If You Want A Picture Of The Future…
…imagine Max Boot stamping on the human sense of decency — forever.
Above: “I am the author! You are the audience! I outrank you!”
Over at the Weekly Substandard, Max Boot, America’s roughest, toughest frail, has some boffo ideas about how we can make the surge work. I don’t really understand the point of the article, because I thought the surge was working already. I mean, sure, there’s been a lot of deaths, but the ability of top American generals to eat ice cream in Baghdad is at an all-time high! But when Max speaks, I listen, so let’s see what he has to say.
The army is the most effective and nonsectarian institution in Iraq. Although it has its share of woes, its combat performance has been improving, and it is less corrupt than the police. But it’s too small. Saddam Hussein kept more than 900,000 men under arms at the time of the 1991 Gulf war, a figure that had shrunk to fewer than 400,000 by the time of the U.S. invasion in 2003. Today the Iraqi army is only 136,000 strong.
Boy, those are some alarming figures. Say, Max, do you know of anyone who supported the decision to disband the Iraqi Army after the US invasion? Someone whose name rhymes with “wax snoot”? No? Okay, sorry to interrupt, go on with your train of thought.
But it still may make sense to introduce conscription–something that is alien to currently serving American soldiers, all of whom are volunteers, but that has a long history in Iraq and neighboring states. An army in a developing nation like Iraq isn’t there merely to fight internal and external enemies. Its mission is also to inculcate a civic religion of nationalism and egalitarianism in its recruits.
Okay, so, force a draft on the citizenry of Iraq, who are currently balancing their busy schedule of killing each other and killing us, in order to inculcate in them a nationalist religious fervor. Can you give some historical examples of why this would be a good idea?
Germany, Japan, Turkey, and other newly created states in the 19th and early 20th centuries turned the army into a “schoolhouse of the nation.” That requires exposing a large percentage of young men to army training and indoctrination, not just a handpicked few.
Wow! Germany, Japan, and Turkey in the late 19th and early 20th century! Those are certainly sterling examples of what we want for the future of Iraq. I’m totally with you so far! What else you got?
An expansion of the Iraqi army will also require an expansion of the number and quality of American advisers, which should not be that great a stretch, since even Democrats say they want to continue the advisory effort indefinitely.
An increased commitment of American advisers for an indefinite period of time, check! That worked out pretty well the last time we tried it, if I remember correctly. But surely you’d agree that there’s an ever-increasing need for torture!
Such conduct is not tolerated in the American ranks, but the Iraqis are fighting for their lives against the most vicious terrorists on earth in a society that has never heard of the Warren Court. It’s hardly surprising that they might resort to “third degree” techniques that were in widespread use by American police until a generation ago, and remain commonplace throughout much of the rest of the world. American advisers need to have the leeway to exercise their best judgment–to be able to turn a blind eye to minor abuses without risking court martial.
Excellent! I know we’ve already made big strides in this area, and clearly, the more torture we allow, the safer Iraq will get. And speaking of safe, can you suggest another way that Iraq could become even more suitable as a frozen-dessert haven for high-ranking military officials?
Part of the answer is to help the Iraqis build more prisons and appoint more judges.
Well, that’s only natural. More prisons automatically means more freedom! And, of course, given the stellar history of American prisons in Iraq, I’m sure the populace would welcome this “help” that we want to give them with smiling faces. Still, Max, I’m worried that your solutions — compulsory military service, an expanded army of occupation with no plans for withdrawal, increased use of torture by security forces, and more prisons — are insufficiently heavy-handed. We need to show these Iraqis we mean business! Isn’t there something more we could do?
The obvious answer is selective use of martial law to quell violence, giving authority to sentence insurgents to the same people who are risking their lives to catch them–Iraqi and American army officers.
There it is! Martial law! Now we’re finally getting somewhere! What better way to show the people of Iraq how serious we are about giving them their freedom than to transform the country into a virtual duplicate of what it was before we invaded in the first place?
Max goes on to suggest the creation of a national identity database, intensified attacks on foreign fighters, and a willingness to cross the border into Syria and Iran in order to destroy the enemies of the state. So, basically, his “to-do list” for Iraq involves massive arms buildup, involuntary military service, more prisons, a secret police empowered by the state to torture prisoners and keep secret files on all citizens, a code of law enforced at the whim of a government not answerable to the people, a dislike of foreigners combined with militant nationalism and a military state patterned after early 20th century totalitarian regimes, and a willingness to invade its neighbors in pursuit of foreign policy. I guess my only question is, couldn’t we have just left Saddam Hussein in power, and gotten the exact same result for about, I dunno, $420 billion less?
Tops.
Larfed and larfed till I started crying as I realised that for the next two years Max and his Booties will probably get everything on this horrifying wishlist.
When the fuck is reality going to kick back in?
So, Max thinks we desperately need more American advisers in Iraq to show them how Americans do things in America–you know, to make America safer. Where could we find people such as that?
Max Boot (born 1969) is an American author, editorialist, lecturer and military historian. He has been a prominent advocate for neoconservative foreign policy
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_Boot
Hmm, where oh where? Gosh, I got nothing.
He’s like my mom when confronted with a computer.
This button? No, that didn’t work. How about this one? It’s making a beep: should it beep? It’s beeping again. Let me try this one. No, I’ll get it, just give me a minute. There’s that beep. How can I make it unbeep?
No…he’s not like your Mom. Your Mom asked for advice from someone who knew what the buttons did.
Come on, keeping Saddam wouldn’t work! He tried to kill Bush’s dad! Think, people!
If we’re going to have a strongman, it needs to be Ahmed Chalabi. Everyone loves him!
