Teh Shark Jumps Coulter
[Note from the typesetting dep’t: This has been sitting in the queue over at Gilly’s place since last Monday, and is, like Ann herself, quickly approaching its expiration date. When they post it there, we’ll do a redirecty-thing.]
If you’re as bad a person as we are, you’ve been wondering what ol’ Ann Coulter has been up to lately besides her annual yam-smearing performance-art piece at the Conservative Political Action Convention — where last year she famously called people of Arab descent ‘ragheads,’ and this year called John Edwards a ‘faggot.’
Like Ann herself, CPAC comes only once a year, and Ann’s attention-getting powers have been waning of late, forcing her inexorably off the serious talk shows and into the conservative equivalent of the dinner-show circuit — foundation-funded lecture appearances, foundation-guaranteed book royalties, a column foothold at the foundation-supported Human Events Magazine. Ann is expensive, and her usefulness is no longer as clear as it was a couple of years ago, when she rated a cover story in Time Magazine. Add to the situation that Michelle Malkin is creeping up like Eve Harrington to Ann’s Margo Channing, conducting an all-media campaign to clean up her smeary credibility and steal Coulter’s position as America’s favorite wingnut firecracker, and you’ve got a woman in trouble.
What does Ann do? She does what made her famous in the first place, only more of it — and that means super-hysterical attention-seeking tantrums. Let’s gawk!
LET THEM EAT TOFU!
By Ann Coulter
Legal Affairs Correspondent, Human EventsEven right-wingers who know that “global warming” is a crock do not seem to grasp what the tree-huggers are demanding. Liberals want mass starvation and human devastation.
Cripes, two sentences in, and already she’s onto us.
Forget the lunacy of people claiming to tell us the precise temperature of planet Earth in 1918 based on tree rings. Or the fact that in the ’70s liberals were issuing similarly dire warnings about “global cooling.”
This was because of the cooling trend from the 1940s to the 1970s, which we induced with our giant polar lasers.
Now, Ann: In the ’70s, conservatives were issuing dire warnings about a “cold war.” And now it’s allegedly a “hot war?” Once you conservatives make up your minds about the temperature of this so-called war you’re always talking about, we’ll think about espousing global stay-the-sameing. No promises; we shall betray you at our whim. Muaha, resistance-is-useless, seize-them.
Simply consider what noted climatologists Al Gore and Melissa Etheridge are demanding that we do to combat their nutty conjectures about “global warming.” They want us to starve the productive sector of fossil fuel and allow the world’s factories to grind to a halt. This means an end to material growth and a cataclysmic reduction in wealth.
And then we unleash the giant metal insects.
There are more reputable scientists defending astrology than defending “global warming,” but liberals simply announce that the debate has been resolved in their favor and demand that we shut down all production.
More reputable scientists defending astrology?! If only there were some way to evaluate this claim, perhaps via the Internet…
[Zeerp] “Hello, dum-dums.”
Oh, it’s the Great Gazoogle. Say, what’s this?
Global Warming Sceptic Bingo
Posted by Tim LambertReading and listening to global warming sceptics can get a little tedious because they keep trotting out the same discredited arguments. So I’ve come up with a little game you can play to make it more interesting. I call it Global Warming Sceptic Bingo! Just tick the box when they use the argument next to it. Get four in a row and you win!
Huh. I see every single argument in this column on the bingo grid, except for the one about astrology.
“Sorry, dum-dum. It’s uniquely stupid.” [Zeerp!]
Well. You don’t run across one of those every day.
Oh yeah, right: death, starvation, destruction. Must stay on plan.
They think they can live in a world of only Malibu and East Hampton — with no Trentons or Detroits. It does not occur to them that someone has to manufacture the tiles and steel and glass and solar panels that go into those “eco-friendly” mansions, and someone has to truck it all to their beachfront properties, and someone else has to transport all the workers there to build it. (And then someone has to drive the fleets of trucks delivering the pachysandra and bottled water every day.)
Hey, an army of genetically-engineered ape slaves. What could go wrong?
Above: Future Brent Bozell decries
pro-chimp media bias
Liberals are already comfortably ensconced in their beachfront estates, which they expect to be unaffected by their negative growth prescriptions for the rest of us.
There was more energy consumed in the manufacture, construction and maintenance of Leonardo DiCaprio’s Malibu home than is needed to light the entire city of Albuquerque, where there are surely several men who can actually act. But he has solar panels to warm his house six degrees on chilly Malibu nights.
Oh, Great Gazoogle! Was there more energy consumed in the manufacture, construction, and maintenance of…
“No.” [Zeerp!]
…city of Albuquerque? Oh.
Liberals haven’t the foggiest idea how the industrial world works. They act as if America could reduce its vast energy consumption by using fluorescent bulbs and driving hybrid cars rather than SUVs. They have no idea how light miraculously appears when they flick a switch or what allows them to go to the bathroom indoors in winter — luxuries Americans are not likely to abandon because Leo DiCaprio had solar panels trucked into his Malibu estate.
Until the (heh heh) earthquake ray changes their mind. Seriously, Ann, there’s this thing called a ‘light bulb,’ and another called a ‘toilet.’ The one is what keeps not appearing over your head whenever you don’t
have an idea, and the other is where you jettison the lobster thermidor while the dessert plates are coming.
“Global warming” is the left’s pagan rage against mankind. If we can’t produce industrial waste, then we can’t produce.
This is certainly true for Ann.
Some of us — not the ones with mansions in Malibu and Nashville is my guess — are going to have to die. To say we need to reduce our energy consumption is like saying we need to reduce our oxygen consumption.
Notice she didn’t say ‘eat less.’ Ann has been looking more like a Christian Dior stick-insect than usual lately. But hold onto your seat — now she really gets going:
Liberals have always had a thing about eliminating humans. Stalin wanted to eliminate the kulaks and Ukranians, vegetarian atheist Adolf Hitler wanted to eliminate the Jews, Planned Parenthood founder Margaret Sanger wanted to eliminate poor blacks, DDT opponent Rachel Carson wanted to eliminate Africans (introduction to her book “Silent Spring” written by … Al Gore!), and population-control guru Paul Ehrlich wants to eliminate all humans.
See, there’s where we liberal Nazi-commie-environmento-contraceptionists reveal Ann as a dilettante. She only wants to exterminate the Muslims. We want it all!
