Bloodless Civil War: incredible inaccurate whether it refers to the situation in Iraq or the 2008 Presidental Elections.

…over the next 18 months America will either be convinced to turn left, or will be convinced to carry on with the right.

Uh…with about 70+% of Americans polled unhappy with Bush, and with nearly 60% wanting us out of Iraq by the end of the year, I’d say that left-turning boat already sailed ages ago.

But then again I suffer from Bush Derangement Syndrome, so I can’t be trusted. Carry on.

“I mean, you didn’t think Mark Noonan actually planned to fight in this Civil War he’s talking about, did you?”

Of course he does. He’s a card carrying member of the 101st Fighting Chairbourne.

“TO THE CHEETOS, MEN!!!”

Marky Mark makes a true statement!

Republicans and Democrats are seeing two entirely different things

He just neglected to clarify that the former seeing flower-bedecked ponies eating candy in front of freshly painted schools, and the the latter sees, well, what is actually there to see. But then again, man, the visuals are like really real when you got them, at least with the heavy-duty shit. If Noonan’s gonna be tripblogging all the time, he could lighten up a bit and get some groove into his uptight prose.

Shorter Noonan: My raison d’être is not just a river in Egypt.

Say what you like about Noonan, but I tell you this, the man is a compete fucking asshole.

“The loser in this contest which ends in November of 2008 will be out politically for at least a generation, and perhaps forever (meaning that the defeated Party will likely turn on itself and self-destruct).”

Can’t we sue this clown for malpractice? He’s just makin’ this shit up. The nitwits who respect him read this and think (or “think”), “Mmm, yes…anyone who uses the phrase ‘at least a generation’ must surely know about which that he is talking.”

It’s dollars 2 donuts he said, in Dec. 04, something like “Bush’s re-election, which affirms and augments his mandate, gives notice that conservatism is now the prevailing sentiment of the land, and will remain so for at least a generation.”

Somebody hit this guy on the head with a salami so we can get on with our lives.

There is only one set of facts; we have always been at war with Eurasia. Except for those times when we are at war with Eastasia.

His “chin” looks like butt cheeks. I just noticed that.

Well, he’s right (in the stopped clock sort of way) that the campaign will be nasty. The prospect of losing the presidency in addition to more congressional seats will really get them going. Is it even possible to ramp up the ugly rhetoric? We’ll see.

“It’s instructive to note that Noonan considers himself among the center-right.”

Meh, it’s one of their favourite tricks. HH does it all the time. He’s centre right, we’re all a bunch of LLL’s, dontcha know.

There is only one war, and only one set of facts about that war

And the facts are this; we were lied into it, and we’re lying about having any clue on how to get out of it!

I suppose. In a year it should be fun (in a cutting yourself with steak knives kind of way) to see how strident and out of touch the last of the bush deadenders are. Pretty much no matter what, the political calculation will have to be for the repubs running for office to blatently flip-flop and rip bush/cheney as a failed regime, the self-destruction should be entertaining. I just read where they already are having trouble replacing the senior aids from the white house, the pentagon and state that are running for the exits in droves. As bush digs in his petulant heels and stays course after course (he’s still throwing veto threats around this morning) the attacks are going to come from all sides, and it will be an interesting study in failed democracy to see what happens when a population attempts to marginalize a sitting president.

This ride is going to get a little bumpy…

mikey

I think I finally figured Noonan out!

He actually thinks that “right”, as in “right-wing” and “The Right”, means “correct”. Why else would those gloriously brave neo-cons be called “right” if they were incorrect in any way?

They wouldn’t be. Yay!

What’s with all this political absolutism coming out of the right recently? First they were convinced that the ’06 elections would utterly destroy the Democratic party, and now we have Nooners claiming that the loser of the next presidential race will be dead for 20+ years. Please. Politics is cyclical – first the Dems are in charge, then the Repubs, then the Dems, the Repubs, etc. I guarantee it will continue like this until the robots take over and enslave us all.

But, of course, Noonan’s perspective is skewed by the fact that, like all the right-wing dead enders, he’s convinved that it’s 2003 and the President and the war still enjoy broad support.

