Your Modern Republican Party
Posted on May 4th, 2007 by Brad
Three GOP presidential candidates admitted that they didn’t believe in evolution tonight. Crooks and Liars has the video. It is absolutely hilarious. Go watch.
Comments: 68
(comments are closed)
Jesus wept.
And these people think they are qualified to be president? Oh gawd. I gotta get outta this place…
mikey
Maybe they just didn’t want to alienate the GEICO caveman vote.
I hate this country.
Lemme see if I got the whole “conservative” platform down:
Sex is bad.
War is Good.
Babies are good.
Moms are bad.
God is good.
Except allah, he’s bad.
Science is bad.
Unless it’s bought and paid for, then it’s good.
Evidence is unnecessary. Probably even bad.
“Faith” is all the evidence you need.
If you need any scientific evidence, see above.
America is the best country in the world.
And if we just quit learnin and pray harder, we’ll be even bestester.
My friends, I can’t look five years into the future and see a good outcome. Somebody give me some reason to hope? Please?
mikey
The only thing I learned is that Ron Paul is a far-left liberal loon who wants to destroy America.
I hope someone asks a global warming question where the same guys who said they didn’t believe in evolution evoke million-year-old tree rings to prove that global warming is natural.
Mikey, here’s you’re reason to hope.
Those asshats have jumped the shark so hard, it’s gonna turn this pool around and bite them.
P.S. I hope.
Your, yore, you’re. Dammmit, who cares, I don’t give a crap about teh preview button, it never liked me. But this word-depress-you-are-teh-spammer is gettin’ me down.
The bad news, mikey? You got it absolutely right.
The good news? I (and I’m confident I’m not alone here) love you. May not be enough for hope, but there you have it.
mikey: If it’s the last thing we ever do.
Who are teh Threeâ„¢[can’t watch the vid right now]? I figure Brownback and Huckabee are givens, so who else?
Now, raise your hands if you think that evolution gives a damn whether you believe in it or not.
Trick question! Evolution is a natural process, not an person or deity!
Send them to the sprouting chamber!
Yeesh.
The winners of this debate was those who had their televisions turned off…
“How ’bout “Devolution,” fellas? Anybody believe that’s a great album?
(McCain looks cautiously around, eyes flitting to his advisers)
“Yes… I believe so.”
The winners of this debate was those who had their televisions turned off…
The day I turn my television to a cable news channel will be the day someone should check the thermostat in hell. Satan should be getting nervous if I turn my TV on at all to watch un-TiVo’d TV…
Marq said,
May 4, 2007 at 4:52
Who are teh Three™[can’t watch the vid right now]? I figure Brownback and Huckabee are givens, so who else?
http://www.crooksandliars.com/2007/05/03/who-doesnt-believe-in-evolution/ Good guesswork, Marq
Haw, haw, haw! This country is fucked.
Any ‘hyperpower’ that smashes its military to pieces like a berserk chimp in Iraq (for reasons that remain mysterious, lo these four years later), and which fails so wretchedly to educate its citizens that about half of them believe Earth is no more than 6000 years old is not going to remain a power of any kind for very long.
Best thing for everybody, really…
I’m surprised more didn’t raise their hands. Alan Keyes isn’t running this time? What a letdown.
Btw, off topic-
Debbie Schussel remains in fine form. She had a post today about how the campaign lit of a local school board candidate featuring a wizard with a six pointed star burning a pile of money as a way of characterizing their opponent isn’t the least bit anti-semitic, despite what all the fake, liberal, jewish people were saying.
I think it was asking if she’s intentionally rebranding herself as a white supremacist or just had a stroke that got my comment yanked.
Haw, haw, haw! This country is fucked.
Is that a Jack Chick reference? Probably not. Man, I’m drunk, I’m going to bed.
Come on now!
In the interests of equal time, youtube, and rock, I present the case for Devolution:
Satisfaction.
Mongoloid.
Jocko Homo.
This is how I spent my Yale edumacation back in the (very) late 70’s, people.
P.S. Has the Republic debate tonight not further answered the question:
Are we not men?
The third Gop candidate for the office of President of the United States in the 21st century who believes the Earth is 6000 years old and Adam & Eve rode to church on dinosaurs?
According to Salon, that would be Tom “Lou Dobbs” Tancredo of Colorado.
Alan Keyes isn’t running this time? What a letdown.
