You know what would make him much more handsome, and lend his face some much needed character? A broken nose.

You’re not really being fair, Gavin – I’m sure they’d love to shoot down significant news too, but beggars can’t be choosers.

That’s why beggars spend so much time raking in buckets for rancid leftovers, although I wouldn’t like to leave anyone with the impression that Acehole is the internet’s premier bucket-raking derelict.

That would be unfair also.

Y’know, I know ace is hardly unique in this, but how the fuck do wingnuts justify quoting Mencken like a father figure at the top of their sites?
I realize Mencken was, shall we say, a bit misogynistic, but he was also one of the biggest, greatest foes of organized religion in our nation’s history. And he wasn’t fond of teh dumb. Oy.

Off topic- Greg Palast has the missing Rove emails, and they show how the presidental election of 04 was stolen and how 08 has already has been. I wish I could dismiss him as a conspiracy nut, but, well, the emails have already been confirmed in that they were reported in the BBC and our gov’t agreed they were legit.
Interview with Palast here.
Palast’s own report here.

And you thought the Dems caving in this week was bad like 03-04 were.
Fuck.

So things are going well enough in Iraq that the US can leave now then?

Call me crazy, but the right wing seems to be simultaneously arguing that things aren’t all that bad in Iraq, it’s just a vast conspiracy by the Muslamodhimmicrat-MSM to make it that way. Yet, if it really isn’t all that bad, why can’t the US simply leave or at the bare minimum have a rough exit date in mind?

Instead, as far as I can determine, people like Ace believe it is perpetually December 1944, and the latest insurgent attack is merely the ardennes: A last desperate gamble by Hitler Osama Saddam Zarqawi teh enemy which is really a hiccup that merely delays inevitable crossing of the Rhine and thus total victory. Yet strangely, when Bastogne is pronounced held (IE we’ve killed yet another Top Lieutenant) strangely Patton Abizaid Petraeus can’t quite manage to move the war past the Siegfried Line.

Is it just me, or is the constant crowing of the need for victory coupled with shrill denials that it is a quagmire and combined with the inability to enter into anything resembling an endgame scenario lead you to think of something like this?

On second thought, Ace looks sort of like a fat manly lesbian retard.

(Hey, don’t look at me, I’m just trying to match the tone of Ace’s blog.)

a Hummel figurine — but … but … did it have enormous Dumbo-flaps?

The only revelatory item I could find in any of that incomprehensible bullshit was this, from old Ace of the Holes: “I’ve searched throughout all Google images for “eagle” and I have not seen that image.” If we’re to believe him, he examined 6,410,000 images. I, for one, find the statement entirely credible.

When you combine the words ‘obvious’, ‘faked memo’, and ‘Iraq’, this is first thing I think of: Niger forgeries.

P.S. Ace’s logo still suxx0rz!!one1!!

Reminds me of ’04 — “the Dan Rather material was faked, so that means Bush’s service was completely honorable. Nyah nyah.”

The faked memo shows the Iraq war is going great! Except, er, the memo’s not fake…also, the Iraq war isn’t going so hot…But it’s all the moonbats’ fault! All of it!

Looks like fake ace learned a lesson or two. Still not as good as some of the Gary Ruppert impersonators, but not bad.

Gosh, I sure hope nobody makes Photoshop fun of Chris Muir for this.

Ace: “I search the interwebs for eagle figurines so you don’t have to, and boy are my arms eyes tired!”
P. S. I have more jolly rogers on my blog than America’s Most Non-Gay Man therefore I am a badder ass!

Thers, that is some seriously deranged B.S.

Happy Memorial Day to Chris Muir and the rest of the bloodthirsty, lying, chickenhawk cowards in this country.

They don’t know what they want. They only want what bush wants. That’s why it’s so hard to make sense of them. They can’t be logically consistant, because, they, like the rest of us, have no fucking idea what the hell bush wants. It just seems he wants to keep American soldiers fighting in the middle east forever. And they want what he wants.

