Wingnuttery Distilled
OK, so I couldn’t sleep and I decided to check up on the good folks at Obsidian Wings. I found this hilarious post there from Charles Bird:
Had Iraq clearly been on the path of becoming a free, peace, non-theocratic representative republic, the GOP would have been in the majority today (in my opinion), missteps by Republicans in Congress notwithstanding. The fault for the embarrassing loss last November can be squarely laid at the feet of George W. Bush.
I’m with ya so far, Chuck.
Because of his substandard performance on Iraq for the past three-plus years, I became a Dissatisfied. What’s more, after considering the cumulative effects of all of his other un-conservative actions, I’m at a point where I’ve pretty much lost confidence in Bush as even a semi-competent commander-in-chief.
You’re about six years too late, but OK.
This isn’t an easy conclusion to come to because I’ve carried Bush’s water on a whole range of issues over most of his six years in office.
You don’t say.
Now here comes the comedy:
But despite my skepticism of the president, I do support Bush on the Petraeus plan to turn Iraq around, but under one condition: that al-Maliki be reasonably committed to it.
In other words, “Bush has made me look like a complete bloody fool for the past six years, but I think he really means it when he says he’ll start treating me better this time.
What a chump.
I will suck the President’s cock on the condition that he doesn’t come in my hair and kick me out on the street again.
No, no. He’s just covering his ass. He’s saying he’ll support the Petreaus plan IF Maliki is a good boy, behaves himself, and suddenly turns into a proper lapdog, renaming himself Barney in the process. But everyone knows that’s not going to happen, (except maybe W) so he’s got an out.
Wimp.
I know he hits me, and it’s wrong and I should leave him, but he says he loves me, and he always feels bad afterwards…
He hit me (da-da-da-ah) and it felt like a kiss (felt like a kiss)
He hit me (da-da-da-ah) and I knew he loved me
If he didn’t care for me,
I could have never made him mad
But he hit me (da-da-da-ah) and I was glad
Al-Maliki has been more in the forefront recently about securitizing Baghdad, and there may already be signs that it’s working. His most important job is to back up his words with actions and to consistently sustain them. I hope he can do it.
Hmm. “Securitizing”? Do Bush supporters add extra syllables to long words in honor of the Great Miscommunicatorizor?
I think al Maliki is in the forefront all right.
Heated debate temporarily shuts down Iraqi parliament
“Abdul Nasir Janabi, a Sunni cleric and legislator from Latifiyah, responded by protesting a major sweep by U.S. and Iraqi troops Wednesday through Haifa Street, a Sunni neighborhood near the Green Zone that has been dominated by anti-government militants.
“‘There are no terrorists in Haifa Street,’ he said to loud protests from the Shiite-dominated chamber. ‘Aren’t there terrorists in Sadr City or Shula?’ he asked, referring to two Shiite militia strongholds.
“Janabi questioned the sincerity of Maliki’s efforts to reconcile Shiites and Sunnis, citing the purging from government of former members of Saddam Hussein’s ousted Baath Party — many of them Sunni Arabs. He also accused Maliki’s government of sentencing people to death for political reasons, a possible reference to Hussein’s execution last month.
“‘We cannot trust this premiership,’ Janabani said, as the shouting escalated around him.
“Maliki retorted: ‘All I could tell our brother, the sheik, is that he will trust in this premiership once we present his file and hold him accountable for it.’ As Shiite legislators loudly applauded, he said, ‘one hundred and fifty kidnapped individuals in his area — why doesn’t he talk about that?’
The follow up is:
Death squad chieftains flee to beat Baghdad surge
“A former senior Iraqi minister said most of the leaders loyal to Moqtada al-Sadr, the radical anti-American cleric, had gone into hiding in Iran.”
“The former minister, who did not want to be named for security reasons, backed Sunni MPs’ claims that Nouri al-Maliki, the Iraqi prime minister, had encouraged their flight. He alleged that weapons belonging to Sadr’s Mahdi Army had been hidden inside the Iraqi interior ministry to prevent confiscation.
“Maliki said last week: ‘I know that senior criminals have left Baghdad, others have left the country. This is good — this shows that our message is being taken seriously.’â€?
Yes, al Maliki. Upon this rock, we shall build the Iraqi democracy.
No, really, asshole, I won’t pull the football away THIS time.
Love,
Lucy
And by the way
“The Iranian ambassador to Iraq has signaled that Tehran will expand its economic and military ties with Baghdad, The New York Times reported.”
“Iranian ambassador Hassan Kazemi Qumi said Tehran is prepared to offer training for Iraqi forces, as well as equipment and advisers for what he called ‘the security fight,’ the Times reported.”
Iran signals more ties with Iraq
Well, Iraq is a sovereign nation.But I can’t help wondering how this is all going to work out for the Sunnis. And what Saudi Arabia will think of it.
the Petraeus plan to turn Iraq around
And in the spirit of MicMal, I’ve been telling anyone who will listen that “General Petraeus” is obviously a fictitious name. Doesn’t it inspire you with a sense of Roman rectitude? A mental image of marching legions? It’s a master-stroke of marketing.
I’m not sure where the focus-group people borrowed the name from, but I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Petraeus is a minor character from Tiberian Sun. Me, I would have chosen ‘Belisarius’ for the new coalition commander, but perhaps that lacks subtlety.
Petraeus? Wasn’t that the alter-ego-kid in The Neverending Story?
*ahem*
According to Tom Ricks in Fiasco, Petraeus is actually a pretty smart and effective dude.
Its a fools errand, though. So long as Bush continues to operate under the fantasy that an “Iraqi government” exists apart from sectarian and tribal structures, al Maliki will continue to play him for a fool and suck him in to using the US military as a cat’s paw to smash the Sunnis.
At this point, I say the Bush administration just blame T.E. Lawrence for their failure in Iraq.
After all, Lawrence was one of those nasty homosexuals, so this might just well be a case of a preemptive attack by the homosexual lobby against the righteous might of our Greatest Preznit Evar.
Shorter Charles Beard: OK, but just don’t get any of it in my eye.
I’m totally 100% committed to the plan. In the exact same way that Ahmed Chalabi is totally 100% committed to it. Would you like to buy a carpet? My uncle has a friend in America and he can get you a great deal on carpets. Seriously, you cannot lose with this deal! Wait, OK fine, because I like your face, 50% off…40%, my final offer.
But he always says he’s sorry and cries and buys me flowers!
Most of this country has been displaying signs of battered spouse syndrome since at least 2002.
Isn’t there some kind of shelter or something in Switzerland that America can hang out in until she gets her head together?
Petraeus is actually a pretty smart and effective dude
OK, just don’t be surprised if he introduces Mithras-worship among the troops. Ave Sol Invictus! and all that. Ah well, gotta be better than that creepy Christian evangelism.
Your title is accurate, Brad, since your commentary is indeed wingnuttery distilled. Thanks for reading.
How witty! Next you can go and tell Something Awful that…well you get the idea.
Charles Bird is a disingenuous tool.
His winning response on that thread was “What a load of steaming crap, Robert”.
Spoke like a true intellectual, that was.
Bow before his superiour wisdom.
Al-Maliki has been more in the forefront recently about securitizing Baghdad…
In banking and finance, securitization means creating a bundle of loans or leases and selling the bundle to investors.
Al-Maliki found investors who want to bet on Baghdad?