Speaking Truth To Powerlessness
Who is Andrew Klavan? He is, of course, a former Spider-Man villain turned Hollywood screenwriter, now living in Santa Barbara and palling around with the Libertas gang as they speculate over triple mochaccinos why Hollywood is too gutless to make movies about the war on terror.
Above: “Curse your left-wing lies, web-slinger!�
In his most recent column for City Journal, Klavan confesses that “the thing I like best about being a conservative is that I don’t have to lie.�
I don’t have to pretend that men and women are the same. I don’t have to declare that failed or oppressive cultures are as good as mine. I don’t have to say that everyone’s special or that the rich cause poverty or that all religions are a path to God. I don’t have to claim that a bad writer like Alice Walker is a good one or that a good writer like Toni Morrison is a great one. I don’t have to pretend that Islam means peace.
Boy, I know what you mean, Andy! The thing I like least about being a liberal is that I constantly have to lie. I have to pretend that we didn’t find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. I have to claim that the Star Wars missile defense program isn’t wildly successful. I have to declare that white people haven’t invented everything about human society worth knowing. I have to fabricate evidence that we don’t live in the fairest of all possible societies where all you need to do to succeed is pull yourself up by your bootstraps. I have to say that Pauly Shore is less talented than Dave Chappelle. And I have to say, despite all the obvious evidence to the contrary, that Christianity is evidently more factual than and superior to all other religions.
This is leftism’s great strength: it’s all white lies. That’s its only advantage, as far as I can tell. None of its programs actually works, after all. From statism and income redistribution to liberalized criminal laws and multiculturalism, from its assault on religion to its redefinition of family, leftist policies have made the common life worse wherever they’re installed.
Another bullseye! Life is so much worse now that it was before liberalism and its dirty lies. Social security, labor laws, environmental protection, civil rights, expanded access to health care, the universal adult franchise, and massive government-funded infrastructure improvements from the highway system to Hoover Dam? That’s just a bunch of crap! We’d be better off without any of it.
It sometimes takes, I mean, a Rush Limbaugh or a Sean Hannity to withstand the obloquy attached to stating the facts of the matter.
And if there’s two people in America today whose names are synonymous with telling the truth, it’s Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity.
The fact that Islam actually means peace in Arabic is a lie propogated by the vast Islamofascist conspiracy.
The left is so dumb.
all religions are a path to God = an assault on religion?
Islam means submit, not peace.
Well, no, most conservatives ain’t actually lying.
They genuinely don’t know what the truth is, and don’t really give a shit about finding out.
Denis Leary already did the same schtick this guy’s doing, but Denis Leary was actually funny. Sort of, at least the first time I heard it. Then it got old.
Klavan has cross-posted this piece at his blog. One of the comments:
Wow. What a wonderful, spot-on, balls to wall commentary. You say in eight paragraphs what many conservative authors cannot say well in an entire book.
If you ever tire of writing, please consider running for president. Yeah, I know,
you wouldn’t win; but it would be great just having you out there.
Vote Klavan the Truth Maven! He’s no craven!
Klavan has cross-posted this piece at his blog. One of the comments:
Vote Klavan the Truth Maven! He’s no craven!
the thing I like best about being a conservative is that I don’t have to lie.
What he means is he doesn’t have to pretend he’s anything other than a Dick.
I thought you meant this guy.
“Islam means submit, not peace.”
See what I’m saying?
all religions are a path to God = an assault on religion?
Well, yes, because Christianity is the only true religion, you see. So Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism, etc.* those are all just pagan bullcrap (as proven by the fact that none of them glorify Jebus), so to try to put them on the same level as Christianity–which, as you’ll recall from earlier in this sentence, is the only true religion–is an assault on religion, aka Christianity.
And Islam is just plain evil, of course.
(* A special exception is given to Judaism because it was the precursor to Christianity, and good evangelicals need Jews around in order for that whole end-times thing to happen. Also, Republicans really want to start getting the Jewish vote.)
Sounds like this idiot’s been taking notes from Mark “conservatism works every time it is tried, and liberalism is nothing but a gigantic, elaborate lie” Noonan.
None of its programs actually works, after all.
Like what?
income redistribution
Those poor rich folk. I’m sure they envy all the lucky duckies out there pulling down $15 large a year to feed a family of four.
liberalized criminal laws
People still think we’re too soft on criminals in this country? Is that possible? Our drug laws are draconian.
and multiculturalism, from its assault on religion to its redefinition of family, leftist policies have made the common life worse wherever they’re installed
I see what he means. Christian and Jews barely control anything in this country other than all three branches of government, Wall St., most of the wealth and most of the property. And gay families have made common life worse from Dupont Circle to the Village to the Back Bay. Those spiffed up, well-designed, handsome neighborhoods are a blight!