A Civil War over whether or not a war against the population of a country we are occupying is “lost” or not “lost?” That’s my kind of Civil War. While we’re at it, let’s have a Civil War over whether or not Cheetos are “bad for you” or “not bad for you.”

tripblogging

Ha, that’s an awesome term, MCH. Did you make it up?

Noonan’s been pushing this civil war crap for a while now–he first brought it out when those mean, evil Democrats had the temerity to try to investigate pure-as-the-driven-snow Tom DeLay (you know…the corrupt politician who gave Noonan an approving dust-cover quote for Noonan’s book about…corrupt politicians). He’s taken to pushing it again recently in a “why do you force me to punch you?” sort of way. He waxes poetic about it, then claims that oh, no, he doesn’t want civil war, it’s those damn liberals with their unconscianable use of facts to cut down Teh Awesome Preznit Bush. If they don’t knock it off…it’s on!

Shorter Mark Noonan: No, wait, best three out of five!

I figured out what it is about Noonan that bugs me extra special; he’s ripping off Derrida’s look.
I tried to tell him Derrida’s corpse has been calling about it, but he deleted the comment.
You’d think Noonan wouldn’t want to look like a gay French world famous academic, but, well……

I don’t know just how bumpy of a ride we’re in for but as the GOP inches closer to political disaster in 2008 Noonan and others in the bugfuckery brigade are going to pander to people who fantasize about killing their fellow Americans more frequently. He raises the specter of a bloody civil war in the US by saying that he’s thankful it hasn’t happened yet. Why bring this up? Spend any time in your typical wingnut comments section and you’ll see commenters raising this possibility with an ill concealed longing for it to come true. Noonan wants in on this action but today his commenters didn’t take the bait so in the comments section he reiterates:

We’re battling this out, Gar – and it is going to get quite nasty. My only prayer is that violence is not resorted to.

Who will rid Noonan of these meddlesome lefties and the rest of the 72% who can’t stand Bush?

I believe that Americans are center/right in political orientation

Proving, once again, that belief completely separated from facts is all that matters to these people, because really, it’s all they got. We’d be better off (i.e. maintain our sanity) debating a goat.

Principal: Thank you, sir. It just popped into my head

And your larger point about Noonan’s proclivities brings to mind the many writings on “dolchstoss” contributed here by The Blogger Formerly Known as Retardo. It’s part of that infernal continuum running from “They’re so incivil!” through “Intern them!” and all the way to that which certain others like to say they “hesitate to speak of” and pretend to hope they won’t be “left with no other choice” but to undertake–a continuum running from “sensible liberals” to frank eliminationists, as it were.

Apropos to the larger (both physically and metaphorically) topic of Iraq, I can’t help but note that in virtually every story I read on BBC these days regarding American troops killing civilians,* the Pentagon always claims to have gotten “no reports of civilian deaths”. They don’t care enough to notice whether it even happened, let alone come up with numbers even issue a denial.

In a way this sort of blaséness is almost more disturbing than the bloodthirstiness of the “glass ’em!!” crowd. The latter still take at least enough notice of the people to intensely hate them. The Pentagon views them as ants on the freeway, squishing them obliviously, barely cognizant of the idea that ants can even exist in the confines of high-speed lanes.

* How utterly sad that there’s been enough stories on this topic to compare “how they used to be” with “how they are these days”.

This is the most true thing I have ever read in any blog at any time:
“These goobs aren’t actually expressing hostility toward democracy so much as they’re mad about not always getting their way. It takes a lot of effort to sustain a democracy. As anyone who’s married can tell you, it’s a pain in the ass trying to get someone to agree to do the things you want to do — and it doesn’t always work, either. These people aren’t anti-democratic, exactly; they’re just selfish and lazy.”

As a baby-boomer myself I am painfully aware that my generation is the most self-absorbed, selfish and lazy – well, I was going to say ever but I am going with the cheap joke – at leas a generation!. Most of my contemporaries were not against Viet Nam because it was immoral and unjust they just didn’t want to be in the line of fire. They did not vote for Reagan because they wanted morning in ‘merica they just wanted lower taxes for themselves. We (as a group) suck. Noonan just sucks with a larger megaphone

Not to keep blathering onward ‘n’ shite, but my GF found a neat antiwar activity web site for “knitting knerds” called redsweaters.org and put it on her “knew” knitting blog at http://knerdspace.blogspot.com/. I’ll shuddup now. Really.

