The Soft Bigotry Of Low Pony Expectations
Conservapedia: Enjoy it now before it becomes a wholly-infiltrated parody site!
This entry is real:
The existence of unicorns is controversial. Secular opinion is that they are mythical. However, they are referred to in the Bible nine times,[1] which provides an unimpeachable de facto argument for their once having been in existence.
In the original texts, unicorns go by the Hebrew name Re-em whereas the Greek Septuagint used the name Monokeros.[2] Unicorn itself is Latin. All three names mean “one horn”.
Above: “Remains of a Re-em that perished in the Great Flood.”
While popularly characterized as a horned member of the horse baramin, it is likely that the unicorn was actually quite unhorselike. One recognized theory is that the unicorn was actually the rhinoceros,[1] however a growing number of Creation researchers are theorizing that the unicorn was actually a member of the ceratopsian baramin.[2]
Post-Noachian references[1] to unicorns have led some researchers to argue that unicorns are still alive today. At the very least, it is likely that they were taken aboard the Ark prior to the Great Flood.
fitz!
no, sorry.
“unimpeachable de facto argument”
this is so post noachian
Secord!
Is this parody?
sir, the bible is no parody.
In the name of our Lord, Samuel Smith, I demand that all of you spread the werd of Him
I think they were a kind of horse that grew a tooth like a narwhal thing.
But the unicorns were off playing silly games when the ark was loaded so they never got on. Everyone knows that.
Among the many mistranslations to be found in the King James Version of ‘the Bible,’
we have the Hebrew “re’em;’ its correct meaning is ‘wild ox’ — an ox with TWO horns, by the way.
This is going to be really, really fun.
The “Big Oil” page is really fun.
However, they are referred to in the Bible nine times,[1] which provides an unimpeachable de facto argument for their once having been in existence.
Well, that’s eight whole references better than the homosexuality ban, I believe, which should make the unicorn a much greater part of church doctrine than the quivering terror of gay people.
And I too love the ‘unimpeachable de facto argument’ part. Very post-Noachian indeed.
For those of you who love a rollicking good Bible yarn with pictures, I offer for your delectation the The Brick Testament, a labour of love and Lego. There’s some lovely illlustrations of Leviticus, which is a favourite of those purse-lipped Victorians who want to ban everything that’s fun and kill everyone just in case.
Me, I think they look like my sister when she’s leaving the room: there’s no-one like a righteous Christian fundie for doing the cat’s bum mouth effect. And while I found the illustrations of little Lego humans having sex amusing, I was far more impressed with the lavish Garden of Eden spread. And I recommend to all the tableaux of The Second Circumcision from the book of Joshua. All that meat and no potatoes…
But the unicorns were off playing silly games when the ark was loaded so they never got on. Everyone knows that.
Annie’s pretending NOT to believe in this garbage.
http://www.answersingenesis.org/home/area/faq/geocentrism.asp
Evolution is wrong.
Unicorns are real.
The sun revolves around the earth.
Americans are completely fucking insane, and will stop being the major power within 20 years.
Yes, it is!
20 years? Wow that’s optimistic of you.
Oooh, this is so much fun. Have a look at the Examples of Bias in Wikipedia. The Conservatories have got their knickers in a twist mostly because they think Wikipedia isn’t saying that the Christo-fascist-US is the omphalos of the universe. They complain at length about how British (imagine! British!) spelling is often used, rather than US English, and wail about the use of other Anglophile and Anglophone entries, instead of the correct, god-fearing, ‘Murkin usages.
Wikipedia displays an obsession with English social distinctions, such as obscure royality, and with unexplained academic distinctions earned in the English college system, such as references to “double first degree.” The entry on Henry Liddell illustrates this extreme form of Anglophilia that characterizes many entries in Wikipedia.
But wait, there’s more:
yet describes in painstaking detail four obscure royal titles for Liddell’s relatives
Baron, baronet, and earl. How obscure are they? And if perchance one doesn’t know what they mean, well, the good Wikipeds provide linkies to definitions.
Wikipedia has many entries on mathematical concepts, but lacks any entry on the basic concept of an elementary proof. Elementary proofs require a rigor lacking in many mathematical claims promoted on Wikipedia.
This surprised me, because I hadn’t previously heard of an elementary proof, despite being a mathematician in a former life. The good Cromagnopediacs provided a definition, which made little sense either, and this, combined with their claim about rigor sounds very very silly indeed to a mathematician.
