Wait a minute — where’s the part about him not coming back? We have the balloons and streamers all ready, but we need some confirmation.

Not coming back on Monday– he’ll be back in a week or so, so keep your helium tank in the basement.

Where’s your messiah now, Yankees?

At least this time he pulled his own groin.

Of course, he pulled his groin. He’s a Yank-ee. I find this news so upsetting, I’m going to drink a beer. I may also smirk a little.

Hey, waitaminute, dammit! I pull my groin all the time. How come THATS not news? Should I schedule a press conference to describe the groin-pulling event in detail and perhaps speculate on when I might pull my groin again?

mikey

Color me stupid, but how can one be down by “half” a game? Isn’t that like having 2.3 children?

He didn’t “hurt” his groin. He has a “fatigued right groin”. Still, thanks for not linking to the right video for that condition.

My record is 3-0. Your record is 1-1. Being down one game would mean you were 2-1. Being down 2 games would mean you were 1-2. But you’re in between– 1-1 is better than the latter and worse than the former. We call that 1 1/2 games back.

Next week– the “magic number.”

Somewhere, Gilliard is laughing.

Fuck the fucking Yankees!

Ah. So the “1/2” represents the missing game that Team X hasn’t played? I guess that makes sense.

Johnny Damon, quoted in the Fox 13 story Brad linked to, on Clemens:

“He knows what it takes to win championships and be at that next level and be a better player. His personality will be very instrumental to us.”

That’s a pretty powerful personality, considering his actual person will only be present the days he pitches.

Somewhere, Gilliard is laughing.

Here in Red Sox Nation, non-atheists fantasize the spirit of the Mighty Steve kicking Clemons in the groinal area as he departs for a higher plane.

Steve-o was a Mets fan, wasn’t he? I get along with Mets fans fine, just like I get along with Giants fans fine.

If you get along with giants fans so well, can you get the sox to send over a couple REAL relief pitchers?

Freakin giants have a golden starting staff and a cardboard bullpen.

mikey

Team A is X “games behind” team B if it would take X victories of team B over team A to have even records.

The half game comes about when there is an odd number difference between the number of games that A and B have played.

Oy vey.
Don’t be such a massholey Bosox fan, bradrocket. Have some class, instead. I know you haven’t had much practice at winning, but try n act like you’ve been there. Sheesh.
Especially when we’re talking a whole 5 day delay, oof.
Now Hughes’ ankle sprain, that sucks.

Sure, Mikey, we’ve got some relief pitchers for you. Just send Lincecum and you can have five or six of ’em.

Never mind the bullpen, the Jints just don’t have enough bats. They’re 14th in the league in OBP and 9th in SLG.

Class, like A-Rod shouting “mine” at the Toronto infielder, or slapping the ball out of Arroyo’s hand?

I thought nothing could top the vindictive, malicious glee I felt in October 2004. A lifetime of “1918” taunts from asshole Yankee fans, washed away in one glorious week.

But you know, I may just end up enjoying this season even more. If there’s one thing better than watching the Sox race out to the best record in baseball, it’s watching the Yankees falling apart so completely. Clemens’ groin and A-Fraud’s ongoing series of public embarassments just make it that much sweeter.

The only scenario I can envision that could make this even better would be if Steinbrenner panics and forces Cashman to trade some prospects for Carlos Zambrano, who promptly punches out his catcher during his first Yankee start. It’s probably too perfect to happen, but a boy can dream.

I’m picturing a three-way trade where the Yankees send Hughes to the Cubs for Zambrano and Cano, Wang and Clippard to the Reds for Griffey. Oh, and a bag of balls of Colorado for Helton, who promptly turns into Mark Grace after leaving Coors Field.

Ahh, but Arod isn’t a “true Yankee”, remember?
N me, I like that a guy making 25 million a year is still looking for every edge.