Not that we’re as successful as we’d like. There’s another bingo page over at Deltiod for the lie about Rachel Carson and the nonexistent ‘Third-World ban on DDT’ that certain right-wing lobbyists keep trying to push. Margaret Sanger — well, contraception kills billions of sperm, truly, but so does Ann’s gaze.
But global warming is the most insane, psychotic idea liberals have ever concocted to kill off “useless eaters.”
Ever? Even more than the time machine we built to drop bubonic plague bombs on the Lost Kingdom of Unicornia, to prevent Sparkly the Unicorn from developing her Universal Prosperity Ray?
That was pretty insane, Ann. We’re beginning to think you have a tendency to exaggerate for effect.
If we have to live in a pure “natural” environment like the Indians, then our entire transcontinental nation can only support about 1 million human beings.
Surprisingly, this is also wrong.
Sorry, fellas — 299 million of you are going to have to go.
And shockingly, Ann didn’t even check her population figures, because this is more than the total population of the US.
Proving that the “global warming” campaign is nothing but hatred of humanity, these are the exact same people who destroyed the nuclear power industry in this country 30 years ago.
Dammit, we needed the uranium for our radioactive robot monster, ok?
If we accept for purposes of argument their claim that the only way the human race can survive is with clean energy that doesn’t emit carbon dioxide, environmentalists waited until they had safely destroyed the nuclear power industry to tell us that. This proves they never intended for us to survive.
Seriously here for a second. Can you imagine that a normal human being is typing this stuff — let alone a lavishly-rewarded, mansion-inhabiting author and columnist? Fun’s fun, but when your writing start to literally (not just metaphorically) resemble the text of Sharpie-scrawled jeremiads taped to subway-station pillars, then people start to wonder not only why you’re still famous, but why you’re being allowed to run around unsupervised in a world full of innocent bystanders.
“Global warming” is the liberal’s stalking horse for their ultimate fantasy: The whole U.S. will look like Amagansett, with no one living in it except their even-tempered maids (for “diversity”), themselves and their coterie (all, presumably, living in solar-heated mansions, except the maids who will do without electricity altogether). The entire fuel-guzzling, tacky, beer-drinking, NASCAR-watching middle class with their over-large families will simply have to die.
(Bwahaha!) No, Mr. Naked Trucker and Mr. T-Bones, we don’t expect you to beg. We expect you to…die.
It seems not to have occurred to the jet set that when California is as poor as Mexico, they might have trouble finding a maid.
Like, because there will be so many people around looking for work? Unlike most points in this column, this seems poorly thought-out.
Without trucking, packaging, manufacturing, shipping and refrigeration in their Bel-Air fantasy world, they’ll be chasing the rear-end of an animal every time their stomachs growl and killing small animals for pelts to keep their genitals warm.
Woo, sounds even kinkier than the Good Vibrations catalogue, or other haute-bourgeois amenities of that nature. But one thing: Where is the tofu? The title promised tofu. We distinctly do not see the tofu in this equation, and the lack of a promised Utopian future of tofu — a tofuture as it were — totally harshes on our entire plan to destroy the…
Because, okay. Seriously now. Better column title: ‘HAIL SEITAN’
I’m in constant awe of her ability to get paid for that.
I never thought I’d say this, but I finally see the humor in Ann Coulter. Now if I just didn’t feel so bad about laughing at the mentally and emotionally disabled, I’d really be able to enjoy her “work”.
I don’t know which is scarier–that an allegedly human, if batshit insane, mind could…compose…that; or that anyone would print it with the expectation of making money from readers. They’re just not on the planet any more.
btw, where the fuck is my solar-powered mansion in the Hamptons? Apparently, as a member of the liberal global warming cabal, I’m entitled to at least one solar-powered mansion in the Hamptons and a maid to clean it.
The tofu is Coulter’s reasoning—extra soft.
Liberals want mass starvation and human devastation.
As demonstrated in the person of Ann Coulter. We win!
OK, I missed the tofu connection. If liberals want everyone to stavre, why would we let them eat tofu?
Global warming is hatred for humanity, while the laws of gravity and the premise the earth revolves around the sun are an all out assult upon the Divine Will. Wait! She gets paid for this? How do I get wingnut welfare?
No, no – that’s our response. Benevolent Ann is running to us saying “but without NASCAR the people will have no way of knowing that they should eat Wonder Bread!” and we callously reply: “let them eat tofu!”
Sad to say, but I have two friends who read this shit and think, “Wow, Ann’s correct!”
I wonder how much longer they’ll be my friends…
Ann couldn’t tell you the difference between AC and DC current with a gun to her head.
And she reads like TimeCube.
See, I actually work in the shipping/transportation industry, which I assume is another thing she knows nothing about.
It’s a good thing that the Right Wing’s base 30% are people incapable of using google, because this “liberals done be riches” meme is patently ridiculous.
If she seriously meant *any part* of what she wrote, she needs to check herself into the nearest mental ward, STAT.
There was more energy consumed in the manufacture, construction and maintenance of Leonardo DiCaprio’s Malibu home than is needed to light the entire city of Albuquerque
This claim is totally nonsensical.
Light the city of Albuqueque for how long? An entire night, a week, a millisecond?
Gary Ruppert is much more concise.
this “liberals done be riches” meme is patently ridiculous.
Yes.
Yes it is.
And it differs from all conservatives meme because …
Oh. It doesn’t.
(Where’s annieangel? Isn’t it time for her to pop in and call us all homophobic for making fun of Ann Coulter?)
this reminds me of gary oldman’s character in “The Fifth Element”, who was going to get paid a lot of money by helping to destroy the entire earth.
the one he lived on.
i always thought: “character motivation problem. what is the profit for him in this?”
simple note.
ann has proved me wrong. i’ve looked into my soul, and i’ve found myself desiring the destruction of the world so that my kids can live in…wait, no, the, no, wefeihowphafpohepahfe afeioahf paaopiehf a
U.S. 301,370,137
World 6,582,027,954
19:45 GMT (EST+5) Mar 13, 2007
Ann just takes standard right-wing media talking points to hilarious extremes (“DDT opponent Rachel Carson wanted to eliminate Africans”). That’s not really offensive. It’s just strange.
Her act doesn’t annoy me because I don’t think she believes what she is saying.
The only thing we have to worry about are the people who fall for this stuff. That segment of society would start pogroms tomorrow if enough right-wing media personalities told them to.
