OH MY GOD I WANT TO DIE
Marie. My God, Marie. Are you trying to kill me?
For the sake of our children, library confidentiality regulations must go!
Marie Jon’ and Erik Rush
January 3, 2007WBBM-TV, the Chicago CBS news affiliate broadcast a story on November 3, 2006 followed by a synopsis on their website entitled “Your Library May Be A Safe Haven For Criminals; Library Confidential: Police Say Library Law Hinders Their Ability To Nab Offenders.” The story focused on the little-known law that has media attention, but only from conscientious, non-mainstream journalists.
Apparently, a CBS news affiliate in Chicago counts as a “non-mainstream journalism” outfit.
The station’s story focused on a Naperville, Ill. Incident in which one Richard Blaszak was observed inappropriately touching himself at the Naperville library on more than one occasion. Finally, police were called.
Alas, Blaszak had left the premises by the time police arrived. This technicality provided for his protection under the State’s Library Confidentiality Act, a law that has been adopted by many states in accord with The American Library Association’s (ALA; http://www.ala.org) “Library Bill of Rights,” adopted in 2002.
I did a little bit of research into Marie’s story- which was apparently a lot more research than she did on it- and I found some, how you say, completely embarrassing errors in her account.
1.) The library was not using the Library Bill of Rights as justification for not cooperating with police. They were using the Library Confidentiality Act, which was adopted in 1983. Also, the Library Confidentiality Act doesn’t protect people for crimes they commit while in public libraries; rather, it only states that police must get a warrant to force librarians to cooperate. Granted, I think that’s completely retarded, but as you’ll see later, the problem got solved.
2.) Blaszak actually was arrested and pleaded guilty to indecent exposure a couple of months ago.
3.) The Naperville City Council voted unanimously to amend the Act to compel library staff to cooperate with police in the event of criminal activity on library premises.
So basically, Marie, you have no story. None. The problem has been fixed.
But uh-oh! Marie is about to fall down flat on her face some more. Just watch:
Attend, if you will, of what this consists:
The Library Bill of Rights
The American Library Association affirms that all libraries are forums for information and ideas, and that the following basic policies should guide their services.
I. Books and other library resources should be provided for the interest, information, and enlightenment of all people of the community the library serves. Materials should not be excluded because of the origin, background, or views of those contributing to their creation.
II. Libraries should provide materials and information presenting all points of view on current and historical issues. Materials should not be proscribed or removed because of partisan or doctrinal disapproval.
III. Libraries should challenge censorship in the fulfillment of their responsibility to provide information and enlightenment.
IV. Libraries should cooperate with all persons and groups concerned with resisting abridgment of free expression and free access to ideas.
V. A person’s right to use a library should not be denied or abridged because of origin, age, background, or views.
VI. Libraries which make exhibit spaces and meeting rooms available to the public they serve should make such facilities available on an equitable basis, regardless of the beliefs or affiliations of individuals or groups requesting their use.
Hey Marie- do you see anything in there about protecting the rights of people who whip it out in public? Why no, you don’t. That’s because the Library Bill of Rights only deals with granting the public access to information, and doesn’t give them a blank check to jerk off while reading Jane Austen books. MY GOD ARE YOU REALLY THIS STUPID??? GAH!!! ACK!!!! FROTHING WITH RAGE!!!!!
These “rights” of which the ALA speaks were initially proposed based on the familiar convoluted progressive logic respecting the First Amendment. You may remember that there it became controversial during discussion of the Patriot Act (again, note that the ALA Bill of Rights was adopted in 2002), when the ALA and progressive activists painted pictures of Imperial Stormtroopers kicking in doors and demanding to know why innocent high school students were checking out books on hydroponics and nuclear energy.
To those in the know, it has become apparent that The American Library Association (“the oldest and largest library association in the world, with more than 64,000 members,” according to its website) is a progressive organization at best. At worst, it is dangerously far-Left. Its “Bill of Rights” is a sham, of course, inasmuch as all it has served to do is protect the privacy of individuals with malicious intent.
