Instapundit Kills ‘Shorter’ Format
‘Im at teh b4r killing UR bl0g c0nv3nt!0ns’
Is it just me, or does Glenn Reynolds manage to insult the troops, the city of Oakland, black people and Iraqis, all in a mere 16 words?
WE’VE HAD TROOPS THERE FOR 150 YEARS, AND THE VIOLENCE CONTINUES: Masked gunman kills Oakland reporter.
The guy’s a fucking machine. The way that his posts keep getting shorter and shorter, while inexplicably becoming more powerful in their offensiveness? It’s like he’s the Midgaard’s Serpent of the blogosphere, growing to enormous proportions on an exclusive diet of his own tail. He needs his own Moore’s Law, which would be something like, “The number of offensive ideas in an Instapundit post will double every 18 months while the words making up such posts will be cut in half.”
I think the way he posts quick little snippets like that belies a smug prick that doesn’t think he has to do anything to convince anyone that he’s right. He just thinks it’s so incredibly self-evident. Of course, all it does is show the ugly xenophobia and authoritarianism beneath his upper-middle-class law prof veneer.
Longer Glenn Reynolds:
“The Iraq mess sucks…what with all the senseless deaths and waste of money. But they should just suck it up. After all, we’ve got to deal with Blacks and Oakland in the US, and we’ve been fighting them for 150 years. So, let’s give the troops a bit more time to tame the brown guys over there.”
Sorry, it doesn’t expand out too well…
So he is suggesting that Oakland is a foreign country that the US has occupied for 150 years. If he had been talking about Berkeley, I might have agreed with him but not Oakland.
E-fatwa against Congresswoman Lee in 5, 4, 3…
Oh, this is just a retooling of his piece of obscenity from months back saying Iraq is no worse off than violent areas of Philly. It’s disgusting; he’s disgusting. Is it more imbecilic than disgusting? Hard call.
Awesome mythology ref. Not that I expect less of you.
Speaking of machines, I hit ‘publish’ on the above post and within, like, 30 seconds Gavin had added a complex design element that completely overshadows my post.
(Pssst, I’m in your blog, uploading pictures I’ve waited months to use.)
Shorter Glenn Reynolds:
Jesus Christ, darkies! RUN!
Yeesh – when I say ‘completely overshadows my post’ … I mean in a good way, not a petulant way, in case Gav sees that and thinks I’m an ingrate. Also, D. Sidhe – I’ve been waiting since Usenet to toss off a Midgaard’s Serpent reference … it is my hope to someday, somehow, construct a literary connection between Free Republic and Niflheim.
Oh, it was you, Travis! Teh awesome graphic.
Although I will admit that for racist assholery he’s basically got it as concise as possible.
Also, we’ve been occupying Oakland for 161 years. Why does Glenn Reynolds hate America?
The blue reflection on the glasses is awesome, Travis. Instaputz is turning cyborg, I really think so.
WE’VE HAD TROOPS THERE
Um…Posse Comitatus Act?
Some libertarian. He’s just phoning it in now.
The guy’s a fucking machine.
At last! Glen’s fondest wish has come true! He has atlast evolved into a Super Mecha Being, and he can become One with the Cosmos like some Japanese movie.
His Final Words being: “I gots mine, losers. Heh. Indeedy.”
I hope Galactus kicks his ass.
Alas, I can’t claim credit for the image; my Photoshop skills aren’t that good, but I am a patient Google searcher.
If he had been talking about Berkeley, I might have agreed with him but not Oakland.
Yeah, really. Berkeley is a town unto itself, and possible a state, possibly a country unto itself. But Oakland? Hell no. I live in Oakland. Instaputz wouldn’t be able to hack it here. His punk ass would have to move to Fresno.
I live in Oakland. Instaputz wouldn’t be able to hack it here. His punk ass would have to move to Fresno.
Amen, neighbor.
So Iraq is now part of the US the same way Oakland is?
D Aris – I think he also insulted the police and war opponents as well.
Though, frankly, I often find it hard to tell wtf he is saying.
Can’t we get him drunk and drop him off in Oakland sometime? With no wallet? Or would that be mean? Betcha he’d cry,once he figured out where he was.
Oakland? Oh yeah. I hate it, driving over for A’s games, with all the car bombs, mortar rounds and sectarian death squads. The rubble, the roadblocks, the soldiers. Yeah. Oakland is indistinguishable from Iraq. Insty has officially jumped the shellhole….
mikey
What made me realize Berkeley was a different country was finding a restaurant with Chez in the name and a cheese shop opposite. Bloody French get everywhere!
I’ll make Glenn a deal — I’ll spend the next month in Oakland if he spends the next month in Tikrit.