I started reading this post thinking, I’m going to hate this fucking guy by the end. And, sure enough…
Notice, though, in his advocacy of torture, totalitarianism, and nationalist aggression he never once said the word ‘fuck’ nor even raised his voice. Therefore he is an entirely civil and serious person who fully deserves his elevated place in our national media.
Isn’t there already a problem with getting the members of the Iraqi army to show up every day and fight? Plus isn’t infiltration of the Iraqi army by members of various death militias and such also a problem?
Wouldn’t a draft aggravate these existing problems quite a bit?
Is Max Boot mainlining something that buffers him against reality? Is it a heady blend of war re-enactments and episodes of “24”?
he’s fucking retarded.
Conscript Iraqis. Train them how to fight and teach them advanced infantry tactics. Wow. What could possibly go wrong.
See: SOUTH FUCKING AMERICA.
“Such conduct is not tolerated in the American ranks, but the Iraqis are fighting for their lives against the most vicious terrorists on earth in a society that has never heard of the Warren Court.”
Misspelling. What he meant to type was, “We Great White are far to civilized to used torture, revenge killings, and small-scale, house-to-house genocide. But our newly trained Sand Niggers Division, on the other hand…”
Shorter Max Boot: “That means we CANNOT attack GERMANY! I mean, I got all my friends, here, ya know? And what about ME?!”
Max Boot. Love the guy. And why not try it? Everything else he’s suggested in the past six years has gone like clockwork!
On its face, however, I do agree for more prisoners. At least at the Hague. Wolfie, Max, Kristol, Krauty, they could all share a cell together with some Serbian and Croat paramilitaries. Sounds like the making of a great sit-com!
He’s like my mom when confronted with a computer.
This button? No, that didn’t work. How about this one? It’s making a beep: should it beep? It’s beeping again. Let me try this one. No, I’ll get it, just give me a minute. There’s that beep. How can I make it unbeep?
or Nate the neoconservative
“No…he’s not like your Mom. Your Mom asked for advice from someone who knew what the buttons did.”
Happy moms don’t ask for advice.
Happy Mothers (post-Mother’s Day post-punk remix)
Dr BLT’s One Man Banned
words and music by Dr BLT (c) 2007
http://www.drblt.net/music/HappyMothersP.mp3
And a good mother wouldn’t have one of their children forced to cut and run from the battle just when things look like they’re about to turn around in Iraq.
Don’t worry, I’m not back. I just don’t want to be completely forgotten over here. I’m outa here. I don’t plan to return until at least 2009. No more song pimping or echoing of platitudinous right-wing talking points. You’ve all been spared.
I’ve always thought that “Max Boot” was clearly a pseudothingy fake name. A piss poor one at that, the kind of name the kid everyone hates gives to his AD&D half-orc fighter, which gets killed straight of the blocks every time by the other PC’s, which is the only reason the other players let no-mates play in the first place.
This article confirms it. Max Boot is ticky tack.
Shorter M. B.: the army will be the schoolhouse of the nation, so let’s teach the army to ignore the law . . .
I’m with you, Pascal’s bookie. Max Boot always reminds me, rather jarringly, of Das Boot, although that was indubitably a much finer piece of work.
“Germany. Japan. Turkey.”
Irony just jumped out of the window, landed in a dumpster, stripped naked, and began darting about in traffic. Not pretty.
That is one oh so fine wingnutty work! Max is one of those guys who you think can’t possibly mean what he says, he must surely be a parody, and then you realize, wow, he’s serious.
If I didn’t have S,N to make me laugh at these guys, I’d need strong drugs to deal with the despair…
“Das Boot”… I need to watch that again. Dat Boot understood the horror and confusion of war… Dis Boot, not so much. (said with movie Brooklynese accent)
Legalize, I’m so stealing the irony line.
Every day that man sounds more and more like a genocidal megalomaniac with personality dissociative disorder. Total disregard for life outside his own.
“Legalize, I’m so stealing the irony line.”
Enjoy it.
Mister Pierce–
Better than fabu. Just don’t try to tell me that Max has a heart as big as a whale.
Hi-hidey-hidey-hi.
God damn, it just keeps getting stupider at LGF. Chuckles has a poll up, urging his knuckle-draggers to vote for their fave performance in last night’s hate rally – er, GOP “debate.” Evidently Ron Paul has earned a lot of votes. Read for yourself if you can stomach the abject idiocy and blanket delusions: http://littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog/?entry=25504_Ron_Paul_Supporters_Spamming_Our_Poll_Again#comments
You know, every day little Max looks more and more like his uncle Jack…
techniques that were in widespread use by American police until a generation ago
American police used power drills? I never realised, despite watching a vast number of Bogart movies.
Does he have brother named Jack Boot? He should.
I second robert green; Boot is absolutely, completely, without question, retarded.
Let’s not overlook Max’s idea for a version of “Civil Operations for Rural Development Support” from Vietnam – responsible for ‘winning hearts and minds’ with a ‘pacification program’. Its stellar performance can be judged from the overwhelming support all Vietnamese showed for American troops after it started in May 1967. Its tactics included the Phoenix program – assassinating Viet Cong members. One problem with the Phoenix program was that South Vietnamese political groups would denounce their rivals as a way of eliminating them. Good thing no-one in Iraq would possibly want to use such tactics, isn’t it?
Is Max Boot trying to put Jon Swift out of business? He’ll have nowhere left to go with this one.
What an introduction to the “thoughts” of someone I hadn’t read before.
Now I want to fuck him in the eye.
Holy Shit they are truly in love with the latest dodge,”Iraqis are to blame!”
Hey now, this plan for Iraq sounds mighty good to me! We just need to try it here in the US first to make sure it’s tough enough.
Damn,the caption is all wrong!
It should be:
“Jonah? Jonah Goldberg? Call me!” (wink)