Mr. Yankee: Back With A Bong
It seems like we can hardly stay on top of the narrative these days, pace the Beauchamp affair.
Our right-wing pals have, once again, fallen into one of those vicious recrimination-spirals that constitute their version of the ‘correction’ and the ‘apology’ — i.e., of those things that are proper to do when one has been proven wrong, and especially when one has falsely maligned another person. They’re arguing with waving arms and legs that the exact words they used actually meant different things than people misguidedly thought they meant, that various second- and third-order inconsistencies in Beauchamp’s writings are really the central issue all along, that it’s Teh Liberals who are truly the ones to blame for this regrettable affair, that Beauchamp is a bad person who ought to be imprisoned and/or beaten just on principle, and a lot of other things that all blend together into a long, sustained moo.
Also, that The New Republic’s credibility is destroyed, which they seek to prove by linking to the claims of a gay porn star who’s been under investigation for fraud.
Above: Matt “Dirty” Sanchez
The net effect is that we can’t turn the computer on without laughing and laughing.*
Here to help is Confederate Yankee, back again for more:
Update: A bit dog barks. Gavin M. at Sadly No! (cited above for claiming “WingNet accuses soldier/journalist of being an impostor”) tries to support liberal bloggers’ charges that conservative bloggers said Beauchamp didn’t exist, was fabricated, or was an impostor.
How does he mount his brilliant defense?
I know the answer, but I’m enjoying the way he’s setting this up.
He cites devastating examples, such as Bryan at Hot Air using scare quotes around the word soldier… Twice. He also highlights a truism observed by Bryan in that post that anyone in the military would be able to tell the difference between a fellow soldier’s uniform and that of a civilian contractor.
A great defense mounted so far, but wait, there’s more!
Gavin M. blasts Charles at LGF for using the phrase, “purported to be written by a soldier.” Charles used the “P” word to describe someone hiding behind a pseudonym? Why, that’s the exact same thing as directly calling him an impostor, isn’t it folks?
Shucks, maybe not. If ‘blast’ is a new term for ‘quote someone without any editorial commentary,’ then I guess words can mean anything. When Media Mythbusters gets off the ground, Mr. Yankee will be free to start work on a new conservative dictionary.
Until then, alas, I guess we’ll have to keep using the old liberal-biased ones:
pur·port
1. To have or present the often false appearance of being or intending; profess: [as with] selfish behavior that purports to be altruistic.
It makes me sad that I had to do that.
And yet Gavin presumably has a day job that doesn’t involve balloon animals.
Balloon animals by day, yes, but it’s what you have to do if you want to break into Zeppelin design.
But hang on, he has more evidence… Ace of Spades also used the damning scare quotes… twice. Gavin’s a regular Perry Mason, isn’t he?
And the killing blow… before Beauchamp came out, Michelle Malkin, vile, prevaricating Malkin, addressed the liberal blogosphere’s greatest unknown soldier as–and watch out for the scare quotes–as “alleged.”
It’s, like, recursing: He’s putting scare quotes around what Malkin said, which means it’s actually the opposite of what she was really not saying the opposite of.
Above: Diagram proving Confederate Yankee’s point
Purported and alleged, two bread-and-butter words in any journalist’s quiver for when the facts are hazy in the least, have–according to Gavin–become the same as calling him an impostor. Using scare quotes in the same manner is morphed by Gavin into a declarative emphatically stating that he doesn’t exist.
That’s his case. Really.
You know, this is the perfect setup for all sorts of invented calumny about Mr. Yankee: purportedly meth-free, allegedly never convicted of serial sheep molestation, a “sober driver” who has allegedly never beaten a puppy with a folding chair, etc.
But I swear to God, we can’t laugh any more tonight or we’ll start wheezing…
* Ol’ Ace is carefully avoiding the ‘fraud’ issue by pretending that the only problem with Matt Sanchez is the porn career, allowing him also to pretend that ‘gay porn actor’ and ‘gay’ are exactly equivalent concepts — and therefore, liberals are once again revealed as rabid homophobes for mentioning Sanchez’s private sexuality, which is nobody’s business (although publicly documented and for sale in both VHS and DVD formats).