Guess we’ll just have to live with direct election of U.S. Senators for another four years. State legislators will be so disappointed!
The third Gop candidate for the office of President of the United States in the 21st century who believes the Earth is 6000 years old and Adam & Eve rode to church on dinosaurs?
Now to be fair, unless Tweety asked whether they were young Earth creationists, there’s at least a chance that some of them might think it was a little longer ago that Adam & Eve hung out with the then-vegetarian T. rexes.
That’s some mighty fine wingnuttery there, Lou.
Have you missed out on dhimmitube?
mikey
a good reason to hope is that giuliani wins, and runs as a stealth fascist while allowing the dobson’s of the world to spend our money on Dominionist predispensationalist millenialism and so on.
oh, right. 5 years…5 years…the Yankees win the world series? [N.B. yeah, sadly no running motherfuckers, you heard me, the Yankees. the red sox can collectively and individually eat me.} Google buys Russia from putin for 500 billion? i fly on Virgin Space for the second time?
i don’t know mikey, i’m starting to come around to your way of thinking.
Next time, they should ask ’em to raise their hand if they believe that the Bible is literally true.
Like I said, Crafty
If the Earth is only 6,000 years old, why did God create Oil?
Why did HE create a finite amount?
Pinheads all. Don’t forget Gut Feeling/Slap Your Mammy. AWNMWAD is the greatest album in the world.
Oooooooooh, you Americans may like to think you have a monopoly on Conservative Kooks. But you didn’t wake up to this news item today today, so there!
Mike Lake, Member of federal parliament’s CV reads:
Oh yeah, and our foreign affairs minister believes man and dinosaurs walked the earth together. He’s a born again Christian who believes Dinosaurs and man lived together when the earth was new as God made it. I dare you to come up with kookier than that!
owlbear1-
Because when the oil runs out, it’s the End Times, obviously.
Hippies! Nah, I’m just kidding. Work in 5 hrs, so no time to make fun of you guys.
Wolverines!
‘Fraid nobody around here comprehends my potato
potato dammit.
There is apparently an ironclad law that anywhere you go, no matter the context, 30% of those interviewed/polled are just palin stupid, ignorant, and damn proud of it.
“My mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with the facts.”
Lord! Ah am so tired! How long can this go on?
Wheeeeeee! Devo rocks harder than almost anything on earth.
And mikey: (1) We loves you, (2) You’ll still have Devo, and (3) The republicans are getting so soundly thrashed on the Iraq funding bill that their botties will be red for a year.
Oh yeah, and our foreign affairs minister believes man and dinosaurs walked the earth together.
Didn’t you watch Dinosaurs? Not only did they walk the earth together, but Dinosaurs wore pants and shirts and kept humans as pets.
Or Dino Riders? Not only were we walking the earth together, but we rode on brontasauri all pimped out with lasers and missle launchers.
Or that movie with Raquel Welch? Drool…Fiction…errr wazzat?
—
A friend of mine at work told me he was ordering the “Left Behind” series of books after reading the first one. Our conversation went something like this:
“I’m expecting a package from Amazon with some Clive Barker stuff in it.”
“Yeah? I just ordered the entire Left Behind series.”
“…Do you actually…um…you know believe that stuff?”
“What stuff?”
“I don’t know…you know the religious stuff.,,”
“You mean Demons and the end of the world and all that?” (Rolls eyes and laughs)
Yes, I apparently have found the one person on earth that reads Left Behind for the plot.
Actually, I don’t believe in evolution either. One doesn’t believe in evolution.
I accept evolution as a correct and well-supported scientific theory.
But that’s too nuanced for your average Thug.
My appetite has been whetted. I now want to know what other scientific theories they don’t believe in. The laws of thermodynamics? Inorganic chemistry? Optics?
It’s not like science is a buffet. You can’t just say “Oh, I like that infernal combustion engine, so that science obviously works. But don’t give me any of that evolution, or that special relativity crap, And you can stick your Riemann integrals right up your hooter.”
Anything that makes use of the scientific method, and involves publishing theories in peer-reviewed journals, citing evidence and/or logic, is science.
Anything that makes use of nouns, verbs, conjugations, and other esoteric mysteries, is language studies. Anything that involves declaiming nonsense in a loud pretentious voice, pretending to be a daisy, and wearing baggy pants, is performance art.
And believing stuff without the slightest shred of evidence is religion. It’s not hard to work out the difference. I’m sure even republitards could do it, if they tried.