Stardate 3467, deep in the Crypto-Neutrino Arm of the Horseass Nebula
Announcer
*BRRZZZT* *SPRKKK* *BOO-BEE-BOOP*
IT IS NOW THE GLENNANDHELENSHOW
*ZRRPPP* *FZZTPLLL* *DEEEEP-BLEE-BLOO*
WITHYOURHOSTS: THE RECONSTRUCTED NEURAL PATHWAYS OF GLENN*SPRKKK*REYNOLDS.AND. HIS*WRRRPPZZZ*SUBORDINATE*TIKKK*ENTITY: HELEN FEMALE.HUMAN.SIMULACRUM REYNOLDS
*BRKKK*INVOLUNTARY AUDIO/VIDEO/SENSORY RELAY OFTHISEPISODE MANDATORY FOR *ZZZPPPFF* ALL FREESLAVE CITIZENS *BRMMFF* RELAY POWERED BY INTELCORP INTRA-GALACTIC NANOBOT ARRAY
*TMPFF* “INTRA-GALACTIC NANOBOT ARRAY: WE BRING GOOD MANDATORY THOUGHTBONDAGE TO SIMU-LIFE”
HEEEERE’SGLENNANDHELEN:
Glenn
*BTTTSST* GREETINGS FREESLAVES. TODAY HELEN AND I HAVE A SPECIALSHOW FOR YOU.. *ZOORKKK* BUT WAIT! LOOKWHOJUSTDROPPEDBYHELEN
Helen
*ZEEP*SPLKK*SHBBBATZZNU*
Glenn
THATISCORRECT HELEN! IT IS OUR OLD FRIEND LILEKSCLONE TG-RX54-16!
Lileksclone TG-RX54-16
SAY GLENN?
Glenn
YES LILEKSCLONE TG-RX54-16?
Lileksclone TG-RX54-16
I TRANSPORTED HERE ALL THE WAY FROM THE OUTER RIM AND BOY ARE MY QUARKS TIRED
Glenn
HEH*BRTTTKKKZZLL*INDEED
Helen
*TRGGLLZT* *BLXXXPLL* *PLEASEKILLME*
I always love comparissons of Bagdhad or Anbar Province to relatively rough portions of American cities. News flash: I used to have to commute to the South Bronx at 5 or 6 in the morning – you keep your head up; put your iPod away; and walk quickly. That’s about it. I kinda doubt the same rule applies in Sadr City.
It just goes to show how incredibly divorced from reality a lot of these guys are. They not only have no fuckin’ clue how incredibly bad the violence is over there, they clearly have never even been in a bad part of a good city when they weren’t behind the locked doors of their Mercedes SUV.
reynolds is a semi-coherent asshole, to be sure. what you guys said. (i’m tired.)
but i’ve just got to ask: mikey, why on earth would you drive to an a’s game when you can take bart TO THE WALKWAY?
This just goes to show: conservatives are officially more enlightened than liberals when it comes to race. Where a liberal might see and quietly (although ashamedly) discriminate against many races – whites, blacks, Arabs, Asians, other Muslims, any other kind of human being, Russians – all conservatives see is white and brown.
It must be hard being so enlightened, watching a Korean family move in next door and wondering if they’re part of the same terrorist cell as the Greeks up the street. But such is the burden of progress.
“He needs his own Moore’s Law, which would be something like, “The number of offensive ideas in an Instapundit post will double every 18 months while the words making up such posts will be cut in half.”
I thought that, what’s quoted above, was the, “Inverse Cube Ratio”
I guess I’m wrong, oh well…
Thing is, Sarah, the closest BART station is Fremont. Ten minutes from the stadium. Not much good for those of us in the West Valley….
mikey
Oakland. Pacific Coast Brewing Company. Hmm, Blue Whale Ale… Killer Whale Stout…
I’m sorry, what was the topic again?
What made me realize Berkeley was a different country was finding a restaurant with Chez in the name and a cheese shop opposite.
Not only that, but you can score some good deals at various open-air markets–and you don’t even need a Blackhawk helicopter escort!
(BTW, Chez Panisse is overrated. La Lime is better for the money.)
There was a blackout in my part of town a few weeks ago. Seriously, no electricity for like, five or six hours! Also, it’s really hot outside. I may as well be living in Tikrit!
Helen
*TRGGLLZT* *BLXXXPLL* *PLEASEKILLME*
L.O.L.
As an astronomy geek, I prefer to think of Glenn Harlan’s posts as the neutron stars of stupidity: an impossibly large amount of teh stupid packed in to a relatively small area, much as a neutron star has the mass of the sun packed in to an area the size of Chicago. Way to go Instaputz!
(BTW, Chez Panisse is overrated. La Lime is better for the money.)
Thanks for the tip but how could I not eat in thirteenth best restaurant in the world, particularly as I just walked in off the street and asked if they had a table.
I’ve been waiting since Usenet to toss off a Midgaard’s Serpent reference
Anything else you want to toss off?
Yes, I am ashamed of myself. But someone had to lower the tone, and so I made the sacrifice and lowered it over here so you’all don’t have to lower it over there. Or something.
Holmgren said he knew Bailey because Bailey covered Oakland City Hall as well as police matters and described Bailey as “a very assertive person who spoke his mind and addressed controversial topics.”
