Are you familiar with The Ketchup Song?

Note the brazen theft of the Rapper’s Delight intro used here as the refrain.

Ack! Not bad, Right Reverend Rocket, but dear God, Cole brought out the Hassellhoff. Escalate, man, escalate!

Bwahahaha! Fools! You know not what you tamper with!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbvP7dT3Dx0
Suffer!

Cole brought out the Hassellhoff.

I’d already used that ‘Hoff vid before, and thus it’s disqualified.

And don’t worry, I’ve got a lot more left in the tank should he retaliate.

Has anyone yet launched the pickle surprise?

in the interest of mutual assured destruction,

damn, can’t embed.

Here.

I have the overwhelming urge to step into a Slim Jim.

And then shoot up three gallons of horse steroids.

Aren’t videos of Jim Steinman-penned power ballads explicitly forbidden by the Geneva Convention under the famous “but I won’t do that” clause?

I’d already used that ‘Hoff vid before, and thus it’s disqualified.

And The Editors used that “Apache” video in the past, so Cole’s got nothing.

Wow, Jillian. Just. Wow.

I haven’t dropped any acid in a long, long time. Almost forgot what it feels like. Thanks for the flashback.

Wanted to hook y’all up with some Wild Man Fischer — maybe “Merry Go Round” or “Leaves are Falling” but this was the only clip I could find. *sigh*

You guys got nothin’.

Oops, should have used the permalink.

I’d already used that ‘Hoff vid before, and thus it’s disqualified.

Same IIRC with Klaus Nomi… Unless that was HTML nee RETARDEAU?

And The Editors used that “Apache� video in the past, so Cole’s got nothing.

Yeah, and I’m pretty sure he’s also cribbed from fatrobot.

Okay, I’ll be right back…

Ahem.

And why, Bradstance? Because you guys are No Angels.

[…] terrorists have responded from our earlier defensive actions, and the results are terrifying. With that last salvo, it is clear that complete and total war has been declared, and we must […]

Finally, a post on Balloon Farts that’s not complete moronic stupidity.

islmfaoscist, I am wiretapping you so hard right now.

Dave urges a pre-emptive nuclear strike.

YATTA – Holy Crap!

DAMNIT – I meant to post that on Balloon Juice!

That Bollywood Thriller is awesome!

Jeezus. Talk about the law of unintended consequences. Look what I started. Dammit, I wasn’t even AIMING at that goddam archduke fella….

mikey

Macho nothin’. Ladies and gentlemints, the true genius of the Poffo family. Although it’s nice to know, as per his own words with about 1:34 left to go in his soliloquy, the Macho Man is my friend. For that, I will give him a throat losange, for I’ve thought he needed one for years.

I haven’t dropped any acid in a long, long time. Almost forgot what it feels like. Thanks for the flashback.

Goddamn “Indian Thriller” did it for me, and I do not enjoy that experience one bit. The acid, most of the time, sure. That weird sticky feeling at the back of the throat I got about about three-quarters into that weird little excursion into the Eastern psych, inre: boogie-down zombies, not so much.

This is why I am so vehemently anti-war. There are only losers.

Peace at any cost! Even if we have to submit, huh fish?

Peace at any cost! Even if we have to submit, huh fish?

“Submit”??? Love the psychosexual hang-up implied there, Kevvy. Is widdle Kevvy angwy that the emasculating fishes of the world will force Kevvy to present to bad daddy Osama’s big brown circumcised WMD, and that Kevvy must must support Big Hero Cowboy Decider Leaders who will thump their chests even louder and hoot and wave their even bigger, more majestic, pasty all-American missile defense systems?

Wow, the word ‘submit’ is sexual to you? Here’s a bit of info I bet you don’t know! “Islam” means “submission” in arabic. My guess is that you’d be stoned to death in days if your side wins this horrible war.

Support the murderous ‘freedom fighters’! Support the Palestinians! Heck, support Iran, for that matter. Who cares about the women, right?

Even if those women are treated as slaves, beaten, maybe murdered, deserted, tossed in jail, at least we shall have peace!

It’s your tacit approval (while voicing your dissent, to save face) of regimes that do this that gives us yet another reason to hate hippies. To (sort of) paraphrase fish, “This is why I am so vehemently pro-war. There is only one winner.” Every person on the planet should strive to live free or die. Or, to quote Patrick Henry, “Give me liberty, and screw you, hippie!” Something like that. I was never good with quotes.

My hippie friends, as much as all of us hate for our brave men and women to be fighting these wars, can we admit that we are giving the sanest in those countries we’ve invaded a tiny chance to fix things there, so that they don’t threaten others, specifically America? Don’t we owe it to those who we’ve put in this position to keep supporting them (assuming they don’t b-stab us) until we can’t support them anymore? Because we CAN support them, if need be. Possibly forever.

It’s such an important part of the world because of all of the strife, and we are almost omnipotent at the moment (for another 6 years max), and you guys make America look like p*ssies with all of your whining. Can’t you let us enforce the peace that you guys seem to crave over freedom? It’s not like America is trying to take land like England used to, or probably anyone in Europe. We just want the fighting to stop. And we’re more than willing to kill the bad guys to accomplish this.

Why won’t you let America do this? I thought hippies liked peace.

We could all do some kind of hippie dance in a drum circle, and you guys could smoke weed and stuff. C’mon, please? Let us save the world?

Kevin, hippies are a figment of your overactive imagination. Get out of that basement and see what the world is really like.

Or the world’s lawns, at any rate.

you kn ow, i still have no idea how these youtube wars get started.
does it start with emails? i just don’t get it (even if the vids are funny).
someone explain this to me.

“Kevin, hippies are a figment of your overactive imagination. Get out of that basement and see what the world is really like.”

Last time I did that, back in the ’90s, it was pretty messy. Can’t you just tell me what it’s like? Those stairs are steep.

Still, pretty sure hippies are real (Hotlinks. may fail. But if you want to see hippies, make sure and check out SanFran’s zombietime.com. It’s hippietastic!) All images from our great American city of San Francisco.

Hippie
Terrorist worshipping Hippie
Aging Hippie
Lesbian Hippie
Kinda Pretty Hippie
Pregnant Hippie Hey, I thought hippies killed their kids in the womb! What gives?
Eloquent Hippie

Need I go on? Admit it. Hippies abound. And hippies suck. And liberals, progressives… they’re just hippies.

Pathetic. Rehashed Hasselhoff by himself is nothing in a Youtube war.

Hasshelhoff singing the titular role in the ever-untalented Frank Wildhorn’s Jekyll and Hyde is the real Weapon of Mass Destruction.

And if he resists, don’t be afraid to unleash Mrs. Miller. She may look matronly, but she’s sheer aural terror.

If you’re backed into a corner and forced to violate The Geneva Convention, you should add this to your arsenal.