Miller The Martian Wingnut
John J. Miller, while curiously trying to hide something behind his back, is upset. About the Chinese. Martian wingnuts are futurists, you see, and while others concern themselves with Iraq (today’s problem) and Iran (tomorrow’s), Miller is busy thinking of next week (China).
Miller: ‘Curse you for developing countermeasures to my insane WMDs!’
The Chinese have come up with an anti-satellite weapon. People who are not wingnuts say something along the lines of, “Well, what did you expect? It’s a response to your Dear Leader’s insane space weapons policies.” Which sends Miller into a martial-Martian rage:
…the blame-America-first crowd is wasting no time in blaming America first
[…]
The United States has no weapons stationed in space. None. What we have are vital communications, surveillance, and positioning satellites. They don’t pose a direct threat to anybody, though they do provide our military with enormous warmaking advantages. Are these the “American space policies” that Mr. Krepon find so provocative? They are in fact utterly necessary and sensible. They are also dependent upon satellites whose vulnerability makes them obvious targets for our enemies[…]
Um, Sadly, No! What Miller’s hiding behind his back, of course, is the planned but not yet operational (?) equivalent of the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator:
With little public debate, the Pentagon has already spent billions of dollars developing space weapons and preparing plans to deploy them.
[…]
Another space program, nicknamed Rods From God, aims to hurl cylinders of tungsten, titanium or uranium from the edge of space to destroy targets on the ground, striking at speeds of about 7,200 miles an hour, or 11,500 kilometers an hour, with the force of a small nuclear weapon. A third program would bounce laser beams off mirrors hung from satellites or huge high-altitude blimps, redirecting the lethal rays to targets around the world.
[…]
No nation will “accept the U.S. developing something they see as the death star,” Teresa Hitchens of the Center for Defense Information, a policy-analysis group in Washington, said at a meeting of the Council on Foreign Relations. “I don’t think the United States would find it very comforting if China were to develop a death star, a 24/7 on-orbit weapon that could strike at targets on the ground anywhere in 90 minutes.”
“Rods From God”??? You’re kidding, right?
Commence Operation Cockslappin’ Jesus!
…the blame-America-first crowd is wasting no time in blaming America first
I thought liberals were inherently inefficient — for example, we couldn’t be trusted to run government because we’d fail to run it as one might run a private sector interest.
Huh-huh. Retardo said Rods from God. Huh huh huh!
P.S. Retardeaux, should you choose the
nukularname change option, Substance McGravitas is awesome. But Jerry Fnord is the stuff the Flying Spaghetti Monster is made from. Just my humble opinion.Well, of course we have to have a death star. Now that Iraq is winding down, where else are we going to send all our 24-year-old wingnut welfare larvae to gestate for a year before releasing them into high-level government agencies?
Yeah, it is. I’m either gonna keep Retardo, use my real first name (which, surprise surprise, is really not Retardo!) or go with Gavin’s HTML Mencken or use Substance McGravitas, which really is awesome.
Still trying to make up my mind.
If it was merely the Godlsteins of the world complaining, I wouldn’t change.
But Chris Clarke is a good guy. In fact, I never would have read his blog, or Bérubé’s for that matter, until this latest web award fandango, and teh Sadly, No!s guide to the good guys. (Which was good clean fun, btw.) So there’s that.
Hmm, I knew Clarke didn’t like our pic of Daffyd Ab Hugh, but what did he say about my name?
What I’m concerned about is that the Pasties and Pattycakes of the world give people who quote me a lot of shit for it.
I didn’t ever see anything Chris wrote about your name, I thought I read mention of it in your post or your comments about the potential nom de plumage de changa (I non parlez).
You’d think I would have a problem with the name, what with all my inane moralizing over the years. But I don’t, for some reason. Maybe it’s the pun aspect, maybe it’s the self-deprecation aspect. Anyway, I’ve never said anything about Retardo’s handle one way or the other.
I have to say, though: “Substance McGravitas” is fucking awesome. I am envious.
Rods From God
Even in this remarkably Freudian administration (lead by Bush and Dick) that stands as turned up to 11 whoa Nelly hyper-Freudian…
…God, what does it say that I’m so far beyond outrage that that’s all I can think about shit like this any more?
Nah, it’s cool Chris, thanks. =)
And I’m an inane moralizer, too.
BTW, absolutely loved your T.S. Goldstein post. Brilliant. Koufax worthy for sure, though mine & Gavin’s ‘Wingnuts In Party Hats’ will hopefully give your gem of a post a run for its money.
And if it doesn’t, I’ll bribe someone and make it so. But yours is eminently deserving.
Gentlemen, we must not allow a Death Star gap!
Ah, but my post will be handicapped by my charming natural reticence, and you guys have a big fan base. So even if there WERE a deservingishness discrepancy, which I do not concede, y’all aren’t out of the running by any means.
What we have are vital communications, surveillance, and positioning satellites. They don’t pose a direct threat to anybody, though they do provide our military with enormous warmaking advantages.
