Hystérie d’O
Our pal Instaputz caught Ann Althouse having one of her whizzy-biffy ideas.
Ann Althouse looks at the new Hillary Clinton ad and writes:
Bill says “No onion rings?” and Hillary responds “I’m looking out for ya.” Now, the script says onion rings, because that’s what the Sopranos were eating in that final scene, but I doubt if any blogger will disagree with my assertion that, coming from Bill Clinton, the “O” of an onion ring is a vagina symbol.
By all means, Ann, let me be the first.
And Ann, so long as you’re discussing symbolism: what does your facial expression in the above photo — which is kinda reminiscent of the fifteenth letter of the English alphabet — represent?
I doubt if any blogger will disagree with my assertion that this is an intriguing question.
Not I, sir! Indeed, every good question leads to another:
Above: Michelle Malkin
On second thought, OMG, ew.
Sometimes a cigar really is a big smelly cheesy wang flopping all over the place like an eel out of water.
Hilarious. Thanks for the laugh. I liked the Clinton ad; it was just a bit of fun. Wingers never miss a chance to bitch-slap Hillary; it gets old.
Ann Althouse really is teh nuts, isn’t she? It’s really not a question of her simply being a ditz who drinks too much wine. The woman clearly has an unhealthy fixation on the Clenis.
….Cock ring?
OMG, Ann Althouse used “coming” and “Bill Clinton” in the same sentence! We all know what’s really on her mind!
I think Bill needs to do the world a favor and do Ann. Either that, or send Ann to therapy to find out why she’s sooooooooo fixated on his sexuality.
Gaah, that woman pisses me off. She gives the rest of us who aren’t that bright and drink too much a really bad name.
I think blonde women should start a class action suit against her…
Oh! You have Chex Mix?
mikey
Was that onion ring made out of vagi-doh or something?
What a pathetic excuse for a blogger Althouse is. Even a right-wing blogger. Notice how she can’t catch a break even from her commenters?
Banality, thy name is Althouse.
So…does this mean it’s safe to assume Ann Althouse’s labia are rough, greasy and permanently stretched into a circle?
Maybe S,N! can host a contest to have various “Ann Althouse”s analyze other images of Clinton that are available on the web? She really loves it when people pay homage to her like that.
“She” could totally start here. We all know what those leis represent.
So…does this mean it’s safe to assume Ann Althouse’s labia are rough, greasy and permanently stretched into a circle?
Holy toledo, I don’t think I’ll sleep for a week.
Thank you, Ann Althouse, for bringing new meaning to the following:
•Kool and the Gang’s “O-pen Sesame”
•Ready for the World’s “O Sheila”
•The O-hio Players
•O-klahoma!: “We know we belong to the land, and the land we belong to is grand!”
Was that onion ring made out of vagi-doh or something?
Ace and his commenters have now shifted their attention to whipped cream and hot Bosco.
This crazy fuckin’ bat is one Clinton appearance away from going totally Witches Of Eastwick, screeching wild eyed about “Orgies! Dildos! Anal seeeex!”
Sheesh. Os do not represent vaginas, they’re slang for orgasms. Hillary was refusing to put out for Bill and being cute about it, clearly, but that noted feminist scholar Ann Althouse, who I am not, was blinded by her identity politics. I’m disappointed in the rest of the right wing for not seeing the truth.
*⊂*
that’s my tongue, lodged firmly in my cheek, just to be clear.
btw, sammich.
Omifukingahd. If anyone hasn’t, read Althouse’s full post. I won’t spoil, but sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit, she’s talented.
Marita: Here’s another Clinton image.
And O my God! The Space Shuttle Challenger. The shuttle is an obvious phallic symbol, of course, and what happened to the Challenger? It blew up because the O-rings failed! Now that I look at it from the right perspective, it’s so obvious!
One of these days ask me about the night, oh, woulda been about ’83, when I was just about to beat the snot out of Neil Schon in Ted’s in San Anselmo when Steve Perry came in and completely defused the situation with his utter dorkiness and his giant nose.
Oh, that’s ’cause “Don’t Stop Believen” was playing and it kinda took me back…
mikey
Ann Althouse said…
Revenant: You can see the links to this post at the bottom of the page. This is a very vortextual post… despite the sledgehammerian phrase… What can you do?
