We Still Have Rick Santorum to Kick Around
Q: What’s ex-Senator Rick Santorum been up to since getting his ass kicked last November?
A: Making guest appearances on FOX News, of course:
MACCALLUM: You say most people do not recognize it, and the talk you hear a lot these days is that the president is just going his own way, not listening to the people, not listening to congress. What do you have to say about that?
SANTORUM: Good for him. What i would say is that the Commander-in-Chief in the United States, in Lincoln-esque type of form, has to understand the information that he is given, the the vast — that the vast majority of which the american public do not have, and he has to act in the national security interest of this country.
Pst. Hey Ricky. I think I know a good blog that you should consider writing for. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were actually Mark Noonan.
Anywho, I decided to put Ricky’s name into Google News to see if I was missing out on any other Santorum-related humor activities. This is what I found:
It’s Santorum vs. our enemies at think tank
BY BRETT LIEBERMAN
Of Our Washington BureauWASHINGTON – Former U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum was defeated in November, but he hopes his new job will allow him to slay America’s enemies.
You mean he actually got the stones to enlist in the Marines? Well shit, good for him. I guess I’ll have to apologize for that time I called him a chickenha…
Santorum, a Republican, will lead the “America’s Enemies” program at the Ethics and Public Policy Center, a conservative Washington think tank.
Oh.
Y’know, I can’t think of any better way to destroy your think (sic) tank’s credibility more than by hiring ex-Senator Man-on-Dog-Sex.
He plans to continue speaking about the threats posed by “Islamic fascism” and such unfriendly nations as Venezuela, North Korea and Iran.
In other words, he’s getting paid to do the stuff he would gladly do for free while standing outside the local 7-11 begging for food.
I’ve said it before, but Wingnut Welfare is a truly incredible thing.
Santorum, who served 12 years in the Senate and four in the House…
God, that’s embarrassing, in’it?
…made the issue the centerpiece of the final months of his failed re-election campaign. He gave a series of speeches about what he dubbed the “gathering storm,” a reference to the characterization of Europe leading up to World War II by British Prime Minister Winston Churchill.
He also discussed the “deepening puddle,” a reference to the ever-expanding pool of urine on his bed sheets.
“In these perilous and uncertain times, I believe it is critical that we define the threats that confront America,” Santorum said in a statement released by the center, where he also will serve as a senior fellow.
“Without a clear definition and precise understanding of our enemies we cannot fight effectively, and our own citizens become divided,” he said.
“‘Which is why today I’m naming Barbara Streisand and the GAY-CLU as America’s #1 threats,’ Santorum continued.”
In his new position, Santorum will lecture, write articles and organize conferences to identify and focus attention on threats that face the United States, the West and, in particular, religious freedom. He also will be responsible for raising several hundred thousand dollars annually to fund the program.
Anyone who donates to this program wins a free “L0s@r 4 L1f3!!!!1!” button. Fo’ shizz.
To make the list complete he needs to add neocons, pat robertson, falwell, dobson and himself.
Santorum, a Republican, will lead the “America’s Enemies� program at the Ethics and Public Policy Center, a conservative Washington think tank.
Finding America’s enemies from the bowels of a crack-pot rightwing think tank is like launching a quest for gold while residing in Fort Knox.
Lincoln, Churchill, these guys seem to think that if they mention themselves with great people from history, it will somehow rub off on them. Actually, it only highlights how lame they are in comparison.
This is so true. I started to imagine that our enemies might have valid points about the US killing them indiscriminately and meddling in their affairs for our own selfish interests and then my body started splitting in half, right down the middle. It’s painful, let me tell you. So now I make sure to always define my enemies in the simplest terms possible to avoid this. I’ve picked Islumanobrownfascistothers but you’ve got to find your own term, or let little Ricky do it for you.
I sleep better at night knowing he’s out on the front lines slaying mine enemies with those mighty words of his. Uh…excuse me, something’s arisen that I must take care of.
I hear he’s also taking the battle to the terrorists via grueling all-night sessions of Rainbow Six Vegas multiplayer. I believe it is no exaggeration to say that former Sen. Santorum is the greatest American hero of the 21st century.
I’ve been hearing a lot of ominous “Venezuela is building up their military!” talk lately from the wingnuts that I am fortunate enough to work with. Is it just me, or is there some astroturf campaign starting? Not that Bush would ever consider invading an oil producing country with a weak military…
Aside from having his head up his ass, Santorum got it just right. Lincoln spent (in the estimation of then-personal secretary/later Secretary of State John Hay) upwards of three-quarters of his day seeing visitors to the White House and hearing what they had to say. And we’re not just talking about bigwigs here; back in the day, apparently, any shmoe off the street could drop by and complain or make requests. He called these his “public opinion baths.”
Lincoln agonized over public opinion of what he was doing.
As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, history is full of facts, and you can’t just make shit up. Somebody better tell Santorum.
Y’know, I can’t think of any better way to destroy your think (sic) tank’s credibility more than by hiring ex-Senator Man-on-Dog-Sex.
They could also hire current Senator Man-on-Box-Turtle-Sex. This would have the added advantage of making him an ex-Senator.
