Shorter Confederate Yankee
Above: Still hot on the trail of FluoriGate.
- Dear Associated Press:
Aieee! Aeooo! Bwaa-waa gobble-gobble Jamil Hussein fnozzle fnozzle! Bub-bub-beeb-beeb-bobba-bobba, ee-YI-ee ee-YI-ee ee-YI-ee, bubba-bip-bip-boo. Frazza-frazza aieee snorgle!
Frazza-FROOZA aieee snorgle?
Signed,
C. Yankee,
911 I Hate You Lane,
Loonyville,
PU 80085Update: The AP refuses to respond to my rebuttal to their reply.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Note: The “eyewitness account of an Al Qaeda massacre” to which Mr. Yankee’s letter refers is in fact an account, by conservative journalist Michael Yon, of discovering bodies from a previous massacre. Later that day, Yon says, “some of the soldiers” told him that an unnamed Iraqi scout had accused an unnamed man of being an Al Qaeda operative who “cut off the heads of children.” Having accepted this as an “eyewitness account of an Al Qaeda Massacre,” Mr. Yankee is outraged at the media for using uncertain sources in a different, now-retracted story on the discovery of beheaded bodies in Iraq, and for not printing Mr. Yon’s story instead. Along with many other wingnuts, he sees this as evidence that the media is consciously advancing a false narrative that the violence in Iraq is chiefly sectarian, and that the wire services are in league with Al Qaeda — who are in fact responsible for most of the violence.
Mr. Yankee, a Pajamas Media blogger, is also apoplectic about carefully selected bits of this, whilst studiously avoiding any of this. He also juggles and does a unicycle act.
I don’t suppose you could photoshop that picture to make steam shoot out of his ears? That would make a nice animated .gif.
DecapiGate? Jeez they are just dying to one up the lefties over that whole Watergate thing. And Marita, clearly the best photo shop of Confederate would be a helmet made out of a melon, like that one Lolcat (or Dafydd)
“I’d like to buy a chin, Pat.”
If someone were to start a fund to send CY to Iraq to check all this personally, what are the odds he’d go?
Even if it puts at risk the fragile Great Sammich Truce of 2007, I have to mention that he looks like he is comprised almost entirely of Play Doh and Bacon….
mikey
Why reinvent the wheel when Righteous Bubba has already given us that excellent ConYankee + Scooby Doo animation? The classics never go out of style.
Someone on an earlier thread mentioned CYlooks like Lee Harvey Oswald. It was bothering me trying to figure out who the Yanker was reminding me of, and that hit the nail in for a pound.* Lee Harvey O. it is.
*I’ve been experimenting with mixed metaphors since the Kaye post, but I just can’t rise to her level. She’s like the Dostoevsky on crank of mixed metaphors.
OT, but what’s that about a drumbeat?
Jillian, I just checked the rules, and impeachment is never OT. Neither is get the hell out of Iraq right now. Anybody read this morning’s NYT editorial? A bit late, but at least it’s unequivocal.
The best news on impeachment is an actual majority now favors it for Cheney.
Taking Cheney out would be such a fantastic way to begin re-establishing the rule of law.
You mean and uncivil liberals never seem to tire of making fun of the handicapped. Well, if that’s what gets your rocks off, making fun of feeble-minded and commitable conservatives, then go to it. It’s a free country. So far.
Liberals.
Hmf.
“The best news on impeachment is an actual majority now favors it for Cheney.
Taking Cheney out would be such a fantastic way to begin re-establishing the rule of law.”
Wish they could have figured it out a few years ago. Of course they’re only turning on Bushco to cover their own asses, as usual.
A Sincere Question:
My wife keeps asking me, “WHY don’t, or won’t, the Dems impeach the bastards?”
I don’t know. All it takes is a simple majority in the House. And as Scarecrow says on firedoglake in response to the NY Times editorial, Yeah, yeah, but you’re nuts if you think Bush or Cheney will do anything other than obstruct an effort to get out of Iraq. Bush is psychologically incapable of admitting that defeat.
To which I agree. So the wife wants me to ask you all:
Why won’t the Dems impeach?
TIA.
Why won’t the Dems impeach?
They’re afraid they’ll lose the opportunity to win over that crucial 25% that would never vote for them in a million years.
Two big problems. The biggest is the Dems fear the notorious “impeachment blowback” where they actually suffer politically from the process. Much of this would stem from the spin that they are “invalidating the people’s vote”. This is similar to the spin “criminalizing politics” which they would also face. I’m not certain they would actually suffer from this kind of blowback, but just the possibility that they would gives them pause.
Also, of course, they would also lose. No way to get two thirds majority in the Senate to vote Guilty. So everybody scores or loses political points, and in the end nothing else changes.
Interesting question about impeaching Cheney. The VP is supposed to preside over the Senatorial trial of any impeached official except the President. Obviously he can’t preside over his own trial. Somebody would have to make up some shit…
mikey
“I’ve got lots of hearsay and conjecture… those are KINDS of evidence.”