Providing “materials and information presenting all points of view on current and historical issues?” Making “exhibit spaces and meeting rooms available to the public they on an equitable basis, regardless of the beliefs or affiliations of individuals or groups requesting their use?” My God, the Library Bill of Rights is truly the Das Kapital of our time!
The ALA Bill of Rights came to light, albeit not a very bright one when in 2000, the parents of 10-year-old Jeffrey Curley filed a lawsuit against suing the North American Man-Boy Love Association (NAMBLA) and the group’s Internet service provider, accusing both of with wrongful death in the murder of their son by pedophiles.
In 1997, Curley was picked up by two men who took the boy to the Boston Public Library where one accessed NAMBLA’s website. Later, when the men attempted to sexually assault Curley and met resistance, they choked him to death using a gasoline-soaked rag.
The perpetrators of this crime also fell under state “Library Bill of Rights” protections. One wonders why the Boston Public Library wasn’t named in the lawsuit, as they richly deserved to be.
Because if they hadn’t accessed the website at the public library, they couldn’t have possibly accessed it anywhere else. Ban Wi-Fi! For the children!
Here’s the absolute best line in the entire piece:
The crime rates surrounding our libraries are not being told to us by the media nearly enough.
Damn liberal media! Hiding all the good news from Iraq while ignoring the outright genocide and slaughter occurring daily at our public libraries!
My gods, that was painful to read. Y’ALL BETTER ‘PRECIATE TH’ WORK BRADROCKET DOES FOR Y’ALL, HEAR?
Conservatives have always been against the free flow of information. Why not totally lie about scary crimes to further the idea of shutting down free access to information.
Also, I love how any organization, group or individual who disagrees with the conservative line is a far-left kook factory. Hey, we ain’t the crazy ones…
(again, note that the ALA Bill of Rights was adopted in 2002)
Duly noted!
The ALA Bill of Rights came to light, albeit not a very bright one when in 2000 …
Those fiends! They defied the linear progression of time to enact their loony left agenda! Thank God Marie Jon’ is here to alert us to these whackos!
I do appreciate it, Bradrocket, Sir!
That WAS excruciating!
I also wonder if Marie Jon’ has any children, and if so, how old they are? So is she thumbsucking on behalf of hypothetical “children,” or does she have any idea at all of what she’s getting so het up about?
Oh, but I forgot! This is Marie Jon’!
oh, we do, Brad…. we do. Now go scour your brain with an SOS pad and some turpentine…. or a good stiff drink, whichever works better for you.
Nice catch, DA. I can’t possibly find all the embarrassing errors on my own.
and, it seem’s- that; Marie Jon’ has “stolen” a page from, The Daily Show by finding a way to; “reference” NAMBLA in ‘her’ story…..
In 1997, Curley was picked up by two men who took the boy to the Boston Public Library where one accessed NAMBLA’s website.
So…what the fuck? What difference does it make that they accessed a website, and what the website was? Would it be different if they’d instead accessed the KNX Traffic Tips hotline website instead? Or checked on movie times?
Did they kill the boy in the library? Or just go to the library on the way to the murder location?
Is she saying that the library is culpable because the murders passed through it with the victim in tow?
Conservatives have always been against the free flow of information.
Not to mention the free flow of semen.
Might as well just ban gasoline, since they killed him with a gasoline-soaked rag.
She’s’ still’ hot’.
If Marie Jon’ spawns, will her kids have to keep the ‘? Hyphenate it, maybe? Her first daughter could end up Hazelnut ‘-Goldberg, and if that’s not a sure way to force a girl to be a lesbian I don’t know what is.
“MY GOD ARE YOU REALLY THIS STUPID??? GAH!!! ACK!!!! FROTHING WITH RAGE!!!!!”
In a word … Yes.
FYI, I find cartoons help de-compress my brain after reading drek. Start with some old Ren and Stimpy and work up to Simpsons. Don’t go directly from Marie Jon to Reality, the bends can mess you up.
Brad –
Perhaps, next time use something like this as a prophylactic. i recommend use before, during and after exposure to such weapons-grade stupid.
Stay strong, sir.