Absolutely, MCH. Noonan follows the dolchstoss script as though his life depends on it. Which, to him, it might. And his “Oh, I hope you don’t leave us with no other choice but to have civil war!” bullshit is just an attempt to put a “reluctant good-guy force for justice” face on his steaming pile of horseshit.

…(meaning that the defeated Party will likely turn on itself and self-destruct).

Man, if only this were true. Unfortunately, the Republicans are like the zombies from Dawn of the Dead. They’ll be back in 2012, and they’ll be really, really hungry for some brains.

…but the relentless nature of the defeatist propaganda coupled with the lies and evasions of the MSM may just drag the dead leftwing horse over the finish line in 2008.

Dude, you guys are going to lose a race to a dead horse? That’s pretty bad. How can Teh Left be a “dead horse” if our defeatist propaganda is so relentless?

knitting blog at http://knerdspace.blogspot.com/.

Gives me a 404.

That’s pretty bad. How can Teh Left be a “dead horse� if our defeatist propaganda is so relentless?

Simple. Relentless zombie horses.

Sorry to go OT but everyone needs to get on the phone today and call in support of “a restoration of habeas corpus into the Defense Department Authorization Bill.” Especially if your representative is on the Armed Services Committee.

http://www.mydd.com/story/2007/5/8/1878/41129

Protecting the constitution is great and all but just think how much fun it’s going to be to watch the wingnuts scream in protest about having one of their most important rights restored.

the cool thing about dolchschloss is that if you have 60% of the people doing the stabbing, you can really make things happen quickly. i smell a tutsi-like beatdown a comin’.

of course that assumes that anything mark noonan says is true, or makes sense, or exists in even one of the 11 dimensions of hyper-reality.

no, you say? carry on then.

Ooo! Oooo! If there IS a “bloodless Civil War” can I be in command of Antietam? I would implement a forced labor program in which wingnut POWs make prosthetic limbs for wounded Iraq vets. Seriously, why are the guys who always fantasize about catastrophic breakdowns in society the very same guys whose skulls would wind up getting used as a hash pipe 15 minutes after such a breakdown occurred?

How can Teh Left be a “dead horse� if our defeatist propaganda is so relentless?

Hey, when it comes to metaphors, Noonan is always able to step up to the free-throw line in the final inning and score a touchdown.

Boy, Mark is really good with those “I haven’t spent more than ten seconds thinking about this” statements, isn’t he?

1. I sincerely believe, no matter how extreme and out-of-touch my beliefs are, that I am basically a centrist.

2. Which political position, coincidentally, I believe the majority of Americans likewise hold, despite our opposite opinions in polls.

3. I am convinced that the political position that opposes me is going to suffer a defeat that will lead to its banishment from the culture forever and ever. No one has ever thought this before me.

What a smug dry-fart he is. Say what you will about his namesake Peggy; at least she’s entertainingly crazy instead of a sneering shitbag who holds himself in incredibly high intellectual esteem despite not ever once having said anything worth listening to.

He looks like a douche bag and writes like a douche bag. I’m calling him a fucking douche bag.

What always amazes me about Noonan’s crowd is the depth of their ignorance, to the point that they won’t even self-reflect.
What disturbs me is how they go to proving Dave Neiwert right about how the eliminationist instinct develops.
Noonan’s ‘logic’ is that of an abusive husband. He doesn’t want to have to get violent, or rather tell people to get violent in ways that leave him with no legal culpability, but damned if we aren’t forcing his hand what with our talking back n having contrary opinions n talk of leaving him. He doesn’t want to beat us, but we’d just end up selling ourselves on the street for drugs without him in control, so it’s really for our own good. He hits because he loves.

In the end, I think Reagan wanted the insane put out on the streets so that the conservative base wouldn’t face the risk of institutionalization.

…this new and (thank God) so far bloodless Civil War…

This made me want to go home and clean my guns until I realized that its just a wankerific fantasy. The orange-cocks of the 82nd chairborne are never gonna leave mom’s basement and engage in direct action. They might get hurt by all us uncivil dirtyfuckinghippiedemmocommieliberalhomofascist stalinists and our horde of illegal brown people allies.

