Shorter Charles Krauthammer

Above: Force majeure, as only the
professional can apply to the amateur.

Diagnosis: Cheney

  • Hey, I perform the diagnoses around here, and all you liberals are a bunch of fuckin’ loons.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.


Comments: 32


I guess I’ll stop changing the verb now. Christ, it’s like I’ve forgotten how to blog the last few days.


“All who oppose me are crazy. Why!? Why!? Didn’t I put Cabbagesmasher in charge of my Soviet psychiatric hospitals? What a win-win that would have been.”


Force majeure or horse manure?

Qetesh the Shaved Abyssinian

Hey, he’s fun. Seriously. Ya gotta love an article that starts like this:

“What is wrong with Dick Cheney?”

Wow, he’s really getting to the meat of the matter. We could be here all day.

Sadly, it goes rapidly downhill from there, but it’s still worth a giggle. F’rinstance, he doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal that Cheney ‘shoots a man in the face but doesn’t call his boss until the next day’. I mean, granted that Cheney’s boss is Satan, I imagine the lines are pretty busy, and he had to arrange the chicken and all, and have his nudey suit scrubbed down, but really, the man is Vice President of the United States of Something. You’d think a courtesy call to Dubya would be in order, just to stop him appearing in front of the media and making a complete dick of himself.

Although Krauthammer’s linking of Cheney’s naughtiness to Chappaquiddick was particularly cunning, since there are grandmothers hobbling around who don’t remember that. Good one, Krautie, lay it back on the Dems.

Then he sticks it to that squishy old liberal, Brent Snowcroft, who apparently doesn’t like the new Cheney (or Cheney 2.0, perhaps):

That’s a psychiatric symptom? By that standard, Saul of Tarsus, Arthur Vandenberg, Irving Kristol, Ronald Reagan — to pick at random from a thousand such cases of men undergoing a profound change of worldview — are psychiatric cases.

Yes indeed, they are. Completely barking mad, the lot of them. Next question?

I get that he’s trying to say “Hey, I’m a medical dude, and I know nutcases when I see ’em, and we ain’t nutcases, y’know what I’m sayin’?” But perhaps he’d care to be less of a wiffling tossbag as he does so, because his logic and disputation skills are pretty lame.

And he finishes on a high point, rounding off his criticism of a liberal diagnosis on Cheney by reminding us that he ‘discovered’ Bush Derangement Syndrome.

And he’s the one with the superior medical skillz. Right.


I think your “shorter” left out “I am awesome”

Jesus that guy thinks highly of himself.


Alternate shorter Krauty:

Shooter is not crazy. Is not is not is not! I’m a doctor, dammit! You liberal poopie-faces can just shut up right now!


Qetesh, i stroke the stubbly skin behind your ears in that way that makes you stick your bum up.

psychiatry, the economics of the medical disciplines..

no offence to crazy people who benefit from it, you understand..


Well, to some extent, I have to agree with the Krautmeister here.

These people are not crazy. To be insane renders you not morally culpable for the things you do.

They aren’t crazy. They’re just evil.


Somebody let Chucky open his mouth again? What a travesty.

It’s amusing that the Washington Post gives him a megaphone. What is it with these mongers of fish-wrapping paper and birdcage liner? It’s embarrassing enough that the Boston Glob gives Jeff Jacoby a megaphone–well a mini-megaphone.


Krauty: “I know something about the effects of physical illness on mental functioning.”

I bet you do, Chuckles. I bet you do.


Just to point out the difference:

Crazy and insanity are two different terms.

Insanity is a legal term, as Jillian said, to indicate that someone is not mentally or morally culpable for their actions. It can only be determined by a jury and not by a doctor.

Being “crazy” on the other hand, can be diagnosed by a doctor and yes can be used to argue that you aren’t morally or mentally culpable for your actions. But it ain’t the same thing.


Krauthammer IS Davros, so Cheney must be one of his Daleks.




Shooter’s as crazy as three cats in a pillowcase, and he’s getting worse.


Each incident stripped of its context and pattern. Sanitized and then carefully locked into separate compartments.

Chucky is so good however all he needs is a little sheep’s skin to keep his house in order.


Has anyone bothered to read the article in question by Michelle Cottle?

She said no such thing as he suggests: “…spends the next 1,900 words marshaling evidence suggesting that his cardiac disease has left him demented and mentally disordered.

Judge for yourselves.


Rachelle, come on! Read? Are you serious?