RE: what g said, they’d also accessed NAMBLA publications before they did so at the library, and by other means; Charles Jaynes owned several issues of their magazine which had been delivered to his home by the United States Postal Service.
a progressive organization at best. At worst, it is dangerously far-Left
Yes, it’s obvious that learning/education is a Communist plot. Fortunately, it would appear that Marie has little to worry about in that respect.
Right – that’s it:Time to ban the U.S. Postal Service! And gasoline. And municipal power and water, since libraries use both of these. And air – breathing air should be outlawed – FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!one!!1eleven! (Have I missed anything?)
Marie, hon – grab an effing clue…
She’s’ still’ hot’.
So was my first wife, who was almost as stupid as Marie. My current spouse is no beauty queen, but she can hold up her end of a conversation.
And most couples spend a hell of a lot more time talking than they do fucking. Think about it.
Hotness is as hotness does.
Granted, I think that’s completely retarded, but as you’ll see later, the problem got solved.
Not retarded at all, my little Bradrocket. If the police, in the course of a criminal investigation, want to access patron information at my branch, they’d damn well better 1.) Go through my boss first and 2.) Have a frickin’ warrant. There’s too much at stake to be lax in this.
If MJ’ happens to stop by, I still want to know how Noah got those dinosaurs on the ark.
Demosthenes points out a very important revelation:
(again, note that the ALA Bill of Rights was adopted in 2002)
The ALA Bill of Rights came to light, albeit not a very bright one when in 2000 …
Good lord, now we know why the wingnuts are pounding Obama for shifting his troop withdrawal plan from 2006 to 2007, and how they can blame Bill Clinton for everything, whether it happened while he was in office or not:
They have a time machine!
ifthethunderdontgetya, noah took BABY dinosaurs on the ark. How else to do think he would do it? santa magic? I really did hear a winger say that noah brought baby dinosaurs on the ark. I wish I was kidding, but I’m not.
I would like to ask – has anyone ever found out WHY this bitch uses an apostrophe at the end of her name? What the hell is it’s use? Jon’? Was she shortening her name (Jonson)? Was she going to make it possessive, but forgot to add the s? What a fucking stupid name.
edited – ‘How else do you think he would do it’, not ‘How else to do think he would do it’
But but the Pretzeldent has the authority in these instances to declare an emergency and “bypass” the “law” so I say we just let Dear Leader do the decidin’.
Prozacula, Marie explained the whole ” ‘ ” thing somewhere back in the Sadly, No! archives.
It’s French
So.
The wingnutosphere is so far detached from reality at this point, that time paradoxes present little impediment to their free flow of stupid….
I think Marie just got shut down in a love triangle by a hot(ter) librarian. Or maybe I just want to think that…..What?
I think Brad’s just a wee bit jealous because MJ has been flirting with s.z. lately more than she has been flirting with him.
Brad just needs some lovin’.
But as far as “jerking off while reading Jane Austen books” goes, all I can say is….oh, Mr. Darcy!.
Prozacula, Marie explained the whole � ‘ � thing somewhere back in the Sadly, No! archives.
It’s French.
It’s that little French snort that sounds like you’re hawking up phlegm: “Jon.”
Dude, MJ’s not Bill O’Reilly or Rush Limbaugh. There’s no point getting angry at her imbecility. It’s not like anyone listens to her. Just point and laugh.
Now there’s another red-alert warning phrase, one to watch out for: “To those in the know…” This clearly means, “I am about to make something up, but since I’m defining it as based on privileged information you <sneer>miserable peasants </sneer> by definition do not have access to, you cannot prove I’m lying, nyah, nyah!!”
The crime rates surrounding our libraries are not being told to us by the media nearly enough.
OMGodz this is awesome wingnutteriness. Bwahahaha. Her ass must be huge to have pulled that one out.
Poor little Marie, how does she get through the day?
And most couples spend a hell of a lot more time talking than they do fucking. Think about it.
Speak for yourself, heh, heh.
Wow. Okay, see, my mom is an actual LIbrarian. The fact is that she is a branch manager. If someone is touching themselves in your library, you call the police immediatly. I don’t know what this particular library staff was smoking if they felt they didn’t need to do that right away.
