made his exploits sound kind of boring. They’re definitely not boring when other people are telling the tale.

Great soldier? Great guy? Is Ace completely wonked out in fantasy land to think this mentality is heroic and mighty and fine? Ugh, I pity the victims, particularly the females ones, at the mercy of this so-called soldier.

Pastor Bentonit, FCD

QUAD DAMAGE!!!1!!eleventyoneone!!1!


There comes a point where charity has to end, and some of the city’s residents have to make the conscious decision to start rebuilding their neighborhoods and lives instead of spending so much time blaming everyone else for the lack of progress in recovery.

Yes, it can only be because of negro laziness that New Orleans isn’t totally fixed by now.


What they really need to get to work on are those invincibility stars from Mario! Holy crap, we could take over Paris and Beijing by tomorrow morning! Not to mention no more looking both ways when we cross the street!


His rant is not as vile as Confederate Yankee’s. That’s something, I guess.


How well would drug-crazed Halo players stack up against the roving bands of bears and pumas?

same question vs. badgers?

Herr Doktor Bimler

Future Drugs May Reduce Fighters’ Nerves, Stress, Pain, Fear, and Even Post-Traumatic Shock
Wait, wait, wasn’t methamphetamine going to do all that? Call me old-fashioned, but I’m sticking with Panzerschokolade.


In my experience, the drug of choice for PTSD is alcohol… and it doesn’t work that well, not that Prozac is any better.


D. Sidhe, my drug of choice is lots of peace and quiet, the friendly companionship of decent human beings and animals (have yet to be an indecent pet yet!) and nature. In other words, the antithesis of all things crazy-warlike.


yet, and yet, and yet… aaaaaaargh. and um they have preview so I can’t complain, can I?


This probably wouldn’t be a S, N! post about drugs if someone didn’t mention that they smoke more weed than you do.

No takers? Alrighty then…

Oh yeah, well, I smoke more weed than you do!!!1!


Holy shit! Jumpin’ Jesus with a buttplug!

Gavin is on a roll. That’s two funny posts in a row and, of course, no LOLcons!!!!


I miss the Lolcons.


there is a good deal of reason to think that abject fearlessness actually increases one’s ability to survive.

Actually, 4 billion years of evolution say otherwise. If being fearless really did increase one’s survivability we would up to our necks in fearless bears and cougars!


Um, and people….


Herr Doktor Bimler

Soldiers modified to remove fear? [presses buzzer. Waves hand in the air] “War Games”, by Brian Stableford, published 1981!
20 points to Bimler.

Abject fear is what kept my ancestors alive. It would be impious for me to break a family tradition 40 million years old.

Mr. Smoke Too Much



What the hell does Ace O’BaconNPlaydoh know about fearlessness?


One of the updates;

Loose Shit: My “facts” (stupid things those) about these post-war analyses seem just woefully wrong, or at least bits of this mixed with bits of that. I’ll just let my “greater narrative” stand in the post but direct everyone to the comments where I’m being corrected on so many points I can’t keep up with them.



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