The orange-cocks of the 82nd chairborne are never gonna leave mom’s basement and engage in direct action. They might get hurt by all us uncivil dirtyfuckinghippiedemmocommieliberalhomofascist stalinists and our horde of illegal brown people allies.

If they want to fight the Civil War over again, I like our chances. There’s a reason the wingnuts lost the first time.

His “chin� looks like butt cheeks. I just noticed that.
I would have said a pair of dog’s bollox, myself.

Revised Noonan: Flog you, and the dead horse you rode on!

Shorter Noonan: “I tell ya, if you dumbasses don’t fly right and continue this war, someone’s gunna have to start some shit at home.”

These goobs aren’t actually expressing hostility toward democracy so much as they’re mad about not always getting their way. It takes a lot of effort to sustain a democracy. As anyone who’s married can tell you, it’s a pain in the ass trying to get someone to agree to do the things you want to do — and it doesn’t always work, either. These people aren’t anti-democratic, exactly; they’re just selfish and lazy.

Travis, I think you have just summed up the entire generation of “Reagan” Republicans… every half-bright suburban Autocrat of the Brunch Table who’s ever wondered in writing why “Because I wanna!” isn’t enough of an argument. Future histories (assuming humanity survives to write them) will refer to these people as The Gilded Age, Mark II: The Gellid Age.

As a baby-boomer myself I am painfully aware that my generation is the most self-absorbed, selfish and lazy – well, I was going to say ever but I am going with the cheap joke – at leas a generation!. Most of my contemporaries were not against Viet Nam because it was immoral and unjust they just didn’t want to be in the line of fire. They did not vote for Reagan because they wanted morning in ‘merica they just wanted lower taxes for themselves. We (as a group) suck.

Only true for a select portion of Americans born between 1945-1955, and their offspring a generation later. The rest of us Back-End Boomers and others have been looking at your lily-white self-obsessed asses for 50 years and counting, while *we* survived the overcrowded classrooms & exhausted resources you left, fought the wars, stocked the cube farms, had our livelihoods globalized overseas, raised the babies (including your own overprivileged spawn, the damp little second-generation conservatards now infesting DC like roaches with blackberrys), and generally kept the world turning and the gears grinding. Your whole “We (as a group) suck” posturing is just more of the same self-indulgent blather. And *we* are no more impressed by your aging self-pity than we were by your youthful self-promotion, mark. Confess to your own sins, and don’t try to camoflague your failings in a dust-cloud of ‘my generation’ tapdancing, ’cause that’s what got *us* into this world of pain in the first place.

And *we* are no more impressed by your aging self-pity than we were by your youthful self-promotion, mark. Confess to your own sins, and don’t try to camoflague your failings in a dust-cloud of ‘my generation’ tapdancing,

I like to dis previous generations as much as the next person, Anne, but don’t you think you are taking it too far?

cause that’s what got *us* into this world of pain in the first place

YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT PAIN IS!!!!!!!

As a baby-boomer myself I am painfully aware that my generation is the most self-absorbed, selfish and lazy –

Doctors tried to put us down
(talkin’ about my degeneration)
Just because we fall around
(talkin’ about my degeneration)
Body does look pretty worn
(talkin’ about my degeneration)
Guess I’ll die before I’m born

Wh don’t you all s…mash your TV
(talkin’ about my degeneration)
Happy endings aren’t that easy
(talkin’ about my degeneration)
Keep me off the cover of your publication
(talkin’ about my degeneration)
I’m just talking about my degeneration
(talkin’ about my degeneration)

Doctors tried to put me down
(talkin’ about my degeneration)
Just because my brain’s unsound
(talkin’ about my degeneration)
Body might not last till dawn
(talkin’ about my degeneration)
Wish I died before I got born

[…] at Sadly, No! Travis G. notes that the scholarly Mark Noonan at Blogs for Bush fears our nation is headed for a civil war; we are […]

I like to dis previous generations as much as the next person, Anne, but don’t you think you are taking it too far?

No.

