I don’t know what the standard procedure is for shitter homo sex patrol (the ultimate “drew the short straw” assignment of all time…although I’ll admit I waivered on this when my friend who was just admitted to vet school said she was going to spend this summer “palpating cattle rectums,” but I digress), but reading the police report, it did strike me as sort of weird that the officer broke out the badge so early. Seems like he should have let things play out a little more–not to the level of Hawkings’ johnson-whipping-out fantasy, but come on, foot-tapping?

I’m guessing the primary goal of the officer being there was to prevent lewd conduct from happening rather than busting people, which I guess is admirable.

Bonus points for name checking a ‘Bad Seed’.

a ‘Bad Seed’

Or the lead noisemeister of Einsturzende Neubauten, I’d say.

Waitaminute….

What? Is the cop supposed to have let Craig into his stall so that he could whip his Johnson out in the middle of the public bathroom?

Dual-occupancy stalls aside, aren’t public restrooms something very like officially-designated Johnson-whipping-out spots?

Frankly, I’m afraid that now that these guys know what the signals are, there will be a whole lot of n00bs tapping horny in public men’s rooms.

Last time I checked, um, aren’t fellas kinda encouraged to whip out their Johnsons in men’s rooms, as opposed to, for example in this case, whilst waiting for one’s plane to board?

And another thing Hawkings seems pretty clear on what the signals are for wanting teh homo love in bathrooms, and that WANTING sex is the same thing as, well, embarking upon achieving it. I have two observations:

1. What the wingers are most angry about is Craig getting caught and exposing their practices so publicly; and

2. The fact that really wanting to have sex = about to have sex, tells me all I need to know about wingers.

“Frankly, I’m afraid that now that these guys know what the signals are, there will be a whole lot of n00bs tapping horny in public men’s rooms.”

I suspect that these guys have been aware of the signals for some time.

Hawkins’ logic is unassailable: Tapping a foot as a coded sexual inquiry is like “handing a prostitute her fee.” So obviously Congressman Allen’s $20 offer for a blowjob was just the equivalent of a little tapdance.

First line of a joke: Savion Glover goes into the Union Station men’s room…

off topic: “palpating cattle rectums,” would be a great name for a country band..

we now return to the thundering train of veal…

“(I have no idea what foot signals gay men use to show interest in bathroom stalls and don’t want to know)”

Why the big deal about not wanting to know this. What the harm? It’s not going to an aborted foetus duct-tapped to the shoe for Christ’s sake. Who knows maybe he just doesn’t trust himself with that sort of knowledge.

“As in, to get a low-key drink at a place with a witty bartender and Amy Winehouse on the jukebox? ”
I could really, really go for that right now, have I contracted the gay from reading libtard blogs? I better not have!

damn. proofread, proofread, proofread.

I understand the concept of a steam train made of veal. But angry veal? That’s got me confused.

How do you make the veal angry?

And then, does it stay angry long enough to create the train? Or does it want to make up, get you a dozen roses and take you to bed?

In which case, you end up with a steam train made from veal, but it’s not angry anymore, and it’s wearing that blue teddy you got if for valentines day…

mikey

I was genuinely under the impression that I was in the medical clinic, and that the guy in the next cubical was waiting to collect my urine specimen. You have to believe me.

I thought the door was a jar.

That’s it. I will not stand for this.

Do not, and I repeat NOT, make fun of Andy Capp’s Hot Fries. Those things are mana from heaven.

I understand the desire to avoid rehashing the same old Cheetos trope, but search elsewhere.

Sorry, but anybody who calls a penis a Johnson is teh gay.

I thought the crime he was arrested for was peeking, touching feet, and molesting the stall the detective was in.

…Not sex.

If he’d said, ‘Hey, want a blow?’ that’s be protected speech, right? But isn’t peeking and molesting a bit… ya know, different?

In Soviet Russia, the foot taps you!

As far as I’m concerned, once the cublicle door is closed, it’s not a public place anymore.