He then uses this as a ‘see what they’re making me do’ excuse in order to go after various people (including Beauchamp) for possibly being gay.
You have to love Ace; he thinks this stuff up all on his own.
Shorter Confederate Spank-me:
“If” I start “using” “quotes” “at” random “intervals” the “whole idea” behind “quotes” won’t “matter anymore” thus “proving” “my” point that “Gavin M.”, or “the guy” who claims “to be Gavin M.” is “wrong” and, worse, “a” liberal.
Your diagram…
I’m gonna need a couple of minutes to stitch up my sides.
Sheesh. More homophobia, Gavin? Why can’t the left learn that when the right champions a former prostitute and porn star under investigation for fraud his sexuality is so irrelevant that to mention it is to assault gay people?
They’re arguing with waving arms and legs they didn’t actually make the claims that people misguidedly thought they were making..
Okay, easy guys, just the arms okay? Gun Counter Gomer’s got the trick knee and all…
I seriously need a Google Alert for “Ace of Spades HQ” and “gay” because this purported “straight person” is more obsessed with gayness than most homosexuals I know.
And I find the whole thing fucking hilarious.
Frankly, y’all, I’m offended you’d slur the good name of Bongs Worldwide by linking ’em with this yowling dipstick. Not near as offended by the idea of anyone calling himself “Confederate Yankee” on a regular basis, me being an actual friggin’ Southern. Fucking hell, that shit’s embarassing. The South lost the war, doofus. The South was wrong. The two are not neccessarily connected but they are nevertheless the gospel truth.
And speaking of bongs, Rod Boneman or whatever hoss’s stage name was looks stoned off his ass on that video cover. The other two guys look slightly irritated, like they’re seeing someone take a bit out of the last donut and then throw it away because they don’t like sprinkles.
That guy in the very back is so dweeby that he looks more like a right wing blogger than a porn star and is probably wondering if he can has wingnut welfare. In the meantime if he’s getting paid to fuck on screen I’m wondering, maybe I can has gay porn career?
Is Confederate Yankee for real? Most conservatives just ignore it when they get called out and spanked so blatantly.
And, make no mistake, if he’s for real, CY got spanked. Gavin ate his lunch. Yank got taken for a ride.
To wit: “I never said you were “incestuous”, I just said that you “enjoy frequent sex with your mother”.
That’s pretty much his argument right there. He’s arguing semantics. IN effect, he’s trying to make fun of your stance, because his pokemon are better then your pokemon.
Band name of the day award to Matt T. for “Yowling Dipstick”
“My God! It’s full of Holes!”
Okay, bu the balloon animals line was pretty funny, though not as funny as the rejoinder. Credit where credit’s due. Also, I love the Legos.
It’s outrageous that you are using that “All About Last Night” picture to illustrate this post! I demand that you replace it with one of these pictures!
On the issue of FISA, DC Democrats would rather go on vacation than fight for the far-left.
It’s good for America that some Democrats choose to do something to stop terror, instead of obstructing the War on Terror.
From time to time, when I don’t anything more pressing to ponder (our national healthcare crisis, the endless pseudojustifications for invading Iraq, whether the “Check Engine” light on my Explorer means I’m going to blow a tire and die) I wonder how wingnuts like Cornfed Yokel go on day after day being wrong about everything without suffering from Exploding Head Syndrome. Then I see SeeYee’s current purblind excoriation and it is revealed. TSTL, we called it in the ER: too stupid to live. Or without the imminent mortality, TSTR: too stupid to realize. Is there anything in his post beyond, “I know you are but what am I?”
a gay porn star
Why this absolutely demands yankee yankee. More yankee later.
Well Gavin, apparently you have brilliantly mounted a defense.