If bush went on tv tonight and said “the only way to stop the terrorists from killing your mom and dad, even if they’re already dead, is to get a hammer and drive a 16 penny vinyl coated sinker (thats a nail for the hardware challenged) all the way through your left foot, and do it NOW, tonight, before the killing can start”, 28% of the American population would not make it to work on Tuesday due to the whole nail-through-the-foot thang.

They only want what bush wants. Whenever they can figure out what they think he wants. And until he wants something else. Then they want that….

mikey

Hey, mikey, I’m all in favor of that nail-in-the-foot plan.

Not for myself, I mean, but for, you know…

Ow, ow, ow.
Now I keep walking round in circles. Why wasn’t I warned about the side-effects?

Spadesey issues a stinging jock ooze

Ace O’ Spades, the Émile Zola of this Dry Foods affair.

I have more jolly rogers on my blog than America’s Most Non-Gay Man therefore I am a badder ass!

Do those jolly rogers mean Ace is a pirate? If so, what kind of pirate?

I have no doubt that Mr. Ace O. Spades is doing the very best he can. Perhaps, though, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to create a sort of Special Olympics division on the inter-toobz so his self-esteem doesn’t take so many hits.

#

Herr Doktor Bimler said,

May 28, 2007 at 4:45

Ow, ow, ow.
Now I keep walking round in circles. Why wasn’t I warned about the side-effects?

No one could have anticipated these side effects, Doktor.

Shorter shorter AOSpades: If only Howard Kurtz would treat this like he did the Dan Rather National Guard story, I’d be a freakin’ hero. Alas, I just barfed on myself, so he can’t really do that, but if he could and he would, it would be really great.

Hold on while I throw up again.

BTW, speaking of the Muir nonsense, I posted the following on Yglesias’s thread:

Muir’s factoids are virtually word-for-word from this breezy recitation on the site of ICCB, Iraq Consultants & Construction Bureau, which has made a bazillion dollars off the reconstruction effort. (According to the page history, it was last updated December 17, 2006, so even if they were ever accurate, the factoids are some six months out of date.) I also note that Muir has somehow expanded 1,192,000 new cell phone subscriptions to “2 million.” I guess that’s rounding error?

There’s no indication of where the factoids came from. And although they have permeated Right Blogistan like a fart in an elevator, there seems to be no way to, you know, fact-check them. It’s just possible that’s why the media aren’t reporting them as gospel truth.

Shorter shorter AOSpades: If only Howard Kurtz would treat this like he did the Dan Rather National Guard story, I’d be a freakin’ hero. Alas, I just barfed on myself, so he can’t really do that, but if he could and he would, it would be really great.

Hold on while I throw up again.

I think that pretty much gets it. Hey, Ace, keep working at it and maybe someday Internet fame and fortune will be yours. Just like your idol Jeff Godlstein.

“Y’know, I know ace is hardly unique in this, but how the fuck do wingnuts justify quoting Mencken like a father figure at the top of their sites?”

Well how about avoiding the one Ace has just for irony’s sake.
“hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats”
http://tinyurl.com/29nfzv

That’s some seriously nasty irony you’ve pointed out there … but I’m not going to expect Ace will see it altogether too soon …

Nipsey – is that you?

They can’t be logically consistant, because, they, like the rest of us, have no fucking idea what the hell bush wants.

Well, Mikey, I’ll take “every last fucking drop of Iraqi oil” for $200.

http://www.truthout.org/docs_2006/052607Z.shtml

SIlly lefties. Irony is a term used by sportscasters to describe meaningless coincidences, not a way to mock poorly considered language.
Besides, it’s only bad if anyone but us does it, which is to say if white right wing extremists had been behind 9/11 (note: they weren’t) Ann Coulter would have said their only mistake was they aimed too far downtown.