Aforementioned Where-better on the Johnson issue aside, may I safely assume that men who hit on me in public are committing a crime? I mean, the Larry Craig thing is hilarious but mostly because he’s a sanctimonious asshole who’s been shown to be a sanctimonious hypocritical asshole, but is it really illegal to even attempt to pick someone up in a public restroom? It’s not my idea of a good time, but if Craig had invited the officer home for a clothing-optional beer, that would have been perfectly legal, yes? If not, why not?

All I have to say is:
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20070829

Yahoots! That Blixa reference is cash money right there.

may I safely assume that men who hit on me in public are committing a crime?

you read my mind, D.

i love andy capp hot fries

you ever notice how when andy is talking and his mouth is open, his cigarette never falls out of his mouth? i always wondered about that

In Soviet Russia, the foot taps you!

You know, for whatever reason, that shit never gets old. Never.

Ah, sex in bathrooms, the memories.

Well, OK, I was never in to tea rooming, but I have some friends who were, back in the day.

The key phrase there is “back in the day”. The intertubes have basically done away with the practice among out gay men–too much hassle, it’s not an optimal place for sex, too risky in terms of arrest.

I will say however, that years ago at the San Francisco Opera, I was at a performance of the great Don Giovanni, in the standing room in the balcony. I had to pee really bad about halfway through the long first act and ran towards the bathrooms, which you could get to while the performance was going on, they kept the doors to the upper balcony closed, but not locked. I glanced at a cute guy as I was going past him and next thing I know, the guy is knocking on the bathroom stall door. I let him in, we got our pants down and then both laughed at how absurd the whole thing was and zipped back up and left.

To this day, I’ve never heard the rarely performed Zerlina/Leporella duet performed live.

I can’t be bothered to search for it, but a cop somewhere was shocked, shocked! I tells ya, to find out that most of the guys who get busted for this have a wife and kids. Not me; it’s an easy way to get off without all that tedious stuff like admitting to yourself your true inclination, risking losing friends, family and job, sticking up for equal rights for all, you know, the boring part of The Gay Agenda.

Crissa is correct, Craig was arrested for lewd conduct, not sex.

I still don’t see how this is any more lewd than hitting on someone in a bathroom and peering through the crack to see if the stall is unoccupied. (I’ve done it on occasion. I try to look at head level, but I used to have these massive tits which meant I did not bend over in public without flashing everyone in the room, which I suspect would have gotten me into more trouble.)

I’m willing to accept that the man was engaged in lewd behavior–but I wonder how broadly laws against this sort of lewd behavior could be applied, and how many people would find themselves arrested as a result.

There’s an awful lot of shit people do that I find incredibly offensive and disturbing that I still think it would be an exceptionally bad idea to make laws against.

Wait a minute – only teh gays listen to Amy Winehouse?

[inconspicuously reshuffles mp3 player]

Dang it – she came up again.

Oh, well. Anyone want to buy me a low-key drink?

Law enforcement is based on a stunning cloud of bullshit, interpretation and utter fabrication. Gawd, I could tell a lot of stories. Here’s two:

I got hold of some pure meth disolved in a bottle of everclear in Reno one day. About 80 hours later, it got all on top of me, and I lost it and threw a stool through a plate glass window at the Onslow. I was arrested for assault, based upon the cops fabrication that I was throwing the stool AT someone. Actually worked out in my favor as they ended up dropping the assault charge and never charging me with vandalism or destruction of Property. Saved me a pile of dough.

Another time, I got arrested in Cupertino with some crank and a .380 auto. While I was sitting in the detective’s unit handcuffed, the cops were gathered around a copy of the PC and the H&S code, finding statutes they could add. Turns out there’s an enhancement for possession of a controlled substance while in possession of a loaded firearm, AND an enhancement for possession of a loaded firearm while in possession of a controlled substance. One little vial of crank and one gun: Thirteen felony charges!! These guys are GOOD!

I should add that when they weighed the “controlled substance”, they came up with thirteen grams so they added an enhancement for distribution. How did they come up with thirteen grams when there was actually .08 gram in there? No sweat. They weighed the metal container too! It’s part of the game. The judge caught them and threatened to sanction the DA. Things got better fast…

mikey

If I can’t be arrested for taking a shit in a public bathroom, I certainly shouldn’t be arrested for coming on to someone there. Because I guaran-fucking-tee you, I’d be arrested in about a millisecond if someone saw me taking a shit in a public place. Wouldn’t I?

