Glennocidal Tendencies: Mark Noonan Edition
The incomparable Mr. Marcus S. Noonan, PhD:
Above: +3 Eyebrows of Wisdom
We are not engaged in Iraq in a battle sought by the majority of the Iraqi people – they did not ask us to come; it stands to reason that a lot of them (and, who knows?, maybe a majority) would prefer we had never come; they sure as heck don’t like the risk of their children being blown up because some Islamist fanatics want to fight Americans at all costs. What we are engaged in is an attempt to bring change to the Moslem world – a change necessary if the War on Terrorism is not to degenerate into an Islam vs West war to the death. We will prevail in Iraq and thus win the War on Terrorism (though finishing in Iraq will not end the war right away – that will still take some years of effort, some of it military), or we will fail in Iraq and set the stage for a grand confrontation between an eventual Islamist super-State (perhaps backed by China) and the remnants of the west, led by the United States.
This, in Mark’s mind, is the choice before us: stay in Iraq forever or find ourselves battling a pan-Islamic Chinese mega-power.
You know, there are quite a few, shall we say, gigantic gaping flaws with this particular theory. Among them:
1.) Iraqi Shiites and Sunnis really don’t like each other. Like, not at all. So I doubt that once we leave Iraq that they’re going to shake hands and say, “Now we can unite with our Chinese brothers to destroy the true infidels!”
2.) If the Chinese were to wipe us out, who would buy all their lead-painted toys?
Above: Sentiment not shared by most Chinese businesses.
3.) The idea that we have to save the Muslim world from itself in order to prevent ourselves from later destroying it (I know it’s confusing to wrap your head around, but that’s what he’s really advocating!) seems rather, erm, twisted.
But other than that, I’m sure Mark’s ideas will work out just dandy.
And lead tainted bibs, and formaldehyde clothing.
Hey Mark, you left out the Uighurs!
The Weeeeeeeeee-grrrs!
Godammit, when are these fuck-wits going to stop thinking in terms of the Cold War? “Islamic Super State”?! It’s almost as if, as if, well, as if, Noonie is totally unfamiliar with the history of political Islam and its grand successes in running states.
Why can’t these fools learn that invading states, attempting to control real estate and resources, and occupying a people is not the way to combat an ideology, but in fact, serves the exact opposite end by giving fodder to the equally foolish jackasses on the other side.
And, this just in, from Mark’s commentariat, in response to the NYT op-ed sergeants:
John ‘F’in Kerry, whose rhetoric helped cause the fiasco of the fall of South Viet Nam.
Maybe that is why we entrust leadership of battles to our Presidents and Generals, and not Junior Officers or Enlisted men.
But what? We entrusted Iran to Jimmy Carter and look how he screwed us there!
they sure as heck don’t like the risk of their children being blown up because some Islamist fanatics want to fight Americans at all costs
Ahh, NOW I understand how this whole “war in iraq” came about. I knew it!
A hundred thousand american soldiers, complete with all their equipment just happened to be in iraq one fateful day when those pesky islamist fanatics decided to fight americans at all costs.
As a bunch of innocent victims, it’s a good thing our guys were armed to the teeth and could fight back.
But I am still confused about one thing. China seems pretty focused on accumulating economic power and raising the quality of life at home. So I think I need you to explain what they would have to gain backing your theoretical islamic superstate and creating the conditions for a big war? Seems to me a losing proposition…
mikey
Population of Iraq: 27,499,638
Number of Muslims in the world: 1.5 billion
We have clearly erred in not attacking a more populous country, like India, Indonesia, Bangladesh or Pakistan. Who knows, maybe Osama’s hiding out in one of them?
Once China is assimilated by the Islamist menace because of its soft-heartedness, its lack of resolve, its fundamental defenselessness, its atheism, etc, then we’ll have an Islamic super-state that can truly threaten America.
They really have reached the point of just cutting and pasting using their old Cold War propaganda, haven’t they? Hey, remember when Islamofascist terrorist Nikita Khrushchev taunted America at the UN? I wonder what ever happened to his WMDs. Probably gave them to his Chinese co-jihadists.
does this guy really have a PhD? cause…..wow….. that sad : (
Legalize: Why can’t these fools learn that invading states, attempting to control real estate and resources, and occupying a people is not the way to combat an ideology, but in fact, serves the exact opposite end by giving fodder to the equally foolish jackasses on the other side.
Because not understanding that is how they get a paycheck/votes.
dj- no he doesn’t, that’s me being sarcastic (note that I’ve assigned myself a PhD, an MD and a JD, not to mention the fact that I’ve elevated myself to sainthood).
thats good. I was a little worried there. also you may not have all those fancy degrees but you’ll always be a saint to me hot stuff
Wingut brains are so constantly buzzing with apocalyptic conspiracy theories–I’ll be happen to reduce their pants-wetting panic by about 0.0001% by disposing of this one: http://hrw.org/english/docs/2005/04/11/china10447.htm I don’t think we’re going to be seeing a Sino-Islamic alliance anytime soon.