I’m not sure what that really does for CY, but he just seems to go on and on and on in a fantasy world about it….
****
Oh, love the diagram jpeg! It perfectly illustrates the organizational chart of my workplace.
So what exactly do quotes around words mean exactly? I’m confused.
Apparently putting scare quotes around words is *exactly* the same as not putting them around words. Which makes you wonder – why bother?
Uh…first order logic for the lose?
If X implies Y, not Y implies not X. We math geniuses call this the “contrapositive”. You may remember it from 7th grade. Maybe Yankee should check out this page:
http://www.regentsprep.org/Regents/math/relcond/Lcontrap.htm
Note the animated hand. Maybe Confederate Yankee can claim fuzzy math on this one.
LOL god what fucking morons.
I really can’t get over it. When your arguments can’t pass even 7th grade muster you’ve got problems.
I couldn’t help myself, and finally clicked the links. Ended up at Ace of Spades. If the beauty of the Internet is that it gives everyone a soapbox, then its curse is also that it gives everyone a soapbox. Jesus Christ on a cracker. That guy is wordy. He could have made his point (if there was one, it was really hard to tell) about 300 words short of the runway he was using. Honestly, I had to stop out of sheer boredom. And that is sad because I am finishing my second vodka/rocks and should be easily entertained.
From now on, can you guys provide links to the crib notes version?
There’s a glory hole in his logic.
That guy is wordy.
I’ve always felt bad for him. Tendonitis’ll get him one day and then it’ll be a devastating case of I HAVE NO FINGERS AND I MUST TYPE.
Tendonitis is the least of A.O. Spades’ problems.
If I didn’t “know” “better” I’d say Ace shows signs of a meth habit, but I’m sure everyone posts 1000 times a day like that, and that there’s no underlying truth about himself he’d turn to heavy drug use to avoid facing.
Thinking the Flat Earth Globalist will grasp modus tollens is what I like to call (heh, smirk) the adamantine bigotry of insane expectations. Imagine…
Instructor: How about this, Gomer: “Anyone who really worked in a gun store would not make the mistakes about gun names that CY makes.” Think carefully– does this statement imply that you work in a gun store? Or does it imply the opposite? When I step on your foot, you answer. (step)
CY to Bryan at Hot Air: I think he’s talking to you.
purportedly meth-free, allegedly never convicted of serial sheep molestation, a “sober driver” who has allegedly never beaten a puppy with a folding chair, etc.
you’re just asking for a “Teacher, he called me a meth-addict, who screws sheep, drives drunk, and beats puppies!!” reply posted without any hint of irony from him aren’t you?
And off topic: I think “President” Bush should resign after President Cheney is impeached.
That’s pretty much his argument right there. He’s arguing semantics. IN effect, he’s trying to make fun of your stance, because his pokemon are better then your pokemon.
Shorter Confederate Yankee: Let me show you my pokemans.
Ace: I don’t like being the first guy into the gutter.
I have less of a problem with being the second.
Always the follower, except when it comes to playdoh and bacon bits!
Momma allus said to me, “Forrest? Life is like a box of retards.. Ya can’t make fun of a retard like you can’t make fun of a parody. It makes ’em cry and then you’re covered with drool AND tears.”
And Momma should know because she’s a flying nun. So why toy with the flatlining Confounded Yanqi when it’s easier to unhook his breathing tube?.
Oops. If I were more “sober” I wouldn’t have made the same joke as Gavin, only not as funny.
I wouldn’t sweat it, diff brad. That’s what Friday night’s are for…wait, it’s Saturday morning 2 AM here. I’d better get to bed…
Being at Ace’s Place is like being a cockroach in a nuclear reactor core, hence:
“S.Weasel, I’ve been hangin at the AOSHQ for years. I don’t comment very often these days, but I do remember when I posted my first comment. It was at the old site and the post was a dude who had made his own Tron costume. Fat, middle aged, and with definite male camel toe. My comment was something like…”This is kind of cool, but he could have spared me the seven-ten split.” Got some laughs and I’ve been here ever since. I also fought people for a few days over the Dubai Ports deal. I took Bush’s side. In short, I think I’ve probably been reading Ace longer than you have.”