“That’s some seriously nasty irony you’ve pointed out there … but I’m not going to expect Ace will see it altogether too soon …”

Perhaps if someone here made him a new banner graphic he could see it every day….

Well Duh!

Everybody KNOWS that the exact opposite is true when it comes to forgeries…

Its the first law of forgery that only untrue information is found in them.
It sure makes forgeries useful when determining what is true information.

Geez!

That’s such a sinister forgery! Somebody obviously wanted people to believe that things are going bad in Iraq. So bad that in fact troops may have limited meal choices? And that’s when the first page of cnn.com is all about the kidnapped soldiers?

Good thing that they busted the conspiracy!
IRAQ: you may be shot dead, kidnapped or tortured, but NEVER, ever, for a second doubt that you won’t have three hot meals of your particular choosing!!!

Off topic, again-
Rick Moran and I are still in love, and now it seems he might even let me bring the DIVINE Ann Althouse into bed with us.
Ricky doesn’t like that the NYTimes had a bit wondering why people vote against their interests in the US. Not having a fucking clue is, apparently, simply not an explanation. Why? Because because because because! Cheggitout.
The best part is his premise forces Ricky into saying the American people made the right choice with Clinton, twice. Then he glosses over GW only winning one of his two elections.*
Also, someone handed Ricky his lunch in the comments, so he called them incoherent. I love Ricky more than Ann Althouse, even still.

*- Vote fraud in 04 doesn’t count since the ref didn’t see it, even if the instant replay shows us all how blatant a foul it was.

It is difficult to know what Gore would have done after 9/11 but I think it more than possible that he would have lobbed a few cruise missiles at Afghanistan trying to take out Bin Laden and gone the United Nations route.; sanctions, resolutions, and words of solidarity couched in the usual apologetic tones of “So sorry we can’t do anymore.� Regime change would have been off the table. And Bin Laden would not only have been free and on the loose, but hugely emboldened and the biggest hero in the Arab world since Saladin.

Whereas now, bin Laden is only modestly emboldened? And, perhaps, only the biggest hero in the Middle East since Kemal Ataturk and/or Mossadegh?

And which regime change? The first regime change in Afghanistan, the second one (back to the Taliban, since most of the American soldiers have buggered off), or the one in Iraq-which-had-nothing-to-do-with-9/11?

No Iraq War

Clearly the absence of hundreds of thousands of innocent corpses is a bad thing in Ricky’s particular universe.

but instead of hiding in a cave somewhere, Bin Laden would still be operating openly.

Oh, is bin Laden hiding in a cave somewhere? Despite all of Bush’s highly laudable regime changes and stern words? Despite Bush being far superior to Gore in the “gittn’ them evildoers” stakes?

And if bin Laden is hiding in a cave somewhere, then who are all these shiny new turr’rists we’re told to fear?

To be fair, it’s pretty clear that if a Gore Administration listened to people like Richard Clark, a serious effort would have gotten underway to attack the terrorist group financially and via law enforcement by rolling up their cells.

Instead of waiting until they actually attacked.

Would we have been better off? No one knows which makes this whole idea of voter irrationality an elitist fantasy. People like Caplan prefer to see their carefully thought out political choices as superior to the emotional, inspired, and intrinsically personal choice made by the rest of us.

That’s because the rest of you are stupider than a bag of rocks. No offence.

And I’m pretty sure most of the millions of Iraqis would prefer a President Gore to a Preznit Bush. Just guessing.

There may be another reason Caplan sees the rest of us as idiots.

Because you are!

Ann Althouse: I’m picking up a bit of the old: if only people thought clearly, they’d agree with me. I’m never surprised when a professor discovers that democracy is defective because Americans aren’t more left-wing.

Because we all know that stupid people get sucked in by appeals to patriotic bigotry and a chance to kill some furrners.

Voters are moved by so many different stimuli that it is silly to think that because they don’t agree with you that there is something wrong with them.

