Well, What’d You Ask Me For, Then? Sheesh.
People think we don’t like right-wing blowhards. People are wrong. We love them. We love Daffyd ab Hugh and his sandwich addiction. We love Mark Noonan and his fleshy chinstrap. We love Pam Oshry and her many dead brain cells. And when you love someone, you want to help them.
Take Michelle Malkin, for example (who we love for the funny faces she makes when someone speaks Spanish around her).
“[Snnf!] Hokay, who wan snotchos?”
“Hmm. The nachos here are creamier than I remembered.”
When she announced that she would be helping out Jules Crittenden (who we love for his extensive G.I. Joe collection) with his Gitmo poetry contest, the poor dear was truly at sea. “What rhymes with ‘despicable’?” she asked, having lost her rhyming dictionary behind a pile of Mack Bolan novels.
Well, you know us. We’re always happy to help a Pinay sista out, so we used our highly privileged status as certified posters at MichelleMalkin.com to submit the following masterpiece:
Those people at Gitmo are really despicable
Their swarthy, cruel heads I find very kickable
Inhuman, they don’t bleed, and thus are quite prickable
Let’s pray they’re denied frozen treats that are lickable
I talk about them ’cause my fans find it clickable
Smart cookies are they and not at all trickable
It’s not like the charges at Gitmo aren’t stickable
Or that in a fair trial they’d be unconvictable
The crazy thing is, Michelle deleted the post! Can you believe that? I mean, not to toot our own horns, but her only other suggestion for a word that rhymes with despicable was “liberal,” [Gavin adds: That’s inexplicable!] which, come on. Some people just can’t learn to accept love.
So cool! I love Michelle Malkin for her willingness to speak truth to idiocy, and Jules Crittenden for his willingness to humiliate liberals who are incapable of determining what effects their actions will cause.
Crazy like a fox, maybe. We do agree though that the antithesis of love is ‘liberal’. Or no, to be fair, ‘self-love=liberal’, but I was talking about ‘love of others’. Sorry to hear your ‘poetry’ didn’t make the cut, but neither did mine. Let’s get over it.
Although Michelle loves looking in the mirror, she doesn’t like anyone holding one up to her.
Mister Leonard Pierce just won me over, now and for all time, with the Pittsfield Kid namecheck.
You gonna leave a marksman’s medal in the middle of the gore? You gonna light a pall mall and talk about living large? #4 was Vegas Vendetta. I think it was my favorite!
What?
mikey
Thanks! But please don’t call me Mister Leonard Pierce.
Is “Lawnmower Guy” acceptable?
Kevin’s posts are boring.
Hot Air wants badly to be unshtickable: bad link already.
Maybe she should learn basic English skills if she’s having trouble with suffixes.
http://www.morewords.com/ends-with/able/
Wait! It’s Leonard Pierce being too quickable! Malformed URL.
I swear this Leon Trotsky’s icepickable.
Link fixed.
Also, I was always more of a Destroyer fan.
Oh! Wait! Maybe it’s more of a riddle?
“despicable” :: “dechinkable” Or even maybe “deragheadable”
That would explain why she didn’t like your answer.
I knew those Myst games would pay off some day! Ya gotta think outside the box, man!
Oh christ, Ell Pee, Teh Destroyer was a total homo….
mikey
Remo Williams was NOT a “total homo,” Mikey, despite his unusually thin wrists.
Although really, it was Chiun who was the true bad-ass there.
OK, I’m outta here before the odes to Louis L’Amour start.
Although really, it was Chiun who was the true bad-ass there.
That’s why he got played by Joel Grey. JOEL GREY.
This is all very unacceptable.
Quite possibly unpredictable.
There’s no denying Kevin’s unconscionable.
Think I’ll go get a Constable.
Weeee. This is fun.
Wikipedia says that Chiun was also played by Roddy McDowell in an ill fated TV project. Now, if the same person who played Cornelius of Planet of The Apes fame also plays Chiun, then the homo label is Waaayyyy out of line……..maybe???
Okay. Not out of line. What WAS I thinking????
But are my Netflix returnable?
Go up against a Filipino in a poetry contest?
Inconceivable!
“Despicable”
A reading by Daffy Duck
“I swear this Leon Trotsky’s icepickable.”
Actually:
Leon Trotsky was totally iceaxable*,
And Michelle’s saving fortunes that should be quite taxable.
Of course, she herself is not quite so facts-able,
But I just ignore her, which makes me relaxable.
But ‘despicable?’ Please, her fans are so trickable,
And examples of boobery so easily pickable.
Despise me? Not prize me?
Please, let me apprise thee —
Michelle Malkin’s a fool, not cool school, as a rule,
And her cohorts are worse than a mule — THAT’s despicable!
Ed
* The murder weapon was an ice ax, not an icepick.
Rewrite time: The last stanza reads better this way:
But ‘despicable?’ Please, her fans are so trickable,
And examples of boobery so easily pickable.
Despise me? Not prize me?
Please, let me apprise thee —
Michelle Malkin’s a fool, not cool school, like a mule,
And her cohorts are worse, as a rule — THAT’s despicable!
Ed
Here’s cheers to the Filipina,
and her left eye so unsyncable.
Teh Bat Boy idn’t vary gud wit enguish, id it?