I like the fighting in West Side Story. Could we screen that ?

I like the fighting in West Side Story. Could we screen that ?

(and your shit-ass server allowed me to amend while waiting !)

oh the HELL with it !

I like the fighting in West Side Story. Could we screen that ?

(and your shit-ass server allowed me to amend while waiting !)

oh the HELL with it ! now it’s become a silly game…

“being a comment upon the “imperialismâ€? of the United States. Innocent aliens being killed by evil, imperialist space faring humans and it appears to be all George Bush’s fault…again.”

Why is imperialism in quotes? Wait a sec. Is that dude saying George Bush is planning to invade another planet?!?! Shit, how come I haven’t heard about this yet? How else could it be his fault?

Also, my top ten 10 list of movies that should, nay must, guide the United State’s foreign policy:

10)Dodgeball
9)American Beauty
8)Under Siege
7)The Rock
6)Terminator 3
5)American Psycho
4)Die Hard 2
3)Armageddon
2)Batman Forever
1)Soul Plane

If you disagree with my choices, you want the terrorists to win…something. So don’t even think about it.

Americans play to win all of the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That’s why Americans have never lost nor will ever lose a war; for the very idea of losing is hateful to an American.

I.e., we’re a nation of overbearing arseholes.

This also explains what used to bother me about watching the Olympics. Americans coming in second or third place crying—not over their achievement, but over not being #1. The press treating them like they wuz robbed, and using the hystrionics as evidence of their “dedication” and “will to win”.

Funny, when I was growing up, they called that being a sore loser. Bad sportsmanship and all that. I guess rules and propriety are for suckers, or something. (See: Immense popularity of mob movies/gangsta stuff. Rise of more-brazen cheating in all areas of life. Mitigated by the fact that in a society rigged against the honest common man, this is not altogether irrational—”times getting meaner”/”don’t hate the playa, hate the game”.)

More on topic, that movie list is hilarious. Trying to promote alleged American values, yet really just handing out more reasons to hate us. The list screams “Hey look! We’re a bunch of moronic, violent hypocrites!” Beautiful stuff. If Hawkins sucked any harder, they’d call him Oreck.

Innocent aliens being killed by evil, imperialist space faring humans and it appears to be all George Bush’s fault…again.

Based upon statements like this, you’d have to conclude that the wingnuts in general do not believe that the American invasions and occupations are responsible for the deaths of any innocents. Or that there’s nothing wrong with killing innocents in pursuit of a successful foreign policy. Either way, I hate ’em…

mikey

Erm, John Hawkins does realize that American movies are shown around the world right? And that we furriners can watch Spiderman or Rocky 4 without breaking out into “USA! USA! USA!” by the end of the movie?

Strange as it might seem, being the world’s most powerful nation and the largest exporter of culture worldwide does tend to leave the rest of the world with an impression of the United States, imperfect as it might be. The US Embassy showing Red Dawn in Barcelona or Beijing isn’t going to change world opinion. If anything, it will reinforce our interpretation of the movie, which contrary to the editors of Human Events beliefs isn’t “Thank God for Reagan.”

Sorry, Mr. Hawkins, but the U.S. Department of State’s Bureau of International Information Programs is currently not looking to hire a film critic.

Re: Team America: World Police:

Ha Ha! Foreign things suck. Destroy them!

Best. Description. Ever.

(better yet it works for South Park too!)

Aww, hell, I’ll try:

10) Napoleon Dynamite
9) Supertroopers
8) Short Cuts
7) Dazed and Confused
6) Office Space
5) Reservoir Dogs
4) American Beauty
3) Fast Times at Ridgemont High
2) The Big Lebowski

and finally, for a real look at the US…

1) Full Metal Jacket

While we’re at it, let’s make a promotional film called “All the Ways We Can Kill You, So Shut Up and Sit Down”.

What? No 300?

good god that’s funny.

Team America: World Police

because nothing is more American than puppet sex.

Of course those movies wouldn’t be translated into the local lingua franca. Danged foreigners should learn our language!

You’re a terrible person, Gavin. You created that fake list in order to make John Hawkins look like a complete fuckwit. For shame!

Oh, crap, John Hawkins actually did make that list? Wow, what a complete fuckwit.

(PS: The wingnuts’ obsession with Red Dawn will probably never stop being funny, but in this context, it’s downright hilarious because of the exact reason Gavin states. Awesome.)

TV series would really be more conducive to spreading the truthiness about America.

To export the values of our legal system, for instance, I’d recommend TJ Hooker and Matlock.

I was going to say CHiPS, but I’d rather deal with Shatner than Estrada. And hell, it was the launch of Heather Locklear’s career.