Sadly, yes.
Words of ConfedSpankMe, presented without comment:
two bread-and-butter words in any journalist’s quiver
Matt/Mateo/etc. Sanchez confronts the panjandrums of Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Matt_Sanchez
Rod/Matt/Mateo/etc. Sanchez confronts the grand panjandrums of Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Matt_Sanchez
Ace: I don’t like being the first guy into the gutter.
We are all in teh gutter, but some of us are looking up skirts.
I seriously need a Google Alert for “Ace of Spades HQ” and “gay” because this purported “straight person” is more obsessed with gayness than most homosexuals I know.
OK, let’s be clear: pretty much every right-wing blog is made to describe the kind of member of the same sex they’d like to sweep them away to a night of forbidden but oh-so-fulfilling passion. For AoS, clearly, it’s the Ian Fleming version of James Bond; I guess for that Atlas Shrugs harpy it’d be some Ayn Rand-looking bint, probably an Arabess although ‘light’ enough to mistake ‘er for a Greek or something.
Seriously, being a right-wing blogger largely involves finding a way to suppress the gay for another day to ensure you’ll stay in pay of Schiafe-ay. I know enough homos that I can pretty comfortably use the F-word in mixed company, I know a guy who goes to the Renaissance Faire every year as Oberon, King of the Faeries, but I have never seen anyone mentally devour dick like your average wingnut blogomite.
Jesus Christ.
So yeah, you can pretty much understand why they don’t really distinguish between ‘homo’ and ‘gay porn star’. To them, the two are the same – at least, they really, really hope so. Otherwise, those secret dreams of theirs would be so much less exciting.
erratum: replace “pretty much every right-wing blog” with “THE TITLE OF pretty much every…”
Friggin’ user stupidity. I’ll find a way to fix it yet.
Also, bear in mind that while playing Oberon – in full fae costume and regalia – Z is attended by a number of strapping youths in faerie costumes, which his fae court comprises. If there were a way for levels of gay to bend space-time, the man would be getting pig-ons from Oscar Wilde and Truman Capote six hours out of the average twenty-four.
And my point still stands. I said it before and I’ll say it again: Jesus Christ.
It’s not as if the Fightin’ 101st doesn’t have a dysfunctional relationship with the English language As She Is Spoke these days – I was slumming the other day and happened across this post by Baron Vagina in which he argues that the historical definition of “gay” has changed in popular culture so that should mean “jihad” means, well, what HE wants it to mean, i.e. not just “struggle” but “cut the heads off the unbelievers in the name of ALLAH alallalalalalalallalalalala!!!!!!”. Somebody obviously needs a short course in pragmatics.
What a silly and terrific guy he is.
(I need to go take a shower now. Jeez, the things I do to back up my arguements. Oh, and he covers the SCARY MADRASAS in NYC issue I talk about here as well blogwhoreblogwhore in one of his later posts.)
Whenever I put bread-and-butter in my quiver it jsut makes a greasy mess.
“owlbear1 said,
August 4, 2007 at 6:37
“My God! It’s full of Holes!” “.
Lemme correct that for ya:
“MY GOD! IT’S FULL OF SHIT!”.
P.S.
Owlbears?
Those bastards were tough in the old gold-box games,
with their huggy-crushy ability!
how much would we all have to chip in to get an orthopedist to examine CY’s knee? is there a chickenhawk escrow account? I can account for roosters’ escrow, but only at dawn.
I have to say, Sanchez better looking than Gannon. The Right is getting better at finding hookers.
It’s Official: Beauchamp’s Claims Debunked by Army Internal Investigation
Col. Steven Boylan, Public Affairs Officer for U.S. Army Commanding General in Iraq David Petraeus, just emailed me the following in response to my request to confirm an earlier report that the U.S. Army’s investigation into the claims made by PV-2 Scott Thomas Beauchamp made in The New Republic had been completed.