4:51 PM
vor
text
ual
It would appear Ann Althouse’s emotional development stopped right around the age of 10 or so.
The list goes on:
•Steve Perry’s “O Sherrie” (1984)…
Well, I did my undergrad at OSU. And we’re the Beavers.
Oh, why, why did I listen to you, diffbrad? I read that goofball’s whole post, and now I don’t know whether to laugh, cry, or do both hysterically while banging my head on the table…
I think Bill and Hill might want to consider a restraining order to keep Madame Althouse a safe distance away from them.
I did laugh out loud at her heartfelt concern about offending us huddled masses who don’t have HBO with elitist references to cable shows. That was funny. I haven’t had cable in about 12 years, haven’t turned my TV on but once in the last three weeks, and even I know about the Sopranos. If you’ve been in a cave or something, you might not get the reference, but if you’re that out of touch, you probably aren’t a likely voter, anyway. And if you’re prone to be all that offended by TV shows, then you’re probably not a likely Democratic voter, either.
She is such a dunce!
Ace has been on a roll lately…..long, detailed descriptions of what it must be like to have gay sex, quizzes to figure out if you’re gay or not, and links to donkey sex videos.
Seriously. Links to videos of people having sex with donkeys. Or so he claims – no way in hell I’m clicking to find out.
The whole thing is starting to creep me out.
Oh great, now I’m going to have to…
There once was a woman named Ann
Who dissed the ad Hillary ran
That “o” thing, she said
means Bill’s getting no head
so stuff that film back in the can.
…people having sex with donkeys.
Ho Hum. Bangkok, Matamoros, Fort de France. I’ve drank weird beers, smoked most anything that would burn, snorted literally miles of lines and watched all manner of desperate, poor, strung out young females have sex with most any large ruminant that was available that given night. Somehow, it begins to lose it’s luster after a while…
mikey
“Not everyone gets HBO, so you’ve got a cultural reference that’s a bit elitist.”
oh for fucks sake. I mean…really.
Sure enough, it looks like Ace linked to videos of people having sex with donkeys.
Welp, it might be time to add something to Ace’s logo. Mikey, you have the most experience here…
Enough, Ann. We get it. You have the hots for Bill Clinton.
Hey now, mikey. Remember sex with with farm animals is only bad if women do it. Guys down on the farm? “When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule.”
Well, he posted it today at 4:38 in the morning, if you’re looking for it.
I’m not even gonna link to it. A girl’s gotta have some limits.
It’s guys with the donkeys, mikey. So he says. Either way, it’s a do not want for sure.
Looks like his readership is all over it, too.
At four in the morning? I don’t even wanna know, and am not even gonna imagine.
Gavin, let’s be subtle here. A stylized donkey in an asian straw hat throwing a “knowing wink”. On it’s back could be a full load of bacon and play doh…
mikey
Hmm…..one of the comments says something about “two beastiality posts in 12 hours”.
I’m not even looking for the other one. Y’all are on your own.
But I think it’s time for someone who actually likes Ace to do an intervention.
Luckily, that’s not us.
Wait, ace simply posted on a festival where boys lose their virginity to donkeys in a big festival. And apparently boinking donkeys makes your penis bigger, because, well, ummmm, well, I’m guessing ace can’t reach the g-spot.
I don’t see a problem here, tho. I mean, he wasn’t approving the activity, just linking to and discussing it.
“a festival… in a big festival.”
Bubye preview, it was great having you visit.
adb, I remember this kid at Fort Hood, he was from the deepest rural part of northeast Mississippi, somewhere north of Tupelo on the ‘Bama border, telling me all the things you could do to a sun-warmed melon. On the vine. And then put the plug back in and take it to market.
I know. These pups are well beyond sick, but the just don’t have enough to do…
mikey
So when Ace eats out, does he order onion rings thinking “I’d hit that”? Or is he more about being jackhammered by neverending-crusty breadsticks?
So…”Bill Clinton” + “eating an onion ring” = “obvious vagina reference”, if I have Althouse’s particular mental calculuses properly wrangled (and that is, of course, doubtful). Now, since he’s not got the onion ring near his junk, I’m assuming that Althouse thinks the horrible act of perversion HillyBob has to save her man from is, I can only guess, cunnilingnus. Y’all reckon I’m far off here? I mean, is it safe to assume from the wacky way she’s reading all this that Ann Althouse has something against “having a chat with Willie Nelson”, as it were?