What i would say is that the Commander-in-Chief in the United States, in Lincoln-esque type of form, has to understand the information that he is given,
WTF is Licoln-esque type of form? Why doesn’t Santorum just admit he wants to polish some Prezidential knobs?
Hey! Rainbow Six Vegas multiplayer rocks! Some I can unlock the pink uniform* so all the wingnuts will come flocking to me! muwhahaha
* True, there is a pink camo in the game. An Xbox friend wears that. She kicks everyone’s ass on a regular basis.
I can…you could hire Mark Noonan, Dan Riehl or Glenn Reynolds.
I wonder if Ghengis Khan thought he was Lincoln-esque…
BTW, I’m from Pennsylvania. You can only imagine how much cleaner I feel since we humiliated NAMDLA charter member Santorum.
SANTORUM: Good for him. What i would say is that the Commander-in-Chief in the United States, in Lincoln-esque type of form, has to understand the information that he is given, the the vast — that the vast majority of which the american public do not have, and he has to act in the national security interest of this country.
Let’s see…. He doesn’t read the Presidential Daily Briefings, he ignores the CIA, he doesn’t read the newspapers. That certainly is a vast amount of information for him to ignore.
I think even having something called the “America’s Enemies Program” in the first place is a pretty good credibility-destroyer no matter whom you put in it.
Maybe they can sponsor Sean Hannity’s “Enemy of the State” segment and get some ad time for it.
The logo of his think tank depicts a fearsome tsunami consisting of some kind of frothy, brown and off white mixture. It’s going to wash away all evil when it comes crashing down on our enemies’ shores.
In his new position, Santorum will lecture, write articles and organize conferences to identify and focus attention on threats that face the United States, the West and, in particular, religious freedom.
Huh? Lemme see, he wants to invade Iran ’cause they’re muslims, North Korea ’cause they’re really scary and Venezuela ’cause Chavez called bush some mean names, and his overarching concern is Religious Freedom? I’m sensing a bit of a disconnect here….
mikey
Lawnguy,
The logo of his think tank depicts a fearsome tsunami consisting of some kind of frothy, brown and off white mixture. It’s going to wash away all evil when it comes crashing down on our enemies’ shores.
The frothy brown makes Dan Savage a true 21st century American hero. Thank you for reminding me.
I was really disappointed that the “Santorum” definition hasn’t caught on more lawnguylander. Granted, most people don’t have cause to use it much, but if you could get the term into the high school populations vocabulary of insults it would really stick.
And then someone could market “Santorum Wipes”, hopefully with his face on it.
They could also hire current Senator Man-on-Box-Turtle-Sex.
Wait…John Cornyn had sex with that dude from Redstate?
This is where Marie Jon’ and her roving punctuation could be dangerous.
Imagine the difference between the “America’s Enemies Program,” and the “America’s Enemies’ Program.”
Blackman, as I recall, the Redstate guy wrote the line for Cornyn.
Wait…John Cornyn had sex with that dude from Redstate?
Geoffrey and I are… Friendly.
LOL… “Lincolnesque” was one of the words that flashed on the screen during the Colbert Report’s opening credits. They change them up every so often – another recent one was “superstantial”.
If I recall, last night it was “Freem”
Someone tell me I didn’t see that correctly.
[…]the president is just going his own way, not listening to the people, not listening to congress.
SANTORUM: Good for him. What i would say is that the Commander-in-Chief in the United States[…] has to understand the information that he is given, the the vast — that the vast majority of which the american public do not have, […]
Okay:
(1) He is not the “Commander-in-Chief” of the entire nation, you irredeemably stupid gob of pus, and
(2) I thought everyone saw the same intelligence. Yet you now admit that the President isn’t actually fully informing Congress? I’m shocked!
Here is a fine link to an article about what Ricky’s up to.
My favorite quote?
And I want to win two Nobel prizes and make mad monkey love with Jessica Alba. Oddly, I’d say I’ve got the better chances.
Another one?
mmmmm…… Jessica Alba……
Santorum, a Republican, will lead the “America’s Enemies� program at the Ethics and Public Policy Center, a conservative Washington think tank.
At last the Repubs are coming out of the closet! They’ve admitted that they’re ‘America’s Enemies’ and that Ricky Santorum is well-qualified to lead such a group…
What?!?
No, no, no – it’s not that it’s Santorum versus our enemies. Literally, Santorum is the leader of America’s Enemies. I know we all knew that – but that’s now verified fact, certified by wing-nut organizations everywhere. Not to blog-whore but I think (here: http://stlinquirer.blogspot.com/2007/01/rick-santorum-is-leader-of-americas.html) this is begging for a google bomb and a little photoshop magic, no?
If I recall, last night it was “Freem.� Someone tell me I didn’t see that correctly.
No, you saw correctly. He’s also used “Grippy,” which I thought was hilarious.
“Geoffry befriended me repeatedly….”
Frothy mix, frothy mix, frothy mix. Frothy mix, frothy mix, frothy mi-ix.
(to the tune of ‘Here we Go’)