And the whining about ‘leftist bias’ and ‘anti-Christian bias’ sounds oh-so-foolish, nay retarded. Fancy taking umbrage at the use of CE rather than AD. Me, I drop my umbrage on the bed, along with any spiders I may find. The handmaiden is so gratifyingly pleased with those, she actually shrieks in delight.
I so enjoy giving pleasure to others.
Americans are completely fucking insane, and will stop being the major power within 20 years.
Almost half of them don’t care. They think the “rapture” is coming before then. It’s hopeless.
the ‘cat’s bum mouth effect’ eh?
when they have worms there is a disquieting clenching of the sphincter, a dissapproving, rhythmic, pursing.
wait..second circumcision?
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
stuff
I’m sure that makes sense. Me? I’m just having fun readin the last three sentences.
On second thought…
This thread said,
facist swan octopus song past tense
Either I’ve had too much, or you guys aren’t making much sense.
owlbear1:
Naw, I just think it’s the conservative estimate. I’d hate to have my punditry be ahead of it’s time. 🙂
Stavro:
Yeah, I know. The darkly-humorous thing is that while these fantasist cretins are busy destroying scientific education, a generation of dedicated scientists and engineers is precisely what is required to maintain civilization heading into the future. Economic collapse, environmental collapse, geopolitical collapse… You know, all those things the really-existing scientists have been waving their arms about since the late 1970s.
when they have worms there is a disquieting clenching of the sphincter, a dissapproving, rhythmic, pursing.
Now that was poetic. Gross, but poetic.
I drop my umbrage on the bed, along with any spiders I may find.
I was under the impression that you take your umbrage with you, when retiring in high dudgeon (where ‘you’ = ‘anyone’, not specifically Qetesh). I am not precisely sure what a high dudgeon looks like, though I have a mental image of something rather like a hansom cab.
It should not be confused with a high gudgeon, which is a kind of fish. I had some nasty experiences of food poisoning before I worked that out.
nrocinu (unicorn spelled backwards) has a horn growing out of its ass.
Been clicking on Random Page:
THE UNITED KINGDOM
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland is a nation formed by the conquest of inferior races by the English, although its first King was the Scottish confirmed bachelor King James. As a constitutional monarchy, it enjoys the benefit of the most perfect system of government known to man.
Really?
Crusades… Good or Bad?
That was supposed to be a link…
I liked the subject:
Is democracy even possible in Iraq?
Yes
Yes
No
Mark twain, etc, etc
As a constitutional monarchy, it enjoys the benefit of the most perfect system of government known to man.
Well, they are called “authoritarian cultists” for a reason.
I’m wondering if infiltration hasn’t already begun- look up ‘atheism’ and you will find an interesting mixture of reality and fantasy. On the one hand, it links to a page that describes the empirical evidence suggesting a correlation between a society steeped in religious doctrine and social ills, and a link with, goodness, all I can remember now is a strange graphic that looked like a huge machine spermatazoa. It had something to do with intelligent design.
The mythical Re’em were not Unicorns. Nor does their description remotely resemble a Ceratopsian. They were described as a pair of immense beasts, large enough for david to have been held high above the earth by grasping it’s horn as it reared it’s head. That is much too large to be either a Equestrian or Ceratopsian. They were also described as omnivovres so voracious they were limited to a single pair lest they devoid all life in the planet. I’m not aware of either of these types of animals eating meat on a regular basis.
I would seriously doubt the scholarly ability of this person.
wait..second circumcision?
Right here, judeanpeoplesfront. I also recommend The Spies and the Prostitute, also from the book of Joshua, and a bunch of excerpts from Leviticus and so forth, categorised broadly as The Law. Fun for all the family (Incest, When To Stone Your Children, etc), including the animals (Bestiality), and interactions with the wider society (The Occult, Transvestism, and How Long To Hang Somebody being particularly piquant).
Covers everything a serious monotheist needs to know.
I am not precisely sure what a high dudgeon looks like, though I have a mental image of something rather like a hansom cab.
What a fine image, good Doktor. Has just the right mix of Georgian fripperies with a hint of dark London streets.
It should not be confused with a high gudgeon, which is a kind of fish. I had some nasty experiences of food poisoning before I worked that out.
Urk. I like my fish fresh. Or perhaps, Doktor, your gudgeon was really a fugu, and not high at all? Mayhap you were just inadvertently fugu-ed by an unlicensed fishmonger?