“The crime rates surrounding our libraries are not being told to us by the media nearly enough.”
Gurgle. Snarf. Twitch.
Retard woman.
This… is.. so freaking… innept! I can’t even start with how back-asswards and naive and.. gah!
Is that beautiful bitch really on the other side? How could u slap that face?
most couples spend a hell of a lot more time talking than they do fucking.
you can’t do both at once??
Sodding smug multi-taskers. Either one on its own is hard enough.
Hey, Marie Jon’: Call Carl Monday. He can help.
Well, I think her facial expression says it all. Smug self-righteousness, anyone?
nowhere near enough authority was used (to satisfy MJ’).
Who’s this Erik Rush co-writer fellow? Is he a knowing co-conspirator in the effort to make everyone who reads this screed substantially dumber, or is he just typing to score?
tsk…lemonheads, where were you a week ago? Erik Annex Mexico! Rush is deelicious!
(Oh, “celebrating” the “holidays” with your “family”, were you? Obviously, someone here has a problem with his priorities, and it’s certainly not me, as my 78th level paladin will attest.)
Some Guy said,
January 4, 2007 at 23:56
Wow. Okay, see, my mom is an actual LIbrarian. The fact is that she is a branch manager. If someone is touching themselves in your library, you call the police immediatly…
Or hey, grab a heavy book and threaten to clobber him with it. Marie is grasping, really grasping. She must lead an extremely sheltered life. Where does she live, Mayberry?
My apologies, Bistroist. I actually read the breakdown from Brad, but conveniently erased it from my noggin.
I still think he’s just tryin’ ta get some. Nobody’s that stoopid.
Oh, wait…
Where does she live, Mayberry?
A little place called Stepford.
“Attend, if you will, of what this consists”
Do what??
“Attend, if you will, of what this consists”
Owwwww, I sprained my medulla oblongata! I’m suing her and her local public library!!!
Look on the bright side. Marie either got a proof reader or she’s been taking writing lessons. Or maybe they just upgraded her software to a new version.
I’ve got it, oh yes I’ve got it, after a full week of deep thinking for one second a day. The apostrophe, I have the explanation. To the un-savvy thinker, that apostrophe is just sitting there uselessly like Marie’s cerebral cortex. But it’s not about what it is; it’s about what it lacks! It’s about the negative space! It’s missing things–three things to be exact: an s, d, or ll. Those are the possible contractions that make the apostrophe less like a useless “Duncan Hunter ’08” button and more like something valid in actual language: Jon’s, Jon’d, Jon’ll. So we have LS and D. LSD. LSD! Voila! *Whipping off the sheet to review Marie crouching naked on the floor, her pupils as big as saucepans as she jerks her head upward to see the rainbow in the David Gilmour guitar solo for Comfortably Numb.* We have Marie’s problem! Bows, thank you’s, and of course I’ll sign your breast, you saucy bitch.
*Okay, that other ‘l.’ It’s a duplicate, and thus, under application of of the Curt Weldon Corollary to Duns Scotus’ commentary on Occam’s Norelco, can be buried in the Iraq desert and forgotten about.
In spite years of being exposed to the limitlessness of the right wing capacity for batshit craziness, I really couldn’t believe this wasn’t a satire until I read about half of it. My brain just could not accept that it hadn’t been written by the general or someone at landover baptist.
For some reason this shakes me up more than being exposed to their delight in torture or their fantasizing about genocide or their singing songs about shooting little girls in the head. Psychopathic savage cruelty is at least understandable. this is like reading the diary of one of those cultists who cut their dicks off and then commited suicide to prepare themselves to be worthy of the flying saucer people. I would frankly have prefered never to have learned that even the most diseased human brain was capable of such obscenity.
Why can’t she just act like a nice, normal wingnut, get a lovely backrub from a friendly prostitute, shoot some crank, and write a cute little column about how we should use chemically engineered anthrax to wipe out all the ragheads before they come over here and turn us all into homos by forcing us to eat tofu burgers?
Sigh. She’ll probably wind up on the cover of Time.