“OK, guys, they’re not saying ‘Boo,’
they’re saying ‘Nooooooooo-nan.'”
The speech, itself, gets high marks from me – it was a strong statement of principle from a man who knows that the American people want results – victorious results.
A majority of Americans oppose sending additional troops to Iraq as outlined by President Bush in his nationally televised address Wednesday night, and just one-in-three Americans said the plan for more troops and a stepped up combat efforts by Iraqi forces make victory there more likely, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll.
Now back to Mark:
The Democrats, fools that they are, started playing into his hands months ago on this…
…so much so, apparently, that they took back both chambers of Congress in November. The fools! When will they learn that they’re walking into a trap!
…and their absurd push now for a symbolic vote against victory (because that it what it amounts to) will pretty much finish them on national security for a generation – provided, of course, President Bush can pull the flower of victory out of the nettle of danger.
Forsooth, ’twill be a merry Occvrence when His Majesty President Bvsh vanquyshes His mortal enemies by the Might of His Codpiece!
Above: Mark Noonan saith, “Goodely King George hath
conuinced me of the Wiseness of His Righteovs Planne!”
‘Ods balls, yfaith!
I doth agree that his Royal Highness George Bush can plucketh the flower betwix the thorns. His droopy eyes doth belie his most serious resolve to provideth generous proffit to his chums… err.. to snatcheth victorious triumph from the evil Saracens!
Semen? I know not semen! Jizz!
provided, of course, President Bush can pull the flower of victory out of the nettle of danger.
So, no worries there, right? My fellow democrats, I believe we may safely ignore Mark’s “If we win, people who said we wouldn’t win will be wrong” analysis. Really, what the hell is he thinking? If I get the Gold Medal in long-jumping, the other long-jumpers will have to admit I’m the best. If I invent a cure for cancer, all those people who died of cancer will feel really stupid. If I prove there are aliens on the moon, everyone who said there weren’t will have been wrong.
Now, I’m off to build my no-emissions, runs-on-garbage perpetual-motion car, and if I can do it, won’t you all feel silly for worrying about global warming?
provided, of course, President Bush can pull the flower of victory out of the nettle of danger.
Once again, they talk about victory, but don’t bother to describe what it would look like. Just who are we supposed to “defeat”?
mikey
Indeed Sir Knight of the Rose, if these Democratic fools aren’t more careful their approval ratings may well reach some 75%.
Wow, that is some mighty deep denial over there.
And fuzzy math too. Polls show 11% of the American people support this “plan” and somehow that’s proof that an overwhelming majority supports it?
Victorious results – craptacular results – ahhhh forget about it – you run the nation’s foreign policy with the leadership you have, not the leadership you wish you had.
Oh. Yes. That’s the kind of desperation I like to see. This guy wants so badly for it to be 2003 again.
I believe Bush can pull the flower of victory from the compost heap of defeat. They way he gloriously found oil as an oil baron. The way he magnificently helped guide the Texas Rangers to the World Series. The magnimonious way he put his career ambitions on hold to defend the Texas coastline against the Vietcong. And the way he strategerically trounced, nay, utterly obliterated both of his presidential opponents.
And let’s not forget the way he handled the vicious Chicken of Bristol.
> …a man who knows that the American people want results – victorious results.
Arggh.
Get with the program, Nooner… The American people want what they’ve always wanted: sexy results.
I’m bored with discussing the Bush Victory Plan. Please join me for a discussion about the effectiveness of blogging.
Please join me for a discussion about the effectiveness of bulging.
After the “nettle of danger,” Noonan adds:
“Personally, I think he can [pull the flower of victory etc.]- of course, I’m ultimately relying upon our military, but as they are the most magnificent body of armed men ever raised in this world, I think my reliance is properly placed.”
So, you see, when the flower of victory gets eaten by the goat of civil war, it’s not going to be because occupying Iraq was the Worst Idea Ever. It’s going to be because the US military let us down, the bastards.
Tom Allen,
I think you’re mis-calling this one. When the goat eats the flower, it will be because of the Democrats’ “absurd” and “symbolic” vote “against victory,” which Noonan will then start calling “traitorous” and “fatal.”
Jaysus, this is sheer babbling from the padded cell. Would someone, for the love of Christ, please hit this twit with a tranquilizer dart?
Tom Allen – Loved your “when the flower of victory gets eaten by the goat of civil war.” Still, you owe me a monitor.
But will the goat be wearing the required diaper, or will it be the distraction and ironically pave the way to victory? And then, who needs the damn flower.