I entered first grade in a classroom with 54 other kids, entered the workforce in 1976 at the start of the Great Ford Depression, and have generally spent my entire life hearing “Well, you should have been here five years ago, it was soooo great then.” Now the same tiny percentage of the same cohort that’s been hogging all the resources is suddenly afflicted with a spasm of conscience (aka, a failure of their prescription pain/depression/orgasm meds) and they announce that we, meaning me and the other 87% of the American population who didn’t go to Disneyland, Woodstock, and Harvard Business School should start doing penance? Fuck that shit — it’s another in the 50-year series of Rich White Suburban American ‘Boomer’ Scams, coming from the same lifelong fuckwits that are also rolling out Crunchy Neocons, Sensible Centrists, and I’m-Not-Really-A-Bushhugger-Just-A-Saddened-Moderate-Republican trial offers.

Never trust a rich prick who “we”s at you — it’s just another dodge for them.

I call dibs on being The Civil War Czarâ„¢…

A civil war eh? How did that last one go again? And whose side is the rest of the world going to be on, I wonder…? Still, Europe and South America and Japan are all going to be arming the Liberals; who do they think is going to be arming the Right? Ahh wait, like good wolverines, they’ll be able to take on the world by themselves. Unless… they send in troops with vaginas? Noooo! Scary vaginas for the loss!

Rufus said:

“A Civil War over whether or not a war against the population of a country we are occupying is “lostâ€? or not “lost?â€? ”

Take it a step further, Roof. It’s a Civil War over whether or not a war against the population of a country we are occuping is worth when that country is in a state of… actual civil war.

And will somebody please try to find Noonan’s book, take some notes and report back so we can have some bellylaughs?

As Principal Blackman mentions above, Noonan’s talked about this civil war thing before. For example, March 12 of this year:

We are a house divided against itself – we don’t even agree on basic things like what it means to be American.

[…]

How will this all come out? I don’t know – but it is a civil war, and I do worry that one day it may become bloody…that being, just like in the last civil war, when one side feels it cannot find safety in the normal operation of American politics (eg, the South felt that the election of Lincoln spelt eventual doom for their way of life). I wish I knew some way to bridge the gap between right and left, but I’m at a loss…either they, or we, will have to change…and, as a Christian, I can’t change their way without threat to my immortal soul (and thats another subject: Religion? Left thinks it is an impediment to human liberty, Right thinks it is the foundation of human liberty).

From Noonan’s “Our Un-Bloody Civil War.”

J-

And this is the post that made Noonan famous, the one that inspired the Editors to have that photo of Noonan wearing diapers:

“I really do urge our Democrats to step back from the edge – you are sitting in a lake of gasoline and you are playing with fire. We on our side will only put up with so much before we start to pay back with usury what we have received. If you can’t defeat Tom Delay in the electoral field, then you will simply have to accept him as Majority Leader of the United States House of Representatives – and you’d better start accepting political reality before things get really bad.”

I don’t know – but it is a civil war, and I do worry that one day it may become bloody…

I imagine a giant millipede composed of a long line of warbloggers trudging to Washington, each with his head stuck in the ass of the one before, transistor radio in the one hand to receive Rush’s battle plans, television remote in the other to make reality conform to the plot. It all goes sour when the leadpede bumps into the lastpede, sticks his head in as well, and they march in an undulating circle until they starve.

Shorter Noonie:

Nice country ya got there,be a damned shame if something sinister and bloody happened to it.

Thing is,I think I could kick his ass,with energy left over to mow the yard afterwards.

I’ll bet when Noonan spanks his kids, he spouts that old “this hurts me more than it does you” bs.

I hate these passive-aggressive self righteous twinks.

Thing is,I think I could kick his ass,with energy left over to mow the yard afterwards.

I hear Kevin’s yard needs four months of work.

Thanks, tc. And for those who haven’t read it, check out Mona’s post (trackbacked above at 23:42) about similar talk from a very special friend of the Sadly, No! family.

the relentless nature of the defeatist propaganda… may just drag the dead leftwing horse over the finish line in 2008
The only way I can explain this metaphor is that once, in his callow youth, Noonan watched Un Chien Andalou, and a dim memory of the dead donkey scene was one of the ingredients that went into the kitchen blender of his brain before he set it to High. There you go, he’s not a complete philistine after all.