Is he being deliberately dense? Since when is any command-and-control or intelligence/surveillance apparatus NOT a legitimate military target?
I’d say, if I were fighting in a war against another country, then all their surveillance equipment posed a direct threat to me. Duh.
As for Anti-satellite weapons… so China is finally playing catch-up on technology that the US and former Soviet Union had been working on for years. We’ve had working air-launched ASAT missiles since the ’80s.
IF we ever did go to war with China, does this asshat think we wouldn’t use the ASATs against China’s satellites immediately? Oh, of course not, since such do not pose any direct threat…
Why do these people seem to think that only the US is capable of developing whiz-bang war gizmos, or that only the US has the right to do so?
“Rods From God” is awesome… Do you suppose Todd (Flanders) is jealous? Naah, envy is a sin.
All we have to shield the exhast port against proton torpedos and we got nothingto worry about
That was definitely my favorite.
Gavin’s HTML Mencken
Wow Gavin, that’s excellent! My favorite so far.
or use Substance McGravitas, which really is awesome
You have got to use that one, RM. Especially because it is such an awesome mock of the Patty/Goldstein crew. It makes changing the handle funny and not about caving to them (which I know its not).
“Todd, Rod…this is God!”
What I’m concerned about is that the Pasties and Pattycakes of the world give people who quote me a lot of shit for it.
Dude, please. It wouldn’t matter if Dr. Tweedcoat Elbowpatches published something in the New England Journal of Medicine about a mental disorder called cock-fixation and offered an example he found on the internet at a site called Protein Wisdom – they’d sling feces at anyone who quoted him too. Just don’t even bother thinking like that.
Besides, think about this: “Retardo Montalban” was the guy most responsible for bringing attention to one of the most crucial issues of our day: the hatred Sensible Liberals have towards the dirty Chomskyite hippies. I think it’s perfectly fair to say that Atrios wouldn’t have picked up on the “dirty hippies reeking of patchouli” image if you hadn’t been hammering so relentlessly on it for so long now. You should carry that moniker with pride. Christ, you could have an ordinary name like Jeff Goldstein and be known primarily for wanting to slap your schlong across other guys’ faces (not to mention the convoluted, bizarre prose).
And goddamnit, I was hoping you hadn’t noticed HTML Mencken. I was lying in wait, ready to grab that up once the dust settled!
I’d say, if I were fighting in a war against another country, then all their surveillance equipment posed a direct threat to me. Duh.
Remember, folks – these are the Kognitive Dissonance Kids who defended the bombings of al-Jazeera TV transmitters in Afghanistan and Iraq, and the bombing of the Hezbollah TV station in Lebanon, as valid targets of war ’cause they were icky anti-West propaganda outlets.
But military surveillance and global positioning satellites? They don’t have GUNS on ’em or anything, so they’re no threat. Q.E. fucking D, as far as Miller’s concerned.
The right is unfit to govern America.
You publish a document boasting about how you are going to engage in “full spectrum dominance” and then you act all hurt and wounded when the “bitches” of the world refuse to wear your leash. It just seems like republicans are not intelligent enough to do foreign policy and protect the National Interest. Other countries can simply leave banana peels or open man holes and wink at the rest of the wolrd,” watch this he falls for it e.v.e.r.y. t.i.m.e.”
Right wing national security policy is homer simpson security policy. Lots of duh duh duh.
China sure does find it easy to punk George don’t they?
Shit, even Nixon knew China made a better partner than an enemy.
Another space program, nicknamed Rods From God, aims to hurl cylinders of tungsten, titanium or uranium from the edge of space to destroy targets on the ground,
That’s just Project Thor under another name, best known for its cameo appearance in
Larry “I used to be decent until I teamed up with…”Niven and Jerry “the original science fiction writing wingnut and computer ‘expert'” Pournelle’s Footfall a novel about alien invasion.
Rods From God
Wasn’t that basically, Mary’s explanation to Joseph?
“Rods from God” is a pretty wicked awesome name.
But did anyone notice that the linked article actually has a quote from one “General Lance Lord”?
Kubrick et. al. so wish they thought of that one when they were writing Dr. Strangelove.
Not to mention Mr. Pete Teets, the former undersecretary of the Air Force. Come on, this article has to be a joke.
China is developing space weapons too Don’t you think that the United States of America should be able to defend itself against such threats?
China is developing space weapons too Don’t you think that the United States of America should be able to defend itself against such threats? Or is wanting to defend the US of A de facto wingnuttery?
Dang, that was awesome. Science is cool and stuff.
Now, HTML Mencken, how the fuck to disitalicize?
Other countries can simply leave banana peels or open man holes and wink at the rest of the wolrd,� watch this he falls for it e.v.e.r.y. t.i.m.e.�
That’s the best intrepretation of US international relations I’ve seen in some time, good work.
Bad link, Brad R.
If you’re talking about Brad R. at 22:40, that’s Shoelimpy.
I’m at 227. HAA-AAAYYYY!!!