The stimulus that’s been most successful for the Republicans has been 240 volts applied through the couch cushions.

I believe it shows the professor’s ignorance of not only politics, but human behavior as well to expect voters to make choices based on his “learned� criteria.

Ahhh, so he agrees: people are dumb as a bag of rocks!

People choose a candidate for many reasons – some good, some bad. But given the track record of the American voter over 219 years, they get it right a helluva more than they get it wrong.

Fuckin’ what?!? Dude, you have some serious cognitive issues there. First up, it’s impossible to say which would have been better, since at every election, one candidate won and the other didn’t. So you’re comparing Thing That Happened to Imaginary Thing That Didn’t Happen. Now if I did that, I might surmise that all the unelected Preznits would have provided Peace On Earth and Ponies For Everyone, and ergo that the voters got it wrong every time. We just don’t know, okay? Sheesh, what a dickbrain.

Then, of course, there’s the entirely quantitative question of “better”. I speak here in my capacity as extremely cranky mathematician when I say that it’s not possible to assign an arbitrary value of “better” to a multivariate space. Knobhead.

Oooh, look, I’m wiffling on again. And I can see it all immediately, thanks to lovely lovely Mr Preview.

OT:
A gem from Townhall:

from “W. Burt Prelutsky is an accomplished, well-rounded writer and author . . . ”

in a sort of Andy Rooney-esque rant about tattoos —

“The tattoos that most confound me are those I see on black basketball players. I’m afraid that whatever the designs and messages NBA stars are toting around on their arms and torsos are lost on me. Blue and purple simply don’t register on dark skin. They look like Rorschach ink blots . . .”

http://www.townhall.com/columnists/BurtPrelutsky/2007/05/28/skin_as_canvas

By the way, everybody, let’s keep an eye out for the next post in which Fountains of Ace clutches his pearls in reaction to some lefty’s incivility. When he does so, we need to immediately throw in his doughy face the post update-cum-obscenity-laced conniption fit he aimed at Juan Cole for not retracting *his* post when Ace told him to.

Seriously, it was pretty funny — one could almost see him jumping up and down like Yosemite Sam. And squealing.

Something about Ace makes it easy for me to picture him squealing.

(I see Qetesh, you are referring to Rick Morans, over at Right WIng Nuthouse, as referenced by a different brad.)

To be fair, it’s pretty clear that if a Gore Administration listened to people like Richard Clark, a serious effort would have gotten underway to attack the terrorist group financially and via law enforcement by rolling up their cells.

He’s dancing around a specific event. Richard Clarke, and the CIA, did warn Bush about bin Laden, and Bush ignored them.

“All right. You’ve covered your ass, now.”

I don’t think Al Gore would have ignored Richard Clarke.

Of course Al wouldn’t have IGNORED Richard Clarke…

Nor would he have IGNORED “Bin Laden Determined To Strike in US.”

Nor would he have IGNORED the FBI…

But Of course, Al Gore wasn’t hoping for a “Pearl Harbor” like event to propel his Cabinet officers’ Dreams of World Domination either.

I don’t think Al Gore would have ignored Richard Clarke.

If you point this kind of thing out to some people who suffered personal losses on 9/11 you just might get threatened with an ass-kicking and lose their acquaintance for a while. The idea that your mutual friend T__ might not have died or your other mutual friend B__’s 8 1/2 fucking months pregnant wife might very well still be alive if only Bush had paid some attention is just too much for some people to even consider. If it had happened on Gore’s watch though, I’m sure he wouldn’t have gotten a free pass from the corporate media no matter what kind of effort he made to stop it. You can also be sure that if he left Bin Laden alive after an attack he’d have been facing impeachment before the 2004 election. What a country.