N Gerald, are you kidding me? You have such penis envy you’re taking schadenfreude off the backpages stalking a guy?
Dood, it’s just a game. Don’t invest so much emotion in something you have no control over.

1. Clemens will return from his groinal fatigue, make one start and suffer a blister which will bench him until September.

2. Giambi will tear up his foot jogging out a home run. No, wait, that already happened.

3. In a freak collision at first base…what? You’re kidding.

4. Steinbrenner will blame it all on his daughter’s divorce. He will fire her.

I’m picturing a three-way

What? Oh. Never mind.

N Gerald, are you kidding me? You have such penis envy you’re taking schadenfreude off the backpages stalking a guy?

Well, I was mostly referring to his travails on the field (slapping, “Mine!”, etc) but the off-field stuff definitely provides added comedy value.

As for the “overly emotional” accusation, guilty as charged. Hey, take it as a compliment. Would Sox fans be reveling in this much spiteful happiness if, say, the Blue Jays or Orioles were humiliating themselves on the field, game after game? We mock because we care.

Gerald, ask yourself, if any other human being were being treated by the press the way ARod is, would you be ok with it? The guy is a baseball player, not a politician or war criminal.
If Manny had been caught with a spliff in the Green Monster, would you be one of the douchebag massholes hating on him for it?
You care too much, in a sad way. It’s like Kevin’s little internet fights to prove he’s somehow superior. You know how we’re all laughing at him? That’s how Yankee fans feel about your trash talking. Ain’t nothing we need to prove.
N besides, honestly, it’s just plain immature to invest so much emotional energy in sports. It’s entertainment. I love my Yanks, n follow them real closely. But I learned real young that taking it truly to heart is a sucker’s game. You are not a member of the Bosox roster, you have no ability to participate in this competition.

We had a somewhat similar discussion about TO last year, and with the only caveat that I’m even less interested in baseball than in American Football (where I at least understand some of the rules), my sentiment stays the same: as diffBrad noted, it’s just athletes we’re talking about, not people who actually make any difference in the real world.

If Manny had been caught with a spliff in the Green Monster, would you be one of the douchebag massholes hating on him for it?

I can’t answer for other douchebag massholes, but I wouldn’t. I happen to enjoy a spliff every now and then.

Seriously, though. A-Rod is a celebrity, living and working in the tabloid capital of the universe. He’s going to get followed around by the tabloids, just like any other celebrity. It’s silly, a damning indictment of our shallow culture, but that’s the way it is. He’s making it awfully easy for them.

That’s how Yankee fans feel about your trash talking. Ain’t nothing we need to prove.

Ah yes, the myth of the “classy Yankee fan.” The very reason we’re enjoying this season so much is precisely because of the smugness, condescension, and incessant trash-talking of Yankee fans. It constantly amazes me how thin-skinned y’all have gotten recently, especially considering how much you (and I mean the plural “you,” not you personally) have dished it out over the years.

N besides, honestly, it’s just plain immature to invest so much emotional energy in sports.

But the reason I enjoy the trash talking is precisely because of the fact that it’s a silly, meaningless non-event involving grown men playing a children’s game for ridiculous amounts of money. It has no bearing whatsoever on the real world, which makes it fun to throw insults back and forth. It affects nothing but the pride of the people involved.

It’s the Kevins of the world, people who treat real-world sociopolitical events like a game they can “win” and thus mock and deride on their opponents, who I find vile. The people who think we all want to end this stupid, pointless war because we’re “rooting against America;” the trolls who flooded liberals blogs with “you lost, lefties! Get over it!” comments after the 2004 election. The fact that thousands of people have died from the actions of their “team” doesn’t seem to matter to them at all.

Talking trash over pointless cultural conceits like professional baseball provides the occasional needed distraction from the constant, grating knowledge that our country is currently run by lying, murderous, warmongering robber barons. At least for me.

I support any and all anti-Yankee posts and vidoes. If only they weren’t accompanied by pro-Red Sox propaganda.

