The Cuckoo in the Coal Mine
First they came for the right-wing crazies, and I said nothing, because I don’t spend 22 hours a day worrying that the guy at the shawarma stand is plotting to female-genitally-mutilate me. But THEN THEY CAME FOR ME!
That is surely what we will all be saying if Crazy Pammy is right about a vast conspiracy that seeks to plug up the unvarnished truth that secretes from her every overextended pore. And when has Pam not been right?
Above: bottle-fed on Stoli Blueberi®
It all started when some devious liberals, or communists, or Muslims, or possibly even gay activist judge culture-war gangsta abortion Nazis, reported The Darkies Are Coming as a spam blog, thus causing who knows how many people to go a whole day without hearing the latest about Europe’s failure to herd Mahometans into labor camps. (This news was brought to us by the tireless efforts of the crack investigative team at Big Boy Jammies, who took a moment out from bragging about their new-media dominance and misreporting the death of various world leaders to break this important story.) But even then, we thought, we can make it without Baron Zemo and Lady Lymph Node! As long as Pam survives, we will still get all the news we need about how Kirsten Dunst is part of the global Islamoterror conspiracy.
But then, the worst happened. Whether commie plot, liberal prank, or jihadi sabotage, Crazy Pammy’s site has suddenly become somewhat less widely read than it was this time last week! Mayhem is surely the answer and not at all that a number of people have suddenly wised up. One Atlas fan traveled halfway around the world to visit one of the most ancient and beautiful cultures in history, so naturally he wanted to spend his precious time looking at a Photoshopped image of an aging Long Island dingbat in a Supergirl outfit — only to learn that HE COULD NOT!
I was in Mainland China from July 8- July 16. We stayed in a 5 star hotel (The Swiss Hotel in downtown). This is a marvelous hotel and it had everything…… except you.I couldn’t find your website! Neither could I find Maverick News Network. The screen message said the server could not be found.
Clearly, Pammy will not let this stand. Let her battle cry go forth!
A trend is a foot.
It sure is, Pam, and the door is a jar. Pam finds an echo of this heartless censorship in attempts by big corporations to stop their employees from dicking around on the internet during work hours:
Jihad Watch was blocked, readers informed me, on the computers of the State of Connecticut; the City of Chicago; Bank of America; Fidelity Investments; Site Coach; GE IT; JPMorgan Chase; Defense Finance and Accounting Services; Johnson Controls, Inc. IT; Boeing; Tenet Hospitals in North Carolina; Provisio; the Sabre Group TSG; Wachovia bank; and others: several people have written in to tell me that as of this week they can no longer access Jihad Watch at work, but haven’t told me where they work.
Above: The exact greatest moment of triumph of the International Jihadi Conspiracy (stats for 7/18 as of 4PM EST).
Having gotten at least a dozen of her slobbering readers written up, Pam decided to put heads together with another intellectual giant of the blogosphere who was having similar problems: Baron Strucker of Gates of Vienna! Herewith, some excerpts from their compelling IM convo.
First, Pammy wants us all to know how badly this is hurting her:
Pamela: I am talking 3-4,000 hits a day to virtually nothing.
The Baron speculates that Google users may have discovered higher-quality pornography:
Baron: I hit you 2 or 3 times with regular google, and then looked for you on google images…you used to get very high ratings on google images but something is wrong now
Pam takes a moment out for a quickie, to make sure the vacation money keeps rollin’ in:
Pamela: look ……..i got a little action
She then reminds us once again how badly this is hurting her:
Pamela: i am telling you something happened …i always have thousands of google hits
Baron Blood notes the kind of high-quality journalism being denied to us because of this cruel interference:
Baron: there are some which don’t come up at all, but should. “muslims and commies” should produce this: http://atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com/atlas_shrugs/images/amuslimrrally3.jpg but it doesn’t
Pam once again feels the need to point out how badly this is hurting her:
Pamela: I AM TELLING YOU 4,000 HITS A DAY
A fun discovery: Pam’s shrill “shut up and pay attention to me” style carries over into instant messaging:
Pamela: listen the pix of mine that show are those that ran on other sires…listen to me
Possible suspects are identified:
Pamela: different set of leftists jihad lovers
Say, Pam, how badly is this hurting you, again?