A lot of the material that’s showing up on Conservapedia pages is being cribbed directly from A Beka texbooks.
A Beka textbooks are published by the same people who run Pensacola Christian College, a school that is so far out there, theologically and educationally speaking, that it cannot even get accredited. Kids who graduate from this school have a degree that is worth absolutely nothing.
This “Conservapedia” is part of the effort Dominionists are making to set up a sort of “shadow-America” or “shadow-reality” alongside what already exists. We have schools that teach children about reality in all of its complicated messiness, they have “schools” that teach children about the bright, clear dividing line in their dichotomous, black and white universe between God’s good and Satan’s evil. We have news organizations that deal – with varying levels of skill – with how screwed up the world is, they have Fox News. We have colleges where people are forced to confront ideas they disagree with (no matter what they come to college believing) in the belief that having your ideas challenged makes you a better thinker and a better person, they have Pensacola Christian College and Patrick Henry College.
None of this would really be a problem if it weren’t for the fact that their alternate reality is starting to take over our real reality. Go take a look at how many students from Patrick Henry College end up becoming Congressional staffers of one sort or another.
Sorry to keep banging this particular drum around here, but it just keeps coming up. Probably because the conservative theocratic Christians are winning the culture wars.
I couldn’t help it and clicked on the link for George Washington:
George Washington (1732-1799) was unanimously elected President of the United States of America and the Commander-in-Chief in the Revolutionary War![1] He was also a devout Christian, with his adopted daughter once stating that if you question Washington’s faith you may as well question whether or not he was a patriot![2]
Washington is perhaps the person other than Jesus who declined enormous worldly power, in Washington’s case by voluntarily stepping aside as the ruler of a prosperous nation! His precedent of serving only two terms was then voluntarily followed for 140 years!
Thanks for the book report, Felicity! That was, like, totally informative!
You can have your Washington — sorry, Washington! — and I’ll keep mine.
I think we should all go here and add more references on Homosexuality in Nature
http://www.conservapedia.com/Homosexuality
Sorry for the double post, but guess what! I can’t create an account. Funny that. Maybe because I’m in the evil Europe.
If anyone can get something like this page into their links, I’ll be impressed.
http://www.livescience.com/animalworld/061116_homosexual_animals.html
Alright, I braved the Reagan entry. (I can’t help it. It’s like a sore tooth I can’t stop touching.)
In one of his most famous challenges to Soviet Communism in Europe, he publicly uttered the words, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall,” before the tearing down of the Berlin Wall separating East and West Germany.
I love this conservative logic. Reagan demanded it, and they complied. It’s like all the previous Cold War presidents are kicking themselves. Shit, we only had to ask and they’d stop all that communism crap?! Who knew?
He also introduced the idea of “Reaganomics” in which the rich would spend money which would trickle down to the poor.
This is a nice slip, since a true blue conservative never would’ve said “trickle down” since that was the liberal term for it all.
…advocating a reduction in the size and budget of the federal government, although during his terms in office the government size and budget both increased rather than decreasing due to tax-and-spend Democrats.
Wait, I thought there wasn’t anyone Saint Reagan couldn’t defeat? The dirty Dimmycrats conned him? Are you sure the budget was never balanced because he drastically cut government revenues (i.e. taxes) and vastly expanded government spending (i.e. military)? And never once submitted a balanced budget to Congress? No, no. Must’ve been those tax-and-spend Democrats. I mean, come on — it’s right there in their name. Tax-and-spend. Sheesh.
I tried! And have to admit, I failed. Although, I was attempting to make an entry under ‘fairies’.
heeeheee….somebody needs to give Sadly, No! a Conservapedia entry.
It should contain links to the page on demonic possession, naturally.
Re: Elementary Proof
Can I get a sadly, no?
Do they feel that complex numbers are tools of the devil or something? Am I going to have to go to every math page on Conservopedia and demand an elementary proof for everything? If so, do they think that the Fermat-Wilkes Theorem remains unproven?
(forgive my math nerdiness)
Complex numbers are tools of the devil. Everybody knows that.
Just like complex thoughts.
Well you know that Jillian, and I know that. But how did those fine folks at Conservopedia catch on to our sinister plot to corrupt their children with the power of sqrt (-1)?
I remember being overly intoxicated at a bar one night, and attempting to convince one of my philosophy profs that you could use complex numbers to mathematically refute Pascal’s Wager.
