Bush Speech Open Drinking Thread

On September the 11th, 2001, we saw what a refuge for extremists on the other side of the world could bring to the streets of our own cities…

[dook-dook] Aaah!

Oh wow, is anyone else getting drunk already?

Update 9:35PM EST:
siren.gif Woop-woop! Exclusive! Must credit Sadly, No!siren.gif

In last line of speech, President Bush will call upon Steven Coonts to “guide [America] through these trying hours.”


Comments: 30


Yeah, this Dr. Pepper is going straight to my head.


Yeah, but I didn’t get to type SHROOMS!, I was really hoping for that one. *sniff*


That dude can read a teleprompter like a motherfucker.



welcome to the 16% solution


We go forward with trust that the Author of Liberty will guide us through these trying hours. Thank you and good night.

John Stuart Mill?


Damn! Didn’t see the update in time.


John Stuart Mill?

Oh, maybe so. I was figuring Stephen Coonts.


I think Beckett is the author of liberty in Iraq.

Just say God– isn’t “Author of liberty” just as weaselly as “Happy Holidays?” Stop declaring a War on God!!


Or he could’ve been referring to Kimberly Iverson.


No amount of alcohol could ever make this speech good.



Yeah, that’s the one. It has to be. It’s pure fantasy, the only truth Bushie knows.


Word, J. Forget Mill, Iverson is the obvious choice for a bold new policy initiative. From the Amazon review of Liberty

Book Description
Celtic warrior blood flowed in her veins, but as a gladiatrix-slave in Londinium’s arena, Rhyddes was nothing more than a wild thing in a gilded cage. Yet though her Roman masters owned her body, she swore that none would claim her soul. How was it, then, that Marcus Calpurnius Aquila, noble son of the Roman governor, could make her yearn for things beyond her reach?


Ok, now we’re going to win. Finally. All we need are some massive tour extensions and we’ll really make it this time.

Now don’t transmit any more morale-sapping psychic energy to the troops, ya bums.


BUSH: The terrorists attacked us and killed 3,000 of our citizens before we started the freedom agenda in the Middle East.

QUESTION: What did Iraq have to do with it?

BUSH: What did Iraq have to do with what?

QUESTION: The attack on the World Trade Center.

BUSH: Nothing. Except it’s part of — and nobody has suggested in this administration that Saddam Hussein ordered the attack. Iraq was a — Iraq — the lesson of September 11th is take threats before they fully materialize, Ken. Nobody’s ever suggested that the attacks of September the 11th were ordered by Iraq.


I guess he forgot.

Smiling Mortician

Holy shit, Decider. That’s a real quote? I mean, I’m not surprised but still I — GAH!!! I forgot to restock the liquor cabinet today. Maybe ITTDGY could share some hallucinogens? Did I mention how much I like the woopwoop lights?


Bush says, “…and there were too many restrictions on the troops we did have.”

Wingnuts go BOING.


I can’t wait for the part where he wheels in Sly Stallone and gets him to ask, “Do we get to win this time?”

Lock and load, Rambo.


Dear Author of Liberty,
In this, your ongoing saga, one has difficulty discerning the genre you are working in. Have you become a postmodernist? At the beginning, we understood we were in an epic, with its noble heroes and warriors setting off across the sea to show bravery and win honor to marching tunes on CNN. Then we saw our failure and our slaughter and imagined we were in a tragedy. A noble undertaking (according to the main characters) undone by hubris. Then added to the mix was a factor of repetition–repeated failure, repeated implementation of failed strategy. Tragedy turned to absurdity, and absurdity bled into farce. Author, I believe you have stumbled into a horrific genre, the construction of which even you, even in your omnipotence, cannot control. What can we call it? Perhaps, “fabsurgedy” (with a convenient emphasis on surge!).

O Liberiffic Author, we beg: Enough with the commas already. We want a full stop.



that’s beautiful, man. Do you think Ms. Iverson will heed your cry?


Somewhere Sisyphus is thinking, “Hey, I ain’t got it so bad.”


Ottoman, if only those liberals who control Congress hadn’t halted funding for the explosive arrow programs these last four years, Iraq would already be a peaceful democracy called Halliburtistanâ„¢.


Actually, the metaphor’s not that far off. Like Rambo, our soldiers are underequipped and forced to forage for themselves for protection.


I hope so, Snowwy. I hope so.



Bush says, “…and there were too many restrictions on the troops we did have.�

And I really liked the part where he said the people on the ground need more flexibility in how they can spend money. Because, you know, there was just too much accountability before when a few million went missing. Someone almost got caught!

… ah, here’s the exact quote:

We will give our commanders and civilians greater flexibility to spend funds for economic assistance.

By the way, I’m not so sure about this one, but did he say “IDE attacks” when he meant “IED attacks”?


Bush says, “…and there were too many restrictions on the troops we did have.�

Yeah. Like a lot of them suddenly caught the “dead” thing and the “blown off limbs” thing.


Well, another author of “Liberty” is James Thomson, who published a LONG poem on the subject in 1734. But, being that it has to do with the corruptions of republics and the demises of empires, I don’t think Gee Dub really wants Jemmy Thomson to be the guiding spirit for his little venture.


Somewhere Sisyphus is thinking, “Hey, I ain’t got it so bad.�

“At least I’m just pushing a rock, not a ball of shit big enough to be stuffed with 3,000 corpses… “


Well, on your checklist, I have ten of the thirteen. I just cannot be sure about the last one.

I can make an edumacated guess. Eleven of the thirteen!


Word, J. Forget Mill, Iverson is the obvious choice for a bold new policy initiative.

Fuck him. Little diva got himself traded to the Nugs, they can have him.

(editors, please flag this comment one day late and one dollar short.)


Forget the martinis. AG wants the same bong hits Dum Dum took before he wrote that speech.


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