But if I’ve learned anything in this life, it’s that nothing is perfect.

The Yankee fans you’re thinking of are called New Jersey residents, Gerald.
And so while how ARod is treated is an indictment of our culture, you enjoy it?
This has never made sense to me, but then I’m the only obsessive level Radiohead fan I know who doesn’t know the details of the band’s personal lives. I guess I’m just a private person myself.
Besides, all this ARod hate is about as rational as fear of muslims, albeit not damaging to anything but ARod’s psyche and the long term well being of those caught up in hating him. Why do you hate him? For making so much money? The Sox actually pay Manny more per year than the Yanks do ARod. Texas included 40 million in the deal. For not ending up on the Bosox? Blame the union. For being a Yankee? Blame baseball’s inherent economic structure, which benefits you as a fan to a huge degree, btw. For being part of a teamwide choke that allowed the team that determines your mental well being to finally do something they hadn’t in a little under a century?
Oh, for one cheap play in a rivalry not at all plagued with cheap shots, and for one little trick he pulled on a rookie on another gawddamn team?

Oh, so now I “hate” A-Rod? I just finished saying that the reason I enjoy watching the Yankee-Red Sox rivalry is because following pro sports requires little emotional investment and has no effect on the real world.

I reserve “hate” for people that send soldiers to die for no reason and wipe their asses on the Constitution. A-Rod is just an overpaid pro athlete who plays for a team I root against and whose assinine behavior makes him easy to make fun of. There’s no comparison.

Ok, fair enough, you don’t hate him. But you do take an obvious bit of glee in how he’s treated, despite feeling the whole system generating that treatment is effed up. That’s a pretty strong antipathy, if you’re willing to ignore the entire context.

Can’t we all just sit back and enjoy Pedroia’s sudden transformation into Tony Gwynn?

Q: What has 400 feet and 3 teeth?
A: The first row of the bleachers at Yankee Stadium.

Q. If you see a Yankee fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A: There’s a good chance it’s your bicycle.

Q: What do you have when 100 Yankee fans are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Yankee fan in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: You’re trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a Yankees fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Yankee fan twice.

Q: Why did the Yankee fan eat his mother’s corpse?
A: His mom already ate his dad so it was a twofer.

Q: Why should you use a Yankee fan’s flayed skin to make Red Sox flags?
A: Because we’ve already got all the lampshades we need.

Boy, maybe baseball is interesting.

Can’t we all just sit back and enjoy Pedroia’s sudden transformation into Tony Gwynn?

I dunno what you are talking about, man. ESPN’s profile on Pedroia still lists him at 180 pounds*.

As for the A-Rod/Yankees “debate” above…As much as I hate (HATE, I say!) the Yankees, I am rooting for Mr. Rod to have many great years with whatever team he is a mercenary for. Why? Because he’s the best hope to take away fucking Barry Bonds’ soon-to-be home run record (sorry mikey). And, a different brad, before you get wound up about Yankee-hate, consider the plight of a Devil Rays or Nationals or Rockies fan, who’s teams are irrelevant even in the context of an irrelevant entertainment medium, and take the hate as a sign of respect for a storied (if evil) franchise.

* I’m just funnin’, Tony Gwynn is teh awesome

Holy cow is Joe Morgan irritating. Good thing tonight’s game is also on radio.

I’m just engaging in a bit of tweaking back, mostly. Guess I got a little pissy but yeah, stuff like the Yankee fan jokes read like the work of Cliff Claven. I take it as a compliment. It’s the bizarre focus on ARod’s every little fart that irks me, for various reasons.

Gerald Fnord said:

It’s the Kevins of the world, people who treat real-world sociopolitical events like a game they can “win� and thus mock and deride on their opponents, who I find vile. The people who think we all want to end this stupid, pointless war because we’re “rooting against America;� the trolls who flooded liberals blogs with “you lost, lefties! Get over it!� comments after the 2004 election. The fact that thousands of people have died from the actions of their “team� doesn’t seem to matter to them at all.