On second thought, I’ll go with Night Court.

I wonder if he knows that Team America: World Police is supposed to be a satire?

A good look at a slice of our proletariat would be the Married…With Children series.

As for movies, what t4toby said.

because nothing is more American than puppet sex.

And being raped by the Broadway cast of Cats.

Team America was mediocre at best. The South Park movie is a much better documentary on American psyche and values.

“Americans play to win all of the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That’s why Americans have never lost nor will ever lose a war; for the very idea of losing is hateful to an American.”

Well, Vietnam? War of 1812 was a tie, but certainly not a win. Same with Korea. We only won the Revolution because of help from France. Then there are the countless skirmishes and coups that didn’t go our way. Like Bay of Pigs.
I’m just saying. Sweeping the under the carpet doesn’t mean they aren’t there.

He’s just mad because someone stole his bukkit.

Top Films For Schooling Wingnut Dipshits

Seven Days In May

Wild, baseless speculation about what would happen if a cabal of fine patriotic Americans with zero respect for democracy and diplomacy made their way into the top levels of the military and congress and tried to subvert… hmmm.

Wag The Dog

Laugh along with Jessica Lynch and all True Americans as the CIA, military, and mainstream TV press collude to gin up patriotic war fervor in order to get a dimbulb president re-elect… hrmph.

Inherit The Wind

Celebrate the triumph of God’s Holy Writ over the evil forces of secular scie… dammit.

Maybe I’m not doing this right…

Good list, t4toby…i’ll be approx. one-fifth more earnest:

10. Who Killed the Electric Car?
9. Pulp Fiction
8. M*A*S*H
7. Dawn of the Dead (1977)
6. Mars Attacks! (to keep Huston happy)
5. Fight Club
4. Clerks
3. 1941
2. Dr. Strangelove
1. Fast Food Nation

Nuh-uh. There will be no Teardrop Explodes references.

I forbid it.

I suspect your site is no longer powered by hamsters, gey or otherwise. It looks to me like gophers have infiltrated the machinery. Get it? GOPhers? Heh.

“Americans play to win all of the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That’s why Americans have never lost nor will ever lose a war; for the very idea of losing is hateful to an American.�

This makes a good speech to give to recruits about to be shipped off to fight overseas. In this context (and it is IIRC the context in which it is given at the beginning of the movie) it isn’t as over the top as it seems. However, when taken as a prescription for grand strategy in a war, it is a good way to get a lot of young men and women killed very quickly. By assuming you cannot be defeated, you will at some point bite off more than you can chew.

Debbie Schlussel is in with her top 15. The list includes Red Dawn, Rescue Dawn, and the “highly underrated” Delta Force. She also says Clint Eastwood is a commie.

When Wingnut Heads Explode:

5. Johnny Got His Gun (it’s like Terri Schiavo won…but it’s anti-war! The sanctity of life involves pacificism as conceived by a communist?!)
4. All the Kings Men (A crooked Democrat gets his…but he was popular with the people?! And Sean Penn plays him in one of the movie versions?!)
3. V for Vendetta (One man stands up against Big Government…Oh wait. That’s no longer operative.)
2. Three Kings (Americans work with Iraqis stand up…Torture produces valuable information…Except it was Marky Mark on the receiving line and the safe haven from Saddam was Iran. Dang.)
1. End of the Century (Johnny Ramone claims punk rock for the GOP…Now what was that song “Bonzo Goes to Bitburg” all about again?)

Patton was an excellent general, that said he was also a complete nutter.

What is T-Rex talking about?

Is that dude saying George Bush is planning to invade another planet?!?!

Mars, bitch!

Wag The Dog
Laugh along with Jessica Lynch and all True Americans as the CIA, military, and mainstream TV press collude to gin up patriotic war fervor in order to get a dimbulb president re-elect… hrmph.

Oh, they love this movie! Here’s the real synopsis:

The COMPLETELY 100% TRUE story of the Clenis’s “war” in Afganistan. Watch the Evil Billary use the lapdog liberal media to distract godly Christians from his wandering eye…and genitalia.

What about Heartbreak Ridge?

Clint Eastwood plays a gunnery sergeant who makes a few too many references to taking warm showers with his men and then leads his troop on a heroic mission to liberate, …uh, Grenada.

What is T-Rex talking about?

It’s a “Happy Days” vs. “American Graffiti” thing.

“Mother, Jugs, and Speed” will teach them all they will ever need to know.

WTF? Nobody’s said it yet?

WOLVERINES!