From US Census site.
We Liberals all just have Industrial Waste Derangement Syndrome.
poor anne skeletor is just working out her attraction for Dicaprio. Seriously why the obession with Dicaprio? The majority of “liberals” don’t live in mansions sweetie.
I’m sure “the rest of us” Ann spends a lot of her time championing maids and truck drivers, and is well-acquainted with Detroit and Trenton, rather than Amagansett.
Wonder what Ann’s bills for pachysandra and bottled water amount to, at her million dollar home in Palm Beach, FL?
What’s she gonna be saying in a few years?
I feel like Im at a party and my ol’ man walks in drunk, completely naked and covered in faeces. Yeah sure, you’re horrified an’ all, but the real horror comes from your panicked imaginings of the disastrous night ahead. God dam that party sucked.
I mean Coutler looks like a bloke in a dress. Giggidy, giggidy, I’m gone.
I think I can explain why Ann Coulter still has a job despite being obviously insane. In one of his books (Napalm and Silly Putty, I believe), George Carlin sketched out a plan where we take four distinct groups of social degenerates (violent criminals, sex offenders, hopeless substance abusers and maniacs), throw them into giant prison colonies and let them do whatever they want while we film it. Referring to that last group, he noted that we should only lock up the truly dangerous crazies – your regular, run-of-the-mill street crazies being so damn entertaining that we really ought to give them their own radio shows.
Someone took that last suggestion seriously. It’s the only explanation that I accept.
Of course, it all makes perfect sense to me now! The reason I, as a liberal, want to see both the government and private industry to invest large sums into the research and development of alternative forms of fuel to keep the lights on after the oil runs out… is because I want everybody to die.
Wow, thanks Ann! I am the one I warned me about.
The Rude Pundit pointed out this trend of Coulter’s awhile back.
So, this column fills in some more facts about liberals: I already knew liberals were a bunch of lazy welfare queens. I hadn’t known we were lazy welfare queens who lived in Malibu mansions.
That lobster thermidor crack was pretty nasty. I mean funny.
Ann Coulter’s boatload of straw men are really hoping we don’t notice the over-the-limit haul of red herrings.
Seriously, environmentalists want us as a species to reduce our use NOW to reduce the possibility of a crash LATER. If she thinks things like buying locally-produced products, improving efficiency and reducing waste(a more realistic reading of what environmentalists want than “starve the productive sector of fossil fuel and allow the world’s factories to grind to a halt”) will be detrimental, how about an oil squeeze? And even if folks were later found to have been cautious, how can anyone think improved efficiency and sustainability is bad? Especially when, according to the government, small, painless steps really can make a big difference?
“I’m in constant awe of her ability to get paid for that.”
Fact: if Ann didn’t dress like a slut, and wasn’t 114lbs, if she were instead, say, 250 lbs, no one would pay attention to her. Same for Malkin. RIght wingers only read woman who they can fantasize about. This could possibly emanate form not ever getting any.
Haha!
Right-wingers only read (Malkin/Coulter/What have you) for the articles.
The Coulter Curve: from National Review to Human Events to NewsMax?, WorldNetDaily?, The Star? How many subscribers to Human Events just ingested a fatal dose of strawpoisoning, reading this column?
Wait, wait, are we really sure this was written by a human (or even Ann Coulter)?
Seems more likely that someone replaced
Mr. EdMs. Ann with a Perl script.OMG! What would the world do without Detroit? That’s the real America where the common folk in their workaday auto executive jobs decided that cheap gas and American’s appetite for gi-nourmous SUVs made in Mexico was worth betting the long-term future on. Imagine the economic horror that Detroit would be suffering right now if the far left had made them build more fuel efficient vehicles. Everyone knows you can’t reduce pollution and be globally competitive. It takes a real American in Detroit to fail at both of those simultaneously. It’s not like using Detroit as an example of how American industry is supposed to work is a hopelessly out of touch example used by flaky overpaid hysterically desperate right wing schlock pundit to show how quickly she can sabotage her own argument mid-sentence.
So what’s doin’ in Trenton?
I’d like to see the vote Gore received in Detroit and Trenton, compared to, say, Malibu.
What’s that Gazoo?
Detroit voted for Gore by almost 20 to 1? He won the city with 94% of the vote?
Hmmmm. I’m sure he got waxed in ultra-blue Trenton [too lazy to prove point via Google].
I think it is time to ignore her. Jesus Christ, even with your snark I could barely read that post.
tigrismus, this is kind of what I keep asking them. I mean, ok, we can take various approaches to the apparent threat that greenouse gasses appears to pose. Sure, we could shut down all manufacturing, refining, electricity generation and agriculture. But nobody is calling for that. I’m pretty sure that being smart folks we could begin to address climate change without crippling anyone’s economy. Denying that the problem exists seems a much stupider appoach than a considered process that introduces green technology/methods into our economy without a major impact. In fact, green technologies will obviously be a huge weath generator in the coming decades. It just makes no sense…
mikey
Please wake me up when Ann chimes in on scientific matters that are more her speed, like Time Cube.
>>There are more reputable scientists defending astrology than defending “global warming,�
The mind reels.
Ya know, we can run factories and power entire cities indefinitely if we find a way of using insanity as a fuel. it may be our greatest national resource.
Ann Coulter is a delicate flower, how dare you question it…check out her work here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARY9ka2o2J4
(LOL, from Kos)
One of these days global warming will become to real of a phenomena for even Coulter and the rest of wingnutistan to deny. But guess what they’ll blame. Pigmentation and Islam. They will argue for a direct link between rising temperatures and an increase in global levels of swarthiness which will not a hair more insane than this article.
There are more reputable scientists defending astrology than defending Ann Coulter.
“Global warming� is the left’s pagan rage against mankind
I have no idea what ‘pagan rage’ mind be, but “The Raging Pagans” does strike me as a good name for a troupe of male strippers.
There are more reputable scientists defending astrology than defending Ann Coulter.
But all reputable creation scientists defend her. Because Ann’s existence proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there is a Devil. And if there’s a Devil, there’s gotta be a God, right? Which proves that the earth was crapped out by God in seven days and cavemen rode dinosaurs and the Grand Canyon was created by the Noah’s Ark flood. Right? Right???
