Good heavens, are you still trying to win write?
Posted on July 7th, 2007 by
If your name is Kaye Grogan, the answer is “and that’s just my opinion!”:
Freddy Krueger on steroids type of amnesty bill . . . suffers defeat
So what’s next, Kaye?
the president needs to concentrate on securing the borders, reviving Social Security reform, along with other measures that could help revitalize his lame-duck legacy.
Lame-duck legacy? Is that the kind of thing you want to revitalize?
President Bush also needs to dedicate a lot of time trying to repair the bridge he has caused in the Republican Party.
Yes, Bush should repair that bridge he has caused… ‘Cause when you cause things, you should repair them.
And although it appears as if he has single-handily destroyed the party
Bush’s got the whole world in his handi-hands.
Ye gods, she’s been in the cooking sherry again.
Maybe Bush Jr. could repair that revitalized bridge to the 12th century he has left to the lame ducks.
Wow. Truly, the Internet allows anyone to be published…
And he shouldn’t be counting all his chickens in one basket, either!
Yes indeedy, that duck won’t hunt! Apparently Kaye Grogan never met a metaphor she couldn’t mix!
…and now it’s in its recess period, to be followed by lunch period…
Take the Friday Grammarian challenge: locate the subject of that sentence! Then try to actually definitively identify who “they” are. (bear in mind that the above paragraph is quoted in its entirety; there are no missing references at the begining or end helping identify the subject…)
…discover how to use a consistent tense…
As compared to fake facts.
By the way, when will Kay realize that when asking multiple questions, she needs to put them in seperate sentences? When she gets a copy-editor?
..while the Republicans support the Executive and Judicial…
Sweet crap on a stick! This person got a book published? She’s a case-study in why having a spell-check on your computer just isn’t enough.
I don’t know if I would invoke movie characters that I resemble…
(Lookism! Lookism!)
But seriously, couldn’t she post a picture that is a little less…ghastly?
She’s just aching for some celery.
Sheesh, Kaye, what did the English language do to you?
And before anyone calls me out, I couldn’t find anything intelligent to respond to, so I went for the low hanging fruit.
(Brainism! Brainism!)
Good God.
So , here we have two (2!!!) published authors and former speechwriters – I’m talking to you, Peggy Noonan- who are lamenting the Immigration Reform Bill and the impending loss of the English language if the Messican’s get their way, not even realizing that the English language is already dead and limp in their hands.
From now on, it’s Kay Grogan’.
[She’s] got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. It’s going to get [her] into trouble someday…
Apparently Kaye Grogan never met a metaphor she couldn’t mix!
It’s like she’s Mark Noonan dressed up like Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire.
haha oh wow….
I can’t brain right now. I got the dumb.
This is better wingnuttery than Rev. Swank. Where IS the Swank, BTW?
Yay for the Princess Bride reference!
To be taking the lesson of Count Rugen’s fate, though.
“Single-handily” — hah, that takes me back. I had a boss like Kaye.
Notice how she gets the spelling of long and probably unfamiliar words right but she mangles commonly-used phrases and cliches because that’s what her brain tells her they sound like. My boss would use spellcheck on long words but then he’d blow it by writing something like “on and often” for “off and on”. He could not be convinced that he had this wrong — it was what he heard. “Single-handily” was one of his, too. “On the wrong tact” was another.
Although he had a tin ear for language, he was a very smart guy. So, not so much like Kaye after all.
Her hobbies include photography and she has won photo contests all over the world.
By the gods, they allow this woman out of the country?!!?!
Unless this means “all over her county, and once in the Yukon.”
Freddy Krueger on steroids type of amnesty bill
Can somebody maybe unpack that for me what that might mean in English?
Was there some lil’ amendment snuck into the bill that would allow undocumented immigrants to haunt our dreams as claw-handed serial killers? Would Freddy necessarily be more dangerous on steroids seeing as his killing style relies more on dexterity instead of strength? The hell is she going on about?
And I see she’s writing children’s books. Kee-rist, there’s a case of child abuse if I ever saw one.
I don’t know in which language Ms. Grogan wrote the original piece, but whoever translated the thing isn’t very good with English.
The President is an inspiration to non-walking ducks the world over.
Um…did she say the Wall Street Journal was a “liberal entity”?
And Social Security “reform”? Holy crap Kaye, you’ve paid into this system for (presumably) 40-ish years or so and now you don’t want your benefits? That’s might generous of you.
Or stupid.
So long as what you type sounds vaguely like a cliche you’re good to go I guess. Just mash ‘publish’ and move on to the next nonsensical tirade.
the president needs to concentrate on securing the borders, reviving Social Security reform,
I thought he already did, and suffered a pair of humiliating defeats because of it. But hey, why not keep banging his head against that wall?
Just mash ‘publish’ and move on to the next nonsensical tirade.
I don’t recommend it for everybody, but it works for me…
mikey
“And although it appears as if he has single-handily destroyed the party.”
This is a very dangerous idea we need to fight. Bush worked with Republican luminaries, a Republican congress, Republican courts with Republican media cheering him every step of the way. Do not let them get away with pretending the problem is Bush and not their insane policies.
I want to know about the bridge he caused in the Republican party.
Seriously, did she somewhere hear the word “breach” and forever think someone meant “bridge?”
I used to think the phrase “a dog-eat-dog world” was “a doggy-dog world.” Until I turned nine, that is.
Maybe she just talks her column into a tape recorder and someone who uses English as a second language types them for her?
I bet it wouldn’t take much effort to create a Kaye Grogan Generator, along the lines of the Postmodernism Generator. Then we could have endless arguments about whether or not it’s artificial intelligence when the person being imitated is so damn stupid.