Everyone knows that facts have an extreme liberal bias, especially these days. You saw for example the e-mails wherein Karl Rove knew about the Justice Department’s firing of….Holy Shit! Breaking News Big Time!!! Khalid Sheikh Mohammed just confessed he was in league with Goldstein to murder a million fluffy kittens in Chicago and sell their diseased remains to a million cute little white children in Salt Lake City! I cannot believe the timing of this event. Immediately turn off the news for the next six weeks, hide under your bed, and pray for the Bush God to save us all.

Herr Doktor Bimler

…cardiac disease has left him demented and mentally disordered.
I suppose “cardiac disease” is as good a way as any of describing what you laypeople call “a stake through the heart”.


“…facts have an extreme liberal bias,” do they? Let’s not confuse ‘facts’ with fiction, shall we? And if you bothered to read Cottle’s article yourself, you would see that she is almost sympathetic to Cheney, due to his medical history. And if *that’s* biased, you need your head examined.


“I know something about the effects of physical illness on mental functioning.â€?



Anyone remember when CK called Gore mentally ill?

Charles Krauthammer, on FOX News Channel’s Special Report with Brit Hume, on May 26 [2004]:

It looks as if Al Gore has gone off his lithium again.


I want to see a cable news panel featuring Krauthammer, Pat Santy, and Jeff Goldstein. I’d pay to see it.

Qetesh the Shaved Abyssinian

judeanpeoplesfront: Preeeoooowwwww! It seems we agree on psychiatry and economics, as well as the correct treatment of felines.

Bums ahoy!


There’s a very important difference, bloix.

Charles Krauthammer tossed off a psychiatric diagnosis on a political opponent with no backing evidence and as a cheap ad hominem attack. Michelle Cottle suggested a possible psychiatric problem based on lots of evidence of a political opponent’s well-known medical problems and observed behavior.

Like day and night.


Even shorter Charles Krauthammer:

Dr. Strangelove: Sir! I have a plan!

[standing up from his wheelchair]

Dr. Strangelove: Mein Führer! I can walk!


wiffling tossbag

Oh, baby, I like this phrase A LOT. I am, however, completly uncertain about proper usage. Now, don’t get me wrong, that’s not going to prevent me from using it vigorously, but if you can provide a brief usage guide it might keep me from the worst of embarassment…




No one could anticipate airplanes being flown into the World Trade center.


Where are those WMD?


You go to war with the Army you have…




Kosovo is wag the dog.


Savings and Loan Deregulation




DeLay, Marianas



Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick, Fuck your fuckity-fuckiting Chappaquiddick UP UR fuckity-fuckiting fuckity-fuckity.

Qetesh the Shaved Abyssinian

Charles Krauthammer tossed off a psychiatric diagnosis on a political opponent with no backing evidence and as a cheap ad hominem attack.

Shorter version: “Charles Krauthammer tossed off. Repeatedly.”

Qetesh the Shaved Abyssinian

mikey, I’m pleased and proud to be able to provide a phrase for your vigorous usage (here I can barely restrain myself from murmuring “Hello, sailor!”). And I’m glad to oblige your request for some explanatory material.

First, wiffling. Wiffling is the sort of talking indulged in by elderly professors who wear sandals and cardigans with holes in the elbows. They wiffle, they witter, they wander, and they often seem completely taken with their own wit, to the extent that they may laugh a a wheezy ‘hnur hnur hnur’ at one of their own jokes during lectures. Jokes about non-Euclidean geometry or neo-Kantian realism, for preference.

Oh, and they commonly have beards you could lose a badger in (I wish I could claim that phrase, but I can’t), which often seems to have crumbs or, occasionally, half their lunch, lost in the tangle. And their glasses are usually missing one arm, or have it held on by sticky tape, and/or are so crusted with grease, dandruff, and yuk that you wonder how they can open their eyelids, much less see through the things.

Excessive verbiage of a dilatory and self-important sort, in short.

Next, tossbag. From the English colloquial, ‘to toss’, meaning to masturbate. A tosser is a bit of a wanker, a tosspot is quite a wanker, and a tossbag is an extreme wanker in wanker sauce.

Does that help? Use at will, oh mighty mikey!

Qetesh the Shaved Abyssinian

Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick, Fuck your fuckity-fuckiting Chappaquiddick UP UR fuckity-fuckiting fuckity-fuckity.

Mo’s Bike Shop, you win the Quote Of The Day.


The fact is, Drunken Ted Kennedy killed that woman.


“The fact is, Drunken Ted Kennedy killed that woman.”

Urotsukidoji style with multiple perverse tentacles…


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