The latter advances toward her dragging with great effort that which is attached behind to the ropes.
We see passing before our eyes on the screen: first, a cork, then a melon, then two Brothers of Christian Schools, and finally two magnificent grand pianos. The pianos are loaded with the rotting carcasses of two donkeys, their feet, tails, hindquarters and excrement spilling out of the piano-cases. As one of the pianos passes in front of the camera lens, a large donkey’s head is seen pressing the keyboard. Pulling with great difficulty this burden, the man desperately strains toward the young woman, knocking over chairs, tables, a floor lamp, etc., etc. The donkey’s hind-quarters get caught in everything.

Facts?

A new blog title just came to me: Nooney Tunes. Think he’d use it?

Now the same tiny percentage of the same cohort that’s been hogging all the resources is suddenly afflicted with a spasm of conscience (aka, a failure of their prescription pain/depression/orgasm meds) and they announce that we, meaning me and the other 87% of the American population who didn’t go to Disneyland, Woodstock, and Harvard Business School should start doing penance? Fuck that shit —

Anne,

OK, now I think I have a better idea of where you are coming from- you are saying that you were born sometime shortly after 1955, you consider yourself part of the boomer generation, and have always been in a situation where the boomers of 1945-1955 had already used the resources you needed to start your career and to live well, in general. Well, I can certainly understand how that could lead to you feeling bitter. What I am less clear on is, why you believe Mark is mocking you.

When I read what Mark wrote in his comment, it seems to me like he is mocking himself and his own ‘generation’, however he defines that:

Most of my contemporaries were not against Viet Nam because it was immoral and unjust they just didn’t want to be in the line of fire. They did not vote for Reagan because they wanted morning in ‘merica they just wanted lower taxes for themselves. We (as a group) suck.

When he says ‘We (as a group) suck’, do you take that as a personal attack because you consider yourself part of the boom generation? If so, I guess that makes sense. Maybe Mark should have been more specific in defining his generation. You seem sure that Mark is from the 1945-1955 birth-year cohort that got all the resources. What makes you sure about that?

I don’t doubt that you may know something I don’t. The whole boomer scene is just a little bit mysterious to me.

Also, though, are you sure that the 1945-1955 cohort is really as conservative as you seem to be claiming? Didn’t that cohort also do a lot with Civil Rights?

I’m not American, so maybe I’m missing some cultural subtext here, but when people start saying shit about hoping the undeclared civil wars don’t lead to violence, they mean saddle up the brownshirts and go kill the lefties. Are these Toolios all talk?

And if they really think cos they jogged the last battle in Return of the King until their thumbs got raw that they’ll be able to waddle up here to Brooklyn and regulate?

How about The Sin of Noonanism?

They’re mostly talk, cucaracha. They won’t come out of their cheetos-supplied basement shelters until the al-clear sounds.

However, there will be a couple of loosely screwed together wingnuts with an obsessive gun collection who is likely to eventually take the rhetoric as a call to arms and comes out of his shelter long enough to kill a few people before he can be stopped.

At which point there will be much wringing of hands and crocodile tears, all the while remorsefully telling the victims that the the liberals brought it on themselves.

I hope some do come to Brooklyn, personally. I’d love to see my neighbors shred a few fat fuck wingnuts to bits.

“I figured out what it is about Noonan that bugs me extra special; he’s ripping off Derrida’s look.”

Yeah, brad, but it looks like the souffles he’s been getting down with haven’t been of the “parole” kind.

[not that there’s anything wrong with gluttony]

Thanks Billy. They talk a scary game do they not?

Actually if they did come here we could drop a couple of everything bagels in the street and lure them into the Gowanus Canal. Then they’d bob out to sea singing Into the West.

There have been seals spotted in the Gowanus. You really wanna pollute it like that?

Noonan can’t invade Brooklyn. There are black people here. Black people are wingnut kryptonite, at least in person. If Mark Noonan is ever chasing you, just run towards the nearest project.
Or just run. Or not. He’s not much of a threat.

Are these Toolios all talk?

Yep. Actually, most of these fuckwits are completely terriffied pansy-assed PUSSIES, which is a feature, not a bug of Republicanism. They are the cowardliest little shits anywhere on the face of this planet.