That’s one mighty big RenFaire drumstick. Drumstick of victory, that is…
Noonan has a very tiny head. In fact, I’m crushing it between my thumb and forefinger, right now.
I may point my wayward Republican friends and family (the ones who are not heavy Internet users) over to BlogsforBush to show them who is on their “side”. Maybe that will expunge some of the Republican myths floating around their noggins.
I’ve stopped thinking that Mark Noonan is even a real person. I think he’s just a computer program that analyzes a daily feed of news stories and uses some sort of AI to spit out blog posts that explain why all of those developments mean Bush is awesome and/or kicking the Democrats’ asses. Kind of like if you hooked up HAL 9000 to an RSS feed, then gave him a lobotomy.
The opposite of Noonery.
>>provided, of course, President Bush can pull the flower of victory out of the nettle of danger.
I’m pretty sure that’s a typo. It’s supposed to read “pull the flower of victory out of his ass.”
think he’s just a computer program that analyzes a daily feed of news stories and uses some sort of AI to spit out blog posts
Hmmm. I’m thinking that this may be the ticket to an A-List blog and a gig on TV. Would it have to be keyword based or is heuristics advanced enough to parse the language and write a response? Think I could write it in Java? Python?
mikey
Blogs for Buffoonery just gets better and better. Are we sure that this isn’t really a parody site?
Cheeeeeen-ey… Cheeeeeen-ey… give… me… your… an-swer.. dooooo…
The Noonan doth wank too much, methinks.
Yoiks, and awaaay! WHAP
Yes, the fires of hell are burning so brightly in Iraq, why not sacrifice another 20,000 American lives?
Noonan, you must enlist. I insist.
I think the one who will get most badly burned by this unpopular escalation is Saint Senator John McCain, who was for it before even Bush. It’s almost as if Karl Rove can’t stand the idea of a President McCain and programmed his Boy King to take the Saint’s escalation idea and ensure that it will prove as ill-advised and worthless as all the other Iraq initiatives. Then the Saint won’t have a foreign policy to run on except “more of the same,” unless he flip-flops. Either way, he hurts his chances for a 2008 White House victory. Could Karl hold a grudge this long? Is Dick Cheney a bad shot?
This goat you speak of, would it be the goat of “My Pet Goat” fame?
I call for a boycott on Noonan. It’s just too easy…
You guys didn’t know that “the nettle of danger” has been the code name for Bush’s ass for a while now? It all stems from this incident he had clearing brush on the ranch a couple of summers ago…..
Actually, I have it on good authority that “pulling the nettle of danger out of the flower of victory” is what George does so that Condi doesn’t end up, you know, preggers.
Now, I’m off to build my no-emissions, runs-on-garbage perpetual-motion car, and if I can do it, won’t you all feel silly for worrying about global warming?
Aha! D. Sidhe, you have exposed your Clever Plan! You are using this blog as a clean, convenient feed to a steady supply of right-wing GARBAGE to fuel your future perpetual-motion car! And thanks to Gavin, Brad, Matt, and Retardo, you don’t even need to put on your metaphorical hipboots before you turn on your Reichtard garbage collector-compactor!
And they say us bloggers aren’t doing anything useful for the Real World… (/snark)
PULL the flower of victory? thats the stupidest metaphor. So what will he do with the Flower of Victory, place it in the Vase of Honor on the Table of -um- Democracy during the dinner of, uh- ummm- Victory! followed by the dessert of … oh never mind.
provided, of course, President Bush can pull the flower of victory out of the nettle of danger.
Which will provide a welcome change from pulling the todger of wankery out of the saggy underpants of pig-headed ignorance.
I just had a horrible vision of Bush going completely birko, and running around the White House chasing the junior staff, waggling his dick about and shouting “Come ‘n’ git the flower of victory, you suckers!”
…so much so, apparently, that they took back both chambers of Congress in November. The fools! When will they learn that they’re walking into a trap!
[Calvin and Hobbes are playing checkers:]
Hobbes: Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump!
Calvin: [Pause] Ahh, you’ve unwittingly stumbled into my trap! Maybe you’d like to take that move over!
Hobbes: Your remaining piece must have one heck of a plan.
Apparently Noonan’s too stupid to even steal a quote correctly:
Henry IV.,_ Act ii., Sc. 3. “Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.“
I put my hand in some nettles once. It stung really badly. That must be what like being in Iraq is like.
provided, of course, President Bush can pull the flower of victory out of the nettle of danger.
Aaaah, yes. We’ll win this if only we can stop losing so badly. Mmmm hmmmmm.