He states:
To your question: Were there any truth to what was being said by Thomas?
Answer: An investigation of the allegations were conducted by the
command and found to be false. In fact, members of Thomas’ platoon and
company were all interviewed and no one could substantiate his claims.
As to what will happen to him?
Answer: As there is no evidence of criminal conduct, he is subject to
Administrative punishment as determined by his chain of command. Under
the various rules and regulations, administrative actions are not
releasable to the public by the military on what does or does not
happen.
Just out of curiosity, are there any B-list or C-list or even Z-list bloggers on the left hand side of the aisle who have a history in porn, gay or otherwise? It honestly doesn’t matter to me – it’s just an interesting question, considering how many folks are getting turned up on the right in what the right would consider compromising positions.
Jillian spake thusly:
“August 4, 2007 at 17:17
Just out of curiosity, are there any B-list or C-list or even Z-list bloggers on the left hand side of the aisle who have a history in porn, gay or otherwise? It honestly doesn’t matter to me – it’s just an interesting question, considering how many folks are getting turned up on the right in what the right would consider compromising positions.”
Uhm, well, couldn’t we just MAKE our own porn?
You know, we could even label them according to usernames!
Like:
“Mikey Vs. The Hysterical Woman!”
That’s a perfect B-Movie Title!
If ‘blast’ is a new term for ‘quote someone without any editorial commentary,’
Conservatives hate being quoted accurately. It ruins their inflated self-image.
That would be the same Army Investigators that ‘concluded’ that Abu Ghraib was an isolated incident perpetrated by a “few bad apples.”?
Or the Army investigator who claimed Pat Tillman was killed by enemy fire?
‘Cos these Army “investigators” have so much “credibility,” don’t ya know.
Yes, by all means we should ignore the Army’s investigation. All those guys in his platoon probably lied.
What if Beauchamp gets NJP? Will you believe it then?
maurice, you’re missing the point. It’s not OUR fault that both the current government and the current military administration have credibility problems. Nor is it up to us to suggest how to fix those credibility problems, as we did not create them in the first place.
The logic of credibility is complex, and involves a lot of really hard math. Here’s a primer to help you through it. Don’t get hung up on the linear equations – just remember to solve for x first.
Wait a minute. The army interviewed an entire platoon (how many is in a platoon, anyway?) to find out whether, among other things, a soldier made fun of someone in the mess hall?
And the army discovered that – to a man – no soldier could substantiate that someone made fun of someone else in the mess hall?
I’m amazed.
And if Beauchamp made the whole damn thing up, then what? The Iraq War is proven to be a good idea? The USA wins? Will the Iraqis finally start throwing those flower petals? Will all the dead people start coming back to life? Will oil prices drop to 10 bucks a barrel?
In short, does it even remotely fucking matter? Oh, right, it will prove finally that the librul MSM lies about everything, so it’s best to just asume that everything is going how you want. Idiot.
You know, it’s patently ridiculous on its face.
A guy writes a personal memoir about his experience in service that includes disturbing stories about callous behavior toward another person; cruelty to animals, and disrespectful handling of human remains of an unknown origin.
And at the behest of some civilian bloggers, the army decided to high prioritize the investigation of someone’s personal memoir?
And that 30-50 people were interviewed in the course of a week or so, and a conclusion was definitively reached, stating “Nope, none of that happened?”
This is the same army that took months and years to investigate Haditha, Abu Graib, and other ACTUAL acts of criminal behavior and murder – that didn’t start such investigations until it absolutely couldn’t avoid them anymore. We’re to believe that they fast-tracked this one, just for Ace?
A click over to the link to Sanchez’s site from CY – Matt Sanchez says:
After a thorough investigation that lasted nearly a week
Yeah, right. Nearly a week
Chew on that, libruls!
Hey, in the same amount of time, Matt Sanchez could star in four full length feature films!