Look at Mark Noonan’s picture. That guy ain’t doing shit. That picture actually reminds me of my wingnut uncle. My uncle talks a big game like he’s a tough guy, but if some shit ever went down and a fight was about to break out he would just cry and run away like a little girl.

REAL tough guys don’t have to “act” like tough guys.

Righteous Bubba –
I imagine a giant millipede composed of a long line of warbloggers trudging to Washington, each with his head stuck in the ass of the one before,

Dude, you need to jam a firehose in one ear and turn it on. To the max. Seriously. Mental images like that need to be pressure-washed right directly our before they start to fester, or next thing you know you’re getting images of what Dick Cheney does when his toadies deliver him the latest DVD compilation of the prisoners in Gitmo suffering the excruciation, and … and…

Excuse me. (*jam*) ((*FWOOOOOSSSHHH!*))

Yeah, brad, but it looks like the souffles he’s been getting down with haven’t been of the “parole� kind.

[not that there’s anything wrong with gluttony]

Oh, you are just dancing on the brink of the Sammich That Dare Not Speak Its Name, aren’t you? Lookee here, we’ve got a dimwitted target of well-deserved scorn and derision who just happens to have a face like a manatee and giant pendulous neck wattles, and all of a sudden the food/weight/appearance bolus gets lofted into the snark punchbowl… although I must admit, it would be interesting, in a morbid way, to see how long Noonan and his ilk would last if they were ever to hike up their manhoods and try to “regulate” in Bed-Stuy … or East St. Louis … or Compton … or anything with a population tougher than a preschool playground, come to think of it.

I imagine a giant millipede composed of a long line of warbloggers trudging to Washington, each with his head stuck in the ass of the one before,

Believe it or not, something very like this has already appeared in print, by some twat whose name I refuse to remember, but who’s noted for a long-running science fiction series with appallingly twee punning titles. Each and every novel contains a lovingly handcrufted Female Character With Large But Not Sagging Breasts, who generally has sex with the spotty male hero.

Bottle baby? You be the judge.

Like Noonan says: it’s a bloodless civil war, but it will only stay that way if you foul-mouthed lefties can refrain from your incivil outbursts of Buggeryfuck! and Emubag!

Cassowarybag! Kiwibag! Lesser Crested Egretbag!

I’ve often wondered where that expression came from, and I’m still wondering. But I do so enjoy a bit of incivility.

I’ve just read aaaaaaaaall of the comments on that benighted post, and I’m gobsmacked. I think I’ll have to scrub my brain out with a scrubbing brush and some lye, those people are so twitchingly stupid.

They actually remind me a lot of two situations. One is the Monty Python sketch where Oscar Wilde, Whistler, etc are all trying to impress the Prince with their wit. In this case, it’s the sycophants trying to impress the pathetic blogger with their analogies: “Liberals are like a stream of bat’s piss.” “Oh, very good, Oscar.”

The other situation is one from Asimov’s Foundation series. A powdered and bejewelled dandy from the Empire arrives, and he claims that he’s an expert, although his expertise consists of reading what others have said and ‘weighing the claims and counterclaims, etc”. He disdains the thought of doing actual research, going to original documents, etc: why bother, when others have already done that. Whereas Noonan and his band, in all the (blessedly few) posts and comments that I’ve read, make no reference whatsoever to facts or reality: it’s all “This is what liberals are like, and isn’t it despicable, although I love them because I’m a Christian and have to love even genital warts”.

Asimov, who is an incredibly clever man, uses this as evidence that the Empire is growing decadent.

Final observation: does anyone else have this recurring feeling that Noonan looks like a penis would look if it knew a camera was there?

“…looks like a PRICK would if it knew a camera was there?”

Believe it or not, something very like this has already appeared in print, by some twat whose name I refuse to remember, but who’s noted for a long-running science fiction series with appallingly twee punning titles.

Yes, I know exactly who you are thinking of. And not all of his stuff sucks- some of his series were actually pretty decent when he began them. He just could never stop writing when he should have, for some strange reason. Needed the money?

long-running science fiction series with appallingly twee punning titles
Unfortunately that doesn’t narrow it down as much as it should. The overlap between “science fiction writers / readers” and “people addicted to bad puns” is frighteningly large. Initials of PA?

