They don’t call it WorldNutDaily for nothin’!

This just in: John Kerry is a mimbo! Don’t believe us? Well then perhaps you should read this, from Rabbi Shmuley Boteach:

John Kerry is married to Teresa Heinz Kerry, a half billionaire, whom he married even though she was five years older than him ? a practice which, while not unheard of, is certainly highly uncommon for a man who was in his 50s.

It’s not unheard of you see, but it sure is uncommon! If John Kerry wanted to prove that he is fit to be President, he should have done what most old men do: marry a 23-year old Playboy model. How dare he marry someone roughly his age — we can’t have any of that around here. But the good Rabbi has more:

Now, before I go on, let me say immediately that speculation as to why people choose whom they marry is immoral and out of place.

Of course it is! Why, what kind of a man would engage in such speculation, when it’s so obviously immoral and out of place? The answer is: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, that’s who!

But I mention Kerry’s predilection to marry extremely wealthy women not to question his motivation but rather to argue that this is proof that he will probably never be president.

Why not?

If there is one thing we have learned about the presidency of the United States, it is that attaining the office involves immense determination. A man who is prone to taking shortcuts won’t make it there.

A man like… George W. Bush:

George W. Bush, while born into wealth and privilege, had to summon vast spiritual resources to give up drinking and being directionless and commit himself to a demanding spiritual regimen.

Demanding spiritual regimen?

Now, having a wife who provides you with a private jet and eight multimillion-dollar vacation homes provides for a comfortable life. But is this the right preparation for becoming president?

Well, is it?

Sadly, No!

Ha ha — just kidding dear readers — the Rabbi didn’t actually say that.

To be sure, that does not mean Kerry never did an honest day’s work in his life. On the contrary, he was a successful prosecutor, lieutenant governor and distinguished senator. But even while he did these jobs, his wives’ wealth always gave him a safety net. He was going to be taken care of whether he succeeded professionally or not.

Unlike our current President of course, who always had to rely on his smarts and business sense to succeed in life, and never had to use family connections. Never. Not even once.

Alas, there is yet one other important consideration that should get us all thinking. Before they married, Teresa Heinz made John Kerry sign a prenuptial agreement. Which begs the question: If his own wife doesn’t trust him with her money, why should we trust him with ours?

So on the one hand, Kerry knows he will always be taken care of no matter what, except if his marriage falls apart in in which case not:

John and Teresa Kerry signed a prenuptial agreement and have kept their premarital assets separate. The Boston townhouse (which John Kerry mortgaged in 2003 to finance his presidential bid) is the only one of these homes that they own as a couple…

John Kerry: All he ever did was graduate from Yale, volunteer to go to Vietnam, receive a Silver Star, Bronze Star, and three awards of the Purple Heart, graduate from Boston College Law School, and work as a public prosecutor, lieutenant-governor, and Senator.

Thanks Rabbi — we’re voting for Bush in November!


Comments: 14


That article’s a crack up. I like the part where he lists many of the modern presidents and tells how much harder they had to work than Kerry. Here are my two favorite examples:

“Richard Nixon famously raised himself from extremely humble beginnings and a fundamentally anti-social predisposition.”

That was his hard work? Overcoming an anti-social predisposition?

“George Bush Sr. worked countless government positions ? like CIA director, U.N. ambassador, U.S. representative in China, and eight years as vice president before he became president.”

He then goes on to contrast that with the unfit Kerry – unfit because he married a wife who could take care of his financial needs while he focused on his political career.

This guy’s a piece of work.


a quick search of the internet revealed that Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is a former advisor to Michael Jackson….yes, that Michael Jackson.

’nuff said


Boteach was also a close friend of washed-out spoonbender Uri Geller. I understand that Boteach, Geller, and Jackson had a plan to bring world peace by driving around Israel in a cadillac covered with Uri’s bent spoons. Yeah.


So does this mean that the rabbi won’t be giving John Kerry communion?


John Kerry: All he ever did was graduate from Yale, volunteer to go to Vietnam, receive a Silver Star, Bronze Star, and three awards of the Purple Heart, graduate from Boston College Law School, public prosecutor, lieutenant-governor, and Senator.

I never realized what a complete failure Kerry was. I mean he clearly wasn’t good enough to receive a Gold Star and had to settle for lousy Silver and Bronze ones. And what’s up with graduating from Boston College–couldn’t he get into Haaaaavaaaahd? Lieutentant-governor–obviously not good enough for General-governor.

Thanks for pointing this out. Even though I’m not American, Kerry definitely won’t be getting my vote now.


I just don’t know how he managed to scrape along on his own personal wealth before his wife got there in the midst of his Senate career.


Never has the use of the term chutzpah seemed more appropriate.


Sounds like the rabbi prefers tinfoil atop his head….


It’s also worth noting that our first president married into his money. I suppose he wasn’t really the kind of person we should look for in a president either.

Miss Authoritiva

Hmmm. John Kerry managed to marry upward not once but twice, each time to extremely intelligent and attractive women whose options were virtually limitless. Sounds like Sen. Kerry can be a very attentive guy, if you know what I mean. And attention to detail is very, very important in this world — even in the US presidency, if you know what I mean.


You pathetic fuels! You’ve obviously forgotten Noonan’s Law (aka the Ultimate Mandate for the personal lives of Democrats): “Is it irresponsible to speculate? It’d be irresponsible not to!”


The Heinz fortune is held in trust for the Heinz heirs and anyone who has ever had to deal with even a modest inheritance can tell you that the more that is nailed down and carved in granite the better.

Kerry has apparently always looks for wives and not mistresses, but then he has never been a Republican business executive who needed a “trophy”.

His family wasn’t poor and most of his property sits on lots that are worth enough to finance a very nice lifestyle.


In my opinion, Kerry is an accomplished man–and he has my vote!


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