Brian! Brian! Brian!

It was only three weeks ago that we launched Brian Cherry on the path to internet stardom he so richly deserves with this post. Brian has a new column out, and given that we are the number one result on Google for Brian Cherry, we feel it is our responsibility to see what he’s up to. What literary sticks is he going to use in order to poke us liberals?

Let’s find out, as Brian takes us on a journey through The New Inquisition:

Separation of Church and State, regardless of how it is worded in the constitution is a reasonable way to run a country. [Emphasis added]

Is it reasonable? Yes. Does it matter what it says in the constitution? No. Is this pretty rich coming from a conservative, given how often conservatives complain about liberal judges inventing rights? Oh yes.

Inquisitors were charged with eliminating heresy wherever they could find it. People whose views were contrary to the Churches were either excommunicated (basically a form of exile), or tortured and killed.

Not only that, but most people didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition! Right! If that’s the way you want it — Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!

This continued till an uppity monk named Martin Luther nailed a parchment with 95 reasons he believed the Catholic Church was wrong to the front door of the Wittenberg Castle Church then presumably ran for his life.

So we see that little has changed in Germany in the last 487 years — Germans are still going around being uppity and upsetting the world’s moral leaders.

In hindsight we all agree the days of Inquisitors and the Catholic rule of Europe was a dark period in world history.

And thank God we do — after all, at the time it seemed like such a brilliant plan to everyone involved. Especially those evil Atheists:

Today Atheist leaders are manipulating constitutional verses to serve their own needs in an attempt to perpetrate acts of educational genocide against any idea that conflicted with their teachings.

Luckily, it doesn’t matter what it says in the constitution, so there is hope after all.

We have seen it time and time again. The institution of precedent law means one decision builds on another.

To which we say: fuck the institution of precedent law! (Though we give Brian credit for inventing the expression.)

By trying to eliminate this idea from the public school system with the excuse that it is unconstitutional, not only do we improperly instruct the children about the document that sets this nation apart from all the rest, but it is an attempt to rob them of opportunity to make a choice about God but attempting to deny them knowledge of his existence.

Those damn unconstitutional excuses! If God is outlawed from our schools, then only outlaws will believe in God. If you want to help Brian we can only recommend one thing: shine your headlights from now until Independence Day.


Comments: 11


Brian really is running for winner of the “Tortured Logic, Irrelevant Analogy, and Ignorant Historical Concept” Award. I wish him well, though frankly the competition is far too strong for such an amateur to win.


As spokesperson for Atheists everywhere, I can only say Pah! Our diabolical plans for educational genocide would have worked too, if it wasn’t for that meddling Brian kid.



On a slightly more serious note, what the blue fucking hell is “educational genocide”?

To me it sounds like overheated rhetoric that blatantly and callously cashes in on a horrific crime against humanity all for the point of (in Brian’s fevered imagination) scoring major points. I think we can consider that term the literary equivalent of an airball.


So that the Spanish Inquistion was a bad thing is reason enough for atheists and other heresers to be singled out in public schools? Because that’s what happens, of course, when the kids are asked to pray–the non-Christians get singled out when they refrain. Yeah, that’s a good way not to start down that path towards the Inquistion.


What drugs is Paul doing? Because I want some. History is always so much more complicatied and headache-inducing when I study it to reference in argument.


Constitutional verses?


Following Brian “Not Gay-Really” Cherry’s logic-via-Abu Gharib-rhetorical-torture reasoning, Baptist minister Francis Bellamy, author of the Pledge of Allegiance, must have been an athiest, since he didn’t put “Under God” in there to begin with.

Also, is anyone actually pushing an athiest agenda in public schools? Are teachers telling Timmy and Sally God is dead? The thumpers seem to think that by not talking about God at all, you’re essentially saying he doesn’t exist. Well, since my history classes always ran behind and we never go to Vietnam, does that mean the war didn’t exist?


Come on, it would be wonderful if parents were exposed to the theology of school principals, a group dominated by Physical Education majors who became football coaches. We already trust this group with sex education [called Health in the far off time I attended public school].

The people who claim that religion is needed in schools is the same group that claims the schools are terrible, so why would they want the “failed schools” teaching religion?

With such an obviously limited knowledge of religious history, Mr. Cherry should try macrame.


Ok, you made Brian up, didn’t you? He’s a fabrication, right? I mean, that is just too funny to be true.


God Doesn’t Mean Anything Religious (Ha!)

Sadly, No! has found a real gem in conservative Brian Cherry. You really can’t make some of this stuff up. In his recent column, “The New Inquisition,” he reveals an odd way of looking at the word, “God.”


The man is a hack.
I sent him this note.
Haha … Now I know you are a hack and not a very good one at that.

And you call yourself a history teacher.

You cite the media as the ones who “…reduced to five simple words. “Separation of Church and State” concerning the first Article of the United States Constitution.

bcherry, you need a history lesson.

Your homework; Read and write a report on the letter by Thomas Jefferson (Final Version will suffice) which he sent to the Danbury Baptist Association.

Final Version of Jefferson’s Letter to the Danbury Baptists

And read this report:
FBI Helps LC Restore Jefferson Draft Letter

Now, unless I am mistaken, I do not believe Mr. Jefferson was employed by the “media.”


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