Ouch! Vile? *sniff* First of all, Mr. President, if you don’t treat every single one of life’s adventures as a game, you are seriously missing something. This one happens to be a deadly game, and all of our futures (or at least our freedoms) are riding on it, but it’s still a ‘game‘ as you attempt to deride it. But it’s possibly the most important game we will ever play. Just as WWII was a horribly bloody and deadly wargame. But unlike us, 1940’s people weren’t willing to quit until the evil $#^@%’s were dead and gone, making room for less deadly games that are even fun (if you like living your life from day to day at least).

Don’t disrespect the word ‘game’. It’s 100% of what human beings do with their lives.

But when you suggest that the reason you want to end this war is NOT because you are “rooting against America”, I have to call you on it. I’m going to make the massive leap of logic and say that you approve of what your favorite blogs say (I know I do). And the most popular liberal websites can’t be bothered to report any of the good America is doing over there. Or even over here! I don’t even think atrios, firedog, kos or huffpo even bothered to mention that we caught jihadis before they had the chance to blow up the fuel at the JFK airport! That, plus the horrible schadenfreude when bad things happen to our boys in the field (example: Zuniga’s famously disgusting ‘screw them’ towards the 4 dead Americans in Fallujah) , leads me to believe that yes, you’d be happier if the jihadis win.

I want us out of Iraq too. I supported the mission, and like Al Gore, was stunned to find no WMD’s. But now that the islamofacists have swarmed in, we pretty much have to kill themn before we go. And the troops are saying they can shut down the jihadis (some say it will take up to 10 more years!!!!!) and put an end to this cr*p. I’m more than willing to trust them over some self-serving blogger or agenda-driven NYT reporter. Make your own decision, but ‘vile’? Unfair.

The Yankees have gotten back to where they were in the 1980’s, with a team full of overpaid guys in their mid-30’s who are several years removed from their best seasons. They’re a better team than they’ve showed this year, but they just cannot win the close games. They’re 4-17 in games decided by one or two runs.

As a Mets fan, I have to say this brings me no small amount of glee. This is the first time we’ve clearly been better than the Yankers since, oh, I dunno, 1990? They had a great run with the Jeter-Bernie Williams-Posada-O’Neill core, and they were able to win a lot of games in the A-Rod and Giambi years, but I think it’s pretty obvious that this team is going to get worse before it gets better. Abreu, Damon, Giambi, Matsui, Mussina and Rivera are no longer special players. The young guys, Melky and Cano, have been disappointing. Phillip Hughes may very well turn out to be an ace, but the rest of the pitching staff is in shambles. They have few tradeable assets. They’re pretty much stuck with the mediocre team they have.

There’s only so far Jeter, A-Rod, Posada and Pettite can carry them. I think the Red Sox are going to dominate that division for a long time, because they’re run by a very smart man. The Yankees will just slide into irrelevance.

I’m disappointed that the Yankees won’t even be in a pennant race but it’s worth it to witness their fans melting down. Emotionally chiding fans of other teams for being too emotionally involved in their teams, reminding them that they’re not on the Sox roster after having just said that Yankee fans have nothing to prove. All without the slightest sense of irony. Fucking hilarious.

Perhaps sportscasting is the logical next step for the Rocket Man. All he needs is a gimmick:

Time to rap about a controversy
Gonna take a stand, wont show no mecy
A lot of folks say jocks shouldn’t be
Doin the sports news on TV
I dont wanna hear the latest scores
From broadcasting school bore
So get your scores from a guy like me
Who knows what its like to have a groin injury
Gra..Gra…Groin Injury!

Hehehe.
Nope, not a lick of a sense of anything. Not a hint of trash talk that actually pissed you off, mr shit talker.