Maybe she just talks her column into a tape recorder and someone who uses English as a second language types them for her?
There are jobs Americans just aren’t willing to do.
I’m fond of Kaye’s unique approach to statistical analysis, here:
Out of 15-25 callers on C-Span when the topic concerned the legalization of millions of border thieves, the callers overwhelmingly opposed any type of legal status or amnesty, threatening vehemently to do everything in their power, to replace those voting yea in the next election
Can someone tell me why she calls for Dick Morris personally to check out CSpan? Would it be too much for her to actually quote something from him, so that we know what she’s rebutting? Or is she just carrying on an imaginative conversation with him, like Annie Wilkes snowed in over the winter?
Hey you guys, it’s not nice to make fun of retarded people.
With all apologies to anyone who has a retarded relative or whatever.
I only make fun of retarded relatives who publish political commentary columns.
It’s really not a problem. Most of the retarded people I’ve met are smarter and more deeply thoughtful than Kaye here. So the comparison, while a bit of an insult to retarded people is nothing short of a compliment to this Grogan woman..
mikey
It’s not cruel when the person has willed herself into retardation.
I currently have a boss who makes mistakes like this too. I answer phones at a hotel that turned from a Radisson to a Crowne Plaza about a year ago, and when we made the switch she made up a note with our new greeting saying “Crowne plaza, FORMALLY Radisson.” As if “Crowne Plaza” was just a cute nickname we made up or something.
And by the way, this hotel is in downtown St. Paul right by the convention center where the 2008 Republican National Convention will be. I can only inagine the horrors, with the way hotel guests are kind of a rude bunch anyway, especially when it is busy and they have to wait for service. Then you take a specific cross-section of the population that has an overdeveloped sense of entitlement and a general mean streak and it makes for one hell of a bad week at work.
Just thought I would share that in order to get my pity-party started a full year in advance.
Well just goes to show that the dead-enders are total morons.
How the fuck do you have a lame duck legacy???
Ahhh, Kaye. Always had a pliable relationship with the English language, she did.
Well, great. Now i can’t decide weither to watch West Wing, play Guild Wars, or watch the Princess Bride. Choices…
These paragraph’s are beauts:
Huh?
15-25 callers! Holy freaking smokies, that’s the electorate right there.
I considered making a Simpsons character out of Kaye Grogan, then realized she’s already a Simpsons character.
…For all intensive purposes, it’s same-oh same-oh for the Republicans. Here, here! All in favor, say “I.”
“…For all intensive purposes..”
Grammar Nazis, commence attack!
I agree with Snowy.
Great Princess Bride reference.
Ten points to Griffindor.
Leave poor Kaye alone. It’s not her fault she’s alingual. Either that, or she had a series of mini-strokes while trying to write this piece.
The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin one of my all time favourite shows.
when the topic concerned the legalization of millions of border thieves
Danged border thieves! We had the bloody thing tied down at the ends with sodding great ropes, and those buggers still made off with it!
My parents have a neighbour who mangles English in that way all the time. My favourite quote from her is her reference to her husband using her as his scrap-goat.
Mind you, there are lots of people who commonly mangle famous lines: my least favourite, one that always makes me shudder (hey, I’m a grammar nazi and prissy schoolmarm type. Not my fault) is “The proof is in the pudding”. What the buggery bollocks does that mean? Is it like Christmas pudding, except that instead of shiny silver sixpences you get a signed affadavit from God? Has anyone ever stopped to think of what the cliche actually means before they use it? No, or else they’d be too embarrassed to say something so silly.
For anyone who’s currently huddling in guilty silence in front of their monitor, the correct expression is “The proof of the pudding is in the eating”. Makes a tad more sense, really. When you think about it.
Which could not, ever, be said about “fed up to the nines”. I mean, WTF? Along with all the rest of her bollocks.
Jeebus, if the likes of her can get published twice in succession, I’m heading for the US and a great career.
But first I’ll need to rummage down the back of the couch for plane fare…
Don’t come here without traveler’s insurance. Qetesh.
Why, one could say that her grammar is perfectly crombulent, irregardless of her syntax, eh Qetesh?
Why, yes, I didn’t’ go to bed last night, why do you ask?
And, as an interesting side note, the wordpress program flags “crombulent”, but not “irregardless”.
I belonged to a labor union that had a local business agent who was a divinely inspired malaprop. He used to talk about how we had our lawyer “in a container” [on retainer] or how we would soon be getting those checks with our “radioactive pay” [retroactive pay].
Out of 15-25 callers on C-Span when the topic concerned the legalization of millions of border thieves,
I was waiting for someone to catch that.
Holy crap, where’d the freakin’ border go? It was right here last night!
I always thought it was “The proof is in the putting” as in “actions louder than words” and all that. Though looking at it now, it doesn’t make a lot of sense either.
My pet peeve is “no-brainer” or when someone ask if they can “pick my brain.” eugh.
My grandfather always told me not to put the horse before the apricot.
I had a student years back, nice but rather dizzy young woman, who was describing for her classmates her harrowing first day of work at a hardware store. A coworker, she earnestly explained while tapping her sternum, had bashed her with a plank of lumber, “right in my scrotum.”
Mr. Mortician: Somehow that reminds me of a past coworker who was prone to say such things as “She’d stab you in the back right in front of your face.”
People, people, I mean this quite sincerily: don’t make fun of the mentally handicapped.
Ye Ghods. I’ve finally figured out why “Grogan” is synonymous with turd. She has an astonishingly hostile relationship with language, don’t she?