(Ok, maybe it’s time to back up off of it and set my cup down…)
Quick quick! Conservapedia dummy on NPR All Things Considered!
mikey, it boils down the the base rightwing urge to be not-liberal.
The most popular rightwing politician is the one that hates liberals the most.
The rightwing nut hatch denizens must, must, hold apposite views to liberals. Regardless of the value or not.
It’s the basis for all Gary’s sayings.
Plus, they just hate anything that has ‘green’ in it. That’s just a natural antipathy, like vampires for garlic.
It seems not to have occurred to the jet set that when California is as poor as Mexico, they might have trouble finding a maid.
Because poor people are lazy and don’t want to work!
Because the reanimated corpses of all the people we’ve killed by refusing them energy will be wandering the streets looking for revenge!
Because the labor force will go home! (Oh, that was fucked up.)
That explains their inability to wear green… uniforms. They so badly want to but just can’t ’cause the damn natural anipathy won’t lt them get up there on the front lines.
Ooh, I caugh the Conservapedia on NPR, too.
Andrew Schlafly is a credit to his homeschooling, that’s for sure….when Robert Siegel compared the Conservapedia entry on “Democratic Party” to the Wikipedia entry, Schlafly fiercely defended the fact that Cosnervapedia talks about how the Democratic party is “pro-abortion and pro-gun control”.
His defense? There’s no such thing as a “neutral encyclopedia article, and the fact that the Wiki article mentions Thomas Jefferson as one of the intellectual originators of the Democratic party is purely specious”.
You’ll be able to listen to the goodness for yourself here later today.
I know we joke about how they think reality is biased against them – but they really Do think reality is biased against them.
Next up: some Democrat criticizes the tax cuts, calls for the ultra-wealthy to
pay their fair share, and Coulter calls it “class warfare.”
This is beyond…you know…”lies,” “propaganda,” “partisan rhetoric,” etc. This is pathology.
…these are the exact same people who destroyed the nuclear power industry in this country 30 years ago.
I wasn’t around back then, did we really do that? I’ve always thought that it was, you know, nuclear accidents that put the brakes on the whole cheap nuclear power ride. Three mile island. 861 “abnormal events” in 42 plants in 1973. Chernobyl. That kinda thing.
Here’s a shot of Leonardo Di Caprio’s elegant beachfront mansion:
[Don’t do that again, please.]
Oh, wait. I’m sorry. That’s not Leo’s place, that’s Ann Coulter’s house in Palm Beach – er, Trenton.
The reason Ann is so popular is because she plays on people’s JEALOUSY. Why the Leonardo DiCaprio jabs? Because 100% of stupid hick conservative rubes will never attain the acclaim, wealth and attractiveness of Mr. DiCaprio.
“The liberals are elitists that want to give everything away to the poor.” Sure, that makes loads of sense.
You’ll never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. Mencken said that. I’ll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours. I said that.
Yeah, I never quite understood why Republicans champion tax cuts for the most wealthy, don’t have a problem with the rising gap between executive compensation and average work compensation, yet Teresa Heinz Kerry is evil because she wears expensive shoes, John Edwards is evil because he has a big house, and Barbra Streisand is evil because she is chauffered.
It does seem Ms. Coulter’s column is only apparently debunking global warming. In reality, the essay is more defining Liberals as effete, rich, common-people hating, etc. She made THAT point very well.
Barbra Streisand is evil because she is chauffered.
Yentl makes the fucking case, why go further?
It’s kind of a self-fulfilling prophesy. This kind of depleted-uranium stupid actually does induce a kind of “Pagan Rage” in me. Not the cold, time-slows-down kind of rage that has occasionally saved me from my own stupidity, but a much more elemental kind of rage that makes me want to tear my clothes off, fashion a loincloth out of the nearest mammal’s skin, dance around the fire in an incoherent, spluttering rage, paint my face with ashes moistnened with urine and beat all the idiots repeatedly with a crude hardwood club…
mikey
I’m more of an Irate Atheist. Perhaps a Mildly Indignant Agnostic.
I’m an irritated Satanist. Not that there are any other kind.
I think Billy Pilgrim makes a good point; consider the recent foofaraw among evangelicals on “creation care” -verging on a purging- or the declaration by the Southern Baptists that environmentalism is a “neo-pagan religion.” There are folks who would rather let the world go to Hell in a hand basket, even speed the process, than align themselves even in the most minimal way with anyone on the left.
And I’m a huffy heretic.
I suspect that you are pushing your luck, in assuming that anyone knows who Karen Finley was.
/* Suck on it, PowerProf */
btw, where the fuck is my solar-powered mansion in the Hamptons? Apparently, as a member of the liberal global warming cabal, I’m entitled to at least one solar-powered mansion in the Hamptons and a maid to clean it.
Yeah! Except I want mine in Malibu next to Leo’s because, well, he is I and I is he. Two peas in a pod are we. Oh, and I don’t want my maid to be poor, so they have to give her to me before California becomes a wasteland.
Hello stupid liberals. I am Shoelimpy. I am here to school you on economics, reality, the Bible and things you liberals know nothing about. Let me begin….
I prefer chocolate to yams.
Mmmmmmm…. pie…..
The funniest part of that is her byline “Ann Coulter, Legal Affairs Correspondent.”
I dimly remember the little tvbot you’ve named the Great Gazoogle. What show was he from?
I dunno, I thought DiCaprio was mighty fine in The Departed, though Mark Wahlberg was robbed of his Best Supporting Oscar.
As for my mansion, it’s in Nantucket, baby.
The fact that Mark Wahlberg turned out to be such an incredibly talented actor has forever tainted one of the fondest memories of my childhood.
I used to ruthlessly mock NKOTB fans for liking a group of such obvious no-talent, pseudo-singer wannabe hacks(I was just the right age to be in their prime demographic). And when Marky Mark graduated to his solo work with the Funky Bunch, the whole lack of talent thing only got funnier.
But now, I will never again be able to say that Mark Wahlberg is a no-talent hack. He’s a damn fine actor, and I hate him for that. What other childhood icons of mockery will be taken away from me?
Oh, Jillian. It embarrasses me that I have any knowledge of this, but I don’t think Mark Wahlberg was a member of the NKOTB. At least not in their boy band prime. His brother Donnie was, but not Marky Mark.
I shall now hang my head in shame.
Gah!
You have forced me to look up a Wikipedia article that I never once thought I would ever, ever, ever, ever reference.