Someone on an earlier thread mentioned CYlooks like Lee Harvey Oswald
CY sorta reminds me of that other Lee Harvey
I think mikey’s right, there’s no way to get a vote in the senate, unless the senators up for re-election in 08 are mostly Republican in districts that aren’t especially Republican.
But it is a very interesting idea. You could avoid the “undermining the mandate of the people”, because, no one votes on the choice of who the VP will be. And scooping Cheney out of the White House would leave a monster power* and control gap. Helll, we might even wake up one day to find that Bush was found wandering SW DC at 4AM, babbling about “showing those Canuck fuckers” and wearing nothing but a strategically placed Seal of the President.
*Not unlike when Sauron’s tower fell in Mordor. Nyehoy-glavin, Frodo lives!
They won’t impeach Cheney because too many Dems are actually members of the Military Subcontractors party.
I don’t buy that it’s about perception or being wimps.
It’s tribalism and money, pure and simple. Cheney is one of them, and if he has to face anything resembling justice for what he’s done, they might too.
Hello to MrsWonderful. An additional point: some of the dems in congress suffer from the same half-lazy half-depressed notion that with a year and a half left, it’s too late. (Never mind that if it’s too late, it’s precisely because they’ve dragged their feet.) To this I say, first, that it’s never too late to do the right thing when the alternative is to continue doing the wrong thing, and second, there’s nothing that says you can’t carry over impeachment proceedings after the bastards leave office.
“Helll, we might even wake up one day to find that Bush was found wandering SW DC at 4AM, babbling about “showing those Canuck fuckers” and wearing nothing but a strategically placed Seal of the President.”
– Some Guy, that is TEh Funneh!
If things get bad enough, it might be possible to get a vote through the Senate. The smarter Repub rats are deserting the sinking ship, at least where the Iraq quagmire is concerned. (Every time I write the word “quagmire”, I hear a faint, annoying voice – “Diggity-diggity!”, but I digress.) I fear that realistically, short of a miracle or a popular uprising, we are stuck with Bush/Cheney until the winter of ’09.
Maybe they’ll have an attack of conscience, and resign! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You know, as glad as I am that the NY Times and the WaPo and other mainstream media types are starting to squawk about the Bush administration’s perfidiousness, it’s really too bad they didn’t do it a long fackin’ time ago. They remind me of Jack at the end of the movie Titanic, mostly submerged in the frigid North Atlantic and waiting to die, saying, “I intend to write a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all this.”
Maybe they’ll have an attack of conscience, and resign!
Sadly, I think Kung Fu Monkey got this one right:
I cannot help but think that as Nixon walked to the chopper, somewhere in the darkened hallways of the White House Dick Cheney shook his head, spit, and whispered: “Pussy.”
So…how ’bout them Bosox? 🙂
Nixon’s conviction was a foregone conclusion. That was back when country meant more than party. Those days are forever gone. The Repubs will backpedal from bush/cheney as they recognize that it’s better for their political careers to do so than it is to continue to be identified with them. But that dogs stops hunting and goes to sleep in front of the fire when it comes to impeachment. These guys still have to run for office as republicans, and having your two-term president impeached for REAL high crimes and misdemeanors tends to tar the entire party pretty effectively. So while they may distance themselves on specific issues, like iraq or immigration, they would not make bush walk the plank. They would not see that as beneficial to themselves, only to the country, and well, that’s just not a consideration any more…
mikey
You know he would try to make it happen, though…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGNws4RA_KA
Oddly fitting.
This is off topic, but it looks like we all are today.
Dave Neiwert at Orcinus has a post on Bill O’Riley’s delusions about pink pistol pakin’ lesbian gangbangers. Turns out his source, one Rod Wheeler, isn’t too reliable. The man is a former rent-a-cop for McDonalds
Words fail me.
Just this spring, he publicly warned that the Big Mac is vulnerable to bioterrorist attacks at “250 points” during production.
What must making toast be like at that house?
“…CYlooks like Lee Harvey Oswald”
Well, at least Oswald never had a mullet.
What, they make Big Macs in China now?
mikey
????????!!!!!!????????
the Big Mac is vulnerable to bioterrorist attacks at “250 points” during production.”
Which only goes to confirm the wisdom of my decision never to eat these gut-bombs.
Wow, though. I guess you could spike the Special Sauce with something.
I made a bologna sandwich once and sprinkled some meth on the mayo. Tasted nasty but way outperformed a Red Bull…
mikey
We once chopped up shrooms and put them in chocolate pudding. They slid right down…
What, they make Big Macs in China now?
Yes, and cheaper too.
Oh, tell me that those are the guys trained to smack people with well-thrown cream pies. He sounds like some kind of stooge, anyway.
“the Big Mac is vulnerable to bioterrorist attacks at “250 points” during production.”
But what if he comes at me a pointed stick?
Noen, have you ever seen a ChiCom lesbian eat a Big Mac?
[…] be easier to bend a spoon mentally than to make that transformation. « Shorter Confederate Yankee […]
My wife keeps asking me, “WHY don’t, or won’t, the Dems impeach the bastards?”
Dr. Zaius has the answer.