Why do I read Blogs for Bush again?
What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I click over to Blogs for Bush every day? I’d be better off drilling a hole in my head, sucking out my brains through a straw, and replacing them with Slush Puppy syrup. Just look at this:
Would you like to know what the Democrats’ greatest fear is? An endless series of victory parades for returning US troops starting next summer. They fear that like the plague – especially since, as it happens, the leading Democratic Presidential candidates would have to show up and have to speak praises to the troops for their victory…and each word making their statements of 2007 look more and more foolish and destructive. The Democrats are completely invested in American defeat, and they are going all out to try and secure it lest their political plan for 2008 be derailed. Never in human history, I think, has there been a more pathetic event in politics – a Party attempting to force its nation into defeat just so their talking points will remain valid 12 months hence.
Let’s re-work that paragraph a bit:
Would you like to know what the Democrats’ greatest fear is? An endless series of victory parades cheering me on as I soar about the crowd in my newly-fashioned bird suit.
They fear that like the plague – especially since, as it happens, the leading Democratic Presidential candidates would have to show up and admit that I’ve gained the power of flight simply by strapping two plastic wings to my back and jumping off a twelve story building… with each word making their past statements mocking my bird suit plan look more and more foolish and destructive. The Democrats are completely invested in my flight failures, and they are going all out to try to keep me grounded lest their political plan for 2008 be derailed. Never in human history, I think, has there been a more pathetic event in politics – a Party attempting to ruin one man’s dream of flight just so their talking points will remain valid 12 months hence.
Yep. It sounds about as crazy. I think the bird suit plan has a better chance of working, though…
Would you like to know what the Democrats’ greatest fear is?
I dunno, would you? But if I did, why would I go ask Nooner?
Has Nooner spoken to a Democrat directly, to find out what their fears might be?
What is it with these Wingnuts that they can delve into the deepest psychological and emotional motives of people they never speak to?
An endless series of victory parades… They fear that like the plague
No, I think clowns would be way scarier than parades. I would fear an endless series of Volkswagens emitting clowns. But that’s just me.
Well, that just shows you the difference between Republicans and Democrats.
Degree of fear felt by Democrats at infinitessimal possibility that things will completely turn around in Iraq within a year and the whole country will go from a bloody clusterfuck to paradise on Earth, thus rendering all their gloomy assessments of the present day mildly embarrassing:: 100% BOWEL-LOOSENING TERROR
Degree of fear felt by Republicans at actual reality that things have gotten completely screwed up in Iraq over the past four years, thus having already rendered all their brightly optimistic statements assessments of the recent past unbelievably humiliating:: NONE AT ALL
OH NO SHIT!
I am SO sick of those stupid little fucks going on and on about how we all should be on our knees blowing George for bringing Freedom and Democracy to the Middle East 6 hours after operation “Shock and Awe”.
What can you even do with something so amazingly stupid?! Never in human history? Really? And what exactly are the Democrats doing that is forcing defeat? Selling secrets? Revealing battle plans? Forcing our soldiers to torture the locals?
Honestly, I need to go read Riehl now to increase my respect for the intelligence of wingnut-o-sphere.
At least our wingnut stereotypes are based on reading and listening to what they actually say. As a fun bonus, we are able to watch their minds melt out of their ears as they formulate a fantastical yarn that represents a diseased brain’s understanding of the real world.
However, when they talk about us, they attack a bogeyman of their own creation. I suppose an authority told them who to hate and why, but don’t they realize we don’t believe in the things that they accuse us of believing?
Actually, my greatest fear is that this war–no, occupation will decimate our armed forces past the tipping point to where they will not be able to protect us at all, either here or abroad.
No, wait–my actual greatest fear is that this had already happened.
Is that an orange safety whistle I see hanging from your life jacket?
In Noonan’s defense, he’s done a couple practice runs for these victory parades, with his Commander Codpiece action figure and the Malibu Barbie convertible, and they are totally kickass. Totally.
This is among the funniest things you’ve ever written. Clap clap.
Thanks, Roy…
Wait, are you talking to me or to Noonan?
As a Democrat, I will only admit that I am equally as afraid of victory parades causing embarrassment (“Boy, we were so nutty to think that war wasn’t going well! Good thing we had Republicans around to stear us straight!”) as I am of winged Republicans (They manage to drop their excrement all over the place as it is).
– Funny post: LOL at work (shhh!)
Simple Answers to Simple Questions time!
Brad asked:
Why do I read Blogs for Bush again?
a) So we don’t have to. (Yes, we are very thankful)
b) Because you clearly did something very, very bad in a previous lifetime
c) insanity
In regards your newly-fashioned bird suit: not to denigrate your invention, but may I recommend the Bat Suit from Acme Products? It takes a few seconds to get the technique right, but it works as advertised. Flies quite fast, actually.
Well, whichever you choose, be sure to watch where you’re going and maintain a safe altitude above the terrain.