Whereas Noonan and his band… make no reference whatsoever to facts or reality:

‘And in time there will come a generation that had got beyond facts, beyond impressions, a generation absolutely colourless, a generation which will see the French Revolution not as it happened, nor as they would like it to have happened, but as it would have happened, had it taken place in the days of the Machine.’

Initials of PA?

That’s who I was thinking of, anyhow.

Yes, you’re both right. One or two of his books were quite good, but I was put off by the constant parade of Young And Beautiful Women With Large But Firm Breasts. It wouldn’t have been so bad if he’d just occasionally included a Young And Handsome Man With A Large And Firm Penis, but somehow he never did.

Anyway, there are so many other authors, who are really worth reading, that I’ve never needed to reconsider him.

The E M Forster reference sends chills down my spine: I still have nightmares about that story.

Yes, Qetesh, and may I add, that particular author did seem to have problems with women that actually went above and beyond the normal problems with women that male science fiction authors commonly have.

May I ask, what was the name of the “Machine” story and who wrote it?

The story was The Machine Stops, and it was E. M. Forster. IIRC, it was a short story, but very evocative, as the best science fiction is.

The worst science fiction, now, is tres despicable. There’s a writer whose name appears in my memory as Walter Greeley, who out-Anthonied Piers Anthony in his agressive breastage.

And there’s that leper series that is so absurdly popular, which is basically a poor man’s Lord of the Rings starring a leper who staggers through an alternate reality moaning “I’m not worthy” at everyone who thinks he’s the bee’s knees and the wasp’s nipples.

And a Heinlein book was responsible for my decision to change my reading habits: up until that time, I’d never started a book without finishing it. That particular book, Glory Road I think, made me reconsider that practice. I think it was the plethora of pert breastage that did it. Well, that and the fact that the pert breasts were attached to young women who were nauseatingly and unrelentingly gleeful about sex. And the fact that the damn book was about 7 trilion pages long.

“The Machine Stops”, E. M. Forster. Thanks, I’ll check it out.

Nooner’s contention, repeated in the comments, that there really is a civil war currently raging in the US, brings to mind a scene from The Jerk (just love Steve Martin, with cream and chocolate on top). The one where Steve (“I was born a poor black child”) and his father were having a heart-to-heart.

Dad takes son aside, speaking in a caring and concerned tone, and carrying a tin of shoe polish. They walk along the pavement to where a dog has been, and dad offers this timeless wisdom: “Shit,…Shinola…shit…shinola”.

I just want to take Nooner outside, rub his nose in some shit, then toss him into the middle of the Iraq yes-it-really-is-a-civil-war. It might do him some good. It would certainly do me some good.

Here you go, Qetesh: Shit, shinola.

On-line version of The Machine Stops.

“Beware of first-hand ideas! First-hand ideas do not really exist. They are but the physical impressions produced by live and fear, and on this gross foundation who could erect a philosophy? Let your ideas be second-hand, and if possible tenth-hand, for then they will be far removed from that disturbing element — direct observation.”

Bugrit, this is turning into an English Lit discussion. Plethora of pert breastage… pert breastage… OK, I’m back to normal now.

Thanks, J. Clearly it’s been a while since I saw that film.

Herr Doktor, the correct spelling is “buggrit”. That’s b-u-g-g-r-i-t. I suspect you began your pert breastage review a little earlier than you claimed.

“The loser in this contest which ends in November of 2008 will be out politically for at least a generation, and perhaps forever (meaning that the defeated Party will likely turn on itself and self-destruct).”

Why will it wait until after more Congressional Republicans lose their jobs, and their Party the Presidency? Already, the House GOP Members have had a nasty shouting match with the Administration, the latter of which keeps driving on a course to make the 2006 elections look like business as usual. Why won’t the Administration’s total intransigence, in the face of their relentless failures, cause the fearful House Republicans to fight for their jobs, i.e. against the Administration, now?

I’ve heard a liberal commentator refer to our failed politics as “cold civil war”, where each side of an unbridgeable ideological divide now tries to outlast the other. It seemed like an apt metaphor, and still does. How odd that when a right-winger uses it, he always makes reference to ‘impending’ violence? Wishing, perhaps? Then again, it is the hard right who keep bombing medical facilities, and shooting medical practitioners.