McArdle: “I’m Not Even Trying Anymore, Bitchuzzz!”
Sometimes I hate my job. Not the balloon-animals thing, but the main daily job of writing for a prestigious Internet blog publication.
Above: Smiling, even-featured females are
widely presumed to be ‘good on the inside’
Because okay, here’s what certain parties are trying to pass off on people these days:
Class act
27 Aug 2007 04:48 pmThere’s something sort of touching about this:
A top police sniffer dog working for an elite Mexican drug squad was stolen during an airport transfer by thieves who left a mixed-breed puppy in its place, the attorney general’s office said.
Rex IV, a highly trained Belgian Malinois sheepdog with a string of drug hauls behind him, was checked on to a flight from Mexico City this week with seven other police dogs bound for an operation in the northern state of Sinaloa.
But when the dogs arrived at Mazatlan airport, Sinaloa, their police handlers discovered a small black mongrel puppy inside Rex IV’s cage, with the sniffer dog nowhere to be seen.
“In 17 years I’ve never seen anything like this. It’s rather delicate,” a Public Security Ministry spokesman told Reuters on Sunday, adding that the worry was the dog could help smugglers find new ways to conceal drugs.
“It’s like kidnapping an intelligence agent,” he said.
You know, it’s the little touches that count. Many thieves would just have stolen the dog. Or left a Belgian Malinois in its place in order to forestall detection as long as possible. But this bunch left a mutt puppy in order to stave off the discovery just long enough to make their getaway. I feel like I’ve just witnessed a virtuoso piano performance, or a perfect game.
You know, it’s the little touches that count. Many thieves would have just stolen the thing dog. Or left a [checking spelling] Belgian Malamois Malinois in its place before the police busted in and exposed the theft racket on the airplane which. . .um, except it must at some point have landed, with the owners not around, which whee, I have attractive feet I forgot what I was saying.
But oh wait! Okay, this bunch left a mutt puppy on the plane in order to stave off the discovery just long enough to make their getaway! When the airplane landed with a different dog on it, they were right there and scampered away through the terminal like clever sly-bootses, having paused just long enough to. . .okay, never mind, they were actually hundreds of miles away and therefore long-gone. Um.
So yes, it’s like I was saying all along: I feel like I’ve just witnessed a virtuoso piano performance, or a perfect game.
Whatever, they switched the dog instead of trying to, you know, empty cage, okay?
Frankly, I find that this concentration on my rational arguments suggests a teenage crush of which my critics are the initiators.
[/mcardle]
Dai-yee.
which whee, I have attractive feet I forgot what I was saying.
Oh, Gavin, I do love you.
I just do.
I see what she appreciates, insofar as they could have left nothing.
I just can’t believe I’m reading it in the Atlantic. Or not (to be honest)
Her admiration is for the drug cartel? Because they got away with it?
Professional envy.
Smiling, even-featured females are widely presumed to be ‘good on the inside
Like this one!
Note: rare photo. in most, she’s not smiling.
Althouse is jealous!
As someone who is absolutely not Ann Althouse (or bradrocket) I can say right now she is drinking wine, in her sleep.
As for McArdle, I think her drug of choice is the narcotic daze of a self-induced concussion. Or maybe huffing paint thinner.
Ummm…all this took place in an airport and involved federal authorities and McArdle hasn’t zeroed in on the “Islamofascist’s have the run of our airports and are stealing our puppies” angle yet.
I, for one am VERY disappointed.
Ok it was a flight from Mexico City, but still.
p.s. For the theater geeks: “The sun’ll come out, TOMORROW.”
p.p.s. Can we somehow tie this to Michael Vick?
The terraists (disgised as drug smugglers) were training at Vick’s dog fighting school.
When the gig went down, Sen. Craig provided the diversion in the mens room.
Hows that for tying it all in?
[The terraists (disgised as drug smugglers) were training at Vick’s dog fighting school.]
Terraists training camps in Virginia?
Time to invade Delaware.
She still hasn’t explained her “deeply proletarian upper west side roots”.
I think she should be made to.
