Unleash The Noonan Brigade!

No Chickenhawks of the Sea here:

Navy may deploy anti-terrorism dolphins

By THOMAS WATKINS, Associated Press Writer 28 minutes ago

SAN DIEGO – Dozens of dolphins and sea lions trained to detect and apprehend waterborne attackers could be sent to patrol a military base in Washington state, the Navy said Monday. In a notice published in this week’s Federal Register, the Navy said it needs to bolster security at Naval Base Kitsap-Bangor, on the Puget Sound close to Seattle.

Plainly, any old Flipper can ‘rescue’ a kid for Jesus; these Flippers are somethin’ else, though. They can swim, eat fish, attempt to molest swimmers, and do cute little backflips for cheering throngs at Seaworld. With any luck, they’ve drowned Osama bin Laden already.

And if that’s not enough to scare the be-allah out of the average muslimoliberalhomocommiemexifascist, just wait til they get a load of the next generation of StarkistTroopers.


Comments: 30


Damn here I was trying to look up an old Sadly, N0! post about noonan wanting to nuke san francisco, or give it to the terrah’ists, and I get this!


Smiling Mortician

Congratulations, Ret — er, HTML. In a single post, you’ve made me click through to The Onion, The Noonan, and I swear to Jeebus someone who calls himself Vonnegut’s Asshole — and just minutes ago it was shaping up to be a boring Monday evening. Salut.


Is HTML Mencken Retardo’s new name? If so, bravo!


P.S. So dolphins have a “dark side” – oh oooh and aaaah go we, the deadliest creature on the planet.

It kills me when I read headlines like “Elephants terrorize villagers” or “Elephants on the rampage” when human beings continue to abuse and exploit them, murder whole herds for ivory, and destroy their habitats. Rampage away, elephants, rampage away!


Hey. I know where this will end – I’ve seen The Simpsons..


I loved that show when I was little, mikey. I’d love it now, in my old age, except I never turn on the tv. (Don’t tell me it isn’t on tv, ’cause I don’t need to know.)


I bet wingnut dolphins swim at home and goad the military dolphins to take out all those punk ass sharks, swarthy sunfish and asshole sting rays (never forget – 9/4) while they’re protecting the sea from “terrorist swimmers and scuba divers” [actual quote].


It’s weird, thunder. Growing up on point reyes, mostly between drakes bay and limantour head, and I’d see flipper and wish I lived in florida. Man, talk about not appreciating what you’ve got…


Qetesh the Abyssinian

We had a dolphinarium around here somewhere when I grew up. I, too, was a bit dolphin crazy. Hey, they’re so cool!

But then someone who used to work there told me that they had to turn off the water jets (circulatory ones, not waterfall ones) in the pools whenever they had a performance. “Why?” I hear you ask.

Well, apparently because if they didn’t, there’d be no jumping through hoops and kissing the girl on the diving board. They’d all be clustered around the walls, masturbating on the water jets.

“Hey, grandpa, what’s that dolphin doing?”


Not so stupid after all.

Herr Doktor Bimler

Don’t want to spoil anyone’s day, but according to a forensic psychologist I know, ‘Flipper’ re-runs were the preferred TV program for many of the involuntary-patient pedophiles he was trying to rehabilitate.

The moral — Never trust anyone who begins a statement with the words “I don’t want to spoil your day”.


This is an incredibly stupid plan. Our ports will be vulnerable for at least a full day after the dolphins leave in advance of the Vogon demolition team. Al Qaeda could wreak untold havoc in the moments before the world is blown up.


So we are at war with Oceania after all!


You’ve always been at war with us Oceanians – may I remind you of Paul Hogan’s role as a dolphin military advisor?

We crafty Australias have been setting this up for years. Just wait till you see our bioengineered kangaroos


You people are so shallow and stupid you sicken me.

Bring up a subject like dolphins, and you, all Democrats, become as ignorant as the Republicans you mock. You are fucking pathetic.

Grow up.


I don’t suppose the Iranians are aware you can disable a dolphin by dialing your sonar up to 11.

this one goes to 11.


Okay, this super pisses me off. And you should sound out David Neiwert about this as well. I mean, for fuck’s sake, we’ve already had our anti-communist dolphins — why do we keep abusing animals who are nearly as intelligent as we are? Haven’t we had enough whale oil and gorilla-hand ashtrays?



The manatee is a slow, lumbering, docile creature…

Herr Doktor Bimler

No. Not going to do it. Someone else can exclaim “Oh the huge manatee!”


“Haven’t we had enough whale oil and gorilla-hand ashtrays?”

Sadly, no…we are a “Nation of Assholes”.


Stuck in traffic along Pacific Coast Highway I see dolphins playing in the surf. It’s the only way to handle LA traffic!

What bug crawled up P. Costeau’s ass?


This kind of reminds me of when, in the 1970s, the military looked into making a weapon out of the Frisbee.


This thing has John Poindexter written all over it.


They did make a weapon; it’s called the Flash Flight light-up Frisbee decoy. Works great for all military diversions!


Didn’t the military experiment with frisbees as flare launchers in the late 60’s?? Seems you would need a brighter one like the Black Jax Sports LED Glow in the Dark Frisbee to create a real show of it…


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