Shorter Powerline

Cheney Speaks

Above: Powerline’s Scott Johnson, Esq.

  • Candid and revealing is the official biography of 9/11 hero Dick Cheney, as penned by Weekly Standard scribe Stephen Hayes.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.


Comments: 9


“His importance lies in the office he holds.”

The truest thing in that post. After all, Cheney doesn’t get his Unitary Executive if he (or someone with a brain) holds down the Presidency. Cheney needs Bush to be the ‘guyyouwanttohaveabeerwith’ so they can get their agenda passed.


Dammit! My job has been outsourced … to a CORN DOG? WTF?

I call on all right-thinking body size & shapeists to boycott all non-Sammich crudely Photoslopped artwork.

I do, however, appreciate the phallic overtones and clever placement of the Corn Dog.


Shorter shorter: His importance lies.


Shorter shorter shorter: lies.

"Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut"

Hmm. Junior (supposedly) wanted to return to D.C. Old Cakewalk, however, didn’t want Junior in D.C.; and Junior did not return to D.C.

Guess we know who wears the pants in that relationship. Not that there was ever any doubt.


Shorter shorter shorter shorter: lie

Smiling Mortician

Cheney stopped briefly. He was obviously moved.

I call bullshit.


“Over the past three years Steve interviewed Cheney for nearly thirty hours …”

Hour 1: Two dozen successive staring contests (all lost by Stephen Hayes)
Hour 2-24: Hayes shot in face by Cheney; recovering in area hospital
Hour 25: Revealing side-mouthed snicker by Cheney; dutifully recorded by Hayes
Hour 26: Attempts by Hayes to follow up on side-mouthed snicker revelation met with stonewalling side-mouthed “Pffts”, culminating in angry side-mouthed “Go fuck yourself.”
Hours 27-30: Hayes conducts rest of interview in isolation cell, bound in stress position with heavy metal blaring; gets “scoop” on fact that “There’ll be lots more of that if you fuck with me in any way, shape or form on your fucking book, cocksucker.”


Does “esquire” even mean anything anymore?

…well, other than “pompous asshole”.


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