Looks like the circle jerkists have another happy ending-

http://littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog/?entry=25652_Iraq_Food_Memo_Genuine&only

Iraq Food Memo Genuine

Iraqslogger has confirmed that the food shortage memo from Iraq is the real thing. It’s a memo from the Baghdad Embassy (not the military), and surprisingly, it was indeed sent out in Microsoft Word form with a photo of a Lenox eagle figurine as a logo. So we apologize for getting this one wrong—but not for questioning the legitimacy of an official memo that used a picture from the internet instead of an official logo.

The good news is that the food shortage is now over.

That last line would make George Orwell proud….

Um… here’s the update:

Iraqslogger has confirmed that the food shortage memo from Iraq is the real thing. It’s a memo from the Baghdad Embassy (not the military), and surprisingly, it was indeed sent out in Microsoft Word form with a photo of a Lenox eagle figurine as a logo. So we apologize for getting this one wrong—but not for questioning the legitimacy of an official memo that used a picture from the internet instead of an official logo.

ahem.

But fortunately, THE FOOD SHORTAGE IS NOW OVER, according to our Ace Detectivez with Mad Skillz at LGF! More bacon and playdough sandwiches all around!

Looks like Ace took Bradrocket’s plea seriously. For now.

Oops, shouldn’ta said anything.

Lawnguylander, seven friends and former colleagues of mine were working for Cantor, Fitzgerald on 9/11. Nobody made it out from the floor they were on (above where the first jet hit).

For that matter, my sister was working in the Pentagon that day, and lost one of her good friends.

These 28 per-centers who still spout the Bush-Cheney bs at this point in the debate are completely brainwashed.

I don’t know what the solution is, but I think I know the cause.

Tangentially related: If the Swanksta is for a pullout in Iraq, doesn’t it mean that one needs to seriously rethink one’s position on this issue?

I’m reasonably certain that Al Gore would not have continued reading My Pet Goat to second graders while waiting for Andy Card to tell him what to do.

The title of this post sounds like an Encyclopedia Brown story.

Glenn Greenwald is trespassing on Sadly, No!’s turf.

I believe a lawsuit is in order.

Ricky still loves me. He deleted my comment mentioning a few ways he’s full of shit on that whole 9/11 is Clinton’s fault meme. (Oh, and explaining to him the person he threatened to ban for mentioning his brother was attempting to be supportive.)
HE STILL LOVES ME!!!!!
I’ve been so busy this month I haven’t had time to check. Thank god he’s not flightly.

Oh, and LGF has gone after Greenwald. By chanting sockpuppet.
Cuz, you know, that whole other people in a household use the internet and may feel supportive of people they live with and love explanation is way too…… rational. Sensible. Reality based. Actual.

And teh Lame got a hat tip from Glenn. I am teh jealous.
And now I stop teh rapid fire commenting.

Oh, and LGF has gone after Greenwald. By chanting sockpuppet.

Well, that worked out so well for them the last time they did it. He got the gig at Salon.

Maybe they’re trying to move him up to Time or Newsweek or something. Really sweet of them, when you think about it. They may be worried that he’s not making enough money, perhaps!

Things must be just super at LGF. For those who survived the purge, I mean.

Dolts.

Oh, man. Rick Moran banned me again.
Goddamn I love that man so much.
Steven Wright can’t even make me laugh this much.

Now that the ‘food shortage’ is over, perhaps Ace O’Squeals will share his recipe for bacon and pastrami openface inside a whole wheat pita with a pico de gallo garnish. no cheese.

Does LGF**kwits know the Stage Door deli has a Guiliani Sammich?
Cappicola and pastrami on toasted stockbroker.

Does Ace O’Squeals know the difference between pussy and pastrami?
One is marinated in vinegar and the other is luncheon meat.

ITTDGY, sorry to hear that but glad your sister was OK. I knew a couple of guys at C&F too. My family spent the morning of 9/11 thinking for sure that my sister was dead. She worked in the north tower of the WTC. She got out but it took forever for her to get to a phone and contact her husband.

Yes, but look what I had to do! I had to read Ace’s insane, foaming-at-the-mouth hissy fit!