Ever.
And you’re right.
Guess I won’t be hanging tough tonight.
Wait, wait, you missed the best part! She called Hitler a “liberal”!
I used to ruthlessly mock NKOTB fans for liking a group of such obvious no-talent, pseudo-singer wannabe hacks(I was just the right age to be in their prime demographic). And when Marky Mark graduated to his solo work with the Funky Bunch, the whole lack of talent thing only got funnier.
“Marky” Mark Wahlberg was never a New Kid On The Block. You’re thinking of the truly untalented Wahlberg, Donnie.
Actually, even Donnie isn’t completely bereft of talent. He has a decent little acting career going. He was in “The Sixth Sense” and “Band of Brothers.” He mostly does TV stuff now.
His best career moment came in 1991, while on tour with NKOTB. He tried to set a hotel room on fire with a Molotov cocktail, which is pretty outstanding.
I dimly remember the little tvbot you’ve named the Great Gazoogle. What show was he from?
The Flintstones.
Ann, we mustn’t gnaw on our kitties.
But in more cheerful news, you really HAVE to listen to Andrew Schlafly’s thing on NPR.
First of all, he actually sounds sorta like the Comic Book Guy.
Secondly….did you know the Conservapedia people have done a study – a real study, mind you, and not one of those biased studies that biased people like population scientists do – and determined – scientifically and without bias – that Wikipedia is six times as liberal as the average American?
Six times.
My god. That’s like 6.0221415 × 10^23 times as liberal as your average member of the Republican party, then!
I propose a new unit of measurement…..whenever anybody who obviously knows fuck all about statistics in the social sciences makes a statistical claim that they obviously pulled out of their ass, let us refer to the measurement as a “Schlafly”.
For example, if someone were to claim that 53% of Americans still support the war in Iraq, that would be “fifty-three Schlaflys of Americans”.
In the quote above from Schlafly himself, we would say that Wikipedia is six Schlaflys as liberal as the average American.
What do you think?
Listen here.
Hey Ann….How come money’s a bad thing only when liberals have it?
It does not occur to them that someone has to manufacture the tiles and steel and glass and solar panels that go into those “eco-friendly� mansions
Um, I’m pretty sure that one of the whole rationales for the Apollo Project and related initiatives is that developing alternative energy sources will, you know, create jobs.
OK, lemme try it out.
“There was more Schlaflys consumed in the manufacture, construction and maintenance of Leonardo DiCaprio’s Malibu home than is needed to light the entire city of Albuquerque…”
Above: Future Brent Bozell decries pro-chimp media bias
Pure fucking genius.
Wait, wait, you missed the best part! She called Hitler a “liberal�!
Oh, that’s a standard wingnut talking point these days. It’s like the punchline to a setup nobody offered.
“My mother still thinks I’m a virgin.“
They act as if America could reduce its vast energy consumption by using fluorescent bulbs and driving hybrid cars rather than SUVs.
Well, Ann…it could. Couldn’t it? I mean, if you drive cars that use less petrol, and use bulbs that require less electricity, doesn’t that reduce the total energy demand? Or did I hallucinate passing physics?
I too love the fact that she’s apparently a “Legal Affairs Correspondent”. Is that because she only bonks beasts she’s got a license for?
I’m pretty sure that Mark Wahlberg is more talented than Donnie by a factor of 2.7 Schlaflys.
What?
Wait, wait, you missed the best part! She called Hitler a “liberal�!
I like it even better when they say that liberals are fascist yet unpatriotic.
“The whole U.S. will look like Amagansett, with no one living in it except their even-tempered maids”
Sounds like Heaven to me — and if the maid is “even-tempered” she must be skimming the Vicadin and Oxycodin — just another perk.
Ooohh. Good game. I’m gonna have 3 Morticians of scotch, one Jillian of decent medical marijuana and hand Ann Coulter 35 Shlaflys of anchor chain and send her for a swim.
There.
Fixed…
mikey
If you put Pam, Michelle, and Ann in a room together, the batshit factor in the air would increase by eight billion Shlafly units, causing an implosion that would suck the entire planet into a black hole.
That NPR interview was great. The ending line was absurd. “Attempt to legitimize the modern democratic party…”
Uhh dude, it’s a major party, it’s legitimate.
Presented for your delightenment: Max Rugemer, of WaPo comments section.
Democrats have been on the wrong side of almost every issue all the time. Democrats turned SE Asia over to commies in 1975 and millions were slaughtered while the Democrat Media shifted public attention to their Watergate Coup. Democrat New Dealers under Democrat President for Life FDR tried to turn the world over to Alger Hisss Soviet masters. Democrat President Wilson lied the US into WW I to save the British Empire from defeat and opened todays Pandoras box of foreign policy horrors. Democrats on the domestic front have also been for SLAVERY, SECESSION and SEGREGATION.
By Max Rugemer | Mar 13, 2007 7:02:24 AM | Request Removal
w00+!!11eleven!
If you put Pam, Michelle and Ann together in a steel cage, gave them chainsaws and had them battle to the death, the winner would be:
A. Pam
B. Michelle
C. Ann
D. The viewing public
D!
But if that’s not the right answer, I hope Pam wins. I feel sorrier for her, because she’s clearly got major problems. The other two are teh Evil.
Here’s the intro from Conservapedia’s Ann Coulter entry:
This rest of the entry concentrates on her recent remarks about John Edwards.
Good start. Needs work.
Why don’t y’all photoshop Ms. Coulter with a Bozo wig on? Or would that be wrong . . .
Speaking of Global Warming, has anyone else been tracking the latest orgasm in wingnutopia over the “Global Warming Swindle”?
Am I alone in this or what? It is pretty strange that the conservatives are falling in love with this film and using at ammunition to bash “leftists” when the man that made the film is an admitted Marxist, extreme leftist!
Strange bedfellows … I guess … or the cons are just whores.
her strong defense of family values
This has got to be the greatest circus act of the century. Defending family values while displaying virtually none!!!!!!