Actually, you can stuff your Riemann integrals up your hooter. Satan told me to say that.
Incidentally, that $40 billion from the ‘boldly-named’ America Competes Act: that’s for science research and teaching, right? Would anyone care to guess how much of that will be going towards boldly teaching bold creationistismate science, instead of wacky old evolution?
Now that I come to think of it, I’ve never really trusted those particle accelerator thingies. They’re up to something damned suspicious, I reckon. Probably a mandala designed to invoke Satan Our Master.
My appetite has been whetted. I now want to know what other scientific theories they don’t believe in. The laws of thermodynamics?
They tend to be a bit iffy on that. One of their alleged ‘proofs’ against evolution is that the second law does not permit systems to become more complex. Of course, what they tend to ignore is that entropy is not consistent within a system and can vary from location to location.
Lesley:
As concerns your news article.
Your conservative party MP is super-awesome! I want federally-protected bigfeet too! And possibly state-enforcable species protection for the Thunderbird.
If we’re going to have people harping for protection of things which might be fantasy, at least Bigfoot serves as a harmless windmill. Nobody’s advocating for Sasquatch Design to be taught in schools.
Patkin,
Maybe it’s a wedge strategy so they can legislate the protection of Jeebus.
Anything that involves declaiming nonsense in a loud pretentious voice, pretending to be a daisy, and wearing baggy pants, is performance art.
Good kitty. And you shall have a nice snack
Hey, c’mon: the theory of evolution is just a theory.
And the law of gravity is just a law, therefore Congress can repeal it whenever they want to.
Lesley said,
May 4, 2007 at 9:02
Oh yeah, and our foreign affairs minister believes man and dinosaurs walked the earth together. He’s a born again Christian who believes Dinosaurs and man lived together when the earth was new as God made it. I dare you to come up with kookier than that!
It’s not just Stockwell, it’s pretty much the whole Alberta wing of the Conservatives, look at Rob Anders. He once tried to Block Nelson Mandela from getting an Honorary Canadian Citizenship calling him a Terrorist and a Communist. as well as “the politically correct kind of ‘lib’ left poster-boy of today”
Oh no! the US does not have a North American monopoly on wingnuts! Please, our southern Friends, enjoy a veritable buffet of Idiocy from your northern Neighbors.
The sasquatch, the legendary hairy man-like beast said… should be protected as an endangered species
As another hairy man-like beast, I am totally down on that.
And Qetesh, I am unable to stuff any Riemann integrals up my hooter, on account of it already being full of Christoffel symbols.
And the law of gravity is just a law, therefore Congress can repeal it whenever they want to.
Well, what are they waiting for? Why should James Bond be the only one who gets to have zero-g nookie?
One doesn’t believe in evolution.
fontor, this is a point that I have noticed too. Some conservative or other wrote an article that stated that Environmentalism is just a secular religion. Maybe it is to some people, but not to most. To most environmentalists, Environmentalism is just caring about the natural world and the state it is in, and how you can help preserve and cultivate natural systems and life.
I thought it was telling that this conservative considered it a ‘religion’. It seemed to indicate that the conservative thought environmentalists were just like them psychologically. And, we’re not.
If these loons hate teh Science so much then maybe they shouldn’t be living with electricity,appliances,cars,or even(yipes)clothing. Let alone take a medicine for a headache,cold,or something more serious. No surgery,no modern anything. No cars,hell,even bicycles would have to go. Without all this sciency stuff there’s not alot to be had really.
BTW,in the post about Satan below when I mentioned Jack Chick and the Left Behind series and my mom thinking they’re real,I meant the stuff being written about,not the actual physical paper books and booklets.Just so ya know. Stoopid no preview button.
I mentioned Jack Chick and the Left Behind series and my mom thinking they’re real,I meant the stuff being written about
That’s what I figured, but thanks.
And Qetesh, I am unable to stuff any Riemann integrals up my hooter, on account of it already being full of Christoffel symbols.
That’s a paltry hooter you’ve got then, Herr Doktor. A big girl’s blouse of a hooter. A real hooter could fit Riemann integrals and Christoffel symbols and still have room for a big dollop of simulated annealing.
Lesley said, “Oh yeah, and our foreign affairs minister believes man and dinosaurs walked the earth together. I dare you to come up with [anything] kookier than that!”