No, no, no, you rogues have it all wrong. The correct list is as follows:

10) Birth of a Nation
9) Milo and Otis
8) Joysticks
7) Teh Last Unicorn
6) that goddamn Pam Anderson “film”
5) Creepshow 2
4) The Lost Weekend
3) “Hung” Jury 2 – Erection Overruled
2) Enemy Mine
1) Midnight Cowboy

I really hope this clears things up.

Red Dawn!? Rocky 4!? Good god these people have awful, awful taste in movies. What, no Rambo 2? Oh, and of course The 300 cuz it’s so, like deep n’ shit. Just from that list I can tell this guy is a fricken’ retard.

BD III is on the right (t)rack.

You can’t explain America to the world without Baywatch. In fact, Baywatch and Red Dawn probably would suffice, with no need for added distractions.

Patton?? I dimly recall the right hating that movie for depicting Patton in an unfavorable light.

For your enlightenment:

http://209.85.165.104/search?q=cache:p_r0ONdKpeAJ:www.trouserpress.com/entry.php%3Fa%3Dthe_teardrop_explodes+teardrop+explodes+culture+bunker+lyrics&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us&client=firefox-a

In a departure from the highbrow movie discussion above, my submission to the Wingnuttery playlist would have to be:

Transformers: The Movie (1986)

It has everything you need for the perfect wing-er circle jerk:

1) A clear war between good and evil. Even better there are two big evils: the Decepticons (your common all garden evil, Islam etc.), and Unicron (your huge-ass planet-eating evil, essentially gay-abortion-loving-communists).

2) Rudy-mus Prime. The potential for puns such as this is surely too good to pass up. Though “Hot Rudy” could land them in hot water.

3) Fueling the messiah complex.

4) Justification for saying “if you hadn’t guess it, you’re the Decepticons, Bitches!” in a diplomatic setting.

I’m still working on a Clinton as Starscream link, but I am sure it is there somewhere. Apart from the previously mentioned Dr. Strangelove, I can think of few films which better fit.

….

*Wonders if Mark Foley is a fan of Stan Bush”.

…we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.

That line has stuck with me since that movie first came out. What’s sad is that he spends a good part of the speech saying the Germans felt the same way about the Americans. Good thing the rest of the world just hates our freedom.

It’s a pretty lame list that doesn’t pay tribute to href=”http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098180/”>Team Abramoff.

I fuking hate life.

Preview would be my bestest buddy. Until I turned its gut into tread grease….

Red Scorpion!!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098180/

Personally, I’d much prefer using “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” to show the world american values and society. And if they want to own it, Bush could be Brad, Laura Janet, Cheney the Criminologist, Karl Rove would be RiffRaff, Condi would be Columbia and Tony Snow could be Eddie. But who would be Frank?

mikey

Suicidal Zebra, I don’t think Foley’s a fan of any bush.

yours truly, lowering the level of discourse since some date in the distant past

From WTH’s comments about the “cartoon” (and it’s animation, dipshit, NOT a ‘cartoon’, so you lose points right offf the bat):

The humans don’t know these aliens are intelligent? Do, you expect me to believe that a humanity that is advanced enough to fly through space to another planet is incapable of being smart enough to realize that a creature that makes clothing for itself is not just an “animal”?

(Ignoring the easy target of the misuse of a comma) Warner, Warner, Warner.

They just don’t fucking care.

After all, look at the compassion and concern we have for Arabs who are our own goddamn species.

But who would be Frank?

Rove.

RiffRaff would be David Addington/John Yoo.

What no Roadhouse? How can there be no Roadhouse?

The USA is obvously the wise, hot young bouncer that gets to screw the pretty doctor and bring peace to the world, and everyone else is violent drunks and dirty fucking hippys.

So come on into my bath
I’ll teach you all The Math
I see you shiver with uber-partisan… (say it! say it!).. hatred.

O.K. I just read the Newsbusters article and these people are truly pathetic. I mean “anti-human”? What the fuck? I guess there has never been evil humans before, and the idea that a technologically advanced group would cruelly exploit a less advanced group is obviously so far out there that we can just dismiss this whole thing. Oh, and humanity always represent the United States is space operas, just so everyone is clear on that.
I mean, Christ, considering how we have treated each other throughout history, is it really so hard for this numb-skull to imagine that we might be just as awful to fucking ALIENS?

Pere Ubu said,

June 22, 2007 at 2:37

From WTH’s comments about the “cartoon� (and it’s animation, dipshit, NOT a ‘cartoon’, so you lose points right offf the bat

Yeah, that to.