I’m not quite clear on why wingnuts dislike China so much. The Chinese state has become a corrupt handmaiden to monstrous business interests, they treat and pay their workers like slaves to stock the shelves of our beloved Wal-Mart, they pollute at a level that makes the U.S. look like a vegan commune, they ignore safety in the manufacture of all products, they treat dissent as treason, and they appear to have put Michelle Malkin in charge of their Muslim population to boot. What’s not to like?
does this guy really have a PhD?
He doesn’t, but he seriously does fancy himself quite the historian, often claiming that people who are clearly smarter and better informed than him simply cannot beat him in discussions about history. Which just makes the whole business even funnier.
Speaking of funny, “+3 Eyebrows of Wisdom” = Teh Funnie
You know, whenever I hear about the global caliphate, I want to hit myself with something hard, probably with rusty, jagged nails in it. Classic example of confusing fanatical dreams of a group with actual capabilities of that group. It’s particularly striking when the people who argue most vociferously for the Global Caliphate (outside of the right wing echo chamber) tend to you know, hang out in caves and posses complicated weapons systems like TNT and AK-47s.
But then I think to myself, Gee, do you know what would likely bring about a global caliphate? Massive invasions of Muslim countries for the stated purpose of keeping them from forming said Caliphate. It may be that the idiots on the right will create the very monster they claim to be fighting.
He has a point: considering the fantastic relations the Chinese have with their own Muslim population, they’d be all over setting up a powerful, armed Islamic super state, bordering and encroaching on their own territory.
They’re also working on developing Islamic super ponies, but the lead paint thing keeps coming back to bite them, so to speak.
What to do if a link goes back to a Neocons site warn the reader with
http://stor-e-tella.blogspot.com/2007/08/wingnuts-id-certification.html
The Wingnuts Logo
confrontation between an eventual Islamist super-State…
Whaaat?!?
Does time flow differently for these people?
This might almost pass for insight in the year 700 AD, Mr. Noonan.
Just because you recently read something about the Caliphate and it’s vast territorial expanse doesn’t make you a Mid-East expert.
But then I think to myself, Gee, do you know what would likely bring about a global caliphate? Massive invasions of Muslim countries for the stated purpose of keeping them from forming said Caliphate. It may be that the idiots on the right will create the very monster they claim to be fighting.
You are, of course, spot on. The great Raza Aslan put it beautifully in an interview with The Sun magazine:
“The new buzzword is Islamofascism, which comes from bin Laden’s stated goal to create a “worldwide caliphate,” an Islamic empire that will sweep away the existing governments of the Muslim world and then come after the West. Now, it’s true that this is his goal. But world peace is my goal; that doesn’t mean I have a chance of achieving it. By bin Laden’s own admission, al-Qaeda will never reestablish the caliphate. A few years ago the majority of Muslims in the world didn’t even know what the caliphate was, let alone want it to come back. But when the president of the United States of America, the most powerful man on earth, announced that he was afraid bin Laden could re-create the caliphate, it gave an air of legitimacy to this absurd idea. It emboldened these jihadists and put them in a position of leadership in the Muslim world that they would never have had otherwise. For Bush, talking about the caliphate may have been a good strategy for getting reelected, but it is a terrible strategy for winning this “war on terror” that we’re supposed to be fighting.”
Which, sadly, are firmly ensconsed in his -3 Hindquarters of Flatulence, along with the rest of his head.
Eyebrows, it’s always about the eyebrows with this picture, which I love, but come on. It’s like you don’t even recognize they are only the third-best part of the image, after The Wattle of Vainglory and Tenser’s Floating Smirk.
It’s hard work keeping up with all the paranoid delusions that keep oozing out of the right-wing’s collective subconscious.
I was only dimly aware of the global Caliphate theme. I like it – it’s not just dumb, it’s frigging stump-humping nuts. Given the degree of political and religious harmony in the Muslim world, I’d rate the chances of a Islamist superstate developing as only slightly better than that of an all-conquering neo-fascist military empire bursting out of Tierra del Fuego.
I’m sure if we dug deep enough, we could find a quote from him leading up to the war where he claimed the Iraqis DID ask us to come.
Iraqi Shiites and Sunnis really don’t like each other.
Not only that, the Shiites don’t even like all the other Shiites! They’re squabbling amongst themselves for political advantage, and by “squabbling,” I mean blowing the shit out of each other.
Isn’t that Bob Allen’s job?