Man, talk about your both-coast bias. I’ve never heard of this kid pedroian or whatever. He just lit up the damn stadium though…

mikey

Pettitte just left the game, apparently injured. But it’ll be OK, Clemens will start every game!

so is “fatigued groin” just about the awesomest “injury” evah, or what?

Ahem.
Hehe.

different brad- congrats. you are now only 12.5 games behind the red sox.

Damn.

Oh well, credit where it’s due. That was a pretty clutch hit, especially since it came off Papelbon on an 0-2.

The season’s about to get a lot less interesting, because these two teams won’t be playing again until August. Why MLB scheduled so many of the games so early in the season is beyond me.

Eh, truth be told they’ve probably got the division in control, barring the injury bug hitting them like it has the Yanks or something similarly crippling. The wild card is very much in reach, tho, assuming they now part with anything but Hughes and Tabata to get something from first.
Cano is already coming around, I just hope this weekend gets Abreu on track. Until they get a hitter at the corner they’re gonna have some issues.

I have been a Sox fan for too long to feel anything but panic attacks. 1978 is merely the most salient example of the sense of impending doom I have. 2004 doesn’t seem to have cured me of my nightmares.

It’s so funny how obsessed Sox fans are with the Yankees. It’s also hilarious how trained they are in self-loathing and always fearig the worst – even when they’re up 12 1/2 games. None of my Sox fan friends ever enjoy the baseball season and/or any of their team’s success.

THAT is the real curse.

The season’s about to get a lot less interesting, because these two teams won’t be playing again until August. Why MLB scheduled so many of the games so early in the season is beyond me.

Not for me. I’m finding the AL Central race to be much more interesting. It’s the most competitive division in baseball right now.

Fuck whoever said that A-Rod’s shouting “Mine!” was a little trick he played on a rookie. It was bush league idiocy. Even his coach said so. I like A-Rod, but that was some seriously fucked-up sportsmanship right there.

Wow. Strong reaction there. I said it. I stand by it. N eff you too, overdoitboy.

Okay, okay, so the FU was unnecessary. My apologies. However, “a little trick you play on a rookie” is shaving creaming him during his on-camera interview after a great game.

From my understanding of post-game interviews with the players (and my own experience – I played some single-A ball) none of them had ever seen anyone do that before, and most of them said it was a pretty shitty thing to do.

It certainly isn’t what I would expect of someone who not only is a pretty excellent player, but who also (I thought) seemed to respect the game.

Well, not that he’s a terrific source, Joe Morgan last night said it was a common thing in his day. Today, not so much, but why? Is it that different from stealing signs from second (which we all know is done) or from the bench?
Was it kind of cheap? Yes. But when your team is floundering, you take every little edge you can get. Especially when the calls are going against you. (Not saying that’s why the Yanks are where they are, but I can think of two games where bad calls materially affected the outcome.)
I’m glad ARod is out there trying, instead of feeling sorry for himself as he seemed to last year.
Also, the Jays have calmed down and backed off what they were saying initially. They were extra pissed because it led to three more runs in the inning and a loss. If they’d won they would have been razzing the rook about it after the game.

Quit making so much sense, dammit. How can I keep my hate on if you keep making sense!

Far as I’m concerned it didn’t really affect the outcome of the game – I doubt the Jays would’ve come back had it only been 2 runs instead of 5. I was just disappointed to see it. I’d hate to see it become commonplace. What’s the difference between that and physical interference with a play?

Well, the Yanks have been snakebit in close game this year. Partially because Joe tries to use Mo too much against the Bosox, who hit him, partially just bad luck and bad calls and partially injuries forcing guys who should be in AA to start crucial division games.
Right now I can appreciate ARod feeling like every run still matters, so even if it’s kinda the wrong way to express it, like I said I’m just glad to see he cares.

Uh, don’t talk to a Blue Jays fan about injuries, unless you’re saying “sorry about your team’s injuries”.