It’s one thing to think you’re just a straight shooter, tellin’ it like it is, it’s quite another to be so openly delusional thinking your predjudices are, in fact, reflective of any kind of large truth.
The best thing I like about being a liberal is that I can point and laugh at silly words like “Klavern,” “Kloran,” “klectoken” and “Klavan” — without offending my compatriots.
t4toby said,
April 25, 2007 at 23:59
“Islam means submit, not peace.�
See what I’m saying?
So… the Left KNOWS what Islam means.
Trolls are so dumb.
and multiculturalism, from its assault on religion to its redefinition of family, leftist policies have made the common life worse wherever they’re installed
So is he going to give up pizza, St. Patrick’s day, his Japanese cartoons, won tons and other multicultural items? And just stick with American- ie British 18th century culture?
Klavan: I don’t have to claim that a bad writer like Alice Walker is a good one or that a good writer like Toni Morrison is a great one.
Neither myself nor any other liberals I know are very fond of Alice Walker. It is troubling to learn that we are apparently violating our own charter. We shall rectify this immediately.
Jay B: Like what?
Like, for example, all those Great Society programs which merely cut poverty by a third, instead of eliminating it entirely, as a pure free market would surely (surely!) have done.
So he doesn’t have to lie; but, really, is the required stupid pill prescription a good trade-off?
[“Islam means submit, not peace.â€?
See what I’m saying?
So… the Left KNOWS what Islam means.
Trolls are so dumb.]
I am so excited! I’ve never been accused of being a troll before! I had to look it up on Wikipedia! OMG!!!
You know your sarcasm is good when others mistake it for truth.
Score 1 for T4Tornado!
Y’know, he’s right. I’ve been noticing since the 2000 presidential elections, the one thing about these hard right republicans that you can truly count on is their honesty and integrity. You see it everywhere, from bush and cheney on down to their lowest appointees like Monica Goodling…
mikey
the thing I like best about being a conservative is that I don’t have to lie.
It’s more of a hobby, really.
“Being a conservative means never saying your sorry, I mean responsible, I mean truthful, I mean intelligent, I mean generous, I mean humane, I mean, um…
you’d think i’d be insulated from such bullshit being a hollywood liberal and all, but no–the klavernklavanmediocrethirdratewriters are everywhere. some of them are brilliant (cyrus nowsrawteh, michael beckner) as writers and people, though every single opinion they hold is wrong, but some of them are just straight up assholes, whining whining whingeing. i can tell you none of them ever lose jobs or anything because of it–we liberals keep fair-mindedly hiring whomever is best for the job (or roger simon, whichever) regardless. and still you have to put up with this bullshit from an asshole who has been overpaid for his crappy work.
god is it frustrating.
like this guy has ever read anything by either Alice Walker or Toni Morrison.
jackass.
Wait. Andrew Klavan? Shit. I read one of his books once on vacation — a brutish psychokiller extravaganza just perfect for the beach. It wasn’t very well written and I didn’t get much out of it (can’t even remember the title). But now that I know who he is, I feel so used.
Please don’t tell me Jeffrey Deaver’s a fascist too. Where will I get my next fix of thriller-porn?
I don’t have to pretend that Leftists and Fascists are the same. I don’t have to declare that failed or oppressive cultures should be attacked by my military. I don’t have to say that Christians are special or that the Liberals are all rich or that my religion is the only one that matters. I don’t have to claim that a bad writer like Andrew Klavan is a good one. I don’t have to pretend that President Bush means well.
I don’t have to pretend that men and women are the same. I don’t have to declare that failed or oppressive cultures are as good as mine. I don’t have to say that everyone’s special or that the rich cause poverty or that all religions are a path to God. I don’t have to claim that a bad writer like Alice Walker is a good one or that a good writer like Toni Morrison is a great one. I don’t have to pretend that Islam means peace.
And I don’t have to pretend equal gender rights means I think people are identical. I don’t have to pretend that failure and oppression either don’t happen or don’t matter when judging cultures I approve of. I don’t have to pretend Christians are special or the rich are victims or religion is worthy of any special consideration over any other thought system. I don’t have to claim “300” was a “terrific picture, one of the best in years,” or that “The Passion of the Christ” was anything more than a snuff flick. I don’t have to pretend that Christianity has no bodies in the backyard or vicious “mullahs” of its own.
Islam in Arabic means roughly “surrender”, submit is way closer than peace.
I’m not sure where you got that, but it’s not true.
You know your sarcasm is good when others mistake it for truth.
