My Favorite Conservative Pundit
Comes Through Again

Jon Swift on the Virginia Tech shootings:

Many liberal blogs used this incident for partisan posturing, claiming that they were horrified by the tragedy and offering condolences to the victims. Of course, this was just a clever ruse to secure the moral high ground before they swoop down and take away our guns. If they really feel so bad about the victims, where were they when efforts were being made to protect students at Virginia Tech by arming them?

Read teh whole tihng.


Comments: 19


J-swift is spot on the money. Guns don’t CAUSE crime, they PREVENT crime!! If we armed all of our incoming college freshmen, campus crime would disappear!

Are you gonna sneak into someone’s dorm room and steal their I-pod, Xbox and DVD player if you know they have a gun? Hell no!

Are you gonna roofie that hot chick at the frat party if you know she’s gonna come looking to blow your head off (and not in the good way) when she wakes up? Hell no!

Are you gonna try and sneak into that bar with a fake ID if you know that the bartender might pull out a glock and cap your ass? Hell no!

Anyone who doesn’t realize that an armed populace is a polite, crime-free populace just hasn’t been watching Deadwood. Or been paying attention to the peaceful Utopia that exists in Iraq.

Qetesh the Abyssinian

Read teh whole tihng.

Um, why? I can get the same effect by going off my drugs and eating glass.


An armed society is a polite society just look at Somalia and Iraq. The pussyfication that’s dragging America under is completly absent in those countries!


Something weird is going on when Jon Swift’s satire is less inflamatory than what wingnuts are really saying.


Um, why? I can get the same effect by going off my drugs and eating glass.

Jon Swift is not really a conservative blogger. Think of a much more subtle and just as funny Jesus’ General. He’s taking teh piss. Nice kitty.


Something weird is going on when Jon Swift’s satire is less inflamatory than what wingnuts are really saying.

This is what happens when the right-wing has lapped satire.


That’s what he gets for proposing all modestly and whatnot. To lap the fuckers, you’ve got to go all out, balls to the burning wall, screeching harridan bugfuck craze-o with whatever you advocate.

That’s why Pam Atlas is the satire queen of the Internet. No fear, no soul.


What about cartoons? Has anyone blamed cartoon yet? Can I be first? When I was a kid I used to love Jonny Quest, but now as an adult I realize I was under the deep and subtle influence of Dr. Quest’s adopted son Hadji. Who knows what Islamofascist crimes have been committed as a result…


Pfft. Jonny Quest. The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest were far more awesome. Hadji was all sim sim salah bim! and bam, he kicked ass harder than Sayid in Lost.

Also, and while I have nothing against the concept, Dr. Quest and Race Bannon weren’t quite so much long-term domestic living partners.

Plus, Jonny Quest fought inbred Pine Barrens redcoats and the Jersey Devil. In the same episode at that. I believe that’s called a winning combination.


Why is he not going after Pat Robertson’s Regent University and Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University for not using their private status to experiment with arming all students, professors, and employers (perhaps visitors too?) with concealed handguns?

Or are they just unhappy when public governments do not adhere to their crazy social experiments?


El Cid–

My imagination was captured by your suggestion that, eg, Regent U. arm visitors. You pull up to the guard shack at the main entrance, you sign in with your photo id, and you hand over some token deposit (or the driver’s license) in exchange for a Glock 9mm *for on-campus use only.*

A gated, enclosed community of deeply pious Christian kollege kids, their indescribably delusional teachers, Chancellor Pat, Dean of Students Mrs. Pat, administration, staff, snack-bar employees, janitorial staff, and anyone who drives in–all packing heat and everyone, therefore, wary of everyone else.

Take me there NOW.


Col. Klink —

Jonny Quest may well be responsible for acts of violence, but not this one. Cho was far too young to have seen Johnny Quest. He was probably, however, exposed to the gore-fest of the Venture Bros. Brock Sampson’s license-to-kill shenanigans are for worse than anything the producers of 24 could imagine.


“In America, it shouldn’t take more than an hour’s reading of the day’s news to see that satire is redundant.” (A.E.Seymour, 2002)


“Read teh whole tihng.”

No. I already want to maim a small animal, and that’s just from the excerpt.


Nuclear weapons prevent nuclear winter too!
If you have enough nuclear weapons, then the heat they generate warms up the earth so that it stays cold during the nuclear winter. That’s why you shouldn’t use more than half your arsenal during a nuclear war—you’ll be huddling by the rest to keep warm after.


What would it be like on college campuses if young people that are living on their own for the first time, not yet fully mature emotionally or intellectually, often abusing drugs and alcohol and getting little sleep, living in very tight communal quarters with people they may not choose to live with, and perhaps not succeeding like they hope to in their classes…were also carrrying concealed weapons? Not to mention that the majority of people with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia have their first break between 18 and 24. Something tells me the death count yearly would be much higher than 33.

If you’re bored, a few statistics about college students:

A Snapshot of Annual High-Risk College Drinking Consequences

Rape on College Campuses
Incidence facts:

College and Suicide — Just the Facts


Cho was a student. A kid. Not an actual living, breathing person like you and me. He had no real problems.
Answer: Like all shootings done by students, video games did it. It’s not actually possible that school really does suck.


Yes, it’s probably true that arming an entire campus might likely result in many more deaths as suicide attempts become rapidly more successful, as currently existing troubling conflicts escalate into shootouts, and as criminals realize that they will need to kill their targets first to avoid getting shot themselves.

But on the plus side, it would be a much more manly place, and what deaths did occur would be more explosive and final, rather than the pathetic weakening of old age.

Again, that’s why all these right wing bloggers and pundits only start writing after their wounds in their Iraqi and Afghan tours become so serious as to hinder their roof-leaping, round-house kicking, ninja-star throwing heroism.

As long as it’s all occurring at Regent or Liberty University. Myself, I don’t want real schools devolving into a bunch of neurotics continually worried about whether or not someone was about to shoot them.


MrWonderful said,
April 21, 2007 at 17:33

“Take me there NOW.”

Nope. Wire the campus for video and sound and the pay-per-view revenue would be awesome-eliminate the federal deficit awesome.


(comments are closed)