Pamela: i noticed a drop in my daily hits from 9000 to 5000
Excellent. That would be 4,000 visits a day, then. You know, I can’t help notice that you’ve gone five whole minutes without mentioning Ayn Rand. Could you fix that while assigning blame for this terrible crime?
Pamela: the looters and moochers in one fell swoop
Wow, that almost rhymes! Hey, tell us a funny joke, Pam.
CVF: what is url for kos?
Pamela: shitheads.com
Hilarious! But can you wrap it all up by insulting retarded people and the handicapped? I know you can.
Pamela: if i wasnt so damn techtarded i feel like helen keller
Well played, Pam. Well played. Incidentally, Gates of Vienna is still updating regularly, and Crazy Pammy is still the #1 Google search result for “Atlas Shrugs” [Gavin adds: among other things], but that doesn’t stop some fascinating speculation in this post’s comments section. After an inexplicable quotation of the Eagles’ “Hotel California” in its entirety, along comes “john jay” to spotlight the perpe-traitors:
i know what is happening. just a little taste off of the sampler plate, for when we have a democratic president, a democratic congress, a liberal media, a far leftist maoist intelligentsia, a palistinean academia, the 60’s radical all in charge of all the bureaucracies, and the 2nd and 3rd generation of rich idiot marxists in full control of all aspects of the economy.
“Timur” says we shouldn’t be surprised that they’re trying to shut down this great leader of men:
You are a strong woman, intelligent and outspoken, and a militant Jewess. You’re a triple threat! A Moslem’s worst nighmare! No wonder they fear you! You go girl!
I thought Mandy Patinkin was a triple threat. Learn somethin’ new every day. For example, I also learned that the Republican Party is run by infuriated Stalinists:
(Dhimmis & Republikrats are both joyously assisting Saudi Arabia, China and other fellow travelers to censor the net.) This all reminds me of the long border-war between Red China and Soviet Russia. Our political parties are very much the same……two sets of angry commies, but commies nonetheless.
Pammy, as always, has the last word:
UPDATE: This is the latest: Looks like the blog is under a possible hijack or you have some serious routing problems. I would forward an email to blog to see what they come back with and the reason for the block.
I read about this on Pammy’s blog, just after reading comments from her readers saying that their e-mails to her went through without a hitch and that she’s still widely available in Europe. But still, there can’t be any other reasonable explanation for the loss of those hits, right? I mean, what are the odds that 4,000 people would all of a sudden realize that there were more interesting things to do than read the every paranoid raving of a drunken trophy wife?
Gavin adds: It must be sweeps week. Pastor Swank is revisiting the time he got caught smuggling drugs into prison…
When I got to the end of the processing room, I looked up to see a male guard staring at me from the other side of a glass window.
“Do you know what we found in your jacket pocket?” he yelled at me through the thick glass.
[…]
All of a sudden I felt my heart leap out of my chest. Then I envisioned spending the rest of my life behind bars, conducting Bible studies for fellow prisoners till I died. I’d probably get one phone call a month to my family.
Like a flash, it dawned on me what had happened. But would that guard believe my story? That ultimate question could determine my destiny.
Swank: “It was, uh, totally somebody else’s jacket, I swear.”
Next week, we’ll finally learn that it’s commie muslamoradical moonbat gaybortionist UN troops who keep infiltrating the laundry room and pulling single socks out of the dryer before escaping undetected. Sometimes, they even eat the last of the dog food. Bastards.