I would find it funnier if not for the whole Rwanda debacle. You know in your hearts that Coulter’s “base” (and when has that word seemed so apt?) is just waiting for Rush to announce that it’s Librul-Killin Season. At which point they’ll bring out their precious second-amendment props and go into the street to kill… the neighbor’s cat, probably, if they don’t accidentally shoot one of their own kids and have to derail Operation Wolverine until they’re back from the emergency room and several rounds of harsh disbelief from the local cops. Although I hope the dark-skinned guy at the local gas’n’go has the good sense to get outta Dodge, or at least behind the bulletproof partitions, once Fox News rolls out it “America Held Hostage — By Itself!!!” scary logo & music. Because America, praise Goddess, is too fat and prosperous to really get behind wide-scale murder on our own territory, although there’s certainly a subset of injustice collectors who’d welcome the chance to punish everyone within range for not being as miserable, paranoid, and scared as they are.
I don’t think Coulter’s crazy. I think she’s a user who’s made a damn profitable living out of encouraging the genuinely borderline-sane to believe in demons and succubi when they should have been paying attention to the real threats to their lives and prosperity. She’s just evil, and (as Gavin so brilliantly proves) she has to keep ramping up the volume of her hatefulness the way any other addict has to keep ramping up the doseage on their favorite drug. And I wish I could believe she’d pay for her sins against her fellow humans, but I don’t think it will happen in this lifetime.
“Here’s the intro from Conservapedia’s Ann Coulter entry:”
Huh, no mention of Ann’s early life fighting to leave the slums of New Canaan,CT…or her stint as a roadie with the Grateful Dead which tragically ended at a New Rochelle parking lot after she eaten all of the brown acid. Robert Hunter even penned a song about her:
She’s Gone
Rat in a drain ditch
Caught on a limb
You know better but
I know her
Like I told you
What I said
Steal your face
right off you head
Now she’s gone
Lord she’s gone
Like a steam locomotive
rolling down the track
She’s gone
She’s gone
and nothing’s gonna bring her back
She’s gone
Nine mile skid
on a ten mile ride
Hot as a pistol
but cool inside
Cat on a tin roof
Dogs in a pile
Nothing left to do but
smile, smile, smile
Now she’s gone
Lord she’s gone
Like a steam locomotive
rolling down the track
She’s gone
She’s gone
and nothing’s gonna bring her back
She’s gone
Going where the wind don’t blow so strange
Maybe on some high cold mountain range
Lost one round but the price wasn’t anything
Knife in a back and more of the same
Same old rat in a drain ditch
Out on a limb
You know better but I know her
Now she’s gone
Lord she’s gone
Like a steam locomotive
rolling down the track
She’s gone
She’s gone
and nothin’s gonna bring her back
She’s gone….
They act as if America could reduce its vast energy consumption by using fluorescent bulbs and driving hybrid cars rather than SUVs.
Hmm … from http://www.physorg.com/news91171489.html
Feb. 20, 2007
Australia has announced plans to ban traditional light bulbs in a move Prime Minister John Howard called a practical step toward slowing climate change.
Claiming a world first for a national government, Environment Minister Malcolm Turnbull said incandescent lightbulbs would be phased out by 2010 in favour of the more fuel-efficent compact fluorescent bulbs.
He said replacing the traditional coiled filament bulbs invented by Thomas Edison in the 19th century would cut Australia’s greenhouse gas emissions by four million tonnes a year by 2015.
“If the whole world switches to these bulbs today, we would reduce our consumption of electricity by an amount equal to five times Australia’s annual consumption of electricity,” Turnbull said.
“The climate change challenge is a global one. I encourage other countries to follow Australia’s lead and make the switch to more energy efficient products like compact fluorescent light bulbs.”
So I guess John Howard and all Australians are gay homos … the worst kind.
Humans are evil to worship
singularity of 1day education,
ignoring Nature’s Harmonic
Cubic Antipodal Creation.
Is there a Conservapedia entry for time cube yet?
The hell is her problem with Nashville? It’s the home of country music, on that we all agree. But when you cross that old Red River, hoss, that just don’t mean a thing…sorry, took a Waylon turn of mind there for a second.
Still. Hatin’ on Nashville, I don’t get it. That’s the NASCAR-Dad Holy Land, for cryin’ out loud. I dig the burg myself – every good country boy with a guitar in his hand and a woman in his past does – but it’s a bit fuckin’ goofy to pretend it’s a liberal enclave.
But then again, this argument’s coming from someone who actually claims that more scientists support astrology than global climate change. It’s like the friggin’ Creationist/Intelligent Design dingbats. There is no debate. The work has been done and the problem (theory) is real. Your point of view or religious beliefs are irrelevent. Reality doesn’t give a shit.
Sheesh…
100, bitchez!!
It sounds like Ann is in her last throes.
Man, the skilz. That Brent Bozell is perfect!
The entire fuel-guzzling, tacky, beer-drinking, NASCAR-watching middle class with their over-large families will simply have to die.
Family is just a dirty word for censorship!
ALL HAIL SATAN!!!
She reused her same crappy joke. (More reputable scientists defend astrology than global warming) …. or in Glodless (evolution is one notch above scientology in scientific rigor). Sure she’s making a joke, but the joke’s on her. Because, anyone can go to this building full of books called a “library” and look up the peer reviewed “scientific journals” or “books” written by “scientists” and scientists who have won these prizes called “nobels”.
She never cites any of that stuff. NEVER!!!! She doesn’t even make references to stuff that would indicate that she’s even taken a peek at the stuff. She never uses terminology, she never goes into any real area of scientific debate, she simply avoids all the science of it.
I fail to see how anyone can read this stuff and not see at as a perfect example of someone who is REALLY opinionated over a subject they don’t know jack shit about?
Well, we are talking about a woman who didn’t know that Thomas Jefferson was a U.S president.
Awesome SG! banner! I love how you have Steve in the tank. 😀
Camille Paglia continues to get more and more obnoxious. My God, what a ponderous twit. Check out her newest piece of crap on Salon if you’re in the mood to vomit.
First she rants with a completely straight face about the “liberal bias” of the media. No, really. Here’s a direct quote:
“It’s as if Democrats, pampered and spoiled by so many decades of the mainstream media trumpeting the liberal agenda, are so shaky in their convictions that they cannot risk an encounter with opposing views. Democrats have ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, the New York Times, Newsweek, Time and 98 percent of American humanities professors to do their bidding. But no, that’s not enough — every spark of dissent has to be extinguished with buckets of bile.”
Oooh, how contrarian. Here’s another gem about Coulter’s faggot “joke”:
What could have been a good joke at the expense of p.c. Hollywood misfired badly first because that old chestnut of a schoolyard insult makes no sense whatever when applied to Edwards…
In other words, that joke would have been funny if Edwards was REALLY a “faggot.” Camille Paglia, you really, really, really suck.