I’ve seen that “attractive feet” thing a couple of times now, in reference to this airhead. Did she actually write that in one of her posts? Because if so, I missed it.
Y’know, the lint inside my belly button is just fascinating. Where does it come from? What does it mean? Why is that today it’s gray but yesterday it was more blue? And why do we even have navels, except to give me something to gaze upon and contemplate?
And finally:
WTF was The Atlantic thinking hiring this ditzbrain to be a “blogger”? To the untrained eye, she seems to be TRYING to be stupid in that “look at me, look how silly and kooky and goofy I can be, writing about the stupid shit I’m writing about.” But she clearly doesn’t need to try very hard, so the “joke,” such as it is, is on her. You know, they’re laughing at you, not with you.
Hmmmm. Wait a minute, where have I heard this kind of thing before?
Wait.
Wait. Hold on, let me think.
Got it. Have Megan McArdle and Ann Althouse ever been seen in the same place at the same time? Or Megan could be a long-lost love child.
I smell Pulitzer!
“p.p.s. Can we somehow tie this to Michael Vick?”
A-Rod’s fault.
You know, a few years ago a good friend of mine gave up painting, renounced politics, and switched his Atlantic subscription to Time and Sports Illustrated.
At the time I was worried about him, but maybe he was just ahead of the curve.
I, for one am VERY disappointed.
Ok it was a flight from Mexico City, but still.
Well, Mitch “NSA head” McConnell claimed in front of Congress t’other day that Iraqi terrorists are sneaking into American through Mexico. And it all has something-or-other to do with the fact that the NSA spying program got revealed and Americans will die as a result. Or something. So it probably WAS Mooslim terrorists who kidnapped him so they can continue to run their foul opium and hasheesh into our good clean Christian country.
And then they probably sold Rex IV to their satanic Red Chinese masters and now he’s on a buffet table somewhere in Shenyang. ‘Cause FOREIGNERS are EEEEEVIL, y’see. That’s why they don’t respect the lives even of lil’ doggies, like all good Americans do.
May I just say though that regardless of Megan’s toxic beliefs I’d much rather look at her than Confederate Yank-Me.
Also from Megatron:
Gee, I wonder why she gave up the short stories?
Wait, one of her commenters says: “B-b-but everyone tells me you are a fiction writer!?”
And now: LULZbertarians!!
Ubu: I’d just like to know how the terrists are getting into Mexico in the first place. The Mexican gov’t. allegedly takes a harsh attitude toward people crossing the Guatemalan border. Maybe they’re coming in on tourist visas, but I really have to wonder.
To pitch a perfect game, you have go all nine:
From Reuters (8/28/07).
it occurred to me that dying old, desperate and alone probably wasn’t nearly as inspiring for the people it happened to as it was for twenty-year olds looking for an excuse to smoke too much.
No, my excuse for smoking too much is that I want to die while some little pieces of America are still left intact. McArdle just inspired me to up my daily dose.
Maybe she’ll just serve as a conduit for Ananova items, which would be perfectly fine.
Um…is there any evidence that Rex was kidnapped by drug dealers because of his amazing record vs stolen by dog-nappers because, oh, I don’t know, he was an uncommon pure bred with a fancy schmancy kennel?
The substitution of the mixed-breed dog points more towards the latter, no?
Pshaw, isn’t it obvious?
Disguised as dogs!
Carpenter : That’s a dog!
Trapper (confidentially): No only bits of it.
Carpenter: What do you mean?
Trapper: Listen, Teddy Salad is the most brilliant agent the CIA ever had, right?
Carpenter: Right.
Trapper : That’s how he made his name (indicates the dog) – disguise!
[They look at the dog in silence for a moment.]
Carpenter:That’s incredible!
And thus we tie the two plotlines (dogs & Islamomooslibolshies) together. That was not just ANY dog they substituted Rex IV for – it was a Islamomooninite terrorist in disguise! Q.E.D.
oops, that post was a repsonse to M. Bouffant @ 15:16.
Need more coffee.
Now Dorothy, don’t confuse the child Megan with things like facts. We all know that glibertarians much prefer fiction to work.