Again with the wingnut hatin’ on teh oral sex, which I so totally don’t understand. I mean, really, what else could she be refering to? She should give Ace a call.
Onion Rings – Arab Strap
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arab_strap_%28sexual_device%29
And in between the bestiality posts? A joke comparing the Amazon to a penis.
I’ve referenced this before here, but ace is turning into Mr. Show’s flag made of shit to frustrate ye olde performance artists.
How do you mock this? I don’t envy you, Gavin.
Why does Michelle put catsup on vagina symbols before she eats them? I bet she would get a lot more action with tabasco sauce.
Anyway, isn’t that Heinz-Kerry catsup?
“Not everyone gets HBO, so you’ve got a cultural reference that’s a bit elitist.�
Hey, I don’t get HBO. It’s listed as a channel not subscribed on my TV. Even if I subscribed, I wouldn’t get it.
‘Sure enough, it looks like Ace linked to videos of people having sex with donkeys.’
What? Sex with donkeys? There are several really good jokes here about registering democrat, but since the objects of said jokes might be Michelle and Ann, I won’t joke ’em. I won’t joke ’em. The hell I won’t. I’ll re-register.
eeeeew! Maybe not.
mikey,
I grew up in the deepest part of rural Northeast Mississippi, southeast of Tupelo, right on the border. I would like to say I’d never heard of some dumbass country boy from that part of the world cuttin’ a hole into a watermelon or canteloupe, but that’d be lying. About once a month you’d hear a story like that, usually from guys in the same five or six towns. Swear to God, one year, three different dudes in the same town got caught molesting livestock. I used to cover high school football for one of the local weeklies, and man…there’s very few experiences I’ve found more unnerving than being the one guy on the field without protective padding when one entire town of stump jumpers is chanting “Cow fuckers” at another entire town of stump jumpers.
And Momma wonders why I don’t come home more often.
Matt, you covered the Tupelo Cowfuckers football team?
Don’t tell Ace – he’ll be so jealous. He’s their biggest fan.
Arab Strap – Belle And Sebastian
That’s the face she makes right after she stomps the kitten to death, and seconds before the actual climax.
re: Ace logo. “Hee-haw love you long time” ?
I thought I was building a good bond with the batshit crazy one in the comments section on this post. She talked dirty with me. It was hot.
trifecta- she’s a tease. She flirted with me one time when I asked her whether there’s anything in the world she doesn’t think is about her, but never followed up, nevers calls or ims or nothin. She just wants the attention she thinks she’s generating.
Besides, she’s no Debbie Schussel, though they do both bear a resemblance to Miss Piggy.
I have a plan though. It involves a jug of Gallo wine, a Sanjaya Mask, and a lack of dignity on my part.
Re: Ace. Look, could we just buy him a prostitute already? I mean really, I have trouble with the ladies, but jeebus, I a) don’t refer to female genitalia as bacon and playdoh b) imagine what gay sex must be like or c) link to videos of guys having donkey sex.
I wish Ace had friends who would do an intervention. My guess is that most of them think that it is ok to go into massive detail about any sexual practice, no matter how obscure, as long as it is in the guise of condemning it.
Anne “O of an onion ring=vagina” Althouse, meet Ace “playdoh+bacon=vagina” of Spades.
It’s a match made in…some impossibly stupid wingnut heaven.
Not to be gross or anything, but if an onion ring is a vagina, I hate to think what ketchup on onion rings symbolizes.
Note: Malkin appears to be eating onion rings in their menstral cycle.
Oh gawd. I like Ranch Dressing on my onion rings.
Leslie.
Shut up!!
mikey
Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish. Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn’t it?
Marge: Oh, very smooth.
Jacques: Smooth?
Marge: |Yes, very.
Jacques: | |Yes?
Marge: | | |Yes.
Jacques: | | | |Yes.
Marge: | | | | |Smooth.
Jacques: | | | | | |Smooth.
Marge: | | | | | | |Yes.
Jacques: Yes. You could eat off of it.
Marge: Hmmmm…
Jacques: You hungry?
Marge: Yes.
Jacques: [yelling] Four Onion rings!