Screw y’all. I’m sold. Oh, not on noonan’s fantasy about some kind of impossible-to-describe “victory” in iraq in the next 12 months, that’s beyond stupid. No, my friends, I’m sold on becoming a wingnut. This will be my last visit to this smelly lefty hippie-loving blog. ‘Cause check it out now.
When I am wrong, when I make a mistake in judgement, when I invest time or funds in something that just goes utterly sideways on me, it has real costs. And that sucks. It costs me money, time, the respect of my peers, hell, it could cost me my job or my life! But I see now there is an answer.
If you are a wingnut, you can be wrong. Dead wrong. Wrong about everything. Every time you make a decision, take a position, open your mouth you can be wrong. Consequeses? None. If anything, you continue to advance, increasing your authority or readership, receiving medals of freedom and big, important jobs where you can continue to be wrong over and over again.
Now sure, this is offensive to my sense of fair play. Seems like I ought to be right at least every now and then in order to maintain even the slightest modicum of credibility. And I do think that rule should continue to apply to you. But me? I’m no spring chicken, and I’m frankly tired of being responsible for making bad choices. So I’m switching sides.
Let’s see, where was that Brownback blog again?
mikey
My biggest fear? You not reading Blogs for Bush, so I might have to. 😉 Why do they work so hard to outdo their already-expected senseless remarks?
I don’t know for sure why I read B4B either, Brad, but my feeling is that it’s for the comedy. There really is nothing so extreme–or extremely stupid–that Noonan won’t say it. When you have neither shame nor intelligence nor critical thinking skills nor the slightest clue about reality, you’re going to come up with some truly ridiculous shit, and boy, does Noonan come through with flying colors on that.
Why read Blogs for Bush? Because now that Gary Ruppert has been deported and is unable to post regular comments at Sadly, No!, Blogs for Bush is one of the best places on the web to find illogical, smug, overly exuberant, and consistently wrongheaded bushista propaganda.
I thought our biggest fear was that God’s childrens would take Syence out of our schools and replace it with FundieLove 101, build stautues of Dubya with a cross in his hand in every town square so that at 9,Noon, and 6 we can stop whatever we are doing, and pray towards “Pecca”.
That, and like, finding out that Drilling for oil is the cure for Global warming.
“Never in human history, I think, has there been a more pathetic event in politics – a Party attempting to force its nation into defeat just so their talking points will remain valid 12 months hence.”
While certainly an exaggeration, I completely agree with the sentiment of this sentence. That’s exactly why I was opposed to the whole Surge idea- when will the Republican Party stop attempting to force our nation into defeat just so their GWoT talking points will remain valid in 2008?
By the way, this B4B post is very consistent with what we’ve heard in the past.
Many right-wing talking heads took Kerry to task for “waffling” or “flip-flopping”, and this is a technique I’ve heard many times before in past campaignes. It’s as if they shun those that look at both sides of an issue, take a path, and then question if they’re on the right path. God forbid someone should ever realize they made a bad decision and change tactics (“Heckuva job, Brownie!”). Make a decision and stay the course until the desired outcome is reached- That’s a key Bush trait, right? It’s all about steely resolve and being brave in the face of unpopular politics and the fickle crowds.
Therefore, it’s very binary: on any given position, someone must be Right; if there is a disagreement, the other person must be Wrong. Either Bush’s foreign policy regarding GWoT is completely right or it is completely wrong. It doesn’t matter if the handling of Iraq was bungled- what matters is who is right and who is wrong because there is only Right and Wrong. Therefore, what folks like this yahoo need is to be proven Right. They need it in the worst way, because if they DON’T get those victory parades, they’re Wrong. I can only imagine how depressed I’d be if I lived in a binary world and I was found on the wrong side. Therefore, the fear his post projected is his own: he fears living in Wrongville.
What do I fear? Assholes like him thinking he’s Right so he gloats and preens and prances about like they did in 2002. Since he’d do that in a “victory” parade, he’s right: I would fear such a parade.
“The dull man is always sure, and the sure man is always dull.” -H.L. Mencken
(or something like that…)
Though I think next summer would be too long to wait, I for one welcome Noonan to the “definite time-table for soldiers’ homecoming” crowd.
Wingnuts fear that The Hon. Dr. St. Rev. Bradley S. Rocket, Esq, PhD, MD will be named Anti-War Czar.
Because then it’s all over!
Monkeys. My greatest fear is monkeys. It all started when I was twelve years old. We were at the zoo, and I had a banana in my pocket. And, well, the rest is too painful to remember, but I wasn’t purposefully teasing the monkeys with my pelvic motions, no matter what zookeeper says. Anyway, they can ban me from the primate exhibit all they want. Its not like I want to go back in there.
Is keefer still commentin’ at blogs4bush?
Noonan’s fans speak to the quality of his work.
I think someone should email that photo to Debbie Schlussel — that’s no lifejacket, it’s a suicide bomber’s vest (cunningly dyed fluorescent orange).
You moonbats can mock all you want, but when the Winged Jihadis strike, I’ll be watching* and LMAO from the comfort and safety of Debbie’s bunker. LOOSERS!!!!
