Bradrocket discovers Real America

I’ve been very very quiet lately, and I’m sorry for that. I’ve had some health issues that have limited my ability to both work and blog and still have anything resembling social life.

At any rate, I’m going on a road trip to Real America (i.e., Pittsburgh and Columbus) to visit some college buddies this week and will try to provide updates (and hopefully videos!!!) throughout. And yes, I hope these updates will be entertaining and fun. I’m not about to show y’all slides of me standing in front of the world’s largest fucking basket in Newark, Ohio.



PS- Teh funny.


Comments: 38


When you get your fill of Columbus, head down I-70 West a bit to Yellow Springs. Groovy college town. Antioch is closing, but not if the Yellow Springers can help it.


Have a good trip. Remember, Pittsburgh is as safe as Iraq. Or something.


Sorry to hear about the “health issues,” and hope that’s just a code word for “bender.”

At any rate, I’m going on a road trip to Real America (i.e., Pittsburgh and Columbus) to visit some college buddies this week and will try to provide updates (and hopefully videos!!!) throughout.

So, you’ll be like the non-evil version of Jonah Goldberg. Ever notice how people come to resemble their dogs?


You’ve been sick? That sucks but I hope you feel better soon and enjoy your trip, Brad. And yeah, that Balloon Juice thing is very funny.

Smiling Mortician

Ah, the restorative powers of the waters of eastern Ohio. Pack a sweater. Don’t forget to write.


1. I hope you’re feeling better, Brad. Enjoy the road trip.

2. Re: Balloon Juice link

I’ll post my questions here:

Pamela Geller Oshry: (to any and all who will listen) What about the global jihad?

Pamela Geller Oshry: (a follow-up question) Where’s John Bolton?


Cool. I live in Columbus—for now. I’m moving to Syracuse in two months.

And I was in Pittsburgh at the beginning of the month for Anthrocon.


“world’s largest fucking basket” … Newark, Ohio is not as boring as previously believed.


Antioch is CLOSING???

Oh, and since I’ve been living in the Deep South, I’ve developed a liking for Golden Flake Cheese Puffs.

Am I halfway to NRO?


In Pittsburgh (only burg town with an h on the end):

Parmanti Bros (serve fries on the sandwich)

From the South Side (of SouSide to the natives) take Carson Street (rt 837) east. First, you hit the water park Sandcastle just before Homestead. Keep going east another 4-5 miles and you find Kennywood (good old fashioned amusement park with some up to date coasters.)



Whenever I’m in Pittsburgh, I try to stop by Uncle Sam’s subs in Squirrel Hill for a steak and cheese with egg and bacon. Holy damn is that a good sandwich. Hmm, perhaps if you’ve been having some health problems, a sandwich made of fat, fat, fat and fat is a bad idea.

I also second the recommendation for Primanti’s, though it’s pronounced “per-man-tees.”


Sorry to hear about your health problems, that sucks. But then again, that’s what doobies are for. Don’t know much about about Ohio except Dayton really sucks, I’d give it a wide berth. Oh, and Crissie Hynde was apparently from there, so that’s enough of a plus to perhaps offset Dayton. Yuck.

But I love road trips. I’ve done most of my miles on two wheels, but it really doesn’t matter. You saddle up your shit, and you can take ALL your shit with you, not like with a plane. And you can stop anywhere you want. And you can decide, fuckit, and just turn and explore.

Of course, now it’s both more and less fun. If you have one of those talking GPS thingies (otherwise known as the “bitch in the box”) you can explore to your hearts content and never get totally lost. That’s cool, but you have to work a little harder to find the serendipity…



have fun, Brad! missed you around here. I have plenty of Tom Brady jokes waiting for when you return.

I’m going on a road trip to Real America (i.e., Pittsburgh and Columbus)

be sure to report back your striking discovery that Real Americans agree with all your opinions.


I’ve done most of my miles on two wheels

see, now this makes your long ago references to leather pants much less terrifying….