There are funny drunks, and there are mean drunks.
I, however, am the only boring drunk I know.
bwahahahahaha!
Oh, I am easy to amuse.
Being a boring drunk beats being boring sober any day.
I love how these kooks feel the need to preface scientific laws with, “except for God, this holds true.” Look, if you accept the idea of an omnipotent being, then logically, there can be no scientific constraints placed on it, to fit (at least the human) definition of omnipotence.
I am far less interested in whether or not God can square the circle than I am in whether or not God can make a rock so heavy He can’t pick it up.
Well, in my experience, God plays by a different set of rules than we do, which makes the pranks she pulls all the more hilarious.
You aren’t looking for redemption, are you, Jillian?
All rocks are heavy.
So much effort spent on mimickry and manque authority. A monkey in a top hat and monocle, flinging poo with a gloved hand.
If I got redemption, I fear it would interfere with my ability to laugh my ass off over stuff like this
Now, if you’ve got some discount coupons to Shoney’s lying around that you aren’t planning on using, I’m sure I could be talked into working on their redemption.
The remaining question is whether the cretinists believe that a unicorn is 5000 or 6000 years old.
I was especially proud of their write up on dinosaurs.
I love coupons!
We have schools that teach children about reality in all of its complicated messiness, they have “schools� that teach children about the bright, clear dividing line in their dichotomous, black and white universe between God’s good and Satan’s evil.
I’m reminded of the schools in Saudi Arabia where the maps all have Israel crossed out. Or the way the Soviets used to teach their kids. Or what I saw on that recent Diane Sawyer report from North Korea.
These people sure know how to emulate humanity’s best and brightest examples. I bet North Korea doesn’t have teacher’s unions, either.
“Baramin”? Oh, right, the Creationist alternative to “species”. Reading up on baraminology in Wikipedia, I find that some promising approaches to imposing a baraminological structure on the animal kingdom (based on Biblical distinctions) have been thwarted because they don’t distinguish humans from other primates. Gotta love the rigor of Creation science.
Well, remember: they’re trying to create an alternate world that parallels ours as much as possible. So, where we have science, they have “science”. “Science” gets taught in their “schools” to prepare their children to go on to “college”.
Nobody would really care, except those “college” degrees seem to be preparing these wankers to work in government, instead of “government”.
I do sort of get a kick out of the fact that the Christians who say that Christianity created this country are going to be the Christians whose Christianity destroys this country, though.
But Annie is right. It is in the sacred writ of the Clancey Brothers, whose ancient festival is nigh upon us. Aha, but a fortnight until that sacred time.
Oh, this has to be one of the best entries ever.
The only form of Christianity from the time of Paul to the time of Luther was Roman Catholicism, apparently.
This is the level of ignorance these people have about the world they live in. The Eastern Orthodox church doesn’t exist at all.
this is the kind of thing that gives religious people a bad name … makes them look, well, uh, how can i say this civilly and politely, er, DUMB. just DUMB
it’s been said before: if you believe this stuff you should give up electricity, your car, your teevee and all the other things that come from science
Here’s the entire entry for the Holocaust:
“The Holocaust was the massacring of the Jewish race during World War II. The Germans are not to blame for this but the Nazi are. Besides 6 million Jews dying, 3 million Christians were killed also along with many priests and nuns. This is a very touchy subject for the Jews and is not often discussed amongst them.”
looks like some libruls are getting in there – from Bill Clinton’s entry: “Bill Clinton managed to serve two terms without botching the prosecution of two wars, manipulating intelligence, engaging in a systematic program of torture, or mishandling the federal response to flooding of a major American city. Obviously, he is the devil incarnate.”
Wait. So they felt the need to come up with their own version of Wikipedia?
Wonder how long it will take them to come up with their own version of conservative, christian based porn sites? Hey! Maybe I’ll start one and I’ll rake in the big bucks like they used back in the 90’s!
