Mister Leonard Pierce, I LOVE YOU!

Honestly, every time she opens that red little slit she calls a mouth, I wanna grab her by the hair and slam her head down on a tile floor, mopping it with her blood and teeth.

Violent? Okay. Satisfying? Oh, GOD yes!

Oh. That wasn’t Ann saying that shit, it was VDH? Well, my violent fantasy still stands. Only now it includes grabbing HIM by his thinning reddish hair and and slamming him down on a tile floor as well.

Victor Davis Thor’s Breast Implants Hanson going What If with easity answerable questions?

I should go to Harvard and demand a job, if all it takes is that kind of intellect.

What if George Bush said he really wasn’t concerned about catching the guy who planned 9/11?

What if George Bush told a lady who said she had to work 3 jobs to make ends meet that that was the American way?

What if George Bush made fun of a death-row inmate’s plea for mercy?

What if George Bush read a kids’ book and did nothing for 15 minutes while American was under attack by terrorists?

What if George Bush refused to accept a visit to his home by a US Senator who was a triple amputee, and let him sit outside in the hot sun on a Texas summer day?

What if George Bush told our enemies to “bring it on?”

What if George Bush called another head of state a pygmy and said he loathed him?

Ann Coulter is not worthy to weild mighty Mjolnir!

Seriously, she’d sit there trying to pick it up and not getting it to budge. Then she’d smart off to the Hulk about something, and he’d hit with a tank.

That song is awesome.

What if your party was scandal-ridden with tales of treason, incompetence, larceny, pedophilia and sexual assault?

I should have thrown in a couple of !’s in deference to the graphic.

Nevermind all these silly questions… what really matters is that the site you’ve linked is advertising tours of Greece with Victor David Hanson! Zowie!! Think of the mind-expanding intellectual stimulation!

What would be the press reaction—if George Bush announced that he wanted to invade nuclear Islamic Pakistan?

I expect they’d cheer for him. Like they do every time he says anything.

Or if he addressed a group of African-Americans and adopted a fake-black accent as if implying all spoke with flawed Southern-accented grammar?

I expect they’d say, “Ha! Serves those uppity negroes right! They deprived us of our precious Imus!”

Or if he told a reporter that he hated a congressman?

Again, they’d be entirely enthusiastic. They’d cheer it from the rooftops. It would dominate the newscasts for weeks. “George Bush hates Nancy Pelosi! HE HAS A FLAVOR!”

Or he said that Abu Ghraib was about the same as when Saddam’s murderers ran it?

Wasn’t it?

Or if he said another Congressman reminded him of Hitler?

Again, they’d have a big party. Chris Matthews would start doing his show completely naked. “George Bush says Harry Reid is Hitler! INVISIBLE BUTTSECKS!”

Well, umm, …

I’d ….

I’m sorry. What was the question?

mikey

“By the sacred beard of Odin!”

I’ll try to work this into conversation tomorrow.

“By the sacred beard of Odin!”

I heard Odin is rockin’ a wingnut face mullet these days.

“What would be the press reaction—if George Bush announced that he wanted to invade nuclear Islamic Pakistan?”

I’d be more worried about what the Pentagon’s reaction would be, considering the landing force would consist of a five guys, a humvee, and a parade horse. Who would probably be instantly vaporized in the blinding, white-hot flash of an instant when Pakistan nukes them to defend their sovereignty.

I’m just guessing, though.

Wait, holy crap, is she seriously suggesting the Obama/Pakistan thing is… that’s… holy crap fuck… Why does Anne believe this is an exercise in hyperbole? How many times in the past year has Bush NOT suggested invading Iran, which they believe to be nuke-ready, so they claim, then turn around and say. “Invade Pakistan? Crazy talk from a deranged MADMAN!”

…I need to go lay down.

Guys? I have a goatee. I admit I’m a little chunky, too–but not balding. Am I really looking ridiculous? Oh, god. I’m going to shave it off. What about the lower-lip hair? Does it go, too?

What would be the press reaction—if George Bush announced that he wanted to invade nuclear Islamic Pakistan?

“Whoopee – that’ll show those Saudi 911 hijackers a thing or two!”

Jeff, in order for it to qualify as a “wingnut face mullet” you first have to be a ‘wingnut’ .

What if Jimmy Carter hadn’t destroyed Western Civilization as we know it?

What if John Wayne hadn’t made McQ?!

What would Plato do?

What would play-doh and bacon do??!!!

Confidential to maryc: Go roll yerself a scrapper. Go on, git.

The comic is perfect in every way. The only thing I would add is the black cocktail dress. I believe she was born in it.

What if Loki’s Ampallang were made from Nigerian yellow-cake?

From the comments:
I heard Democatic Candidate Mike Gravel assert that Spartans and Spartan society encouraged homosexuality as it provided the the incentive to “protect the man beside you” in combat. Is this correct? My understatnding is that Spartans were warriors first, all else second. Could you address this?

Wow. Wonder how he’ll answer that one..

What if George Bush made fun of a death-row inmate’s plea for mercy?