That cheapskate should be shelling out for gold-plated servers.
several people have written in to tell me that as of this week they can no longer access Jihad Watch at work
What the fuck is wrong with this world when oppressive supervisors and company IT departments prohibit workers from surfing the internet to non-work-related sites while on the payroll?
I will not use the links to go to her site.
I’ll be a proud member of the forgone non-site visitors section. Maybe she’ll have to take her vacations at home on Long Island rather than go out to Montauck Point.
Some muslamofascist liberal moonbat raided my refrigerator and ate up the last bit of Breyer’s vanilla bean I was saving for myself.
Speaking of cuckoo:
http://news.independent.co.uk/world/americas/article2766040.ece
Ship of fools, indeed.
Now remember last week when everyone was making fun of the Pammie Bikini (gack!) calendar? Do you think maybe all those links might have inflated her hit numbers last week and now they are back to normal traffic? Maybe that might just account for 4000 less hits?
C’mon Pammie, last week? Remember it? Just put down the cocktail and relax, it’s all normal. If anything about Pammie can ever be called normal.
Perhaps the 4,000+ anti- objectivelyifthcolumnistantitroopleftwingtraitorislamoabortionistdidIsaytraitorsecularists are all thumbs, typing-wise.
This, again, is a “pro-capitalism” wingnut complaining when businesses decide that it’s more profitable to have employees working on work at work; and state governments decide that they’d rather have state employees on the state payroll working on state projects.
Blasphemy!
What she really needs to worry about is whether or not library servers block her site because her cheesecake photos look like “porn” under Communications Decency Act standards. If the libraries are blocked, the homeless will no longer have access to her site! Her stats will drop to near-zero!
Someone enlighten me. What is the definition of a spam blog?
It sure is, Pam, and the door is a jar.
Heh.
Ship of fools, indeed.
The Hari article’s been around, but you should know that it’s…SLANTED!!!!
God dam. I know that last week I declared that something else was the stupidest think I’ve ever read, but Pammy’s drooling musings as to why she’s getting fewer hits than before, really IS the stupidest thing I’ve ever read.
It blows my mind how breathlessly injured wingnuts behave when they seem to be forced to face the reality that “capitalism,” and “freedom” don’t mean that they are unquestionably entitled to everything their vapid hearts desire, at the expense of all other entities. Wingnut bloggers are the prime example of trust fund kids who have accomplished fuck all (well other than being linked by each other), living off of daddy’s dime. They deserve our ridicule.
Today, the blogs. Tomorrow, the WORLD! Bwa-hahaha!
How big is a trend?
It’s…huh?
You know. A trend. How big is it.
Well, it’s bigger than a propensity.
A lot?
Well, not really. A propensity is pretty small.
But what about a trend? How big is it?
Well, compared to… A tendency is huge.
Is a trend huge?
Nah. A trend’s kind of…
Can you be specific? How big’s a trend?
Well, it’s like…It’s about yay.
That’s what, ten, fifteen inches?
Right around there, yeah.
So a trends a foot?
Except in europe, yeah…
mikey
I mean, what are the odds that 4,000 people would all of the sudden realize that there were more interesting things to do than read the every paranoid raving of a drunken trophy wife?
A drunken trophy wife? Is this woman actually married to someone?
Mikey wins the thread.
A European trend is more of a proclivity. That’s in metric, however, so you may have to convert it to get the real picture.
Maybe those 4000 people were horrified by all the obvious lipo and swore never to return. Who knows?
Possible that China banned her after seeing her in that bathing suit last week, but doubtful. Global internet users to her site are up 12% according to alexa.
Righteous Bubba: Yeah, I see now that the wingnut cruise story’s not new. Oh well, it was new to me when I saw the Independent link this a.m.
“The Hari article’s been around, but you should know that it’s…SLANTED!!!!”
I actually let my lower jaw free inadvertently when I read what was beyond that link. Never have I read anything so full of fudgy adjectives.
Jihad Watch was blocked, readers informed me, on the computers of the State of Connecticut…
How will Joe Lieberman get his fix?