Okay, one more:
Coulter is a smart woman with formidable energy, and whether liberals like it or not, she is a high-profile feminist role model in her appetite for aggressive debate.
Barf. I think Paglia wants to suck Ann’s dick.
Democrats have been on the wrong side of almost every issue all the time. Democrats turned SE Asia over to commies in 1975 and millions were slaughtered while the Democrat Media shifted public attention to their Watergate Coup. Democrat New Dealers under Democrat President for Life FDR tried to turn the world over to Alger Hisss Soviet masters. Democrat President Wilson lied the US into WW I to save the British Empire from defeat and opened todays Pandoras box of foreign policy horrors. Democrats on the domestic front have also been for SLAVERY, SECESSION and SEGREGATION.
Democrats also opposed the creation of the wheel, religion, and the Wankel rotary engine.
Seriously here for a second. Can you imagine that a normal human being is typing this stuff — let alone a lavishly-rewarded, mansion-inhabiting author and columnist? Fun’s fun, but when your writing start to literally (not just metaphorically) resemble the text of Sharpie-scrawled jeremiads taped to subway-station pillars, then people start to wonder not only why you’re still famous, but why you’re being allowed to run around unsupervised in a world full of innocent bystanders.
Dude, I’m wondering why, when i dress up in a simple black cocktail dress and hang about dcys meetings hitting on the cute bearded older men and explaining the evils of solar panels and mooslums, I don’t get paid. I just don’t get it, I leave every party unsupported by thinktank dollars and a spot on Fox News wondering, what is it about me in a dress that doesn’t appeal to these people?
If Shredder and digamma happen to be around:
you guys are teh 5uxxx0r for not telling me that the most horrible rat bastard in the history of the internets has joined a different blog and commenced posting with some regularity:
http://likelihoodofsuccess.com/
But all is forgiven because I’m gonna have me some fun with that.
How come you’re not makin fun of Ace?
I heard he’s admitting that his hero W is not so hot.
Camille Paglia jumped the shark a long time ago, if she ever had any value to begin with. The readers at Salon mostly hate her and the editors refuse to justify her existence.
She has a monthly column now but she did a couple guest columns and interviews in the past few years, all met with scorn from the readers.
She’s another Coulter. She doesn’t do any research, she doesn’t make any sense or justify her opinions. She is also a shameless self-promoter, talking about her book, what she ate for dinner, etc etc.
Her last column generated more than 600 hundred letters, 500+ of which were very negative. We’re on to her!
Its would be more entertaining to slap down
Mr. EdAnn and her fellow travellers’ attempts to suggest that “if a Liberal thought of it, it must be wrong” it weren’t for the fact that the consequences of their blind hatred and knee-jerk dismissal have been so grim.According to the Wingers, Clinton’s State Dept. just didn’t have the ‘nads to get tough with North Korea on its nuclear program. The deal put in place is the 90s (where the IAEA had cameras in all NK facilities) just showed what a dumb pansy Clinton was ’cause “everyone knew” L’il Kim was just building them in secret bases. Enter Commander Codpiece, who withdraws from the Clinton deal, slaps the “Axis of Eeeeeevil” tag on NK, and starts making demands without concessions. The result? There never were any “secret bases”, NK builds and tests actual nukes and we just signed a deal identical to the one Clinton had in place (you know, except for the “stop them from getting The Bomb” part…)
Or, remember how Clinton going after bin Laden was just oh so much “wag the dog” bullshit to distract god-fearin’ Americans from the evil blow job scandal and how the CIA was just packed with Democrats who hyped the threat of terrorism to keep themselves in a cushy gubmit jobs? Enter the Boy Wonder and his cabinet Many Men who immediately shifted focus to the real threat, that nasty Saddam, and, who blew off all that “OBL determined to strike in US” Liberal claptrap from the CIA. Why, Dubya himself saw through all that CIA BS and even told the briefer flown in a panic from DC to Crawford to tell him about an imminent threat to go on back home, that he’d “covered his ass”. The result? Two gaping holes in lower Manhattan and a shitload of dead people.
Global warming? Liberal hoax. Safe food and drugs? Democrats just hate big business. Keep kids safe by teaching safe sex? Democrats hate Jesus!.
The authoritarians have been holed up in their little media echo chamber, getting high on their own paranoid ass fumes for so long, they’ve lost the ability to tell yesterday’s campaign talking-point from today’s reality. I don’t think they even remember why they hate us anymore, they just do. And that hatred is all they have left.
The hell is her problem with Nashville?
Al Gore lives there, which makes it a liberal city by definition, apparently.
Why don’t y’all photoshop Ms. Coulter with a Bozo wig on? Or would that be wrong . . .
But for the love of God, don’t give her a sandwich.
Mike Adams to the rescue!
And that hatred is all they have left.
that is so true. Watche the kneejerk responses from the right blogs and Foxnews to anything a Democrat or liberal does- the first step is to find a way to denigrate and dismiss.
HTML Mencken — great name! Please, I am intrigued. What makes me, a very small fry indeed, “the most horrible rat bastard in the history of the internets [sic“? Did you mean to link somewhere else? I mean, I am guessing this appellation is an honor but it must be mis-addressed.
You can’t even say, “Ann Coulter looks like a skinny dood and there is no question when she and Malkin go at it who wears the strap-on” without checking into rehab…
Dammit, we needed the uranium for our radioactive robot monster, ok?
I thought our robot monster ran on corndogs?
Bubba, seems they took it down (with good reason, even if Mike was “joking”)
she never goes into any real area of scientific debate
Because, like all these blow-hard wingnut evolution/global warming deniers, they’re are not scientists. Any scientist who ranted like this with such flimsy evidence would find themselves marginilized to a career-stagnating or career-ending fate. That is the power of peer review.
Add to that the fact she wouldn’t understand what the she was reading about if she actually bothered to reference any of this. She’s not that smart. That is why scientist have to take all those classes and do all that research.
Thing is, natural forces like evolution and global warming don’t give a fuck whether people “believe” in them or not. They will have their effects without our “consent”. Scientist didn’t “believe” in these forces for some religious or political reason. They are discoveries of natural events. They require no more belief than does the observation of oceanic tides.
