My Favorite Conservative Blogger

Once again, Jon Swift shows why he’s my favorite conservative blogger:

Like O’Reilly and Beck, I live in constant fear that black people will want to be my friends. Just the other day, for example, I was walking down a desolate street late at night and noticed a group of young black men hanging out at the end of the street. I began to tremble. What if these young men try to befriend me? I thought. What if they ask me to go out with them and drink malt liquor, smoke Kool cigarettes and ride around in their pimp-mobile listening to rap music and picking up hos? No doubt the evening would end badly, with me complimenting them and causing offense. […]

But it’s not only black people you can’t compliment anymore. Women have also gotten very touchy lately, and not just about being touched. You can’t even say that women have nice legs or nice breasts anymore, even if it’s true. O’Reilly got sued just for telling one of his staff members she had “spectacular boobs.” Frankly, I don’t know what else to say to a woman so I usually don’t say anything at all.

Read the whole thing, peeps.


Comments: 24


I’m assuming this is some sort of parody you are linking to.

Incontinentia Buttocks

Boy have times changed! In 1863, Abe Lincoln could confidently tell Congress in his State of the Union message:

“Every time I come home I got 50 messages
I only call back the girls with big, big breastesses
Ooh, I got biddies, in all the major cities
The safest way to have sex is right between her…”


Yes, it’s parody. But it’s so well written that it makes you wonder a bit.


It’s a clunky thing of beauty!


i know he’s a wacky scientologist, but i totally saw beck dancing with a black person last time he came through town.

oh, THAT beck. thanks for reminding me. can i go back to pretending he doesn’t exist yet?


I wonder where O’Reily and Beck got the idea that black people even WANTED to be their friends…. I’d like to see proof of that.


It’s great writing, it also reminds one that being an American conservative and being a total cunt are not synonymous.


If only that first commenter had been around during the all-night brainstorming session that produced Gary Ruppert.


OT: I smell the start of a You Tube War.

Just sayin’.


No way. Tbogg has way too good taste in music to participate in one of your scorched earth, earbending music video nightmare crapfests…

Just Sayin….



How dare you call us peeps!


Yeah, and then he showed us Shakira doing AC/DC.

The nightmares.


I dunno. I’d watch Shakira doing Tubular Bells…



Tbogg’s never been the same since the Great Paste Infestation.

That kind of horror- it DOES things to a man’s mind….


I think O’Reillly and Beck just have to study.

Here’s a great primer for friendly interracial relations:!


Know what? No white person has ever tried to kill me. Umm, wait. That dood in new mexico. What was that cats name? Oh, and those assholes in Atlanta. Umm, yeah, and those crackerjack pricks in San Diego? Oh yeah, and those piece-o-shit squids in Honolulu, fuck those guys. Umm, forget this theory, it’s a bigtime non starter…



Ok, sure, I hear voices, but at least they’re HELPFUL fucking voices….



It’s great writing, it also reminds one that being an American conservative and being a total cunt are not synonymous.

Maybe it’s one of those “exception that proves the rule” kind of deals.


I’m almost honored that he recently chose to blogroll me as part of his Blogroll Amnesty Campaign. Including Pottersville in his blogroll will certainly dispel any rumors of his being too elitist and discriminating.

Anyway… “Maybe the Bush White House can’t conduct a war, but no one has ever impugned its ability to lie about its conduct of a war. Now even that well-earned reputation for flawless fictionalizing is coming undone. Watching the administration try to get its story straight about Iran’s role in Iraq last week was like watching third graders try to sidestep blame for misbehaving while the substitute teacher was on a bathroom break. The team that once sold the country smoking guns in the shape of mushroom clouds has completely lost its mojo.” – Frank Rich, “Oh What a Malleable Warâ€?


“…. being an American conservative and being a total cunt are not synonymous.”

“Being an American conservative and a total prick are synonymous.”

There, fixed.


Maybe O’Reilly and Beck could borrow Stephen Colbert’s Black Friend sometime.

Just to practice on, you know?


Here’s a great primer for friendly interracial relations:!

Mwahahahahaha! I love it!

Carry on.


Mr. Swift is just too damned good. We all know how uncomfortable blacks and women get when we compliment them. It’s like giving them “An Inconvenient Truth”. Oh well. Hopefully black people and females of all ethnic origin will wake up to fact that a compliment is a compliment and just get over it.


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