*It has a periscope.
Is keefer still commentin’ at blogs4bush?
Oh yes, he’s still at it. When he’s not screaming at passing traffic, that is.
Wingnuts sure do talk about “defeat” a lot. It seems to be a given that leaving Iraq is an automatic defeat. It seems to me that an orderly redeployment undertaken after defeating an enemy army and toppling the enemy government is kinda victorious.
A real defeat would be something like, oh I dunno, the severe weakening of our armed forces by attrition due to a prolonged, pointless involvement in a sovereign nation’s civil war, or something like that.
Noonan knows, deep in his corroded heart, that we’ll have to leave Iraq eventually, and without anything remotely resembling victory. As any fascist knows, however, the only thing better than victory is dolschtoss.
Would you like to know what the Democrats’ greatest fear is? An endless series of victory parades for returning US troops starting next summer.
Then it’s a stroke of good fortune for them that someone vetoed that withdrawal-timetable scheme.
I would fear an endless series of Volkswagens emitting clowns.
Me too. The childhood memories are repressed, but I think a clown bit me once.
Man, it’s like they’re copying directly out of Field Marshal von Hindenburg’s playbook. This is the exact same ploy he and General Ludendorff pulled at the end of World War I:
– pull all the troops out of the field
– parade them around at home
– praise them for coming home undefeated
– claim the troops were stabbed in the back by the opposition party
Im Felde unbeseigt! Der Dolchstoss!
In 2010: neo-flappers!
I knew this guy back in the eighties, a real loser cop wannabe with red hair and a big nose named Chuck, we called him chuckles the clown. He was working armed security graveyard in an office park in San Rafael. His supervisor decided it would be funny to sneak up on him, jump out and yell BOO. Chuckles, deeply enamored of his six inch .357 Smith and it’s spring-loaded clamshell CHP rig, quickly and wordlessly shot the lieutenant.
Yep, clowns are evil….
mikey
My greatest fear is falling into a pit full of spiders. With no clothes on. While playing the piano accordion. Witnessed by millions of people who all laugh at me.
Compared to that, a mere parade doesn’t even register.
the Winged Jihadis
Way scarier than clowns.
Therefore, it’s very binary: on any given position, someone must be Right; if there is a disagreement, the other person must be Wrong.
wewintheylose.com
Worse For their sinister plot the democRats have unleashed an ancient weapon so insidious and terrible that even the most hardend of warriors speak of it in tremulous whispers. I am refering, of course, to the dreaded Nonbinding Resolution, destroyer of worlds.
The simple-minded fall back upon the only syllogisms they can understand – “Me good. Not-me bad.”
Thus, they come up with gems of non-logic like “Me want US to win. Not-me must want US to lose.”
I’d say that reducing political positions to troglodytic Tarzan-like speech balloons would be gross oversimplification and totally unfair, but the other night three of the fucking dingbat bastards stood on a stage and raised their hands to signify they don’t believe in science, they believe in superstition.
It’s impossible to argue against someone who is trying to force you into defending a position that is, a priori, indefensible. Which is the point, I guess, although the fact that they imagine the American left to be so desperate for power that they would applaud anything that hurts the country just so long as it allows them to grip the levers of gummint so as to dole out goodies to The Faithful says a lot more about the morality of the adherents to such a worldview than it does about any argument they pose.
Or, more simply: “They seem not to understand that worldview is a confession of character.”
And now I’m off to the nice 5-story shopping tower across Tverskaya from Lyubyanka to shoot pictures of the May 9 decorations and buy some tasty Cohibas. Interpret as you wish.
I think what we’d all really fear about the bird suit would be the guano.
Ah, damnit, Noel!
But, mikey–!! You’re missing the lurking danger in being wingnuttish! The danger that, one day, no matter how hard you try not to be, you may be right!!
Then, all the other wanknutz will summarily excommunicate from the
screwballorduré du wingnutte. It’s almost as shameful amongst that lot as being poor.Or not.
Would you like to know what the Democrats’ greatest fear is? An endless series of victory parades for returning US troops starting next summer.
Fear it? Oh, heck no! We’re not afraid of that…in fact, that would be just great!!
Oh sure, it would be embarrassing having to admit we were wrong about how the “surge” wouldn’t work and how the Sunnis and Shiites cleave to their tribal loyalties more than their allegiance to a shared nation. That part would totally suck.
But everybody home? And parades too?!?
That would rock!
I especially like the whole “shared nation” idea.
It’s a shared nation that didn’t even exist at the time many current Iraqis grandfathers were young men. At that early stage in the game, not even many Americans felt much of an allegiance to a shared nation over their local tribe.
If more Americans were aware of this, fewer would be acting so surprised over the “sectarian violence” that’s going on there now.
Americans consistently underestimate the importance of ethnic identity in foreign politics.
Yet, here, of course, we tend to expect blacks to mindlessly vote for blacks, regerdless of their positions. Thus came Steele, Swann, Keyes, Blackwell, etc., etc.
Silly Republics.