I for one, “believe” we have passed “the tipping point” in global warming and “believe” it has been driven primarily by human activity (oft overlooked: the rate of deforestation as a major player). These are opinions based on what I see as sudden turn-arounds by governments and corporations, and the changes in models for global warming…rate and severity have consistently been scaled upward. (I won’t even go into Insurance companies).
So Ann can do all the bob-and-weave she wants. Hope she enjoys the aftermath and FEMA fun when a Cat. 5 takes out her Palm Beach mansion.
Bubba, seems they took it down (with good reason, even if Mike was “joking�)
There have been technical problems at Town Hall I think, involving comments. Imagine! The article still exists here.
“They think they can live in a world of only Malibu and East Hampton — with no Trentons or Detroits.”
But Ann…you do live in East Hampton and Malibu. I believe you also have that Florida (beach front), Manhattan, Washington, Cape Cod, vacation in Europe thing working for you.
Will her followers ever catch on she’s laughing at them?
[golfClap] Im’ in constant awe of your ability to get through that crap…[/golfClap]
Forget the lunacy of people claiming to tell us the precise temperature of planet Earth in 1918 based on tree rings.
I understand the general science education level of the people that she plays to, but why anyone ..even those just saying stupid things for attention, would want to not only display but bronze and put up for public display their complete and total lack of a science education.. is beyond me.
“Dammit, we needed the uranium for our radioactive robot monster, ok?
“I thought our robot monster ran on corndogs?”
I thought they ran on beer?!
It’s scary and stoopid that she should write such an article and get paid for it. What is even scarier is that People Believe Her! And Quote Her and Proclaim her Smart and Excellent.
That Really Scares Me.
I suppose that report thats coming out signed by all the Big Name Scientists with Dire Warnings of Global Warning are actually busy studying Astrology?
If our Robot Monster doesn’t have a deep-sea diving helmet (with aerials), a fur covered body exterior, and a hi-tech bubble machine in his cave, I don’t wanna be part of the Liberal Conspiracy anymore.
If our Robot Monster doesn’t have a deep-sea diving helmet (with aerials), a fur covered body exterior, and a hi-tech bubble machine in his cave, I don’t wanna be part of the Liberal Conspiracy anymore.
Didn’t Emma Goldman say that?
“What other childhood icons of mockery will be taken away from me?”
Marsha Brady became an excellent pole dancer.
I’m getting confused. General Pace said he didn’t want homosexuals in the military because they’re immortal? Wouldn’t immortal soldiers be a good thing? Then the 2008 presidential candidates have all come out to say they’re for better treatment of wounded pets. Now this is a nice sentiment, but is it really that big a deal?
People keep saying I need glasses or something. Glasses full of what, I ask?
mikey
I dunno. I think she’s phoning it in.
“If our Robot Monster doesn’t have a deep-sea diving helmet (with aerials), a fur covered body exterior, and a hi-tech bubble machine in his cave, I don’t wanna be part of the Liberal Conspiracy anymore.”
http://www.hollywoodjesus.com/movie/life_aquatic/07.jpg early Liberal Robot Monster prototype. Note the lack of Anti-Morality lazers or the P.A.G.A.N.* Engine found in later models.
*People Against Normalcy And Goodness.
….switch the Goodness and Normalcy around. Fuck.
I actually have a PAGAN costume I sometimes wear for Halloween. Made my own goat leggings and everything!
Just think, in the geological microsecond of 10000 years, the earth will be healed, and Annie Rexic will be dead.
Nice channeling of Emily Litella, mikey.
I believe those glasses ought to contain 2 kingubus of good gin (I recommend Hendrick’s) and a Righteous Bubba of very dry vermouth. Repeat at least once per Qetesh.
Y’know, I read that Paglia column, n at first I thought it was a collection of Ann Althouse’s posts.
I especially liked the display of moral righteousness borne of watching black men perform physical labor instead of spending time with her family.
Not that I can comprehend it, but it was amusing.
Also, logging in doesn’t save comments from being lost in the neverending 503 attacks. whoever told me that is a terrible liar n I hate you i hate you i hate you you’re not my real father!
Gay persecution does not rival black persecution in the annals (I could not find a better word to insert here) of American history.
You can just tell Mike checked his dictionary three times here to make sure he had the spelling right.
Paleolithic Liberal Robot Monster:
http://www.cylon.org/images/bmovies/robmonster44c.jpg
Notice how the Liberal Robot Monster gets the girl.
Hey, Ron! It’s not *you* at all.
Carry on!
[…] UPDATE: “Never mind“? […]
Nieporent?! Even more no way.
I’m in awe of her ability to say ungrounded things with what sounds like total convictions. And in awe of the ability of ignorant morons to take her seriously.
Honestly, if she wasn’t a paid columnist, she would be one of those people posting photocopied fliers in subways. The right has made a deal with the devil of hatred, and now they’re stuck with quite a few devils they’re reliant on. They can’t stop mainlining hits of Coulter, Malkin, and Limbaugh because its all that arllies people.
I overestimated Townhall then, Bubba.
What makes me, a very small fry indeed, “the most horrible rat bastard in the history of the internets [sic“?
Maybe the fact that you think HTML’s use of the word internets is a typo? And/or that you committed your own silly typo in an attempt to use the neener-neener of [sic]? Or that — oh, never mind. It wasn’t you after all.
I made a typo. I thought HMTL had made a screwup-o. But it wasn’t me, oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa-oh.
HTML. (Sigh-oh.)
The first thing I read by her was that lame column about the Democratic convention in 2004–the one her editor refused to run. It sounded as though she took a set of refrigerator magnets with stale insults to liberals printed on them and applied them at random. Then she sent in a picture of it for publication.
Can you imagine her having the same status in wingnutland if she were not a tall, long-legged blonde? With those boxes checked the wingnuts can tell themselves she is attractive, which builds their self-esteem. And I guess her intellect and writing style is a stretch for wingnuts.
Please, the right wing base doesn’t pay attention to any woman, above the neck and the only ‘unfogivable sin’ she could commit is to gain 30 pounds.
But global warming is the most insane, psychotic idea liberals have ever concocted to kill off “useless eaters.�
Damn! Our secret plan to get rid of the American Enterprise Institute has been revealed…
Also, Ann misspelled “Ukrainians”. And Hitler was not an atheist.
[…] Picture shamelessly filched from Sadly, No […]