Any post on Atlas Shrugs pammy should include the phrase shrieking harpy.
As for pammalammadingdong’s techtardiness, look no further than her efforts as i.p.number detective.
“…drunken trophy wife?”
Trophy?
Well, maybe if you count those ribbons they give Special Olympics kids for showing up.
The loss of 4,000 hits is easily explained.
[Hiccup.]
Where am I?
I used to have 9000 strawberries and now I only have 5000! That is a reduction of of 4000! Who else had access to my stawberries? Why did they take them? I demand a full investigation! It’s mutiny I tells ya! Mutiny!
It has been awhile since the lefty bloggers ridiculed Pam and that’s probably where she gets her hits from. Today’s post by Leonard should raise her spirits somewhat…maybe even enough for her to film another interview from some random friend’s toilet seat.
Ah hah! That ‘splains my blog’s drop from 14 to 13-1/2 hits/day! Apparently Google’s Robot.txt discovered that the cutest Robotesses are NOT gynormous sillycones attached directly to an even bigger ass.
Mayhem is surely the answer and not at all that a whole bunch of people have suddenly wised up.
Well, to be fair, this is a pretty good bet in most any circumstances concerning but not limited to the American electorate.
Memo to dimwits: The Siege of Vienna took place in 1529, not 1683. What you’re referring to is the Battle of Vienna.
Bigotry should always at least get its dates right.
I guess Pam the Randian Superman (economic dynamo, fountainhead of all creativity yadayadayada wankwankwank) doesn’t know that she can just pick up the stupid phone and call her hosting service.
“I guess Pam the Randian Superman (economic dynamo, fountainhead of all creativity yadayadayada wankwankwank) doesn’t know that she can just pick up the stupid phone and call her hosting service.”
What good would that do? It’s clear that her hosting service is in on teh overall Islamohippyveganfascistnazicommiesocialistliberalhomosexualhollyweird conspiracy to ruin her very insightful and important drunken ramblings, concocted in a bikini at 2 in the afternoon.
I can explain the missing 4000 hits.
It all started when Tina left Ike.
Siege of Vienna – 1529
Battle of Vienna – 1683
Eating of the Vienna Sausage – 2007
More Republican Sex Fantasies:
http://lgfwatch.blogspot.com/2007/07/inhofe-springs-woody.html#links
Pamela’s consternation over her missing hits reminds me of a story from Venezuelan political history. In 1945 the ruling party and the main opposition party worked out an agreement under which Diógenes Escalante, a career diplomat, would be a consensus candidate in the upcoming presidential election. Escalante flew from New York to Caracas and took up residence in the Hotel Avila. One day he called up the president’s chief of staff to inform him of a grave problem. “My handkerchiefs,” he said, “the communists have stolen my handkerchiefs!” His candidacy was soon withdrawn.
Yes of course- I momentarily forgot about the conspiracy-against-her of the jealous and untalented people who actually make things work.
How is it that nobody is questioning this?
What the hell does it mean? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!interrobang?!
Things which should make a person embarrased, but through the miracle of insanity, do not:
Baron: there are some which don’t come up at all, but should. “muslims and commies” should produce this: http://atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com/atlas_shrugs/images/amuslimrrally3.jpg but it doesn’t
Indeed. I was recently searching for links on “muslims and commies” for an important position paper I am writing, when I realized I had blood coming from my ear, I wasn’t wearing pants, and the librarian was telling me that I had to leave – again.
Oh nos!!!!
Sadly No stops mocking the shrieking harpy and her hits drop in half!!!
Who will save us now!!!?????
There were 87 Advil in the bottle now there’s 30 left
I ate 47 so what happened to the other 10?
Why do you suspiciously change the subject and break my concentration
As I dump the bottle out and I count the Advil up again?
The Bush Adminstration would say that Pammy’s traffic is still more than half full. Why is she acting like a freedom-hating defeatist?