When you see a billboard similar to this, then you’re in Real America. Pittsburgh? Columbus, OH? Nice enough places, but they just don’t allow The Crazy to run loose on the streets.

a different brad

Those gps units are fun, but untrustworthy, mikey. On Saturday it sent me on a lovely trip through country back roads and on a tiny little ferry across Lake Champlain, but it effed up the return trip the next day and I didn’t notice until too late, got stuck on highways.
Hope you feel better, bradrocket. I’ve had issues at times too, I know how hard it sucks to lose time to feeling poorly.


So, you’ll be like the non-evil version of Jonah Goldberg

Bit OT, but speaking of whom, anyone notice that teh Pantload has been Google Bombed?


Would it go back to being terrifying if I told you about my leather pajamas?



Chrissie Hynde can definitely erase a lot of suck from a town by being from it, Mikey. In case there was any left over in Dayton Kim Deal of the Pixies finished the job a while ago.


Kim Deal rocks!


I swear, her bass has an ’11’.


Just so y’all don’t decide to move to Ohio with false hopes- it’s not a Fucking basket, it’s a fucking Basket.

And go to a real Columbus place, not some franchise crap. Goody Boy and the High-Beck both put the Real in Real America.


Christ, and no one’s mentioned Bob Pollard yet.

There are a lot of problems related to my point of origin (SW Ohio), but a dearth of indie rock icons is not one of them.


7-story building shaped like a basket is Longaberger’s Home Office, Newark, Ohio.

I lack the vocabulary to express the awesomeness of this.


I’ve always firmly believed that anyone exposing themselves to as much wingnutia as you guys do is putting their health in serious risk.

Just how big is the worlds largest fucking basket, and how many people can fuck in it at the same time? If that’s the kind of stuff that they have in Real America, maybe I should get out of the city more often.


Newark (OH) trumps Zanesville, where I used to live. I usd to know Dave (Longaberger), who used to pay his employees really well, $15-20 an hour. His kids have run it into the ground since he died, so he’s probably rolling over in his grave (which I believe is in Dresden).

My daughter’s an MD/PhD student at Ohio State, so if you’re still feeling badly, lemme tell you there’s no finer institution of higher health care in the country*.

*if you can afford it, it goes without saying.


you are blowing my mind, Mikey.


hey, feel better soon, buddy. may the curative properties of passing 4,738 waffle houses per mile fix you right up.


By the way Brad, you’ll find the locals in Newark, OH do not pronounce its name anything like Newark, N.J.

It’s Nerk. Or Nurk. Or Nirk. (All the same, btw.)


Chrissie Hynde is from Akron.

Yellow Springs is near Dayton and and offsets much of the negative karma generated in southwest Ohio.

Not enough to handle Cincinnati’s, alas.


I passed a large billboard on my way to Cincinnati recently (drove down for work). “Hell Is Real”.

It did not have the additional, “And You’re Entering It”.


Huh. I guess it’s not just for children any more…



I passed a large billboard

I’m thinking this is more a reflection on your diet than anything else…





I had to drive to Toledo after I hit Cincinnati…because it’s ‘on the way’. Got back to Columbus, very late.

And no mikey, I did not eat the billboard. Holy ‘eyes larger than your stomach’!

Qetesh the Abyssinian

Sorry to hear you’ve been icky, Brad. Hope it gets better.

Of the linked whatsits, this one is my favourite:

Otto Man Says:
“Do you think any of the Democrats can pretend to be as macho as you all pretend to be?”

July 30th, 2007 at 8:29 am

And Brad, if you don’t like Big Things, then don’t come to Australia: Big Things are a major rural industry. The Post Office recently issued this marvellous commemorative collection of just 5 of the best Big Things.

My sister and her partner once did a Big Things Tour – they saddled up the car and drove for thousands upon thousands of kilometres, checking out the rural Big Things along the way (there’s at least a dozen of ’em: Big Lobster, Big Pineapple, Big Potato). The Big Cheese was apparently something of a disappointment: a large rural shed painted light yellow. Still, they took a photo for posterity and headed on to the next Big Thing on their ramble.

And a friend recently discovered The Big Things Runner-up: something that claimed to be “second-largest golf course in country New South Wales”. Wow. Be still, my beating heart.

I passed a large billboard

I’m thinking this is more a reflection on your diet than anything else…

Lunch. Keyboard. Ick. Oh, Mikey.


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