And what if, in so doing, he managed to offend Tucker “Mr Ethical Sensitivity” Carlson? I know, I know, not even remotely plausible.

dude, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: like the aramaeans hated the assyrians, ooh, right around 871 bc, i hate vdh.

also, i’ve got a fantastic hypothetical question: what if vdh had bothered to use a spellchecker? geez, pajamas media, i’ve seen more professional writing from first graders.

What if he turned every single government agency into tools of the Republican party and packed them with incompetent cronies?

Also, what’s the shock ending? I MUST KNOW!!!1!!1

Hey, as the ACTUAL Alternate Historian, I resent you lumping him in with me on the basis of 1 little article!

I have 3 years of work in this field, and I’ll be damned if some amateur can come along and claim my glory…

What if he made a joke out of looking for weapons of mass destruction in his office?

Or if he addressed a group of African-Americans and adopted a fake-black accent as if implying all spoke with flawed Southern-accented grammar?

What if he came from freakin New England and adopted a miserable fake-Texas accent as if implying everyone below the Mason-Dixon were as dumb as he is?

Jeff, in order for it to qualify as a “wingnut face mullet” you first have to be a ‘wingnut’ .

Thanks, owlbear. I needed that get-out-of-lame-free card too.

Perhaps this isn’t the best time to admit that I used to be a mouth-breather (prior to a {giant} adenoidectomy). And I used to eat big sammiches. I still like (diet) Mountain Dew. And once in a blue moon or three, Cheetos are the Orange Stainmakers of Promise.

OK, there goes all my thread cred. I blame it on a Reaganite Catholic childhood.

“What would be the press reaction—if George Bush announced that he wanted to invade nuclear Islamic Pakistan?”

Bush is still trying to figure out that whole sovereignty thingy so I’m guessing Pakistan is safe for awhile longer.

Goddamit MCH, I was going to bring up the fake suhthuhn accent. Hanson must have brass balls of doom to now denounce fake accents and bad grammar.

Clearly, you missed the part where Thor’s Hammer could only be wielded by someone with absolutely pure virtues.

Perhaps this isn’t the best time to admit that I used to be a mouth-breather (prior to a {giant} adenoidectomy). And I used to eat big sammiches. I still like (diet) Mountain Dew. And once in a blue moon or three, Cheetos are the Orange Stainmakers of Promise.

MCH:

I love me some Krunchers- those things are awesome, if quite artery clogging. Hell, most of us are some kind of geek, that’s how we ended up here.

That’s a good question! What would be the press reaction if he announced he wanted to invade nuclear Islamic Iraq?

Not the same situation. Look at the events surrounding the coup removing Sharif from power in Pakistan. Musharrif has been good to certain people in terms of making sure the money keeps rolling in. Our corporations weren’t profiting from Iraq like they were from Pakistan. So, the reaction would have been different.

Or if he addressed a group of African-Americans and adopted a fake-black accent as if implying all spoke with flawed Southern-accented grammar?

Nu? Bush adopts a fake-white Southern accent implying all speak with flawed Southern-accented grammar, and the press loves how well GWB can connect with Joe Sixpack.

Why stop there?

What if Bush was a big poopy-head?

What if I finally watched 300 last night and realized that what it means is that the men of “all of Sparta” can be raised by techniques combining Marine boot camp and Hitler Youth ideology, and yet the nation STILL turns out to be run by four ancient perverts on a mountaintop and a “council” of mumbling gasbag politicians and a slimeball turncoat? (Sign me up for Athens, pronto!)

What if Bush says all options for dealing with Iran are “on the table,” and Nancy Pelosi says “impeachment is off the table,” and they’re talking about the same table?

What if Coulter had a soul?

Nah…the Thor’s hammer thing is clearly more probable.

“What would be the press reaction—if George Bush announced that he wanted to invade nuclear Islamic Pakistan?”

We would have to require that he first prove that he can pronounce it correctly.

Anybody see White Light/Black Rain on HBO last night? Nuclear weapons should never, ever be used ever.

Nuclear Islamic Pakistan: Band name of the thread.
Facial Hair: Unless you’re a chinless wonder, shave it! That Wingnut Face Mullet/goatee/van Dyck thing was first visible here in the trend capital of the universe (SoCal) ’bout ’85 or ’86. It should have been over by 1990, and it was officially over when John Travolta started to sport one. Leave it to the 30 yrs. behind the time RW a-hole Young Republican rapists. Basically, face hair is for men to hide behind. Let the actual you out, boys!!
(From someone who could use a little more chin, & whose beard is rather sparse. But I’m still right. Just look @ DoughBob SpongeButt on Bloggingheads or even the TNR rip-off thereof, as he continually strokes the ugly thing, apparently still amazed that he’s passed through something resembling puberty.)

What if I finally watched 300 last night and realized that what it means is that the men of “all of Sparta” can be raised by techniques combining Marine boot camp and Hitler Youth ideology, and yet the nation STILL turns out to be run by four ancient perverts on a mountaintop and a “council” of mumbling gasbag politicians and a slimeball turncoat? (Sign me up for Athens, pronto!)

Diebold goes back a loooong way…

Wait. . . “black” is an accent?

Or, as Shakespeare put it, “Never never never never never.”

Great post! Still, it pains me to see you associate Coulter at all with the mighty Thor. But the “what if” is just too good, and I’m sure she wound up in Nifelheim.