I don’t know why meanspirited liberals can’t just leave well enough alone. I have collected some of Conservapedia’s finer entries in their pristine state here:
http://jonswift.blogspot.com/2007/02/conservapedia.html
I’m afraid you are all a bit late to the game. Your task now is to tell the parody entries
from the original “serious” ones. Good luck — hint, the former generally have fewer
spelling and grammar errors, while the later generally reference those homeschool
“textbooks”. Check out the discussion on PZ Myers blog:
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2007/02/im_assuming_many_conservatives.php
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2007/02/conservapedia_has_a_friend.php
Infiltration might be difficult, since it appears impossible to create an account. Any attempt to do so kicks the user to a login page and, of course, you can’t log in if you don’t have an account! The page that provides instructions for creating an account starts by telling visitors “Click on the Log in / Create Account button on the bottom-left of the screen.” Umm…that button is on the UPPER RIGHT of the screen. I know people who put together sites such as Conservapedia are complete retards, but you would think even conservatives would know left from right…
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland is a nation formed by the conquest of inferior races by the English
I hate to say it, but it wasn’t English people who conquered the British Isles.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William%2C_Duke_of_Normandy
the scientist bloggers over at seed have been on this for a couple of days, not just pz myers.
this country is doomed.
Infiltration might be difficult, since it appears impossible to create an account.
Login error:
There is no user by the name “St. Bonerius”.
Unicorns do exist. Bigfoots (bigfeet?) breed them in the wilds of the Pacific Northwest. And by the way, everyone knows the Eastern Orthodox Church is a fabrication of liberal secular humanists, just like evolution.
The “Wikipedia bias” page is interesting because the majority of items don’t have anything to do with politics. A good number of them are just parochial gripes about non-Americans being allowed to blend with Americans. The complaints about trivia are common. I’d argue that the issue is less one of trivial topics/pages but one of trivial content. Far too many articles are clogged with long trivia lists, from the Futurama category to the page on opium (which had some disturbingly false information last time I looked).
You can pretty much extract any bias you please out of Wikipedia by a simple process: find a topic that members of a specific group are especially interested in. It’s more likely to be dominated by that group. The entry on tightlacing, for instance, is more or less a piece of pro-corset propaganda (last time I looked). Noam Chomsky has an entire article devoted to criticizing him; the only other individual who has such an article (which is forbidden by WP rules, even) is Hugo Chavez.
Of course, you could also hop into the more obscure anarchist and feminist topics and find a fairly balanced discussion of them. The natural way of Wikipedia is that the people who jump on a topic first determine its general format; once it becomes a battleground, it starts down the path to editor-mediated blandness.
Believe me, I loathe Wikipedia. I think it makes a poor wiki and an equally poor encyclopedia. Every time it’s cited as some new revelation in information I cringe, just like when people call it “Wiki.” Beyond the original WikiWikiWeb and its many spinoffs, Wikipedia was preceded by sites like H2G2 and Everything2. My assumption is that it’s a tricky way for Jimbo Wales to get heavy iron to run his porn sites.
But a criticism of it on the basis of being too left-wing or too international is just priceless.
“Post-Noachian references. . .”
I think they mean “post Nacho” references.
Conservapedia on homosexuality:
The biblical proof that homosexuality is wrong is the fact that God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Lesbianism is also wrong, because God created Adam and Eve, not Madam and Eve. However, lesbianism is less evil than regular homosexuality, because no penises are involved.
However, lesbianism is less evil than regular homosexuality, because no penises are involved.
Also, because it is teh hawt.
Thank you, Mr. Swift, for your comprehensive article about Conservapedia. I particularly like this analysis:
Conservapedia is based on good Christian values, unlike Wikipedia, which I gather from the name, is based on Wiccan.
Bravo!
There is so much unintended humour on this site.
The wheel was a [b]revolutionary[/b] invention by the Mesopotamians.
The ancient Mesopotamians invented the wheel originally in the form of the potter’s wheel
Which came first the wheel or the potters wheel 🙂
Well, we were all so fucking afraid of our valves burning so we put lots o’ lead in the gasoline. Lead has a wonderful effect on th ol’ mental faculties.
twisted knickers! frolicking unicorns! unintended humor! camels (rope) through the eyes of needles? Misinterpretations of old languages! where else on the internets can one have so much sexually in UR endo ous fun?
However, lesbianism is less evil than regular homosexuality, because no penises are involved.
the money that could be made off of gag bumperstickers from this site could pay off my school loans twice over.
Question: So why is the Bible unimpeachable?
Answer: Uh . . . well . . . because it is. Next question . . .
“Wikipedia displays an obsession with English social distinctions.”
This is funny. Conservapedia really misses the point. Wikipedia began with – is originally based on – the last “public domain” version of Encyclopaedia Britannica (1911). The Britannica (founded 1768) was launched during the Enlightenment in Scotland, and so it retains many British spellings and conventions, particularly the attention to British peerage. In fact, you’ll find a one-to-one match – Wikipedia-Britannica – with older figures of UK history.