Score 1 for T4Tornado!
Great, kid. Don’t get cocky.
okay, see, but what gob-smacks me is the use of the word “obloquy.”
What an asshat.
the thing I like best about being a conservative is that I don’t have to lie
“_Have_ to lie,” maybe not. But it’s a popular avocation among their people.
Anybody else having trouble with the Hannity link at the end? (http://www.opednews.com/wade_072704_hannity.htm). I get the outer adds, but firefox just keeps spinning and i never get the text. anybody have an alternate link or can post the text?
errr… scratch my last post… it came up after 3mins…
the thing I like best about being a conservative is that I don’t have to think
Fixed his typo.
but what gob-smacks me is the use of the word “obloquy.�
I disagree; it’s a perfectly good word, and it would be folly to renounce its use. Especially in a Scrabble game.
As a longtime Southern Californian, I really get annoyed at the whole “SoCal is a liberal hotbed” nonsense. No, the Hollywood Hills, Beverly Hills and on to the beach and a few other places are liberal, the majority of it is pretty conservative. It’s all relative, of course; “conservative” here = worshipper of Stalin and Mao in Alabama. Still, if you go 20 minutes from downtown Los Angeles, you can end up in time warps like Monrovia (member of Congress: David Dreier), where the motto seems to be: We’re not going to acknowledge that the 60’s and 70’s ever happened, ever.
Why do I get the feeling that his poker games went something like this:
Other dudes: Blah blah sports blah blah pussy blah blah beer blah blah latest action adventure movie blah blah cars blah blah
Cliffie: Boy, Bush’s plan for Social Security rocks!
Other dudes: Um, right, Cliffie. Blah blah sports blah blah pussy blah blah beer blah blah latest action adventure movie blah blah cars blah blah
Cliffie: Help help, I’m being repressed!
If someone’s going to discuss what “Islam” *means*, then surely he or she will also point out that Arabic, like Hebrew, forms most of their words from a three consonant root (tri-consonantal), and by adding various prefixes, suffixes, vowels, and in-fixes you create many shades of meaning and different parts of speech and sentence roles.
So, “Salama” is the most simple form of the s-l-m (Sim Lan Mim) root which forms “Islam”, and literally it means he (3rd person) submitted or obeyed {past tense}.
That’s why you have both Islam and Muslim — same s-l-m root. (Same root as “shalom” in Hebrew.)
Here’s a better etymology than just leaving it as “Islam means submit,” as though in Christianity “forgiveness” just means not being mad at someone for what they did wrong.
[Arabic ‘islam {long “ah”}, submission, from ‘aslama, to surrender, resign oneself, from Syriac ‘as{h}lem, to make peace, surrender, derived stem of s{h}lem, to be complete; see slm in Semitic roots.]
Oops. Here’s a reference.
http://www.yourdictionary.com/ahd/i/i0247700.html
H. Holland: You so right. L. A. is the Capital of Kansas, as the Mad Meltz says. A few years back the good burghers of the San Fernando Valley (the big ugly northern lump of town) wanted to secede from the rest of us to avoid excessive swarthiness, if you know what I mean.
And Klavan is just one of those sickening pervs who conflates sex & violence, writes almost-porn, and then claims he’s just trying to show how awful all those possessed by “evil” are, and how he’s doing it for “the kids.”
I bet he’d love it if someone plucked out his working eye, he’d look double-macho with two eye patches.
Does anyone else find a lesson in Arabic from El Cid funny?
Okay, too much Spanish history trivia…
DocAmazing, hadn’t noticed until you pointed it out. But yes, I guess so. Particularly if he’s tied on his horse at the time.
“the thing I like best about being a conservative is that I don’t have to lie.�
Except to his wife, about why he can no longer maintain an erection in bed…but can get a major woody by watching RAW.
It sings!
El Cid, by the way, is from the Arabic generalized term, As-Sayyid, or roughly, ‘Your lordship’.
He was a hired merc for both Spanish Christian and Spanish Moorish forces. Not a particularly great guy, but a cool poem.
Particularly if he’s tied on his horse at the time.
From a great poet at my middle school: “A corpse on a horse, of course, of course…”
Oh yeah, Andrew Klavan. Is he the guy who wrote that book about how innocent fathers are constantly being accused of being child-molesting kiddie pornographers, just because their toddler-age daughters innocently peer between their legs and pull their vaginal lips open for the camera when their fathers are taking pictures of them in the bath? Or was that some other author with a K last name? I know he wrote that dumb novel that got made into a Michael Douglas movie featuring Brittany Murphy in a psych ward. Either way I am somehow not the slightest bit surprised to hear he’s spouting this sort of thing.