The Patriot may be the stupidest, most cowardly movie ever conceived. “These blacks you see here in South Carolilna are not slaves. They’re fully paid workers!” That may be the moment I lost the faint shred of respect I still had for the conservative other side. It was obvious after that they were all the stupidest fucking people on the planet.

And I voted for Reagan.

Would you want her to see you like THIS??!

Oh, and this beats the hell out of Team America, by the way.

Let’s do the Time Warp Again!

I completely agree, Gavin. Dirty hippies are funny. It’s why I keep coming back here!

But I suspect you missed many of the jabs at the right in Team America, leading you to believe it is conservative propaganda. In fact, it’s shilling for centrism. For example, the good guys save the day in France, but completely destroy Paris in the process. But they act like it’s a WIN! I’m a conservative, and even I think that’s funny, ’cause it’s trueish. There are so many more. Is your skin so thin that you can’t laugh at yourself? Even liberals must admit that some on their side are kind of idiots. Lighten up! It slams both sides, and despite the marionette porn, it’s very humorous.

It’s a closely guarded fact that I do indeed hate hippies for their self-centered narcissicstic pseudo-intellectual view of the world which always blames America for any problem in the world. Not to mention that the worst of the hippie America blamers are merely children of rich white Americans living off of their parents, using liberalism to assuage the guilt they feel for not working or contributing to society. (trust me, it won’t work. If you want to feel good about yourself, you know what to do: volunteer to help the poor.)

Don’t tell anyone, ok? I’m trying to keep it on the down-low. Sad to see you disparage some truly great movies, Gavin, just to get your ‘Americans suck’ message through, but I’ve come to expect it.

Gavin, could you post something with the moniker “The Hon. Dr. St. Rev. Bradley S. Rocket, Esq, PhD, MD” next please? I don’t ask for much…

I think it’s interesting that the only people who missed the jabs at the right-wing mindset in Team America were, mostly, folks who allign themsevles with the right-wing mindset. ‘Course, there does seem to be a very vocal portion of the electorate who would not a’tall be surprised to learn Kim Jong Il and George Clooney are indeed in collusion to destroy America, force gay marriages on everyone, and close Christmas, so I doubt they’d grok that Parker and Sloan were poking fun at them.

Also interesting: these same people apparently thought March Of The Penguins was about something other than, you know, penguins doing penguin shit and that’s all. I don’t get it either. There’s no tellin’ what this guy thinks Spider-Man is about.

Salt of the Earth covered a lot of important points about the US: economic inequality, sexism, racism: you know, stuff to be proud of!

Ack! Matt, are you suggesting that Gavin has a right winged mindset? I’m pretty right-wingish and I didn’t miss them. Gavin clearly did. Are you saying he’s more right than me?!? The’s fightin’ words.

“…there does seem to be a very vocal portion of the electorate who would not a’tall be surprised to learn Kim Jong Il and George Clooney are indeed in collusion to destroy America…” No doubt. Once we saw Cindy Sheehan colluding with Chavez, all bets were off as to how disgusting a liberal pundit could be. Surprised? No. Disgusted? Yes.

“Also interesting: these same people apparently thought March Of The Penguins was about something other than, you know, penguins doing penguin shit and that’s all. I don’t get it either. There’s no tellin’ what this guy thinks Spider-Man is about.” I can’t comment with an educated viewpoint on this. I didn’t see it. I had heard it was just more indoctrination into the idea that CO2 would destroy our planet, which is increasinly being proven to be silly (but you no doubt don’t know that right? you’re still believing the ocean is going to swamp us). But, again, I didn’t see it, so can’t be sure.

ps. No offense, and not that it’s wrong, but ‘grokking’ things tells the world you are Heinlein-style bisexual. Even if you are, it’s ok, no one will pass judgement. But if you want to keep it secret, don’t ‘grok’. Just a “head’s up”.

What, no Rambo 2?

No such thing.

There was First Blood and Rambo: First Blood Part II. (Um, wouldn’t that be Second Blood?)

Then there was Rambo III, which I guess should’ve been, er, First Blood III.

It’s a closely guarded fact that I do indeed hate hippies for their self-centered narcissicstic pseudo-intellectual view of the world which always blames America for any problem in the world.

Your constant banging on about hippies is interesting, Kevin. Something happen in your past involving hippies, last doobie stolen, lost girlfriend, having to eat organic vegetables, i don’t know, but let it go, you’ll feel better for it.

As another damn foreigner wanting to drag down you great nation, the movie that sums up the US for me is “Bulworthâ€?.

(about Salt of the Earth) I should mention that it also is a dramatic and inspiring story of people struggling to collectively overcome such nasty things. Hooray!