So the “Anglophilia” of Wikipedia is wholly unintentional.
i like this entry
Contras:
The Contras were the anti-communist party of Nicaragua in the 1980s. The United States supported the Contras by selling weapons to Iran, a prominent Muslim nation. Normally this would have been illegal, but it was done by President Reagan, so that was okay.
Pffff. No entry for the USS Indianapolis. No Entry for the Treaty of Ghent. No tungsten.
What a joke. Why don’t you pray to your god for a REAL encyclopedia?
There was once a great New Yorker cartoon in which Noah’s right hand man said to him on the ark: “Bad news, Noah. The unicorns are gay.”
The Contras were the anti-communist party of Nicaragua
Uh, damn my middle-aged memory cells, but IIRC, the contras weren’t a “party” – you know, one of those political thingies with candidates and elections and all that democracy stuff – but rather a bunch of counterrevolutionary armed opponents of the Nicaraguan government.
Ah. Yes. I see now how obvious the bias in Wikipedia is. Because Wikipedia uses all these biased words like “militia” “Anti Sandanista Guerilla Army” “armed wing” “resistance” “armed opposition” and other European-biased Angolphilic phrases like that.
The entire entry on George W. Bush:
Is the president of the United States of America. Republican. Was elected in 2000 in a disputed election over Democratic candidate Al Gore. In 2004, George W. Bush won reelection by a popular margin of millions of votes, including a landslide victory in the State of Florida where the outcome had been so close in 2000. Democratic candidate John Kerry quickly conceded defeat the day after the election.
For many months after John Kerry conceded the outcome of the 2004 election to George W. Bush, some liberals continued to claim that the election had somehow been stolen by voter fraud. When Al Gore went on a speaking tour in 2006 to promote government controls over industry in the name of global warming, many liberal fans greeted him with the belief that he had somehow won the election in 2000.
Son of president George H. W. Bush.
The current Bush administration is a Divided Government
Proof that conservatives really do believe that if you can’t say something nice, you shouldn’t really say much of anything at all.
By the way, can I point out again that if the Noah’s flood story from the Bible were really true, it would make God the biggest, stupidest, most genocidal asshole in all of literature?
I mean, c’mon. If God were both really as powerful and disappointed in his own creation as the idiot brigade wants to believe, he didn’t have to just slowly kill everyone by drowning, filling their lungs slowly with cold, cold water as mothers lost their grasp on their dying children. He could have just made them all disappear, and start everything over.
Unless, of course, God really, really enjoyed all the drowning, coughing, retching, panick, and slow death.
Wonder how long it will take them to come up with their own version of conservative, christian based porn sites?
Well, I’ve had my Christian Porn name picked out for quite a while now. So I have dibs on Faith Swells when the whole enterprise gets going.
Hey Jillian (if you’re still hanging out) — not to be a Pollyanna or anything, but based on this comment in response to Jon Swift’s lovely digest/takedown of Conservapedia:
Jon…
Well, I am simply in awe. This is one of your finer moments. As one who is unapologetically Christian — even an evangelical — I am nevertheless embarrassed at times and, as I said on my own humble blog, there are too many times when we are our own worst enemies. This, of course, is one of those times. Thank you for not letting the fine folks at Conservapedia get away with anything.
You rock, dude. Keep up the great work.
. . . there may be some hope yet.
This is what happened to the unicorns:
http://www.threadless.com/product/368/Biblical_Disaster#zoom
Hey Mort!
Believe it or not, I am, deep down, an eternal optimist.
Sooner or later, humanity will get over the most muderous forms of its stupidity. It’s guaranteed.
It’s just a question of whether we’ll get over it by giving it up, or by killing ourselves off.
I really do harbor hope that it’ll be the first one and not the second. We’ll see in the end.
But religion really does have to go if we’re going to get there.
From their entry “Atomic bomb”
The secret wartime project that developed the bomb was called by the code name the Manhattan project. It had nothing to do with Manhattan.
“Homosphere” is listed under their “Articles Proposed for Deletion”.
The funny part is that “homosphere” is apparantly a legitimate meteorological term.