I went to shitheads.com and it was not as advertised F–
Websense, the tool of repression that my employer uses, was recently upgraded to block all internal access toblogspot sites, including my own.
The effect of office web-blocking software on blog traffic cannot be overestimated, as most blog users treat blogs (appropriately) as a time-waster.
Probably some large vendor realized that gates of vienna et alia were more trouble than they were worth. The justice of the marketplace in action!
Pammy might have some paranoia or OCD issues.
Baron: I hit you 2 or 3 times with regular google
I love it when they talk dirty.
So a trends a foot?
Now I need to go and drink more coffee so I can snort it out my nose.
Uhh, isn’t all this paranoia about Communists a little out of date? Even the John Birch doesn’t think they’re behind everything anymore. Besides that Commie stuff is SO 80’s. Everyone knows that the big secret society of evil that all the cool kids are joining nowadays is the Illuminati. They’re behind both the Commies and the Global Jihad! How cool is that?
Just want to point out that thanks to the wonders of modern prosthetic surgery,I am reading this with my arms a kimbo and my eyes askance.
It doesn’t work so well the other way around.
http://www.greatfirewallofchina.org/
According to this site, Tom Tomorrow’s site is blocked in China. As is Homestar Runner. That’s about all I have to say about that.
Memo to dimwits: The Siege of Vienna took place in 1529, not 1683. What you’re referring to is the Battle of Vienna. Bigotry should always at least get its dates right.
There should be some racists/bigots dictionary and maps. My old school buddy, A Pakistani got a letter emailed to him, with “Go Back to India”, with a picture of a Native American.
I’m going to venture a guess that there are exactly 0 terrorists who “fear” Pam.
Wanting to blow your brains out with an AK then display your body in the city square to server as a warning to others isn’t really “fear”.
I’m just sayin’…
Wanting to blow your brains out with an AK then display your body in the city square to server as a warning to others isn’t really “fear”.
Now see there? Like that? That’s fucking PROFOUND, man…..
mikey
Lame Man at 20:37 has just won my award for funniest blog comment of the day.
Firesign Theater: “The Mason’s face was ajar.”
The J. Hari item in The Guardian is a different version of the New Republic article. I don’t think ol’ Ward Connerly was even mentioned in the TNR one.
I think I’m calling it “Gates of Vagina Bacon & Playdoh” from now on. Color me suprised that Baron “I Demean The Writings Of Jack Vance Every Time I Open My Fucking Ignorant Cakehole” Fuckwad and Pammy are BFFs.
But OH, am I glad I was not drinking my soda when I saw that graphic up there with the dancing jihadi. THAT’S soda-out-the-nose funny.
Must. Not. Click. on. links to Pammalamma.
Damn you! We’re boosting her pagetraffic and AdSense $$. It’s like giving a $100 instead of a quarter to the melon-schnozzed bum panhandling outside the 7-11. You know that she’s just going to blow the AdSense money on Grey Goose and Red Bull, and the taurine+alcohol+esterase inhibitors and the fistful of Goofballs, Red Birds, Black Beauties, Dexies and the squid paralyser she injected into her tear duct are going to send her babbling and tugging on her lower jaw, while grinding her hips against the couch in a frankly disgusting manner… back on the farm, critters that acted like her were quickly shot. We didn’t even feed them to the mink. And the mink were bastards. Vicious little pricks ate anything.
BTW – wassup with the Jack Vance degradation? Not to rekindle the great Heinlein nerd-off that took place here a week or so ago, but Vance is one of the real standout talents. The man has (had?) a way with language … sort of the anti-Orson Scott Card, a man who writes as though he spends most of his time wishing the thesaurus held more synonyms for “exterminate.”
Phil Farmer could bring it too.
BTW – wassup with the Jack Vance degradation?