-Gallipoli
-Grand Illusion
-Hamburger Hill
-Paths of Glory
-Battle of Algiers
-A Bridge Too Far
-Apocalypse Now
-Shame

lobbey said,
Your constant banging on about hippies is interesting, Kevin. Something happen in your past involving hippies, last doobie stolen, lost girlfriend, having to eat organic vegetables, i don’t know, but let it go, you’ll feel better for it.

Naw, we’ve already discovered that hippies killed his parents and raped his dog. Twice. With a BONG. Now he spends his days mowing lawns for pittances, vocally declaring his lust for vengeance, while secretly, deep within his own soul, he lusts for the wanton freedom and seductive embrace of long hair and a hackie sack that only the hippie way can bring.

That and he’s an attention grieffer.

*AHEM*

He’s an attention grieffer who likes Pie!!…

mikey

One of these things is not like the other. Can you guess which one?

“I had heard it was just more indoctrination into the idea that CO2 would destroy our planet, which is increasinly being proven to be silly (but you no doubt don’t know that right? you’re still believing the ocean is going to swamp us).”

“I can’t comment with an educated viewpoint on this.”

The thing about some one the right is they start off sounding almost rational but it only takes a little prodding for their true nature to show itself.

‘‘grokking’ things tells the world you are Heinlein-style bisexual”

Oops! Too late.

But who would be Frank?

Guiliani’s pretty comfortable in drag, but utterly lacks Frankenfurter’s leadership and charisma.

No list of American-culture-on-display films can be complete without Network.

I wonder if he knows that Team America: World Police is supposed to be a satire?

That *special* all-American version of “satire” with the ever-present bullies’ subtitle “Laugh at our funny, ya little bitch, or we’ll kill ya.”

Actually, TRUE GRIT has a certain charm as one facet of the American experience — if only for the classic exchange “That’s pretty bold talk for a one-eyed fat man.” “Fill yer hands, you sonofabitch!!!” Although my personal choices would include that other George C. Scott classic THE DAY OF THE DOLPHIN, Gene Hackman’s brilliant THE CONVERSATION, its ever-more-relevant not-quite-remake ENEMY OF THE STATE, DOGMA (because, hey, what if God *is* Terry Sciavo?) and THE GIFT (where both Katie Holmes and Giovanni Ribisi play victims of a warped, anti-sexual religious fervour, and Keanau Reeves finds the role he was born for). But premier above all the rest — and I can’t believe nobody’s mentioned this yet…

SLAP SHOT: A brilliant, sad, hilarious tale about the ragged, rusty underbelly of Da Amerkin Dream and its outsourcing. There are no winners, only losers and bigger losers, demonstrating a full range of our national symbols — including the aging no-longer-“star” athlete trying to eke out a few more paychecks with a combination of native guile and confidence tricks, the fish-out-of-water college graduate whose disdain for his fellow players wars with his admiration of their “down-to-earth values”, and of course the immortal Hansen brothers, a trio of innocent monsters trailing atrocities behind them because they haven’t the experience, or possibly the intelligence, to tell the difference between real life and video games. Truly an epic for our times.

i have to say i am constantly surprised at the right wingers who take team america at face value and don’t see what a total skewering it is of the might makes right worldview.

i mean come on — dicks also fuck assholes? this is pretty much hitting the nail on the head (so to speak) — a demonstration of how directly these people’s revenge fantasies hinge on unacknowledged homoeroticism.

also the movie was a brilliant piss take on the ridiculousness of the michael bay action genre.

i honestly am bewildered that righties don’t see that.

C’mon, these people LOVE Red Dawn, with its ridiculous premise of a UN/Cuban invasion, and the leader of the brave resistance being Patrick Swayze, for G-d’s sake!

These people are so stupid and deluded, so committed to misreading the most blatant texts, it is a miracle they understand the instructions on a bottle of shampoo. I mean, these are the same people who the Springsteen’s ‘Born in the USA’ was a glorification of Reagan’s America.

Team America: World Police

Are they actually saying a film featuring MARIONETTES is a good film?

Kevin’s a fuckin’ puppy. He wouldn’t know a hippie if one bit him in the ass.

mean, these are the same people who the Springsteen’s ‘Born in the USA’ was a glorification of Reagan’s America.

I laughed my ass off when George H. W. Bush used Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” as a theme song, taking it at face value. What a fucking idiot.

The American essence is kill first, ask questions later. In this regard, The Ox-Bow Incident illustrates it effectively. However, it fails when that liberal pussy, Major Tetley, feels remorse for his actions and puts a bullet in his own head.

Cleopatra Jones, starring Tamara Dobson.

That’s what taught me what America was all about when I was a child.