They had me when the invoked the deadly “unimpeachable de facto” argument. Such an argument is impervious to de jure reality, and is by definition, per se unimpeachable. Scientists are currently exploring the efficacy of the dispositive res ipsa loquitur counter-argument as a means of countering the pro hoc vice experienced by those who have faced the unimpeachable de facto argument in the wild. At this time, it is believed that the mens rea requisite to survive this argument is much more than de minimus.
Griff – “Why is Sarge our legal counsel?”
Church – “He has his thumb on the pulse of the American legal system! He went to stenographer’s school.”
Sarge – “Objection! It was nursing assistant’s school”
Hmmm… no entry for “wingnuts”…
Ahahaha! No “Land of Make Believe”, but the nearest relevant topic is “Mesopotamia”
Fucking close enough.
Tom,
Irish Rovers.
A long time ago, when the Earth was green
There was more kinds of animals than you’ve ever seen
They’d run around free while the Earth was being born
And the loveliest of all was the unicorn
There was green alligators and long-necked geese
Some humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you’re born
The loveliest of all was the unicorn
http://www.thebards.net/music/lyrics/The_Unicorn_Song.shtml
It’s important to note, if the idiot right-wingers are actually using Conservapedia for anything, that it is being written by middle-school and high-school kids.
The pertinent data: “Conservapedia began in November 2006, as the class project for a World History class of 58 advanced homeschooled and college-bound students meeting in New Jersey.”
If you look at the discussion page for the wiki’s creator, you will see commenters calling him “Mr. Schlafly” and acting like students do around their teacher. It’s just plain silly if the rightwingers are relying on these kids for information.
Warning: A wiki can be edited by anyone at any time, so those pages could change if they notice that we’re commenting upon their reliability this way.
i’ve always wanted to say this and now i can!! “I’ll go post-Noachian on your ass!” yes!!! incidentally, everyone look at my latest crappy myspace blog. its highly relevant to this post.
Admitting that the world spanning nature of wiki contributers may make them more liberal than the average american is a sign of liberal bias?
Of course “GOD” enjoyed it. Where is the fun in snuffing out people for not kneeling before you if they don’t suffer a little?
I don’t know if you noticed but the God of the Old Testament is teh biggest prick ever…
This entry explains _so_ much. Clearly, we are in Iraq to search for the missing Unicorns of Mass Destruction.
God loves a good practical joke.
Jesus and He sit around Heaven laughing their asses off.
“Hey, Jesus…check this out …
THE UNICORN WAS REAL”
“Look, look… they’re scrambling around trying to find unicorn bones. Ha!”
“Ha! STOP it God, You’re killing me! Ha Ha Ha!”
its first King was the Scottish confirmed bachelor King James
Now that has to be the work of infiltrators. “Confirmed bachelor”… hehehe.
For anyone interested, I’ve got my post on why Conservapedia will surely fail:
Conservapedia: A Big Win for Conservatives
celticgirl is completely right.
http://www.thebricktestament.com/
God is a dick. At best, he’s a spoiled only child with abusive parents who takes out his anger on his playset*. Christians can keep him.
*That’s us.
THE UNITED KINGDOM
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland is a nation formed by the conquest of inferior races by the English, although its first King was the Scottish confirmed bachelor King James. As a constitutional monarchy, it enjoys the benefit of the most perfect system of government known to man.
United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland surely? Still, I suppose an encyclopedia entry that is eight years out of date isn’t too bad for a conservative reference work.
Typo: EIGHTY years out of date, I meant.
Ten thousand little paper jesusts!
teehee!
The article on “vagina” was deleted.
It was considered “obscene”.
Oh, dear.
celticgirl said,
February 24, 2007 at 21:34
I don’t know if you noticed but the God of the Old Testament is teh biggest prick ever
Well, either him or Superman…
http://www.superdickery.com/dick/1.html
While popularly characterized as a horned member of the horse baramin,
RSA has it right — the creationists reject the notion of species, and have settled on the term “baramin,” taken from 2 Hebrew words and meaning “created kind.” You can read a scholarly — really super impressive — paper treating proper creationist nomenclature here.
shingles at 20:20: “Homosphere” is in fact a legitimate meteorological term, referring to the portion of the atmosphere below 50 miles altitude(because it is well-mixed and therefore homogeneous). Obviously, it has nothing to do with the gays. Interestingly, the portion of the atmosphere above 50 miles is known as the heterosphere, so I would imagine that its entry (if it exists) will be allowed to stay.
(I haven’t looked at Conservapedia in any detail, but from the post and comments here it just HAS to be some sort of satirical/snark site. Doesn’t it?)
