The Sadly Enquirer

Paul Wolfowitz may have lost his job and his special lady friend, but sources say his heartache is soothed by the knowledge that his last act at the World Bank was done in serving his first, best and truest love: Fucked Up Iraq.

WASHINGTON – The World Bank has appointed a new country manager for Iraq despite security and corruption concerns, according to a leaked document. The news emerged just days after outgoing World Bank president Paul Wolfowitz promised not make any major new appointments at the institution.


The new appointment, which had not been formally announced by the bank at this writing, appears to confirm what many analysts have long suspected about Wolfowitz’ relentless attempts to move the bank back into Iraq – and to boost US policy there – despite internal opposition and the continuing high security risk.

Although he has served for the past two years as president of the bank, Wolfowitz is best known in many circles for his role as a primary architect of the US invasion of the Arab country and as a staunch neo-conservative ideologue promoting US military interventionist policies, especially in the Middle East.

In February, IPS reported that Wolfowitz had been secretly negotiating a contract with a new resident director in Iraq, despite some objections from staff and the board of directors.


Although Wolfowitz announced his resignation last Friday, the new development indicates that he is still attempting to steer the course of the institution.


“The timing of this appointment is surprising. Although Paul Wolfowitz did not explicitly say he would ‘recuse’ himself from ongoing personnel decisions at this level, he strongly implied that he would do so,” GAP said in a statement.

Wolfowitz’s on-again, off-again relationship with Fucked Up Iraq has been torrid and explosive. At the time of their first split, Wolfowitz was alleged to have commited domestic battery; he was served a restraining order, but pleaded emotional distress at the loss of the couple’s first puppet, Ahmed Chalabi, who was stillborn.

Rich, curvy and temperamental, Fucked Up Iraq’s bratty antics have thrilled and scandalized even the most jaded observers of the geopolitical scene. Known as a sullen homebody before its introduction to Wolfowitz and his friends, it has subsequently taken on a much more aggressive public persona. The drunken row in the trendy Middle East Club between various members of its notoriously fiery entourage made headlines and has been the subject of cocktail party gossip ever since. Fucked Up Iraq’s friends confess that it has “never been the same” since it met Wolfowitz. “Fucked Up Iraq didn’t want Paul and certainly didn’t want Chalabi, but both were forced upon it. Saddam [a former paramour] was terribly abusive… there’s just been a string of bad relationships”

Meanwhile, Wolfowitz, conscious of his ideological clock’s ticking, is known to have wanted to settle down and father another puppet. Though the former lovers now go their separate ways, Wolfowitz is reportedly very pleased with the conceiving of another ‘Wolfy, Jr.’. Should the puppet be born without incident, it is set to inherit a lucrative racket and cement the Wolfowitz political family’s position in the neocolonial looting industry. The puppet will have many powerful uncles and aunts in America, and indeed will be befriended by its many cousins currently living in Fucked Up Iraq’s posh ‘Green Zone’ estate.

Friends of Fucked Up Iraq are terribly worried at the news. Said one who asked not to be identified: “Fucked Up Iraq gone from one abusive relationship to another. It knows it’d be better off alone, and maybe check into rehab. Bottom out on its own, and solve its own problems. But it’s been so abused throughout the years, you know, it’s been so ravaged, it has a hard time asserting its soveriegnty, though it’s been trying lately. It is irresistable to all these patronizing and self-serving control freaks who claim to have the right fix for its ills but really only want to tell it what to do while stealing its wealth. Sad, really.”


Comments: 14


Just stay away from his fucking lady friend. She’s not his special lady . He’s helping her get rich.


I guess Wolfowitz’s resignation has the same significance as congressional bills do with a Bush signing statement.


dude, I’ve heard he’s trying to get it on with Fucked Up Iraq’s cousin Totally Repressed Iran. He’s got a bad jones for those dysfunctional types.


His LadyFriend, being a Randroid, is only interested in men who have, and flaunt, their power, success and wealth.

so once wolfie was shitcanned, she dumped him as only a Randroid could: immediately, with no class or sympathy.

Chances are she’s got her sights set on Cheney now.


C’mon now. Not that I don’t think what happened to Iraq is sad but walking around like that with its vast reserves of oil hanging out for all the world to see, what did it expect? Fucking slut had that shit coming.


yeah, and her whore sister syria. she’s basically asking for it with that short skirt and that baathist ideology.


she dumped him as only a Randroid could

I dunno, the reason given in what tbogg linked to is mortification, and that’s plenty right there.


I hate to OT this post of utter awesomes, but I know y’all’ll appreciate Ron Paul schoolin’ Rude Rudy on reality:

“I don’t think he’s qualified to be president,” Paul said of Giuliani.



Beat me to it, MCH. So god damn awesome.


“I don’t think he’s qualified to be president,� Paul said of Giuliani.

Well, I say that of the whole field of Repub candidates, though probably least of Paul himself.

After Dumbya, does the concept of “qualified to be president” even mean anything to Republicans?

Qetesh the Abyssinian

Yep, thunder, you’re dead right. That’s pretty damn rude. But the man’s got a point…


Little reported has been the secret reason for Wolfowitz’s fling with Fucked Up Iraq — it’s because Wolfowitz’s real girlfriend, Nasty Little Israel, kept demanding a threesome. Nasty Little Israel gets turned on by watching Wolfowitz promise nice things to get you into the house, only to then beat the shit out of you and make you grovel in front of Nasty Little Israel wearing a hood over your head and standind on a box.

Mo's Bike Shop

Sadly Noire!


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