Kind of off-topic, but I was walking past a teevee with fox news on it yesterday and heard some lady say that peta killed more dogs than michael vick.
I was so torn — stop a minute and hear the lame explanation or just carry the disembodied line around in my head like a koan.
I chose the latter.
Bubba knows about entirely too many freakish websites, and goat or panic beat me to the Andrea McArdle connection by a mile. I can only add that her picture speaks to me of recently removed braces, which had been hampering both her seduction of upperclassmen and her oboe embouchure.
Seriously, the Atlantic? Fuck.
heard some lady say that peta killed more dogs than michael vick.
Which is exactly why my granny, god rest her soul, always said that puppies should stay away from unleavened breads.
What?
What does McArdle have in common with Marie Jon?
Other than a little ass-to-mouth, neither one is much good for anything else. Actually, McArdle isn’t even good for that. Even-featured?
Try: Gorgon-featured, hugely-nosed, flat-chested, etc.
Have Megan McArdle and Ann Althouse ever been seen in the same place at the same time?
Like hell. She seems at first to fit the Althouse/Reynolds mold–vapid, self-absorbed, not-too-bright, classist reactionaries. But she adds something far worse: within one week at her new gig she is musing about justifications for state-sponsored torture (curious position for a libertarian) and placing the blame for the health care crisis squarely on the sick. Ideas like those don’t come from callow narcissism, they come from malice.
She is not an Althouse. She is a Limbaugh. She is a Coulter. And I wish Ezra would just fuck her already so he can stop giving her links.
Back trolling again, eh? Inre: ‘ass to mouth,’ troll safe and troll clean, otherwise I’ll have to hit my least favorite button.
What kind of Spanish/Mexican name is “Rex IV”? How are well-meaning Mexican drug agents to be expected to address this animal without awkwardness or embarrassment?
I want Confederate Yankee on this pronto.
Invisible drug dog!
I’m just glad the dog’s okay. I hate it when the dog gets killed to make a point, especially if it’s a trivial one, like whichever one McArdle was making.
If we ever needed confirmation rightwing bloggers are circling the bowl and sucking Right pundits down with them, this is it. And so will be her next post.
After awhile it gets to be like the chattering of poo-flinging monkeys, or maybe the predictable ranting of Serdar Argic, if anyone remembers him. He was real, but could easily have been a bot.
There’s something sort of touching about this:
Needs work.
There’s something sort of amusing about this, but I am going to miss any and all opportunities at humor and go straight for pointless:
Rex IV, huh? What, did Rex III come to an untimely end in a Virginia suburb?
And what’s with the Roman numerals, anyway? Sure, it looks cool now, but it’s gonna get downright unwieldy with, say, the 26th Rex. Think ahead, people…
mikey
Yes, J, thanks for the Reuters update. I could not enjoy McArdle’s whimsical little flight of fancy on account of thinking about the dog being somehow (I don’t want to think about it) stuffed with smuggled drugs and then dying miserably.
For the record, I deplore this when it happens to people, too.
And thanks, Gavin, for the reminder to tasteless: cleanliness is next to dogliness.
I can’t believe she gets paid to write for The Atlantic. This is myspace quality nonsense.
Those of you who are shocked that she writes for the Atlantic must not have read the Atlantic for the last 5 years or so.
So thieves take dog out of cage and put in puppy. This indicates brilliance of some kind.
“The way they stole my car was simply brilliant–they’re masterminds! It seems they smashed in the window in order to gain access to the vehicle! Who did this, Lex Luthor?!”
Erm. You do know how dogs clean themselves, no? Kittehs too, I might add.
bjacques and larkspur: I think if the people who stole the dog had pulled it off, they or whoever hired them would’ve tried to take good care of him, using him to test different packaging techniques to develop detection-proof ones. What better way to beat the drug-snuffing dogs than to employ a drug-sniffing dog. I assume Rex faced the greatest risk of harm when they determined the cops were onto them and had to decide what to do with him.
On dogs stuffed with drugs, last year the DEA seized a bunch of pure-bred puppies imported from Colombia. Drug smugglers had surgically implanted heroin packets in their bellies (DEA press releases, 2/1/06 and 2/3/06).