I think the point to the shitter patrols is not that the ‘hitting on’ part takes place there but that the ‘hooking up’ part does, too.

I mean, if you wanted a “somewhere else” lay, there’s not much need for code-taps or stall-encroachment, n’est-ce pas?

Well, there is, GoatBoy, if you’re concerned that the guy you find attractive might not be gay and you don’t actually want to have him “grab you by the, you know, and hit you against the wall with your head” or worse.

As a bisexual woman, I can tell you I’m a lot more circumspect in flirting with women than men, and I don’t guess most straight women are likely to actually assault me if I guess wrong.

Please tell me that that little icon is photoshopped. Because if he really posed for a real, honest-to-gosh photo with that helmet, that microphone, and that…face (yeah I went there), my good God wingnuttia has officially become some kind of vortex of self parody that will turn this blog into a black hole before long.

“Well, there is, GoatBoy, if you’re concerned that the guy you find attractive might not be gay and you don’t actually want to have him “grab you by the, you know, and hit you against the wall with your head” or worse.”

None of this changes the fact that the code-tapping and stall-encroachment is explicitly code, not for “wanna fuck sometime?”, but for “wanna fuck here, now?” And correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought cruising in any gender combination relied heavily on eye contact. One can get plenty of clues as to target’s receptiveness without putting the proposition out baldly, gnomesane?

And of course, if one wants to reduce the possibility of a bashing, the men’s room isn’t exactly the best bet for venue.

Maybe I’m just too too provincial but if I’m needing a shit at an airport I don’t think it’s unreasonable or excessively uptight and conservative to expect not to be serenaded by the sounds of two strangers fucking next to me.

I’m just saying, there’s no *legal* reason to assume that the toe-tapping is evidence of a crime. I agree that fucking in the public bathroom is, and should be, illegal. I also agree that that is very likely what the idiot wanted. What I don’t get is how this is, in itself, criminal behavior.

Having an unsuccessful or even stupid pick-up method is not a crime. And there is nothing here that is itself more illegal than trying to pick someone up, or more illegal than trying to see if a stall is unoccupied. The only reason I can think of that we’re wasting the time of actual police officers on this shit is that the people involved are presumed to be gay.

Selective enforcement is still selective enforcement–and therefore not especially just–regardless of who you actually catch. It’s like saying curfew laws are fine if the cops leave the suburban kids alone and only arrest the ones they know (or think) are gang members.

“I’m just saying, there’s no *legal* reason to assume that the toe-tapping is evidence of a crime.”

As out of character as it is for me to make arguments on behalf of the police, there’s no way to expect officers to wait for penetration to avoid any ambiguity, much in the same way they can’t work that way on prostitution. The flat fact is this code for illicit public sex has been in effect for decades; toe-tapping (and foot-brushing and left hand-waving and peeping through the door seam) means “I want public sex”. And it’s extremely unlikely that an unsuspecting shitter is going to accidentally, coincidentally signal like that three or four different ways. People aren’t being picked up for incidental eye contact or clearing their throats. They’re being picked up for doing the things that people who want public sex do.

I understand the impulse to be properly liberal and understanding but this isn’t about gay sex; it’s about public sex (and I think it’s societally reasonable to expect not to be involved involuntarily in other people’s fucking). And the police have to be left some way to combat it.

Speaking strictly for myself, I have no problem with public sex. Boinking people are inherently amusing to watch, and at times can be stimulating to watch. Nobody is harmed, people who choose to not pay attention can move on, and everybody else is left with a memory or better. Can’t come up with a downside…

mikey

Can’t come up with a downside…

When you’re trying to get a struggling toddler to take a dump before it ends up on the floor and the next cubicle is rocking away you will soon find your down-side.

I just can’t stand all of the sex out on the dancefloor. Disgusting!

“Speaking strictly for myself, I have no problem with public sex. Boinking people are inherently amusing to watch, and at times can be stimulating to watch. Nobody is harmed, people who choose to not pay attention can move on, and everybody else is left with a memory or better. Can’t come up with a downside…

mikey”

Something something typical something Bay Area something something.