…
Cobb called the shooting surreal. He said Bailey had “a nose for news” and was the hardest working man in journalism.
Anybody else smell something there?
Shorter Glenn:
Darkies1=Darkies2
(though I wonder if we should be encouraging the Perfesser, hastening the inevitable day when he manages to pack infinite offensiveness into a single unholy syllable)
Rock and Roll Reynolds:
“Meet the new darkies; same as the old darkies. Something something something. We won’t get fooled again!”
Did you all see the update Reynolds slapped onto the post? Ellipsis in the original.
Even though the update gets in the concealed carry thing and a jab at Sen. Webb, I think it more distracts from than contributes to the original post’s very effective expression of smug nastiness.
“That’s the reason this reporter packs a Ruger P95 next to the laptop…”
And THAT’s the reason that, if he ever does get carjacked, he’s going to get shot and shoved out the passenger side. Only in movies will a guy with a gun not in hand get the draw on someone who’s already pointing his.
And then there’s the silly machismo aspect. He had to brag to Reynolds that he packs heat. “I gotta gun! Huh huh.” *hitch-hitch goes the belt-buckle* Do real badasses feel compelled to tell you how badass they are? And is Northern Virginia really such a hellish Oakland-meets-Tikrit sort of place?
Apropos to this is what we used to yell at guys in little Japanese sports cars when they’d sit and rev their enginges, then bake the tires on the way out of the parking lot: “Sorry ’bout your penis!”
they clearly have never even been in a bad part of a good city
A while back I was reading some Orange County nutcase’s hysterical column about ilegal aliens [meaning brown people who speak Spanish] and she was going off on how bad it was – “if you don’t belive me just go to downtown LA!”
And I’m like, “What?” I love downtown LA!
The real question, Mikey, is: Why would you go to an A’s game, period?
And final most offense word of all will be demislammunistoliberalblogofascistabortionists. Or something like that.
indeed, MCH. packing a gun with your laptop (aside – what an embarassing loser, does that not scream ‘look at me I’m NOT a nerd, I’m HARD’) is not going to help you when a guy with a shotgun comes up from behind and shoots you in the back and head.
And the best part is that, after his reader is dead, Glenn will post mocking him for not having his gun out and in hand, and the Corner will claim he deserved it because American society has wimpified him and he should’ve Fought Back, because You Just Can’t Win with those guys.
The real question, Mikey, is: Why would you go to an A’s game, period?
Well, I could tell you that it’s because it’s nigh on impossible to get a decent seat at the big phone, but I’ve always been able to do that when I wanted to. The real reason, dood, sure, the A’s are having a crappy season, but have you seen what passes for Major League Baseball in San Francisco this year? It’s like watching little fish get eaten by big fish. Kind of repetitive, and depressing…
mikey
Why would you go to an A’s game, period?
Dot racing!
In the future all Instapundit posts will consist simply of two hexadecimal characters — all true believers will be able to decode these immediately but for you enemies of progress here are the first 17
00 – Indeed.
01 – Heh.
02 – Read the whole thing.
03 – Hat tip to Ace of Spades.
04 – But they won’t.
05 – Lileks gets it.
06 -More bias at the Grey Lady?
07 – Another round up here.
08 – It’s about time.
09 – More from Powerline.
0A – Need oil change now.
0B – Porkbusters update.
0C – Europe doomed?
0D – Pain in diodes down left side.
0E – They won’t.
0F – Virginia Postrel writes.
10 – Please replace batteries.
have you seen what passes for Major League Baseball in San Francisco this year?
Not really. Frankly, I’ve been watching my beloved Red Sox charge ahead, my semi-adopted White Sox turn into a bad Little League team, and the hated Yankees fall into a deep pit.
Well the underlying story to this just warmed up
Oakland police raid black Muslim bakery
Authorities detain as many as 19 people and seize a cache of weapons. The action comes a day after a local journalist was shot to death, but authorities decline to say the events are related.
By John M. Glionna, Times Staff Writer
1:01 PM PDT, August 3, 2007
SAN FRANCISCO — Police wearing riot gear and armed with flash grenades this morning stormed an Oakland bakery associated with a controversial black Muslim organization, detaining as many as 19 people and seizing a cache of weapons that included shotguns and ammunition for assault weapons, authorities said.
The pre-dawn raid at Your Black Muslim Bakery and three other residences came the day after a veteran journalist was murdered execution-style on his way to work as editor of a black-owned Oakland weekly. Chauncey Bailey, 57, was shot in the head Thursday by a masked assailant who fled the scene in a waiting van, police said.
Although Instaputz couldn’t have known about this when he posted, the wingnuts will claim this justifies his post.
Frankly, I’ve been watching my beloved Red Sox charge ahead, my semi-adopted White Sox turn into a bad Little League team, and the hated Yankees fall into a deep pit.
Could be worse–could be a Phillies fan.
*sigh*
lol, or a Jays fan 😉