Not to be gross or anything, but if an onion ring is a vagina, I hate to think what ketchup on onion rings symbolizes.
The old outlaw bikers I hung out with for a time called it “getting your red wings”.
Althouse has probably never gotten over Gennifer Flowers’ assertion that Bill gave her the Best. Cunnilingus. Ever.
She probably dreams about it still….
well, Mikey and we know what ranch dressing symbolizes!
onion rings will never be the same. they used to be….PURE. they used to be onion rings.
And so the carrots represent…
???
If I may be so bold, Malkin could be said to be “going down” on that ring.
So, if the onion rings are teh vagina… does that filmly onion layer that comes off represent the hyman or something?
All this Freudian symbology makes my head hurt.
And if that bob haircut Ann has isn’t supposed to represent the head of a penis, then I am Mickey Mouse!
My pet alphabetical metaphors:
b=Penis
d=Penis also
p=Penis again
q=Believe me, it’s no fun: more penis
o=Vagina
O=Big vagina
Q=A scary thought!
Althouse has probably never gotten over Gennifer Flowers’ assertion that Bill gave her the Best. Cunnilingus. Ever.
I dream it was the alphabet.
X
8
Did you change the title of this post, or did Ann Althouse, brackets Miss brackets, change it when she posted the trackback link?
Just don’t get her started on glazed donuts. Please.
onion ring with intact hymen
Ó=Apple. No wait, vagina again. Damn.
So…does this mean it’s safe to assume Ann Althouse’s labia are rough, greasy and permanently stretched into a circle?
And breaded.
Michelle Malkin = Bat Boy!!!1!
Love Song for Ann
I changed it while it was still in drafts, but things have been funny on the server side for a few days, and. . .oh, [sobbing] it’s just been a regular carnival fun-house, with the site going this way and that way, and I don’t even know anymore!
[recovering]
I think it’s stable now, though. Is everything working okay?
I think it’s stable now, though. Is everything working okay?
No.
Wait! I meant yes! Curse the lack of preview!
I could try starting the preview-plugin again, but it was doing something resource-intensive in there. Making private Skype calls to all its friends and using up the bandwidth, sort of thing. Downloading movies with BitTorrent.
Lesley, well done.
I always had a hunch OP didn’t really stand for Ocean Pacific.
The Preview Plugin called me four times to ask me if my Refridgerator was running. I didn’t think it amounted to an anecdote….
mikey
Ace has “updated” that whipped cream and hot Bosco post:
Yeah. Three to be exact. A far cry from “a whole bunch.” *rolls eyes*
I could try starting the preview-plugin again, but it was doing something resource-intensive in there.
It was busy lying to me about embedding stuff. One day the world will know the glory of lolspredsheetz.
Umm…I don’t think that Althouse gets enough action in that area for that to happen…
<Dan Quayle>I thought the plural of “Dildo” was “Dildoes” – or is it “Dildi?”</Dan Quayle>
I agree. Michelle Malkin rocks.
Oh Jebus, he’s back……
Who’s Jebus?
Speak of the devil.
Candy: “Ann Althouse really is teh nuts, isn’t she? It’s really not a question of her simply being a ditz who drinks too much wine. The woman clearly has an unhealthy fixation on the Clenis.”
Actually, the wine was the only thing about Althouse that humanized here. At least subconciously Ann knows she needs medicating.
Onion ring or anomalocaris mouthparts? You be the judge.
What I want to know is, why does Malkin enjoy her vaginal symbols with blood – er, katsup all over them?
it’s safe to assume Ann Althouse’s labia are rough, greasy and permanently stretched into a circle?
And breaded.
And immersed in hot oil.
Ew.
Malkin’s expression reminds me of that Asian lady in the Quizno’s commercial:
“It’s got a lot of meat, and that’s what a real woman needs!”
“Somehow, it begins to lose it’s luster after a while…”
Yeah but Mikey…ya gotta admit the chicken fucker guy is still funny as hell.
I see the hamster was given CPR and all is well…
She’s symbolically defloweing a virgin onion ring, hence the spot of blood.
Hey, it’s your fault for asking…
[…] last Sopranos episode. But to Althouse, the video was actually a train rushing headlong into a dark tunnel of Freudian sexual imagery: “Bill says ‘No onion rings?’ and Hillary responds […]
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