Shorter DoughBob Loadpants

Bono Heckles Dissenters

  • Don’t give those greedy Africans any more free money; it’s much more humane to exploit them and pay them slave wages.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.


Comments: 23


This guy has to be the most derided guy on the internet. At some point, even wingnuts should feel shame, right?


I think it is sad that foreign aid isn’t working and that some on the left don’t have better ideas. But it is even sadder that the only alternative offered by the benign, christian and sensible conservatives is to just let capitalism loose and have a wank about it. Sure capitalism could play a big part, but it should start from within, or at least be carefully monitored.

It’s difficult to have a wank with the invisible hand. But they do try don’t they?


Hard to get shorter than the original post.


Is there a way to send trackback pings to The Corn(hol)er posts? Because this would be a good one to ping them on.


It’s funny because the aid we give to Africa has largely been tied to them implementing free market reforms as a condition. In fact, part of the reason Africa is so fucking poor these days is the way in which the IMF and World Bank have been milking the continent dry through both high interest rates and coerced neoliberalism.

If anything, the failure of foreign aid to Africa is a result of the free market, not the aid itself.


Every picture I’ve seen of Jonah it looks like he has but one thing on his mind with lazerlike focus:

“Are you gonna finish that…?


*mandatory unwritten book reference*


His book is finished, and when it is published, you liberals will be. He will expose all of your schemes to the masses, and they will realize they have been brainwashed and lied to for years, starting in schools and then in the media and in the workplace. Liberals have no tolerence for dissent, none, whey they ban me herre all the time to silence my free speech.


I didn’t know you fancied yourself some Doughy Pantload, Gary.


Gary, I hate to be the one to tell you this but if your desires for a—who are you backing now anyways it ain’t Thompson anymore—Cheney-Bolton? Administration come aught eight is dependent on one Jonah Goldberg slapstick making a convincing argument, you’re well and truly screwed.


I call Fake Gary.


Of COURSE that’s a fake Gary. The real Gary Ruppert is a warrior, a trooper, he can hump ruck through the fetid swamps and steaming jungles of left blogistan, taking all kinds of hits in the flesh and never complain.

This whining about being banned here? Not only did it never happen, if it did the Real Gary could take it…


trilateral chairman

Old Jonah has managed to insulate himself against the shame one would normally feel when operating at his level of incompetence. He basically just blames everyone else for getting mad at him. For example, he recently posted a few emails from people who claimed that Mormons did not believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ. This is wrong, as it happens, and he was soon deluged by emails from Mormons who were keen to point this out. Jonah’s response:

I didn’t endorse [those posts], or any other comments, as anything more than interesting. When I put up omnibus email posts like that, I think that’s self-evident.

So Jonah’s saying that it’s self-evident that he hasn’t done any fact-checking, doesn’t care to do any fact-checking, and is just posting anything that’s bright and sparkly enough to catch his eye.

Well, as a matter of fact, that *is* self-evident, so Jonah’s actually being honest here It’s also self-evident that Jonah’s definition of “interesting” is rather peculiar, in that it *doesn’t* mean “interested in learning more about this topic” or “interested in assessing the truth of what some random person from the Internet told me” or even “interested in taking two minutes to glance at what Wikipedia has to say about the matter so that I don’t look like a complete ignoramus in front of the whole internet for the 30,000th time.” “Interesting” to Goldberg apparently just means “sounds kinda cool.”

What’s puzzling too is that he survives in spite of his obvious incompetence. As a practical matter, you’d think that the conservative blogosphere in general would slowly learn not to trust anything Goldberg says because it’s highly likely that he’ll need to correct it before too long.

If I ever get the time and audience, I’d love to do an HTML-style takedown of Jonah. I have never encountered anyone else who so assiduously defends his own ignorance and sloth


He is like a Wingnut Superhero!

Doughy Pantload has the unmistakable ring of a Tick character…

Maybe we need to start thinking about a comic featuring the Blogger Hall of Justice and our favorite wingnut super villians…

Herr Doktor Bimler

He is like a Wingnut Superhero!

Tick vs. Tardigrade?

The Tardigrade Appreciation Society informs us that
“lolling about in its warm, mushy home, the tardigrade is kind of the microbiological equivalent to a damp couch potato slacker. […] with an impenetrable exoskeleton and powerklaws of doom,this tiny fella is not to be messed with.”


It’s difficult to have a wank with the invisible hand. But they do try don’t they?

Actually, that’s probably the best explanation of the College Republican dude who fondled the penises of sleeping roommates: he was posing as the Invisible Hand Wanker, the Republican version of Santa Claus. (Every election, IHW brings kickbacks, tax cuts, plum government jobs, and wingnut welfare to good Republicans everywhere.)


At some point, even wingnuts should feel shame, right?

If they were capable of feeling shame, would they allow themselves to be associated with Jonah Goldberg?

Actually, I’m beginning to think the Doughy Pantload may be some kind of “diversity talisman” in the mind of his Wingnut Welfare Wanker fellows. At some level, the WWWs must believe that if a man who wasn’t toilet-trained until well into puberty can earn a good living as a “pundit”, then all their brave theories about how anybody can be successful must be true, right?

Certainly it’s not a question of diligence or dedication, because Jonah’s entirely web-based output is a demonstration of how lazy and uncommitted he is, so it must be that the C.R.E.A.M. always rises…

Trilateral Chairman

If they were capable of feeling shame, would they allow themselves to be associated with Jonah Goldberg?

I tend to attribute that to stupidity rather than an incapability for shame. Take a look at who Jonah’s editors are. The editor of National Review is Rich Lowry, who doesn’t seem to pay attention to much of anything (aside from slavish recitations of the party line, that is). As for the online version, the editor is Kathryn Jean Lopez, an utter cretin who seems to be profoundly incapable of anything resembling original thought. These days, there’s really no one at NR who can point out to Jonah that he’s being a dolt.


As for the online version, the editor is Kathryn Jean Lopez, an utter cretin who seems to be profoundly incapable of anything resembling original thought.

I don’t think they take themselves seriously anymore in ‘The Corner’, if they ever did. The only way to take it is to read it all as parody.

(btw, ‘is ‘The Corner’ not about the dumbest name, the corner of where, a street corner, a football corner, the corner of a seedy Amsterdam bar, where?)


In all their faux macho, they probably mean it as the corner of a boxing ring, though it’s much more like the “squared circle” of pro wrasslin’.


Or the corner where dunces are sent to sit. Though apparently poor Jonah has misplaced his conical tinfoil hat, probably because he finished off Goldstein’s paste.

DoughBob Loadpants

Let’s bring back Apartheid, that way the dirty little niggers will appreciate what we’ve given them.


I posted this over at Kos:

Jonah is a thin skinned little (9+ / 0-)
wingnut welfare recipient.

To prove my assertion, witness his response to an email that I sent him this morning.

A little back story.

Over at SadlyNo I read a post that His Whaleness put up regarding the “culture of dependency”. To which I responded thusly;

Subject: Dependency???? Heh, Indeed!
Date: August 21, 2007 11:56:25 AM CDT

Even a cretinous lay-about like you deserves some of that “dependence”, Jonah. C’mon, admit it. You wouldn’t be where you are now without a little wingnut welfare, now would you Pantload?

I know, not very adult-like.

To my surprise he responded:

Subject: Re: heh
Date: August 21, 2007 12:19:52 PM CDT

I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. None, zip, zero. But, I can tell you’re an ass, so don’t bother explaining yourself.


ya think I touched a nerve?

I do.

As for not knowing what I was talking about?



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