Andy, the Conservapedia site is, alas, real.
Alas, indeed.
So Yes Andy it is a satirical site, just not intentionally.
Wonder how long it will take them to come up with their own version of conservative, christian based porn sites?
See Naughty Nurse Amy expose her ankles. Must be 18 or over.
Hmmm. A Conseravpedia contributor named, uh, “Eric Blair” has a most interesting list of entries. Why, one might think someone from this site was involved in the effort.
Nah. (giggle)
Conservopedia either shares hosting with 350 other sites on an old Pentium II server connected to teh internets with DSL, or there are currently millions of Sadly, No! users bringing it to its knees.
My money’s on the Pentium II
Like Andy, after looking at a few random entries I just assumed that it was a parody site.
Isn’t it? Eh, I guess that’s the point — if you have to ask….
No entry on anti-videogame crusader Jack Thompson. I guess they don’t want to acknowledge him as part of the conservative cult movement.
I remember being overly intoxicated at a bar one night, and attempting to convince one of my philosophy profs that you could use complex numbers to mathematically refute Pascal’s Wager.
There are funny drunks, and there are mean drunks.
I, however, am the only boring drunk I know.
Nah. Boring is being the only straight couple in a gay bar in Wilmington, NC–and realizing that the poor gays watching us are probably wondering why X-ians are touting the joys of straight sex, after watching us spend the better part of two hours attempting to determine by the application of various laws of physics why tornadoes always seem to do the most damage in Southern trailer parks.
“Homosphere� is in fact a legitimate meteorological term
How about the Bozone layer?
i gotta say this reasoning is awefully close to what i have been reading in a 1891 encyclopedia britannica.
especially when they discussed sciency stuff, like aeronautics and the aurora borealis. PRE plate techtonics.
oh goodie, they vote.
At the very least, it is likely that [the unicorns] were taken aboard the Ark prior to the Great Flood.
That’s true! And then – dammit all – the flying pigs ate them.
There is no entry for sex on the conservapedia. Figures, don’t it?
There is no entry for sex on the conservapedia. Figures, don’t it?
Nah, it’s weird. Conservative biblical believing teenagers usually have a couple of entries for sex, just not, you know, vaginal.
Well, there was an article on “vagina” on Conservapedia.
It was deleted for being “obscene”.
Hard to figure how a body part can be obscene.
This confirms my vision that AEI or the Heritage Foundation maintains a library of books dating from the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries — the Age of Empire in the English language — and that interns mine these books for ideas; the brighter interns edit the prose so that it doesn’t sound quite so Colonel Blimpish. Shorter sentences, you know, for today’s readers.
A certain proportion of college students study “history” so that they won’t have to encounter anything modern. To be sure, this impairs their understanding, but they are assured of an internship doing the above or at least chairing a historical reenactment society.
This is particularly bad in “Confederate history.”
hard to figure how a body part can be obscene
Have you seen Manos, Hands of Fate? The knees! The knees!
The following is included in the entry on fascism:
“Allowing only information which supports the far-right state is a common means of fascist control. This is especially pertinent given the content and purpose of this website as a distributor of conservative-only information.”
from American History Lecture Two:
“The key is not to give up on questions that you don’t think you know the answer to. You can get many of them right. The person in the class who knows the most history probably won’t be the person who gets the highest score. The highest score will usually go to the person who tries the hardest during the test.”
shorter: you don’t need to know stuff to argue with people who do.
We all know that reality has a well-known liberal bias, and Wikipedia records reality; therefore, by the transitive property, Wikipedia has a liberal bias. QED.
Wow, this is fun and easy!
“this country is doomed.”
We are ALL Devo!
Too late, the site can’t be reached.
The Bible is not originally in English. Why are you all speaking English, idoloters!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, this one is classic……get it while you can!
Pacific Northwest Arboreal Octopus!
Have I mentioned lately how much I love Pharyngula?
And if you can’t get it, read the original version at:
Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus
IM FACING BANKRUPCY …… HELP ME BEFORE I LOOSE EVERY THING…………..I LOST MY BUSINESS AND IM 30,000 IN DEBT… BANKRUPCY SEEMS MY ONLY OPTION… BUT IF A FEW PEOPLE HELP I CAN AVOID THIS DRASTIC ACTION.
UNICORNS ARE REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW BECAUSE I AM TEN YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!