Jack Vance is merely one of my favorite writers, and while I have no idea of Mr. Vance’s politics (neither do I particularly care) it irks the living FUCK out of me that some wanker’s using the name “Baron Boddissey” for his moronic Islamophobic dribblings, a name he appropriated from Vance’s “Demon Princes” books.
I have no idea if it means something to the lil’ tyke or he just thought it sounded WaY KeWL. It’s a semantic bamboo shoot under my fingernails, is all.
(And don’t get me started on Heinlein… I’m reading/slogging through “Moon Is A Harsh Mistress” at the moment, and I think I’ll have to elaborate on my feelings about it elsewhere. Suffice to say I have the feeling Heinlein is, how you say, overrated as a wordsmith.)
“Today’s post by Leonard?” You people really do have nothing better to do than mock other blogs. Do any of you have mirrors? Hours of fun right there if insipid mockery is all you’re after.
You people really do have nothing better to do than mock other blogs.
Why yes. There are even some people who have nothing better to do than complain about blogs mocking other blogs. Now those folks are pathetic.
Is that “Gates of Vienna” blog serious? Like, is it real, or is it a joke like Jesus’ General? I can’t imagine it’s something other than a psychology student’s class project intended to illustrate “psychological projection”. Almost every single sentence in the post titled “Willful Ignorance” is an example of what it claims to be describing.
Then there’s even a post claiming that actual soldiers should be trusted with the War on Terror, not “hereditary families” whose members went to “Yale”. This is a joke, right?
Insipid mockery? On the first date? Hey! I’m a liberal, but I’m not that easy. For the right price, however, I provide a good Finnish.
You people really do have nothing better to do than mock other blogs.
Actually, except in cases like Patlas, we spend our time mocking the idiots who WRITE the blogs. In some cases, it’s true, the blogs themselves are worthy of our most insipid mockery, but most of the time it’s the idiocy and brutally awful writing.
mikey
Eh, why not, maybe I’ll get into the mockery business as well. Like you say, plenty of idiots out there.
May I just point out that Pim’s Anus has a link to the blog “What Would Charles Martel Do”, not that I know who the hell Martel is or even much care, but Leonard has skewered their Islamophobic asses before and evidently Pimmy (as opposed to Pammy) has a few issues.
Leonard’s view of “What Chucky Martel Would Do”:
Probably say something like “Aieeee! Giant metal bug!”, or stare blankly at a Coca-Cola billboard, or cry when someone made fun of how his father was named “Pippin the Middle”, or something. Maybe get a Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger, I dunno.
I love the phrase “AIEEE! Giant metal BUG!” I just don’t use it often enough in daily life.
ROFL!!! I had no idea that that was there. Thanks Pere for bringing said post to my attention. Yes, I brutalized those Poor Man idiots, but only amongst others. They are elitists, regardless, and attack people who they’d probably like offline just for a dissenting comment.
Heavens, read more recent posts if you want to read my site. If I didn’t hold my own there, I wouldn’t leave the bloody link. Just because I defend Pamela as a friend does not mean I’m an anything-phobe. Except maybe of the band Pere Ubu, who suck(ed) as well as of bad mockery names. “Pim’s Anus”? No, no, no. It works when mocking Tori Amos/Torn Anus (who also SUCKS). But figure something else out.
Also, realize I was defending a friend, and am not someone who fits into some category ideologically that you seem to think I do.
Righteous–upon discovery, do such blogs deserve anything more than disdain and mockery? It’s not like I want to keep coming back here, other than this charming thread.
Righteous–upon discovery, do such blogs deserve anything more than disdain and mockery?
Yes, if they’re funny, no if they’re not. You may be acquainted with jokes and their utility. I recommend a trip to the library to research the arcane and exotic lore of humour.
Except maybe of the band Pere Ubu, who suck(ed)
That’s as crazy as your racist friend, The Shrieking Harpy . And here’s conclusive proof that Pere Ubu does not suck. The band that is but the commenter is cool too.
When is a trend not a trend?
When it’s a foot!