Given the degree of political and religious harmony in the Muslim world
Surely the Muslim world is a single monolithic entity, obedient to the will of its single leader. Just like the Christian world.
I’m sure if we dug deep enough, we could find a quote from him leading up to the war where he claimed the Iraqis DID ask us to come.
Well, his trick now is to claim that we are still in Iraq at the invitation or request of the Iraqi government and that if said government ever asked us to leave, we would. This neatly sidesteps the issues that:
1) The Iraqi government isn’t going to buck its White House masters like that. Maybe on some smaller matters, but actually say, “Hey, we want you out of here?” Not likely.
2) The Iraqi government has precious little legitimacy among the Iraqi populace, in no small part due to issue #1.
But I bet some searching would turn up him claiming that the Iraqis asked us to bomb the shit out them. He’s stupid and nuts like that.
Surely the Muslim world is a single monolithic entity, obedient to the will of its single leader.
That is indeed true. The entire Islamic world is under the all-pervasive autocratic rule of Ed McMahon.
I’m not quite clear on why wingnuts dislike China so much. The Chinese state has become a corrupt handmaiden to monstrous business interests, they treat and pay their workers like slaves to stock the shelves of our beloved Wal-Mart, they pollute at a level that makes the U.S. look like a vegan commune, they ignore safety in the manufacture of all products, they treat dissent as treason, and they appear to have put Michelle Malkin in charge of their Muslim population to boot. What’s not to like?
Obvious answer: Our wingnuts are jealous of the Chinese “princelings”.
But for an accident of birth, all the Noonans and Goldbergs are convinced they’d be oppressing the workers, gutting the global infrastructure, and spending their free time trading Cuban cigars and hand-engineered watches while sipping vintage champagne and getting sexually serviced by squadrons of nubile-yet-faceless lovelies.
Of course, in the real world, they’d still be fourth-level apparatchiks, lampreys squabbling over crumbs from the *big* sharks’ dinners, but aren’t we always the stars of our own fantasies?
I think all he has is a high school diploma. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but ol’ Mark sure acts the stereotype of belligerent ignoramus.
I’ve got to say again: Noonan is the funniest looking wingnut ever! I just can’t stop giggling at that picture. And yeah I guess they’re realizing that most people aren’t buying the “Global Caliphate” anymore so now China is becoming the latest “Greatest, most unprecedented threat to civilization EVAR!!1!”
The Wattle of Vainglory and Tenser’s Floating Smirk
Naturally this reminds me of Jack Vance and the Dying Earth stories. In particular I thought of his novella ‘Morreion’. I would type in the final paragraphs, if I had the book on hand — they describe how Morreion is magically drained of his memories and thoughts, until he is left staring blankly and obediently.
Come to think of it, it might not have been “Tenser’s Floating Smirk” which brought this image to mind, so much as the photograph of Noonan.
Jake H., I think it’s the fact that China holds the US’ economic testicles firmly in its cunning oriental hands. One good squeeze and it’s all over, Red Rover.
What we are engaged in is an attempt to bring change to the Moslem world – a change necessary if the War on Terrorism is not to degenerate into an Islam vs West war to the death.
Wait a minute. Isn’t an “Islam vs West war to the death” just what these idiots desparately want?
Wait a minute. Isn’t an “Islam vs West war to the death” just what these idiots desparately want?
Preferably a Texas Steel Cage Death Match. Sgt. Slaughter vs. The Iron Sheik.
It may be that the idiots on the right will create the very monster they claim to be fighting.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who sees that. Thanks, Your Grace.
I loved the quotes from Noonan:
We are not engaged in Iraq in a battle sought by the majority of the Iraqi people
Wait a minute, I thought Dear Leader keeps saying we are there because they want us there?
What we are engaged in is an attempt to bring change to the Moslem world
Tom Friedman in da house!
We will prevail in Iraq and thus win the War on Terrorism (though finishing in Iraq will not end the war right away – that will still take some years of effort, some of it military)
So, even if we win, we haven’t won. Uh…what?
or we will fail in Iraq and set the stage for a grand confrontation between an eventual Islamist super-State (perhaps backed by China) and the remnants of the west, led by the United States.
Wait a minute, I thought Norm! Podhoretz said we were ALREADY in a “grand confrontation” with Islam, that we were fighting World War IV or V now. Are you guys even on the same pages over there on the right?
Hilarious.
An alliance between the anti-religious government of China, which has problems in it’s western provinces with muslime separatists, and radical muslims probably makes perfect sense on paper. Provided you first snort lines of cocaine off said paper. otherwise, it is possibly the dumbest thing Noonan has ever…oh wait, never mind. The competition for the dumbest thing Noonan said will not be won that easily. Still, this might be a contender.
Never heard of the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact?