Weekend Updock [Further Updocked]
It’s what’s cookin’.
That Streiff guy at RedState is still at it:
You may be in captivity but your enemy can never take away your ability to resist. Only you can do that….
Yes of course, Mr. Streiff. You asked me once what was in Room 101. I told you that you knew the answer already. Everyone knows it. The thing that is in Room 101 is the worst thing in the world.
Streiff: “No! Nooo!!!”
Meanwhile, Dan Riehl has finally gone frickin’ bananas:
Just don’t expect to hear it called that by the Left – at least not unless Rumsfeld is working for Iran now.
Let’s back up a bit here. Hi, I’m Dan Riehl. “Blar-har-har! Torture, my ass. Gitmo 4 EVAR!1 Slobber-slobber.”
[four days later]
“Say there, Mr. Riehl. Apparently those captive Brits were badly treated by Iran.”
“Bla-ha-haa! The Left is soft on torture! Gooble-gobble.”
We’re scheming to have Dan booked on Jeopardy, where through intricate leveragings he will be positioned for a Daily Double in the category, ‘Novels by Salman Rushdie.’ The clue will be given: “Omar Khayyám and the City of Q are features of this early work.”
Riehl: “…What is ‘Shame?'”
It’ll just be funny. It’s like the opposite of having Jimmie Walker on and giving him the clue, “Alfred Nobel invented this explosive.”
Over at Blogs For Bush, Mark Noonan shows his two greatest gifts. One is a spooky facility at becoming the dramatic element who’s all like, “Ha ha! Nothing can go wrong now!” just before a giant ham sandwich crashes through the ceiling or Dracula pops out of the trash can, or what-have-you. I really don’t know how he does it. These examples are both from the same day:
Vice President Cheney on Pelosi’s Trip and the Defeaticrats
By Mark Noonan at 02:58 AMOn Rush Limbaugh’s radio show, Vice President Cheney showed why we still love him:
[…] Remember Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, a Jordanian terrorist, an Al-Qaeda affiliate. He ran a training camp in Afghanistan for Al-Qaeda, then migrated after we went into Afghanistan and shut ’em down there, he went to Baghdad. He took up residence there before we ever launched into Iraq, organized the Al-Qaeda operations inside Iraq before we even arrived on the scene and then of course led the charge for Iraq until we killed him last June. He’s the guy who arranged the booming of the Samarra mosque that precipitated the sectarian violence between Shi’a and Sunni. This is Al-Qaeda operating in Iraq, and as I say, they were present before we invaded Iraq. There’s no way you can segment out and say, “Well, we’ll fight the war on terror in Pakistan or Afghanistan but we can separate Iraq. That’s not really, in any way, shape, or form related.” It’s just dead wrong. Bin Laden has said this is the central battle in the war on terror…
[…]
A hundred years from how historians will stand in awe at the way this intelligent, patient and loyal American carried himself in the face of the slanders which have been spread about him and his actions.
Captured Iraqi documents and intelligence interrogations of Saddam Hussein and two former aides “all confirmed” that Hussein’s regime was not directly cooperating with al-Qaeda before the U.S. invasion of Iraq, according to a declassified Defense Department report released yesterday.
The declassified version of the report, by acting Inspector General Thomas F. Gimble, also contains new details about the intelligence community’s prewar consensus that the Iraqi government and al-Qaeda figures had only limited contacts, and about its judgments that reports of deeper links were based on dubious or unconfirmed information.
And this:
Al Gore: “A Gross Alarmist”
By Mark Noonan at 03:07 AMThe Goracle meets a real scientist – and the results ain’t pretty:
NEW ORLEANS (AP) – A top hurricane forecaster called Al Gore “a gross alarmist” Friday for making an Oscar-winning documentary about global warming.
“He’s one of these guys that preaches the end of the world type of things. I think he’s doing a great disservice and he doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Dr. William Gray said in an interview with The Associated Press at the National Hurricane Conference in New Orleans, where he delivered the closing speech.
[…]
So, believe Gore – who barely passed easy classes in college or believe Gray – one of our best forecasters. Whom to believe?
Decisions, decisions…
Raaah! Dracula from trash can:
BRUSSELS, April 6 — From the poles to the tropics, the earth’s climate and ecosystems are already being shaped by the atmospheric buildup of greenhouse gases and face inevitable, possibly profound, alteration, the world’s leading scientific panel on climate change said Friday.
[…]
The 1,572-page report, finished here on Friday, was prepared by more than 200 scientists, and a 21-page summary was endorsed by officials from more than 120 countries, including the United States.
His other great talent is consistency. He’s like a little toy tugboat that you keep splashing to the bottom of the bathtub, that keeps bobbing cheerily to the surface, all like, “Toot-toot! It’s me again! Toot-toot!”
…When I typed that just now, I was gambling that he was working on a new post that could be used as an example. Guess what?
Successful SDI Test
By Mark Noonan at 03:40 PMThis will be one of President Bush’s greatest legacies – the ability of the United States shoot down enemy missiles before Americans are slaughtered:
HONOLULU (AP) – The military shot down a Scud-type missile in this year’s second successful test of a new technology meant to knock down ballistic missiles in their final minute of flight, the Missile Defense Agency said Friday.
A ship off Kauai fired a target missile before 9 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time Thursday. Three minutes later, soldiers with the U.S. Army’s 6th Air Defense Artillery Brigade launched an interceptor missile from Kauai that destroyed the target over the Pacific, according to the agency.
The basic insanity of the left is best expemplified by their opposition to this common-sense defense program – the ability to shoot down a missile, which may save the lives of millions as well as preventing a full-scale nuclear war, is something that everyone should get behind…but the left not only remains opposed, but fanatically opposed.
Indeed, we’re basically insane. Fundamentally bonkers. It’s our mental instability that prevents us from paying eager, grinning heed to news stories like “Government Project A Success, Says Government Spokesperson.”
It’s a comfort, in our insanity, that no matter what today might bring, Mark Noonan will be there tomorrow, sober and steady and as smart as a wooden pumpkin.
[…] endnu en gang: Det klinger sÃ¥ satans hult, nÃ¥r man begynder at beskylde Irans for at have behandlet fangerne skidt, samtidig med at man er […]
Would somebody please point out to this hack that the “S: in “SDI” stands for “Strategic”. Thank yew. Hitting a “Scud type” missile in terminal phase is Theater Air Defense at best, or even more likely Point Air Defense. Who is going to launch a Scud type missile against the united states? Those pesky mexicans again? Or are we really starting to worry about those canadians? Maybe mal de mer has achieved a position of power or something? Crikey!!
mikey
After finding himself bored with his classes in his declared English major, Gore switched majors and worked hard in his government courses and graduated cum laude from Harvard in June 1969 with a Bachelor of Arts degree in government.
Maybe it was some other 2000 presidential candidate at some other university who “who barely passed easy classes in college”?
P.S. I discovered the source of the Sadly, No! uber-hamsters!
Toot-toot!
That cracks me up.
SWM. Interested in resisting torture.
He’s the guy who arranged the booming of the Samarra mosque (my emphasis)
I see Blogs for Bush has brought in L’Trimm to help edit their posts on Cheney. A smart move.
but the left not only remains opposed, but fanatically opposed
We don’t just hate document; we fanatically hate document.
So wait is torture now wrong again? It’s all so confusing.
I’m waiting for Noonan to drink from a soda can that will turn him into an ax wielding homicidal maniac. At least then there is the chance he will be locked up.
Regarding his last work of crap, I guess we are finally getting the admission that the original Patriot missiles didn’t work all that well. It only took 16-17 years to perfect the guidance system.
So wait is torture now wrong again? It’s all so confusing.
When the Bush/Cheney neoconwarhawkuberpatriotshooteminthefaceyoureatraitornoyouareiknowyouarebutwhatami boys do it, it is decidedly NOT torture. I think that’s in one of those new laws that Lindsey Graham and John McCain wrote in the summer of 2006 (fuck the Summer of Love, 2006 was the Summer of Torture) when they were pretending to take Dick Cheney’s flaccid war machine out of their mouths in the hopes of staving off electoral disaster in November (remember that? everyone thought that McCain was SO BRAVE, almost equivalent to his stay at the Hanoi Hilton, except that it was total bullshit, which those of us with our brains still in our heads said “no, no, it’s total bullshit, it’s Kabuki theater, wait, you’ll see.” Just one more reason to hate the media. I think that brings us up to 4,377,206). So anyway, the Geneva Code now says that when patriotic ubermenschen like the current wankers do it, it’s not torture. Section 47, Paragraph 3, subpart a, subparagraph vii. That Alberto Gonzales sure is a smart guy, huh?
On the other hand, when brown people isolate and interrogate white people, and don’t say pretty please first, now that, my fine friends, is simply not to be allowed. Somebody break out the waterboards and the cattle prods, it’s time for a field trip to Iran!
ifthethunderdontgetyaâ„¢ ,
That poor hamster!
And yeah, Noonan’s a dumb tool.
When will these cheeto eating fucktards realize that Iran is not England’s enemy? They honestly wish that Iran and England would behave as if a state of war already exists between the two countries.
They really loved that fucking movie 300, huh.
Dan Riehl is a freak.
A Young Ones reference, perchance? Or were you paying homage to Sesame Street?
You may be in captivity but your enemy can never take away your ability to resist. Only you can do that….
Say what, tuff guy? Let’s say the enemy hits you repeatedly with a sock fulla bee bees. Breaks most of the bones in your face. Then throws you naked in a concrete cell fulla rats. Are you sure that dood wouldn’t take away your ability to resist?
These idiots need to quit living strictly through video games. They love to spout the romantic melodrama, sound hardened and world-weary, but they really are just sad little boys. For them to speak of matters so far outside of their safe little suburban world is cute, sure, but a little, er, pompous? I dunno, I’m just sayin….
mikey
Here’s why the rightards think the Brits were cowards for not fighting to the death:
They didn’t sacrifice their lives to start WWIII.
Dan Riehl is a freak.
Strangely, Psycheout is correct, for a change.
No, the reference is to a 1932 movie called “Freaks,” best known through the Ramones’ chant of “Gabba gabba hey, gabba hey, gabba one of us.”
This is where Fox is messing up. Instead of trying to be funny, they should just put Noonan n Riehl n Pammymammy n Althouse (to represent teh left) in a studio and let go at it. Maybe hire Hitchens to host and call it something like Sweaty, Drunk, and Argumentative.
Then shoot me for having such an idea.
Hmmm, check the link Puppet Person. I referenced Freaks, the movie.
Also, unless and until Gavin denies it, I think references to The Young Ones are in there. A giant sandwich fell through the ceiling in one episode and I distinctly remember a vampire, but he was wrapped up in a parcel and delivered by the post. Actually the so-called vampire was “Harry the Bastard” (manager of the local video store, disguised as a South African vampire). But I’m not one to split hairs.
Next pop culture reference?
aka Pinhead, Mr. Puppet.
CBGBs 1977.
Mistakes were made. I don’t condone it, but youthful indiscretions shouldn’t take away from the good things that Sandwich-Americans have contributed.
Don’t be a hater.
This whole thread is a hate crime, btw.
Sandwich is code for “cuntbitchhagfattwunt”.
I’m telling mom.
Oh my god!
I am so stealing those.
Don’t Tell Mom, The Babysitter’s Dead.
I’m trying to keep track here. There was a first batch of British sailors arrested by Iran, who signaled the lack of morale and generally supine nature of Europeans in general by practically going over to the enemy at the first opportunity; and a second batch who were arrested and then subjected to the most savage, inhuman torture imaginable; and a third batch who foolishly provided Ahmadinejad with a public-relations coup by allowing him to release them.
It sounds like half the sodding Royal Navy is out there in the Persian Gulf.
On the brighter side, your military may now be able to “save the lives of millions”, with their new-found ability to intercept “a Scud-type missile”, which are apparently more deadly than I had previously realised.
———————————-
He’s like a little toy tugboat that you keep splashing to the bottom of the bathtub, and it keeps bobbing cheerily to the surface
These little details about Gavin M.’s bath-time lend a particular charm to my mental image of his life-style. Just don’t mention bath bears or you’ll have Mario on the case.
You guys just aren’t doing the fucking math.
Thermopylae:
300 Westerners = 5000000 Persians
That’s 16,666 Iranians per Westerner. At that rate…
Today:
14 Westerners* = 233,333 Persians.
If those Brits had resisted, like they’re supposed to, since Britain has obviously been at war with Iran since either a) that whole Mossadegh nonsense in ’53, b) the protection from Hitler that the Shah didn’t want in ’42, c) the protection from the Kaiser & Ottomans ’18-19, or of course d) the 5th century BC when the Persians tried to take out the West and reduce it to slaves for the rest of history, they could’ve taken out exactly two-thirds of Iran’s standing army, according to Wikipedia ( Conservapedia doesn’t have those numbers up yet). Our bombs could’ve done the rest, if the goddam Tommies hadn’t turned into Tomgirlies. This was the most shameful incident in the history of the West since General “Chinese” Gordon got piked by the Fuzzy-Wuzzies in Khartoum. Britain should get its NATO membership revoked.
*We don’t count the woman, as she would’ve just been raped.
“Toot-toot! It’s me again! Toot-toot!�
The Republican Sisyphus is the Little Engine that Thinks Bush Can. Poor Little Engine, no downslope for you.
Awesome, Fats Durston!
I love it when I can’t tell if its snark.
Man, I read wingnuttia like this and I wonder some times…
Is it possible that its all some kind of high satire? I mean, when they hit every cliche down the line like that, am I supposed to believe they’re doing it with a straight face?
But then, of course they are. They’re dead serious, and their Clancy/Bruckheimer masturbation fantasies are just as base and obvious as they seem. My subconsious is just looking out for me — trying to convince me it is all a gag.
This is reality; and yet people wonder why I’d rather just watch cartoons.
They didn’t sacrifice their lives to start WWIII.
Funny you should mention that. From Fred Thompson’s dayboo post at RedState:
“I have no idea if Ahmadinejad and those who put him in power really believe the Shi’a Twelver doctrine that they can spur the messiah to return by triggering Armageddon. You have to admit, though, that the possibility that they look forward to entering paradise as martyrs would make them a whole lot scarier as a nuclear power than the USSR ever was.”
And he might even be president someday! How comforting!
somebody wake me when the adults are back in charge….
You have to admit, though, that the possibility that they look forward to entering paradise as martyrs would make them a whole lot scarier as a nuclear power than the USSR ever was.
I share his concern that a fundamentalist religious loon — representing a whole stratum of weirdo space-cake people who believe that particular prophecies need to be fulfilled before the Lord will deign to wind up the loose plot-threads and bring about the end of the world — might get into a position of power where he has access to nuclear weapons. We’re lucky it’s only a hypothetical case.
What’s that? Can’t hear you. Mumblers.
Herr Doktor, once again you’ve hit the nutcase on the head. Sigh. This world is very wearying. Very wearying indeed. As if it’s not enough that dangerous psychopaths might instigate World War III, The Final Chapter, we’ve got a horde of lesser whackos urging them on.
That’s it. I’ve got the spaceship I built in my basement, I’ve got plenty of cheese, and I’m off. Don’t wait up.
Don’t Tell Mom, The Babysitter’s Dead.
I would just like to say that I am fairly disturbed that this movie has now come up twice — once here, once in actual conversation — within a week.
Well, yes, and also I’m having to adjust my mental image of Psycheout, now that s/he turns out to be something of a B-movie geek. What’s next, a riff on Reefer Madness? Which, come to think of it, would be a whole lot less unsettling than thinking about RaptureBoy with his hand on the joystick.
Not only “Government Project A Success, Says Government Spokesperson.�
But add: “Missile Shot From Known Source, At Pre-designated Time, On Known Trajectory, Successfully Detected, Tracked, and Destroyed.”
Sub-Hed: “‘Luck Had Nothing To Do With It,’ Comments Government Commenter. “We’re Getting Better At This, And So Is Our Technology.'”
A SCUD? Why on earth did they useo one of those? SCUD missiles were designed to deliver tactical nuclear warheads in support of Soviet assaults in Western Europe (possibly chemical payloads as well, though there’s a lot of evidence that they never could figure out how to get them to work for that purpose). It’s much shorter ranged than any missile that bad-guy-of-the-day N Korea or -ran (or say, a supervillain with an island silo that splits in half to launch its missiles) would need, with a VERY different trajectory. They are really scraping the bottom of the barrel to justify that sewer pipe that runs from the Pentagon to the defense contractors, along which billions of SDI dollars flow. So what’ next? “Hussah! We shot down one of those cannon balls with the sizzling fuse in it?”
>>Qetesh: That’s it. I’ve got the spaceship I built in my basement, I’ve got plenty of cheese, and I’m off. Don’t wait up.
Christ, that’s aggravating.
I had a whole post complimenting you on the choice of escape vehicles, and slyly noting that you would need a fast internet connection to enjoy some wingnut “whine” with all that cheese. But the damn tagging mechnism here blew it all to smithereens.
So let’s just take that as read, shall we?
The eventual point was that all these posts from the one-handed FIghting 101st boil down to petulant whining of “History will prove us right! You’ll be sorry! You’ll wish you’d been nicer to us, really you will!” (followed by extended foot-stomping and cheeto crushing)
I’m in Moscow now – here for another week, working on a very intense Internet project for the Russians. These people have been through 17 years of ridiculous, relentless stupidity, fuckery and global humiliation … and they have nothing but sympathy for what the U.S. is undergoing … well, once you get past the initial defensiveness and almost obligatory patriotic hostility…
Interesting that these faultfinders, who’ve most likely(I know, I’m being too generous) never experienced anything even remotely approaching torture, who were so afraid of the off chance they’d be affected by terrorism they gleefully surrendered rights, logic, and moral judgment for the illusion of security, these self-same people are so certain they’d resist.
Sorry I’m late, Dr. Bimler–Sunday is grout day. Anyway, what’s this about some new Noonan bath toy? Yeah, toot-toot, great, but then you notice the water’s kind of yellow and the tub is draining slow because of all that detached hair.
_______________
The Neko Case*
*Double OT here, but was anyone else less than blown away by Fox Confessor Brings the Flood? I wasn’t familiar at all with her solo work, but everything she did on the last New Pornographers was so good that when Fox Confessor got the phenomenal reviews it did I figured I’d have to love it. As it turns out I like it OK, but it’s a little like a k.d. lang record with the indie cred turned up to 8.
RaptureBoy with his hand on the joystick
I really needed that mental image. It’s not as if I planned to do anything useful with my brain today.
the tub is draining slow because of all that detached hair
That’s possibly the new J-Pod bath toy you’re thinking about.
wordyeti, I’ll forever treasure the magical language in your evanescent comment.
my brain hurts.
I have no idea if Bush and those who put him in power really believe the End Times doctrine that they can spur the messiah to return by triggering Armageddon. You have to admit, though, that the possibility that they look forward to entering paradise as martyrs would make them a whole lot scarier as a nuclear power than the USSR ever was.
Fixed!
“A giant sandwich fell through the ceiling in one episode”
Are you sure you’re not getting confused with the episode in which a giant chocolate eclair falls on top of the lads when they’re on University Challenge?
Jimmy Walker: ummmm… TNT?
“Mark Noonan will be there tomorrow, sober and steady and as smart as a wooden pumpkin.”
I’m stealing that!
“Bin Laden has said this is the central battle in the war on terror…”
So Mr. Shootyouintheface is letting our enemy dictate what’s important and where we fight him? Giving up the initiative? letting your opponent decide when, where and how you are gonna fight?
Oh wait, OBL is not important, or is he? Which is it?
I’m confused