Well, Lesely, “our” born-again president believes an invading army of Judeo-Christian occupiers from the West will “in fact, be greeted as liberators” by the Muslims. I win.
OT, but I can’t get the phrase “Train I Ride, Sixteen Coaches Wrong” from last week out of my head. Where does it come from? What does it mean? [Voice of TV ad’s suburban dad in debt: Somebody help me.]
And I’ve just gotta say the following once more, then I’ll stop.
Right-Wing Blogger: “I’m a Clausewitzian, by inclination and by training.”
Sadly, No!: “Santa Clausewitzian, maybe.”
Funniest damn thing I’ve ever read on these here Innertubes.
Ditto to what Dorothy and fontor said regarding evolution.
Wish it didn’t ultimately matter whether people accepted global warming. But, alas, it does. We’re causing much of it, so acceptance really matters.
Those 3 courageous warriors are right on. The fact that it snowed in Buffalo this winter proves that evolution is a hoax.
Qetesh, Angryoldbroad–
Yeah, that’s been my latest Thinking Point: these idiots get up every day surrounded by the results of three hundred years of chemistry, biology, material science, engineering, medical science, genetics (from the beef they eat to the doggies they adore), and, of course, physics.
They take it all for granted and their great-great-etc-grandparents would have died without it. And if you sat them down and explained just that to them, they would understand it and concede it.
But then you say, “The same process that gave you your poly-blend shirts and stringless stringbeans has proven, beyond any doubt, the tenets of Darwinian evolution. That process has worked ten million times in the past and you live with it every day. Doesn’t that mean it’s correct regarding evolution?”
And they say…whatever it is they say. Um-be-lievable.
The sasquatch, the legendary hairy man-like beast said to roam the wilderness of B.C. and other parts of North America, should be protected as an endangered species, says MP Mike Lake [Conservative Party].
Um… not to quibble here, but the fact that none have ever been found, alive or dead, doesn’t that kinda make endangered anyway?
OT, but I can’t get the phrase “Train I Ride, Sixteen Coaches Wrong� from last week out of my head. Where does it come from? What does it mean?
Not exactly sure, but I imagine it’s a reference to the old R&B tune “Mystery Train”. It was originally cut in 1953 by Junior Parker on Sam Phillips’ Sun label. Elvis cut it in ’55, and it became the King’s first #1 single (topping the Country charts). It’s been covered, notably, by Paul Butterfield, the Band, Paul Butterfield with the Band, Junior Wells, the Doors, Emmylou Harris, and the Soft Boys. I have no idea what that last one sounds like. Junior Parker’s original version was a blues tune about a man lamenting his woman leaving on a long. The original line is “Train arrive, 16 coaches long/Well, that long black train, took my baby and gone.”
Yeah, I gotta say, just because we haven’t proven bigfoot exists doesn’t mean there isn’t some kind of furry hominid roaming undiscovered in the wilds of North America. Even Jane Goodall has said that she believes they exist, based on very similar descriptions (including the sounds they make) from multiple native American tribes, among other reasons. Cryptozoologists get a bad rep, and a lot of them are kooky flakes, but once in a while they turn out to be right about something.
Thanks, Matt T.
Dayv, I have nothing against the bigfoot seekers and the Art Bell show lovers, etc, but it’s extremely funny when a trophy-huntin’ oil corp. loving, environment-bashing conservative gets all hot and bothered about sasquatches.
or as Bubbles calls ’em: “Samsquamches.”
Bimler:
The sasquatch, the legendary hairy man-like beast said… should be protected as an endangered species
As another hairy man-like beast, I am totally down on that.
My brotha!
As an erudite yeti, I of course support any sort of constitutional and legal protections for my Bigfeet-American brethren. Although I must say that as a now officially oppressed & endangered minority, I want a block grant and a special studies curriculum at the nearest liberal arts college. Said curriculum to include both 100 and 300-level courses on the positive effects of Swedish and deep-tissue massage on large proto-hominids.
The bigfeet, strangely, are obsessed with reflexology, which we Yeti-Americans consider to be a form of heresy. Thus the great and tragic diaspora of our mythical peoples.
Hey, the above silliness makes as much sense as the left behind series.
A real hooter could fit Riemann integrals and Christoffel symbols and still have room for a big dollop of simulated annealing.
Ha, you can keep your simulated annealing… and your genetic algorithms too! I sneer at them both! If hill-climbing algorithms with multiple starts are good enough for the NSA, they’re good enough for me.