Make that “to be imported from Colombia.” They were seized in Colombia.
Those of you who are shocked that she writes for the Atlantic must not have read the Atlantic for the last 5 years or so.
I pick it up when I’m stuck in an airport. Their regular columnists are ridiculous.
Gotta stand up for Corby Kummer, the food columnist and one remaining non-ridiculous Atlantic Monthly regular. He’s seriously the only reason I haven’t yet canceled my subscription.
“The way they stole my car was simply brilliant–they’re masterminds! It seems they smashed in the window in order to gain access to the vehicle! Who did this, Lex Luthor?!”
No, to meet her definition of brilliant, they would have gone a step further – and parked another car in the same space!
The real virtuoso performance would be stealing this clown and replacing her with Billmon.
Gavin and Larkspur:
I got the message. I have seen the error of my ways and I shall repent of my sinfulness.
Hey, here’s an idea. Larkspur why don’t you get all up in Gavin’s booty, rock his world for a while, and then pull out and finish off in his mouth? I think there’s a name for that, but that name is on Gavin’s Index Verborum Prohibitorum which is about all Gavin has left to do these days, given the precipitous decline in popularity of the LOLcon.
Thank you, tasteless, I’ll pass. But you go ahead, dear, bless your heart.
See, that’s what I was talking about. Insult us instead of describing creepy sex fantasies with women who read these comments.
“Oh no, Tasteless, I can’t fit it *all* inside me! Whatever will I do?!”
Sex fantasies? You’re the one who described that scary-ass hag as “even-featured”.
I’d need a case of Viagra, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a year’s worth of Juggs magazines to even get some blood flow near that skank.
For you, its a step up from larkspur, so I’m sure you could perform, making the most out of what little you got.
For you, its a step up from larkspur, so I’m sure you could perform, making the most out of what little you got.
Awww… is tasteless projecting again?
I think we misunderstand tasteless. He wants to be on the administering end, not the receiving end. (Or maybe just wants to give, rather than receive, so as not to have “end” in there.)
Tasteless is the 21st century’s version of the obscene phone caller. He gets off on posting crap like this. It’s not smart, it’s not funny, it’s not clever- but then, it’s not supposed to be. He can tug on his flacid member, reveling in the excited rush he gets by saying these kind of things. I’ve met his type over the years. They are small, beige people who try not to draw attention. The world is a scary place in which they have no power. But give them an anonymous environment to post sexually violent fantasies and get off on the responses? That’s the deal. They used to get all their power from the phone call. The intert00bz offer many more opportunities for their angry little dysfunctional sex lives.
As long as you understand he’s tugging on it while you engage, Gavin, fine, but I submit he should get his masturbatory happies at someone elses expense….
mikey
hmmm…
mikey sounds like he knows a little too much about what he’s talking about
Tug this, son
“sexually violent fantasies”
Sexual fantasy? No, I specifically said she gives me a soft-off.
But here’s the really interesting part about what mikey said:
Violent? There is no hint of violence at all.
Can you say “projection”?
You are a sick fuck, mike
And what do you have against “beige” people, mikey, you racist scum?
FISH + BARREL + GUN
In my haste, I missed the hilarious irony of mikey’s little post. Looking back over it, I find it truly comical.
My initial crime was to read something about Megan McGlibertarian, find it annoying, and to respond with obscenities.
Mikey then read my post, found the obscenities annoying, and responded with obscenities of his own.
It reminds me of the time I met this racist beige dude. I was so morally appalled at his racism, I couldn’t help myself, so I flat out told that nigger to shut the fuck up.
The hell? I come here for teh funny, people. Can’t someone make the mean angry troll go away?
“Can’t someone make the mean angry troll go away?”
hjshorter:
Oh I think your sister or wife and I could come to some kind of an arrangement — perhaps some kind of mutually beneficial exchange of bodily fluids and other corporal effluvia.
There’s a name for the kind of thing I have in mind, but Gavin has declared that term tabu and banished it from his fiefdom. You know Gavin. He’s always thinking about the children.