And at the behest of some civilian bloggers, the army decided to high prioritize the investigation of someone’s personal memoir?
And that 30-50 people were interviewed in the course of a week or so, and a conclusion was definitively reached, stating “Nope, none of that happened?”
This is the same army that took months and years to investigate Haditha, Abu Graib, and other ACTUAL acts of criminal behavior and murder – that didn’t start such investigations until it absolutely couldn’t avoid them anymore. We’re to believe that they fast-tracked this one, just for Ace?
Well, when you put it that way ….
Hey! Look over there! That socialist slut Hilary Clinton is showing her boobs!
jillian, that was the most nonsensical non-answer I’ve ever seen.
Again, will you believe Beauchamp lied when he gets NJP?
Wow. Just…wow.
g, Jrod, jillian, etc., you guys aren’t exactly intellectuals, are you?
Stay here, where you’ll be comfortable together.
(wow)
Buh Bye.
Don’t let the door hit you in the tail on the way out.
If history teaches us anything, it’s that maurice, much like freddy krueger and godzilla, will be back before long. Probably start by saying “just one more thing”…
mikey
We at Blogoland have been rounding up a lot of happy-fun-time links from Right-leaning blogtopia asserting that Scott Thomas Beauchamp was, absolutely, 100%, no-doubt-about-it , a fake. Enjoy!
Again, will you believe Beauchamp lied when he gets NJP?
ah, yes, the Fightin’ 101st’s ToM CLaNCY-3l33t-speak. “GAZE on me, mortals! I can type stuff I found on Stratfor! Black ops! Intel! TACOPMILNET!”
…I had NJP once but I drank a whole lotta cranberry juice and it cleared right up.
Whatcha doin?
Choppin a couple o’rails. Want a hit?
I dunno, dude, what is it?
NJP, man.
No shit. NJP?
Yep.
Is it clean?
Got it from these gangbangers in LA.
Well, hell, they probably stomped on it.
No way, man. They got it direct from Hamidiya.
From what?
Hamidiya. In Iraq. Those cats know how to part – TAY!
Ok, I’ll do a line.
Ok. Here.
DAMN!! That’s fucking Harsh! Hang on…
Heh heh. Want some cheese with that whine?
Dude, that’s nasty. What is that, dead bodies or something?
Well, something like that…
So, maurice – do you actually believe that the army would initiate an investigation to determine whether someone’s personal memoirs about being mean to someone in the mess hall was true?
You don’t think they have better things to do over there?
So, maurice – do you actually believe that the army would initiate an investigation to determine whether someone’s personal memoirs about being mean to someone in the mess hall was true?
You don’t think they have better things to do over there?
Actually, he probably doesn’t . After all, since it was just a few dead enders over there, the troops finished that off long ago. All this ‘insurgent’ stuff is just made up – and the troops ‘killed’ are being assembled as part of the SOOPERSEKRUTSTRIKESQUAD that’s gonna bust into Tehran and karate chop Ajimichanga in the nuts.
Plus, they’re really GLAD over the investigation, ‘cuz painting schools hurts the shoulders after a while.
And you can buy 5 rugs for only $5. Which beats Philly any day.
Plus, they’re really GLAD over the investigation, ‘cuz painting schools hurts the shoulders after a while.
DooD, that’s what they invented these for.
Paint the whole Green Zone in one wekend, one coat.
69 comments! What a strangely appropriate number!
…Oh.
It’s amusing how proud taking atvantage of a poor merchant living is a fucking warzone made that person. I’m sure after the next trip they’ll gush about how they bough a 12 year-old girl’s kidney for $550.
maurice: jillian, that was the most nonsensical non-answer I’ve ever seen.
Again, will you believe Beauchamp lied when he gets NJP?
I’m not jillian, so I can’t answer for her, but if you asked me that question, my answer would be “no.”
[…] bring this up because of the ongoing Scott Beauchamp saga. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I envy you) I’ll spare […]
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